Politics in high school sports

[bigbassin]

I don’t think there hasn’t been a time this stuff doesnt happen…. It sucks when it does. Coaching is a tough job

Yep.

One of the things I always liked about individual sports, I.e. wrestling was that politics were a lot harder to play. Not aware of any team were the starter couldn’t be challenged on a set wrestle off day weekly for at least part of the season. You were either better or you weren’t, end of discussion.

Same deal with track or weightlifting. You’re either faster/stronger or you aren’t.

 

[KBC]

I feel your pain. My son plays goal in hockey and there are plenty of politics involved. We are fortunate to avoid some of it since there is a lack of goalies in his age group but still not immune. It kills me as well since I stopped trying out as a kid because the coach’s son played the same position as me and I never got a shot so I hope he doesn’t get the same treatment.
Unfortunately for us, it isn’t up to me or you. All you can do is what you are doing and encourage him to be the best he can at whatever he decides to do.
Life isn’t fair but hard work and dedication will get you a long way.

 

[Lowg08]

I didn’t read all the responses. I tell my kid don’t leave it up to anyone else. Be so good they can’t ignore it if they wanted too. He is in shooting sports. I give him all the options I can. He has a archery range in the basement and works on rifle positions with a target hanging on the mantle practicing. I wasn’t a coaches kid but I did play baseball. I started as a freshman in high school. Bumped a senior. Just got to want it more than anyone else. Like I said. Can’t give them the slightest chance of politics. No one wants to be called out by a whole community that sees how good you are.

 

[PredatorSlayer]

Yep.

One of the things I always liked about individual sports, I.e. wrestling was that politics were a lot harder to play. Not aware of any team were the starter couldn’t be challenged on a set wrestle off day weekly for at least part of the season. You were either better or you weren’t, end of discussion.

Same deal with track or weightlifting. You’re either faster/stronger or you aren’t.

Tennis, Golf etc. I agree…

 

[sndmn11]

I think it is hard to see all the work he puts in for the coach to pick a freshman to play over him. Its his disappointment thats tough to see as a father. I played high school baseball, but basketball was my sport. I don’t care if he plays or not, I care that he cares…I probably just didn’t articulate it very well. I would be ok if he quit baseball and focused on golf. He just loves baseball.

You articulated it fine, you're just emotionally and subjectively attached to some mystical status level of "Varsity". Is it possible any amount of his "disappointment" is because he thinks you are disappointed in his status?

Work doesn't equal success. (I could go on a rant about that) I am sure you realize that premise in many other aspects of your life and can view it objectively. Be the father that teaches their kid that success lies in the things they control, how they approach their goals, and instill in him a deeper meaning to who he is than some yahoo's label.

It's cool that he cares, I quit coaching because few kids did, but there's so many better lessons at hand in this situation. Trying to assign a reason for an unfavorable result to "politics", or a coach, or whatever is missing the mark. Just tell him to flush it, say "so what", and go be a great person and kid before he misses out on having fun before it's time to adult. Don't lead him down the path of let others control what happiness and success are, lead him into being a complete person who defines those on his own.

 

[Bailer]

I’ve coached Club and High School baseball and have a son who is a senior and signed to play at a D1 next year. I’ve yet to meet a parent, including me, who is able to objectively evaluate their own son.

If you truly believe that it’s politics holding your kid back, you can look into a transfer. I haven’t seen many that have transferred to a program of similar strength and saw much different success. Moving down, or up, in program strength changes that a little.

 

[5MilesBack]

This kind of stuff is very common. Coaches kids that are barely capable of being a water boy, but they're starting at whatever sport they're doing. Kids who aren't as talented but are pedigreed just because their older siblings were good. Kids with a lot of real natural talent but they grew up on a farm so couldn't play summer ball with the team......so weren't allowed to play varsity. Smaller kids that develop earlier so are the "chosen ones", but top out in high school with very little higher level talent........etc, etc.

If a kid really does have upper level talent, it becomes pretty easy to outshine the "chosen ones" in practice.

 

[roadrunner]

Since I'm not much of a sports guy, I can't give any advice in this arena. My advice is for him to focus on what he can do and is good at.

He will go much further in life on his character development in academics than being concerned what a coach that plays favoritism thinks.

 

[CHSD]

I may be a little petty, but I had something similar happen to me. My mentality was that when I get my chance in a game, I am going to make my coach look like an idiot for not playing me earlier than he did. I would suggest this as well. Keep working hard, everyday at practice is 100% regardless if you play or not.

As a coach, I highly recommend that you don't go meet with the coach over this. It makes you look terrible. I have had dozens of these meeting with parents and they never really accomplish anything. In my opinion, if you had a meeting and then your son gets to play, do you really want him to play because the coach doesn't want to deal with the parent, or because he earned his time? What lessons do you want to teach him?

 

[thinhorn_AK]

Parents are the single worse thing in all children's sports. Most are 500 pound lazy fat ass experts in the game. All have their version of what needs to be done,

100% agree. I’d extend this as the single biggest problem with EVERYTHING I Volvo g education. Everybody thinks their kid is special and deserves special treatment.

 

[hunt1up]

I grew up in a pretty rural area. We had 200 kids in our high school and the neighboring high school(same town) had about 1000 kids. I played baseball from a young age in town and all through Jr. High and High School. I also played football and due to the school size I was playing both sides of the ball every game from Sophmore-Senior year. I was pretty decent at both sports, not D-1 good, but was All-Conference and had the option to play either sport at some D2-D3 type schools. One night around my high school graduation I got a call from one of the college coaches from a school I'd visited. He asked me if I wanted to commit to playing. I was on my way home from my girlfriend's house(now my wife) and I decided to decline to play. I would have most certainly parted ways with her, missed hunting season for 4 years, and probably tore my body up more than it already was. To this day I'm glad I made the decision I made.

When you're in high school and especially if you're in high school and happen to be good at sports, nothing else seems to matter. Class seems less important, you aren't thinking about your future job or family. You're 16 and this is all that matters! Turns out that once everyone becomes adults the playing field of life starts to even out. I see little correllation between life success and teenage sports success(some will disagree with me). Sure there's worth ethic that carries over, but most of the good athletes I knew as a kid are the Al Bundy type talking about this game or that that happened 20 years ago on a field that no one remembers.

My kids are playing sports now. My son baseball, my daugher volleyball. They both try very hard but they are far from the best. Average I'd say. When my son strikes out or my daughter misses a dig, I can see the disappointment on their face and I know in that moment it's killing them. But failure is an important life lesson and I have to let it happen. I keep my mouth shut in the stands and we talk about what happened afterward. I tell my kids that they don't have to be the best but they must try their best.

As an aside, I guess a parent from our kids' school got banned from all future Jr. High basketball games. He pushed a referee after a game and the ref agreed to not press charges so long as the school banned him from future games. Talk about embarassing for his kid.

 

[ODB]

When your kid’s coach has been caught embezzling money at another school, has a reputation for very harsh treatment by running (and other things) the kids to death to the point they quit the team and seek counseling, but is still hired at a new school and at the same time you learn she is an old friend of the A/D, you just shake your head and know that nothing will ever change, so you become a cheerleader for your kid and don’t try to blow smoke up their ass that being beat down is some great life lesson. Tolerating abuse is not the lesson to teach. Neither is easily quitting, but knowing the limit IS a life lesson. Which is why my kid will not play next year.

 

[PredatorSlayer]

When your kid’s coach has been caught embezzling money at another school, has a reputation for very harsh treatment by running (and other things) the kids to death to the point they quit the team and seek counseling, but is still hired at a new school and at the same time you learn she is an old friend of the A/D, you just shake your head and know that nothing will ever change, so you become a cheerleader for your kid and don’t try to blow smoke up their ass that being beat down is some great life lesson. Tolerating abuse is not the lesson to teach. Neither is easily quitting, but knowing the limit IS a life lesson. Which is why my kid will not play next year.

Funny - our coach has been trying to raise money for turf and has been killing us with fundraisers. He even brought on three times the freshman that he normally does to bring in more money. Its been crazy…

 

[jmez]

I’ve coached Club and High School baseball and have a son who is a senior and signed to play at a D1 next year. I’ve yet to meet a parent, including me, who is able to objectively evaluate their own son.

If you truly believe that it’s politics holding your kid back, you can look into a transfer. I haven’t seen many that have transferred to a program of similar strength and saw much different success. Moving down, or up, in program strength changes that a little.

Agree.

I played Div I football, I know what it takes and what that type of athlete looks like. Every time I'm around a group of guys the I coulda, woulda, shoulda stories get told. Always an excuse and always someone else's fault.
People aren't near as good as they think and neither are their kids. That is the harsh reality of sports. Me, and my kids included. As I was again reminded of last week, watching a Perfect Game showcase game on my computer. 12U, pitchers from both teams 79-82 mph fastball, 68-71mph curveball. Those are 6th graders. A lot of high schools won't match that.

I won't say that politics don't happen in sports. I will say they happen far less than parents believe. Coaches are as competitive as athletes. They don't like to lose. They put the team on the floor, court, field etc that they think will win. Very, very few coaches will trade losses for playing the "right" kid. They play the kids that they believe give them the best chance to win. Most parents never agree with those decisions.

I'm not a fan of the transfer, send them somewhere else. You are simply teaching them to quit if they don't' get their way. Look at the transfer portal in the NCAA now. The vast majority of them never find a new home with success. Another large proportion of them are right back in the portal in a year. Turns out, it is often not the coaches. Stick it out, do your best and have no regrets.

Unfortunately, effort and attitude will only get you so far in sports. The higher you move up, the less those two qualities matter. Some people are athletically gifted, you won't "outperform" them with hard work. Fact of life.

Go talk to the coach. Do not tell your son your are talking to the coach. Ask him what he is seeing. Ask him where your son is deficient in his eyes and what he needs to do to improve his position. Coaches coach, players play, parents cheer.

Baseball is a really tough sport with a ton of development and understanding the game. It is very rare for a freshman or sophomore to be involved in high level varsity baseball. Tell your son to outplay everyone to a degree that the coach has no choice but to play him.

 

[Bailer]

Go talk to the coach. Do not tell your son your are talking to the coach. Ask him what he is seeing. Ask him where your son is deficient in his eyes and what he needs to do to improve his position. Coaches coach, players play, parents cheer.

That’s about the best advice anyone could give the OP.

 

[GSPHUNTER]

We have felt with the same thing with both the grandkids, not so much in high school ball, but travel ball is another thing all together, talk about daddy ball, and I thought rec. ball was bad. Really all you can do is make sure the kids are giving it there all and hopefully it gets to the point where the coach has no choice but to paly his best players. Two years of rec. ball my grandson got to play a lot, but when it came time for all star selection he was overlooked, coaches son played same position. He knew what was going on but it still bothered him. Several other parents and grand parents told us those kind of politics have no place in youth ball. It is what it is. Make sure your kids put forward their all and eventually it will pay off. It sure did for my grand daughter, she worked her butt off and made the So. Cal. Allstar team and got a call from the University of The Pacific to play softball for them. It was a dream come true for her, that was where she wanted to go to college since here freshman year in high school.

 

[PredatorSlayer]

Some people are athletically gifted, you won't "outperform" them with hard work

I have seen a lot of athletically gifted kids with a horrible work ethic and attitude that lost opportunities to those who were a little less gifted, but gave tremendous effort and also had a great attitude.

 

[LostArra]

Agree.

I played Div I football, I know what it takes and what that type of athlete looks like. Every time I'm around a group of guys the I coulda, woulda, shoulda stories get told. Always an excuse and always someone else's fault.
People aren't near as good as they think and neither are their kids. That is the harsh reality of sports. Me, and my kids included. As I was again reminded of last week, watching a Perfect Game showcase game on my computer. 12U, pitchers from both teams 79-82 mph fastball, 68-71mph curveball. Those are 6th graders. A lot of high schools won't match that.

I won't say that politics don't happen in sports. I will say they happen far less than parents believe. Coaches are as competitive as athletes. They don't like to lose. They put the team on the floor, court, field etc that they think will win. Very, very few coaches will trade losses for playing the "right" kid. They play the kids that they believe give them the best chance to win. Most parents never agree with those decisions.

I'm not a fan of the transfer, send them somewhere else. You are simply teaching them to quit if they don't' get their way. Look at the transfer portal in the NCAA now. The vast majority of them never find a new home with success. Another large proportion of them are right back in the portal in a year. Turns out, it is often not the coaches. Stick it out, do your best and have no regrets.

Unfortunately, effort and attitude will only get you so far in sports. The higher you move up, the less those two qualities matter. Some people are athletically gifted, you won't "outperform" them with hard work. Fact of life.

Go talk to the coach. Do not tell your son your are talking to the coach. Ask him what he is seeing. Ask him where your son is deficient in his eyes and what he needs to do to improve his position. Coaches coach, players play, parents cheer.

Baseball is a really tough sport with a ton of development and understanding the game. It is very rare for a freshman or sophomore to be involved in high level varsity baseball. Tell your son to outplay everyone to a degree that the coach has no choice but to play him.

Excellent post!

I was a Div 1 athlete in an individual sport (wrestling) and a head coach of a high school team sport (women's volleyball). It was much simpler to compete than it is to coach.

I'll admit I lost sleep as a coach over lineup decisions especially when a less "talented" player competed in high pressure situations better than the more gifted athlete. Some kids are just winners but it's hard to quantify in practice.

jmez suggestion about talking to the coach without the kid involved is a good one.

In my preseason talk to parents I said everyone in this room is probably going to be upset with me at some point during the season whether it's a lineup decision, a substitution or even when to call time out but let's all just be adults.

School ball and club ball are different animals. In school you take the kids who come out for the team, the good with the less good.

When I coached club ball, I played everyone as much as competitively possible because I chose the players. If one didn't measure up that was on me. She might not be in the game at crunch time but she played.

 

[WCB]

Go talk to the coach. Do not tell your son your are talking to the coach. Ask him what he is seeing. Ask him where your son is deficient in his eyes and what he needs to do to improve his position. Coaches coach, players play, parents cheer.

100% the absolute wrong thing to do. His son is old enough to approach the coach...not call, not text, not email. After practice or anytime set up a quick meeting just his son and the coach. His son can ask something like "what parts of my game are you seeing I need to focus in on more and develop". or "can I get the Varsity workout/weight training program so I am in line with the team"...or if a situation comes up in scrimmage or practice that he is unsure of go to the coach and ask "in xyz situation what would you like to see because here is what I saw and why I did X but just looking for another perspective."

#1 thing my friends that coach High School Hockey complain about is lack of face to face communication skills kids have these days and parents asking why their kid isn't playing or getting enough playing time, or anything related to the actual game itself. Al my friends that coach went on to play hockey at higher levels after high school D-1, some level of Pro. This extends in general to acquaintances I know that coach other sports also. My wife paid for her schooling through Soccer and coached H.S. Soccer...she stopped coaching because she was sick of kids not communicating or taking responsibility for their play. Her comment constantly was "I didn't start coaching to answer questions from parents that the player should be asking". Now a parent talking to a coach asking if they have seen any attitude or general change in their kid...or asking if he knows of any "life problems" there kid may have mentioned is just fine. But the kid needs to take initiative over his game and relationship with the coach.

These things were constant parts of my group of guys I grew up playing hockey with. Hell there were times after practice where some of us would be on the ice for an extra 15-20min. Just walking through situations with a coach.

To the OP,

Your kid needs to play at a level where there is no doubt who should be on the team. He also needs to develop a working relationship with the coaches....There is probably an assistant or two and even training staff. He need to keep his name is there minds.

He also needs to gain favor by working his ass off and also socializing with the upper classmen. He should be talking to upper classmen and asking them questions...maybe ask a couple of them to help him work on something in his game or work on whatever schemes or system the Varsity uses. Basically he needs to act like he is already part of the team.

 

[LostArra]

The player talking to the coach is helpful but it does not defuse a situation if the parent is the one upset. Sometimes the parent is more upset than the kid.