Men’s Mental Health Challenge

[hungryhunter]

I have a young son at home and my wife just had twin girls that were in the NICU for a few weeks. Nothing serious just born a little earlier than expected. They are angels though and we brought them home last week. Grateful to God for an amazingly resilient wife, a happy son, and beautiful girls. Not sleeping much these days but I wouldn't have it any other way.

 

[LightFoot]

First kid on the way … a little girl due in early March. So greatful, so excited, but also terrified. Wife and I are both 40 and first kid for us both. I haven’t been able to express how much I am worried… worried about her health, providing, and the state of the world we are bringing her into, and a million other things.


With all the worry, I am still so proud to become this little angel’s dad.


>>>——JAKE——>

 

[lyle_destroys]

First kid on the way … a little girl due in early March. So greatful, so excited, but also terrified. Wife and I are both 40 and first kid for us both. I haven’t been able to express how much I am worried… worried about her health, providing, and the state of the world we are bringing her into, and a million other things.


With all the worry, I am still so proud to become this little angel’s dad.


>>>——JAKE——>

It will become normal and a lot of those worries will go away, some of them will be other worries. Congrats to you.

 

[Burnsie]

I've always advised my wife and kids to not fret and worry about something until you have something to worry about. Too many people bring stress and anxiety on themselves trying to anticipate all the "what-ifs" in life.
My father-in-law found out the artery in his neck was almost completed clogged with plaque, he needed surgery to remove it. A week before the surgery my wife and Mother-in-law were sobbing and distraught thinking about it. I asked my wife - "Why are you upset now - this is a good thing, they found the problem and are going to get it taken care of. Sure there are risks with any surgery, but why not go into with a positive attitude thinking he will come out of it fine, and be better than ever. If God forbid something bad happens then you will have something to be upset about - get upset about something that actually is, not what could be"

 

[MuleDeerMike]

I've always advised my wife and kids to not fret and worry about something until you have something to worry about. Too many people bring stress and anxiety on themselves trying to anticipate all the "what-ifs" in life.
My father-in-law found out the artery in his neck was almost completed clogged with plaque, he needed surgery to remove it. A week before the surgery my wife and Mother-in-law were sobbing and distraught thinking about it. I asked my wife - "Why are you upset now - this is a good thing, they found the problem and are going to get it taken care of, sure there are risks with any surgery, but why not go into with a positive attitude thinking he will be come out of it fine and be better than ever. If God forbid something bad happens then you will have something to be upset about - get upset about something that actually is, not what could be"

This is the mindset I try to maintain as well. Working to have this way of thinking be your new norm will provide immense stress, anxiety and depression relief for a lot of people. Science backs this claim.

I would highly recommend this book to everyone in this thread. Alot of anxiety and depression today stems from chronic stress and the inability to effectively handle it, you're brain and nervous system never get a break and the result is a feeling of helplessness that creates anxiety/depression. Listen to it or read it, either way. Takes zero effort to listen to a book on tape when you're driving or fiddling in the garage, etc.

The Stress Prescription: Seven Days to More Joy and Ease https://a.co/d/gqiA6qD

 

[Yoder]

This is the mindset I try to maintain as well. Working to have this way of thinking be your new norm will provide immense stress, anxiety and depression relief for a lot of people. Science backs this claim.

I would highly recommend this book to everyone in this thread. Alot of anxiety and depression today stems from chronic stress and the inability to effectively handle it, you're brain and nervous system never get a break and the result is a feeling of helplessness that creates anxiety/depression. Listen to it or read it, either way. Takes zero effort to listen to a book on tape when you're driving or fiddling in the garage, etc.

The Stress Prescription: Seven Days to More Joy and Ease https://a.co/d/gqiA6qD

I got this from a book I highly recommend.

Luke 12:25-26
And which of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life's span? If then you cannot do even a very little thing, why do you worry about other matters?
https://www.bible.com/bible/100/LUK.12.25-26.NASB1995

 

[Mojave]

Every time I get emotional about life. I remember really bad days during the 20 years in the military.

A few things to make you feel better, but it will probably make you feel like more of a pussy.

1. We were standing outside of a hotel in Vin City Vietnam. A young Viet pulled over on his scooter to talk on his cell phone. After he finished the conversation and put is phone in his pocket. He got hit by a bus pulling back into traffic and had a compound fracture OF THE NECK! I was standing with an Army Doctor, a Navy Corpsman and an Air Force Pararescue Medic. I said "go ahead", he is only mostly dead.

2. Same trip to Vietnam, earlier in the trip I spent the better part of a week digging up dead bodies in a graveyard looking for an American H-1 Huey pilot. Sucked for a lot of the wrong and right reasons, was an incredible honor and privilege in other ways. This was about 1999-2000 I was there as a wreckage analyst.

3. I was working on flight gear in the parachute rigger shop in an early squadron tour. A female pilot that was just darling asked me fix something for her. She handed me the item, and went to fly on a mission. About 2 hours later I was working on another aircraft in the hangar bay and because of a bad fouled flight deck call her and 3 of my friends lost their lives when they crashed into another airplane on the flight deck. Only one them was ever found. Late than night during breakfast, I was in the hangar when the corpsman brought half of Brendan Duffy back to the ship. He was the only one that we found. They are the only aircrew I have ever lost that died wearing gear I worked on.

4. 2009 Afghanistan, I was deployed. there and walking down the flight line to our aircraft. A H-60 was on a glide path to land, when I noticed that it had smoke and fire coming out of it everywhere. They made a hard landing about 100 yards away from me and no one go out. I ran to the aircraft and the fire was going crazy wild. A contract fire truck happened to be close and started spraying the helicopter with water. Everyone was dead. They were dead before the hit the ground. I carried on and went back to work. A couple weeks later we crashed our aircraft and everyone walked away. It was only about 500 yards from where the H-60 crashed.

Life is good

I have learned a few things.

1. Family is very important, I am really only talking about your kids and maybe your wife. Be there for them. 18 years after they hatch, they will leave you. Don't let bad financial decisions influence how you take care of them. My niece has a $500 pair of pants. She probably has more than one. Why?

2. Your wife may leave you, there are other wives to be had. Be an upstanding man and don't cheat.

3. Your friends may need you, they do not always have your back. Do not put yourself in a situation that can hurt you are cause you a bad situation because of someone else's problems.

4. Money is available to people who work hard, are motivated and will accept some risk. If you are poor make some decisions on what is important.

5. Assets make you money. Things do not. Be careful what you do.

6. Do things for yourself. Do not allow your family or friends to financially influence you to the point that you never do anything for yourself.

7. A college education is BS for 90% of people who do not want to be lawyers or doctors.

 

[william schmaltz]

One of the books I took to moose camp this year was “Unshakable Hope” by Max Lucado. It was my second time reading it through a different lens of life. I recommend it. Have some good friends at Mayo with their 7yo daughter doing chemo and it was hitting way too close to home for me so it was a good read.

I also took “Hero” by Meg Meeker. It’s a good reminder and summary of just how important you are as a father. Highly recommended (along with all of Meg’s books).