Trying to get into the head of someone to commits suicide is pointless, it is like trying to explain sex to a virgin. If you have ever talked yourself into a corner on something, then realized the walls are only in your head and you are not trapped, you will have some idea of what gets some people to that point. However, there is a large variety of ways people get their, some of them are truly in such a dark place that the believe those they love will be better off without them (as anyone who has had a loved one commit suicide can confirm, that is not true).
For myself, I told myself long ago, "I'm a war fighter, no one takes my life without one hell of a fight and that includes me." I've been in some dark places, no where close to them now and have not been for a long time, personally, I have never been suicidal, though I have flat not carried. I have worked with a lot of suicidal people in the ED, some I connect with, I can understand their pain and brokenness because it has similarities to my own. Others, I cannot comprehend.
Grief is a process, part of that process is frequently anger. That process is not wrong, and it is natural to go through it, and even healthy to grieve, but we must take care to actually work through it and not become stuck. We all grieve somewhat differently, people get uncomfortable with others grief and say things that are frequently unhelpful because of that discomfort. The process is measured in years, not months. If we let it, it can crush us, but we can also choose to grow through it and come out stronger. Though the truth of that is we only come out stronger if we survive, and survival is not promised. Mentally intact survival takes work, grit, and creativity; it takes admitting that we can fail and taking preemptive action to avoid failure.
