Politics in high school sports

[william schmaltz]

I feel like most just have not seen this situation truly play out so they don't get it. There sure are terrible parents, but there are just as many coaches on a power trip - you gotta think that's half the reason a lot of them bother doing what they do. It shines the brightest in small towns; which most people don't have experience with.

I grew up in a place with a coach on a throne. If you didn't kiss the royal jewels, you rode the bench or were treated so shitty that he got you to quit. It didn't matter how good a person was. I was bumped up to JV as an 8th grader for basketball and averaged 20/10 a game. Same as a freshman. I had to work all summer with my Dad so I didn't have the option of doing all the camps. I was an absolute gym rat, but it was early mornings or late night, and not on the coach's terms because of my family situation. By the time I was a Sophomore and I was next in line, I was skipped over for a kid who was older that truly sucked but kissed all the ass. I out scored and outrebounded him every game with 1/4 the minutes as the 6th man for two years. It was a waste of time. I always played the last 5 minutes of any close game. The coach at the end of the year told me and my parents that's because I was the better player. What a joke. I wish I would've been smart enough to walk away. I can think of at least a half dozen guys while in school the coach got to quit that were all very talented guys that wouldn't kiss ass. All of them were all state football players and track athletes (I was too).

It's not all bad though. That's where I learned the lesson that I wouldn't be doing things in life where other people decide my destiny. It's when I really started to grab onto hunting because it was just me vs me and why I still prefer to go solo to this day. My kids are getting to the age where they are getting involved in sports a little bit. In the back of me and my wife's mind, we truly hope our kids don't want to do any of it. It will ultimately be their decision and I will try my best not to deter them. I reffed elementary/middle school/JV basketball through college, and that really shined a light on how silly it all is and how crazy parents were. I repeat myself, but I REALLY hope my kids don't want to play any sports!

 

[GSPHUNTER]

I have seen a lot of athletically gifted kids with a horrible work ethic and attitude that lost opportunities to those who were a little less gifted, but gave tremendous effort and also had a great attitude.

If you read my previous post, hard work sure paid off for my grand daughter. Without a doubt some kids are gifted with natural athletic ability and they will always shine above the average, and even above average players. She was a slightly above average player. But never tell my grand daughter or us that hard work will not be rewarded. Only player on her team to make all star team.

 

[kloppy]

Just to echo what everyone else has said, all your boy can do is work hard, be a good teammate and perform when he gets his chance. Luck is when preparation meets opportunity.

I was in a similar situation my soph year. In the fall I outperformed all the returning outfielder upperclassmen, barely sniffed the field in the spring despite the starters' .250 averages. Started the next two years, and then almost all four years afterwards in a D1 program.

The development pipeline nowadays for youth baseball is ridiculous. I feel bad for the year round constant pressure that is put on the kids. Good luck to your boy.

 

[307]

Choose individual sports. Preferably objective sports. Stopwatches, weights, and measuring tapes don't lie or leave a lot for interpretation.

Mine are swimmers. We can easily compare times with anyone in the nation (altitude adjustment being the only "interpretation").

Sounds like he is a golfer. Do that. Less chance for life altering injuries also.

 

[ztc92]

You can’t change the coaches mind, and shouldn’t try to as a parent. It will only make matters worse. The ball is in your sons glove, if you will, and he has to be the one that makes decisions, speaks up, etc. Only thing as a parent that you can do is be supportive of your son. If moving or transferring is an option, have that discussion with him.

My oldest went through the same thing. He was clearly the 2nd best DB on the team and was on Varsity as a Sophomore. He was the tallest DB, 3rd fastest kid on the entire team, had good coverage skills, lacked a little in body mass so his run stopping open field tackling was just okay, but equally as good as everyone else’s except one kid who was the other starting Corner and a D1 recruit. My son wasn‘t recruit material, but he was better than the remaining options on the team. He sacrificed all summers for extra workouts, always picked the tougher assignments in practice (guarding a Top 5 Conference D1 receiver), you name it, he did it. Yet, for some reason his DB coached wouldn’t play him. 3 years on varsity and the kid barely saw the field. Start of his senior year we all thought for sure he would be the other starter opposite the D1 recruit. It became apparent during preseason he was not going to be. He came to me and said he was quitting. We discussed it, and I supported him 100%. He did all he could do, and the reward wasn’t going to pay off. As parents we are biased, they are our kids. But, when other parents have the same feelings you do and are saying the same things it gives some credit to how you are thinking.

He walked in, told the head coach he gave it his all, felt as though he was a starter since he was a junior but was never given a chance to prove it though his effort in practice should have been proof enough. Told him the coaches promised him a lot of things and yet never delivered. After repeated situations like this, he lost respect for them and their credibility. He said I am in a good place, things don’t always work out and I have moved on from wanting to play football. Gave him his jersey and walked out the door. Over the course of the next 6-7 games they never had the same starters at CB as no one performed well except for the D1 recruit. That was validation for my son. Best decision he ever made. His only regret, not making it sooner.

Just be supportive and don’t be like many other parents who try and live their life through their children (I am not accusing you of doing just to be clear). He went on to be a State Qualifier in Track, finished in the top 2% of his class and has a bright future ahead of him. Just love him, and support him.

I basically had this same experience playing basketball in high school. I wasn’t our best player but definitely wasn’t our worst and I outworked everyone to make up for my lack of talent. I made varsity as a sophomore and started varsity as a junior. Then suddenly my senior year there were 9 juniors below us and only 3 seniors, counting me.

The coach never admitted it, but he knew those 9 juniors had a chance at state the following year if they improved further and he groomed them accordingly. I was no longer a starter as a senior and I was actually fine with that, as the junior that took my place was equally good. Our first game of senior year, I and the other 2 seniors (who all played a good amount our junior year) had a combined 7 minutes and mostly played garbage time at the end when it was clear we were going to lose. We were devastated, we had worked so hard for so many years and barely saw the court to open our senior year season. Our parents were equally frustrated but stayed positive and supportive.

All 3 seniors met with the coach the next day to ask him what happened. He played the fool, acting like it was no big deal and attributed it to “game scheme”. We asked if this was likely to continue throughout the year and he basically told us we would get to play when the game was getting out of hand, but otherwise he wanted the starters to get as much experience as possible. We all said the hell with it and quit right there.

My dad was devastated, he didn’t raise a quitter and I had never quit anything in all my life. He and the coach tried to talk me into changing my mind, but it was too little, too late. Funny thing, those juniors went on to go 28-1 that year, the only loss being the first game of the season. They went to state but got knocked out in the first round. Many of them were good friends and I went to every home game that year to support them as well as the state tournament. When I look back on it, I actually think that was the best winter I ever had. Instead of spending all my time on basketball, I went ice fishing and snowmobiling with my grandfather and we grew very close. I spent more time with my friends who didn’t play basketball, some of whom became even better friends in subsequent years. Overall, I still hate being labeled as a quitter, but leaving that team and the politics that it included was the best decision I ever made.

 

[WCB]

The player talking to the coach is helpful but it does not defuse a situation if the parent is the one upset. Sometimes the parent is more upset than the kid.

The parent needs to get over it then or talk to their kid about it. The kid can relay that information to their parent but also should not be a go between. If the kid doesn't care or isn't upset then the coach is right in his decision IMO.

What happens on the court, ice, field, mat etc. is on a team need to know basis meaning only the coaches and team need to know. (unless of course there is abuse or something of that nature going on).

Also if guys can't read....it is the 3rd day of the practices and the DAD is reacting because a kid was invited to the practices....the team isn't picked, his kid didn't lose his spot, and the kid isn't playing over his kid. It is practices.

 

[EastHumboldt]

I didn’t read the entire thread but I have this to say about high school sports. Kids are there to learn life lessons like teamwork, sportsmanship, how to win or lose gracefully, how to have fun, how to suffer, how to deal with politics from peers and coaches. It’s a learning experience good and bad, and one of the best things you can learn from it is how to get the best you can from an experience that may not be the best. I believe that a high percentage of parents kids and coaches tend to forget those things.

 

[jmez]

I have seen a lot of athletically gifted kids with a horrible work ethic and attitude that lost opportunities to those who were a little less gifted, but gave tremendous effort and also had a great attitude.

The higher up the food chain you go the less this happens. Saw it every single day in college. Hard work will never result in a 4.4 forty. You are born with that kind of speed or you aren't. You can practice 24/7 365 days a year. If you can't physically keep up with a WR, TE, RB, etc. Someone will play that can.

There aren't many " hard workers" playing significant minutes in Div 1 athletics. There are a
Lot of physically gifted hard workers playing.


Sent from my moto g power (2021) using Tapatalk

 

[jmez]

I coach several sports. Both with and without my kids involved.

I encourage parents to come see me if they aren't happy with something. I have reasons for doing what I do, I'm damn sure not afraid to share those with a parent.

If you notice I recommended going to the coach and asking what the kid can do to improve. What he needs to work on. Not asking why he isn't playing etc. There is a difference.

If the parent has the problem, which is 90% of the time, they shouldn't send their child to discuss it.

Even at a young age, kids know. They know who the best players are. Want to ruin a team real quick and have zero success, don't play your best players. Even the good kids will quit on you. If your child is on a team that is having success, the best kids are playing, even if you don't agree.

Sent from my moto g power (2021) using Tapatalk

 

[ODB]

Funny - our coach has been trying to raise money for turf and has been killing us with fundraisers. He even brought on three times the freshman that he normally does to bring in more money. Its been crazy…

Oof. Our kids fundraiser consisted of a third party (that was a friend of the coach, hmmm) coming in and asking the girls to collect phone numbers of friends, relatives, their dentists, doctors, anyone they knew, then putting them all in the same room and haranguing them to call everyone and ask for money. It was ridiculous.

 

[Backyard]

We quit playing that crap early on. Got the kids into an individual sport instead where everyone plays all the time. BMX racing. Each kid advances based on the effort that they want to give. Where they feel comfortable. My kids worked hard and went far. Daughter ended up #1 in the country in her age group. They learned life lessons tho such as you get out of something exactly what you put into it. Neither one has gone on to race professionally. One could have, didnt want it. And neither makes a living off of it now. Just the same as high school sports.
It’s temporary, don’t get too worked up over it. Just support them all along they way. They’ll thank you later.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[sram9102]

Sounds like he needs to put more of his time into golf. Scores don't lie and golf is one of the few sports you can truly play your entire life. We have some guys locally that play 9 holes everyday the weather is nice that are well into their 80s.

 

[hh76]

Couple of quick thoughts.

"politics" and favorites do have a small place in sports. Team chemistry is important.

The better athlete does not always make the better player if they don't play well with others or make the right decisions when playing.

you've got to let a coach coach. If you are truly convinced that they are bad for the team, replace them, but don't try and control them.

If you go talk to the coach, try to look at the situation from their point of view. They can't make everyone happy. There's a chance that they have to have these conversations fairly often, what makes your situation different?

Working hard makes a big difference, but it rarely overtakes natural ability.

 

[PredatorSlayer]

FWIW - I think I am with the crowd that says the player should speak to the coach and not the parent. At least it should start there. I think it is a great opportunity for my son to open up the lines of communication with the coach.

 

[Schism]

I volunteered as an assistant coach for a couple years. I didn't have any kids old enough to play high school sports, wasn't paid and didn't work for the school system so was able to be above the "politics" that can come into play. I was amazed at the amount of pressure some parents would put on the coaches for various reasons.

Often, when parents complained about the time/position/team their kid was on, they only had one side of the story. They didn't realize little Johnny would play grab ass with his buddies, wouldn't listen, didn't hustle, etc at practice. But the story he told his parents at home usually involved the coach(es) having it out for or not liking him personally.

Having your son talk to the coach in a professional and respectable manner would be the option I would recommend. That alone can teach him some valuable lessons. I also think it will mean more to the coach hearing directly from the kid that he wants to get better and see the field more. If the coach is worth a damn both the kid and the coach will be better off.

 

[gbflyer]

If he’s working that hard at it and sticking with it, he doesn’t have a problem. I think Dad does. Just keeping it real homie.

Best of luck. It’s a credit to you staying engaged. Stay with it.

 

[GSPHUNTER]

We all want to see our kids/ grand kids do well and get a Lot of playing time, but so often
that is not the case. Here in So. Ca. there are literally 10s of thousands of kids playing high school ball. Not all the kids can be starters, and the number of those who go on to a college beyond that is pretty small, and of those, a small number will be starters. Those who have higher expectations beyond college ball, best brace themselves for disappointment. Of all the kids that participate in youth sports an extremely small percentage go on to pro sports. Give the kids every opportunity to participate in a given sport, then step back and stay out of the coaches way regardless of how you feel, If you get involved in a negative way it will only hurt your child.

 

[KsRancher]

One of the hardest things to watch as a parent. This happened to my oldest son his 8th grade year during football and basketball. The coaches and people above him ALMOST broke him and he was about to never play a sport again. Then one day he decided to go outside and run off of some frustration. And he just didn't quit running. Told the other coaches to get bent. Ran with a vengeance after that. Made it State Cross Country his freshman year as an individual.

As mentioned above. I agree that talking to the coaches is a bad idea. Hopefully it just gives your boy drive to just try harder to show them who he is and what he can do.

 

[hicountry1]

My experience with HS coaching is most of them are clueless, and only in it for the extra money.

HS's don't typically select the most qualified person to coach, but rather teachers at the school who are typically piss poor coaches.

Example, my cousin played HS, College and pro basketball (in Europe). Got a masters degree in psychology.

He went back to his HS and wanted to coach the girls basketball team. Actually wanted the boys team, but there was a long time, very successful coach, so opted for the girls.

Anyway, the girls BB program was in shambles, being coached by female teachers.The spot came open, he applied and they gave it to another female teacher with very little experience.

He had to escalate it to the school board, where luckily, one member played BB with my cousin in HS, and they overruled the principle.

He turned the program around on a dime.

Most HS sports are total BS from a coaching standpoint. there are exceptions, but definitely a smaller percentage.

Get your son on a good travel team. He'll get more exposure and way better coaching.

As a former travel team coach and manager, I can tell you that if he deserves to play, he will.

 

[30338]

Golf, tennis, track, swimming. Any sport that doesn't require a team is great. I'm pretty down on team sports for so many of the reasons in this thread. Son played varsity golf really well through high school. Daughter did varsity volleyball. Neither did any kind of club teams as I wouldn't pay for it or travel for it.

Daughter had all of the politics being discussed in this thread. Son simply posted up his score and went about his business. Hard to politic in golf since each player just posts a score. Love that about it.