Getting Married and Hunting

[KJH]

Over 20 years ago I told my wife before we were married, "don't make me choose between you and hunting because I won't choose you". I told her it's because its part of who I am and I'm not going to give up my own identity to be married. I said getting married doesn't mean being controlled, like I saw happening to my friends.

She's never asked me to choose and doesn't make going hunting or spending gobs of money on hunting trip a guilt trip. She doesn't get jealous or angry of me being gone for weeks on end. She has been 100% supportive in every way. In return, I am supportive of the stuff she likes and wants to do. I don't question her, and I "pull my weight" around our home year round. I respect her and she respects me. Me being a hunter is just part of our life now. I walleye fish a lot less than I used to because I like to spend time with her and the kids, and it was my choice to do that.

I've always believed that things that start well, end well. Starting something well requires openly communicating each others expectations and goals. I did that and it worked for me.

The truth is that if she asked me to choose now, I'd choose her every time, but I won't tell her that!

 

[Akwoodchuck]

Congratulations! I'm in the same boat, big day is July 17....luckily we're both in our middle age, been together a long time, and done having kids (5 between the two of us)...
...we have hunted and fished together some, she has had some bad experiences in a past relationship getting dragged out to the bush and being ridiculed and criticized on hunts, so there is some work to be done there getting her back into it in a fun, easy manner. Our honeymoon plans are head up towards Denali with the camper, canoe, and fishin' poles for a week of adventure....probably take the opportunity to nose around some new hunting spots as well....

 

[Jimmy]

Marry the right woman and it won't be a problem haha. But you also need to be considerate of her needs and what she wants out of life.

Having a kid is more of a challenge than getting married imo. It's one thing for your wife to stay home and have fun with friends or just relax at home with a glass of whine and no snoring to wake her up. But if she is taking care of a whiny, needy little human while you're out doing something you enjoy.... that gets old fast lol

So I guess my advice is don't get married and pregnant right away. Give it a little time. Lots of learning gonna take place.

 

[mmcdonough]

Marry the right woman and it won't be a problem haha. But you also need to be considerate of her needs and what she wants out of life.

Having a kid is more of a challenge than getting married imo. It's one thing for your wife to stay home and have fun with friends or just relax at home with a glass of whine and no snoring to wake her up. But if she is taking care of a whiny, needy little human while you're out doing something you enjoy.... that gets old fast lol

So I guess my advice is don't get married and pregnant right away. Give it a little time. Lots of learning gonna take place.

This was my biggest learning curve. I do deer camp with her brothers and cousins every year. I was stupid the first camp after our son was born. He was a really colicky baby and I was sick of all the sleepless nights. Had a hard time adjusting to dad life.

Anyways, I got super drunk the night after the opener. I had been day drinking and then shotgunning beers with her cousin like a frat boy and she had to come drag me out and give me a ride home. Then I passed out on the couch for like 15 hours while she yelled at me periodically throughout the day. All the while nursing and burping a screaming baby as I lay useless on the cushions. She still resents that incident. I just try not to bring it up anymore. It's taken me awhile to regain her trust for hunting. This last year I was good though and she's been giving me a little more leash lol.

It probably helps that we're more experienced parents now too! Just do yourself a favor and don't do what I did!

 

[pods8 (Rugged Stitching)]

On a not fun but serious note to folks getting married: In these modern times (any adult regardless of gender can earn a living), with the way no fault laws are in some states that still have high alimony clauses a prenup against alimony if the marriage dissolves isn't a bad idea. Might sound drastic but if you realized how exposed a "higher earner" is in some states and realize statistically some relationships end that insurance against ongoing financial burden can be nice peace of mind. No one wants to think about worst case going in but talk to the folks who were married for a number of years, worked hard, their spouse didn't and even cheated in some cases and now gets a monthly check. Its not romantic but it is some practical insurance in the legal contract that comes along with marriage, one of those clauses you hope you never see in your lifetime but if it is needed you'll probably be very happy you had that protection in a phase of life that is already likely a bummer, no need to layer on a reminder every month after in the form of a check when you should be moving on with life.

Sorry if a buzz kill but peers around me have gotten screwed on this front.

 

[Wellsdw]

I take my wife out of town mid August here in NC.( Usually to the mountains to escape the 95 degrees 60 % humidity) when I take off to Wyoming a couple weeks later I usually buy her some gift cards for massage, nails, dinner, some shopping $h1t to enjoy. She actually says she looks forward to the wine and dine. And periodically call home.

 

[NoWiser]

Getting married is no problem. 4 days after my wedding I did a 2 week trip to NM to help my dad with his elk tag. She didn't love it, but got over it quickly.

Now on the other hand, kids change everything. You can pretty much say goodbye to a week of guilt-free hunting once you've got kiddos running around. This was a tough lesson for me to learn. Now when I draw a tag, I send her down to Florida with the kid and her mom so that she can relax while I'm hunting without worrying about cooking, getting kids to daycare, getting to work on time, etc. It's worth it every day I walk in the door and that little girl runs as fast as she can to jump up and give me a big hug. Our second will be here in June and things will get even more difficult, but I can't wait.

 

[mooretitan]

I could probably write a book on this between my wife, mom and grandma. Hopefully your marry a person who wants you to be happy and hopefully you feel the same way.

One thing my grandpa did was pretty much take my grandma on as many hunting/fishing trips as possible. Even if she was the only women in camp she got to go. He bought her the best gear that he could afford. Now she comes from a different generation and is one tough women. I would never say she loved hunting but loved going and made the hunt how she wanted. He never really babied her to much. He would sit her under a tree and then go off and hunt the way he wanted. Now there were trips he went on with himself or with just friends but she always had the option to go.
Now on the other end I have never seen another man love someone as much as my grandpa loved my grandma.
So biggest take from this is involve her in your world and love her the way a way should love his wife and it should all work out

Now my mom and dad have not been the same. Always fighting about how much time he is away, how much money is being spent. what is not getting done while he is gone. Its pretty much a mess. What my dad has done is the exact opposite of my grandpa and it shows. Tough marriage and lots of fighting. I would not wish this on anyone.

Now for me. I did it a little different. Before I even got married I let my wife know how much hunting meant to me and that it was always going to have a huge part in my life. I found a women who lets me be me. I have done pretty much as I have pleased when it comes to hunting. I spend what I want and go when I want. Now it might sound like I am somewhat of a jerk but I love my wife more than anything in world. When I am home, I am 100% home. I dont run around to bars, I dont leave her and hang out with friends, I dont waste money on things that are a waste. I respect her and love her and she knows that if push came to shove I would also miss a trip for her. She is my best friend. I also encourage her to take trips with her sisters and truly believe that space away is good for a marriage. I have taken her camping and fishing a lot and after close to 20 years of marriage have started taking her hunting. She has enjoyed the little we have done. Hopefully it will move closer to my grandpas relationship. But I try to love her with everything that I have and she really has never said anything about me going.

Now for the kids. Kids are the tough one. For one they cost money and two not many people want to be a single mom. If I were to do it again I would really think about some of the bigger trips I wanted to take and do them before having kids. I really want to go to Africa and have finally saved up enough but there is something telling me not to spend it. Having kids put other people before your needs. I just cant see spending that kind of money right now even if I have it. But I have always taken a better be safe than sorry approach to things. Also with kids my wife knows that I have no problem taking them with me almost every time. The hunts I have put my young kids through are pretty tough. Crazy to thing of how many successful hunts I have had with them. A box of candy goes a long way to getting a little one over the next ridge. But in the end I have been mostly a loner and would rather be doing something with one of kids than anyone else. Hopefully the nights camping and hunting under the stars creates life long companions. My kids have taught me that they really are never to young to go on most hunts.

Hopefully some of this helps.

 

[CrzyTrekker]

I agree that marriage doesn't tie you down unless you tie yourself down. One thing to remember: Your wife was attracted to you for certain reasons and in theory that includes your fitness, zest for life and dedication to your own goals. Don't listen to the voices that tell you to behave in a certain way - most of those mouths are located on unhappy bodies.

My kids don't remember when they learned to backpack because they've been doing it since before they can remember. For us, it has become a team thing. I don't always take the whole team when I go out but I take them often enough that it has become one of the key ways we define ourselves as a family. We are a backpacking, hunting, fly fishing and Nordic skiing family.

It has worked really well. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

In a word: Have a mission and lead the way.

 

[WannabeHunter]

Love your family more than yourself and hunting. Do that because it's what is right. Do that and they will love you in return and will make time for your passions (hunting/fishing/whatever).

Give of yourself and you will get back 10 fold.

This is assuming you've done your homework and aren't marrying a control freak.

Kids are expensive, time consuming, and vastly more important than any season.

 

[Mike 338]

"but loves to hike and camp and be outside...", and I'm getting married real soon!

Can't wait to have this conversation in 5 or 10 years with you! Congrats on your nuptials.

 

[ramont]

It all depends on your wife's attitude. If she truly likes the outdoor activities and she enjoys watching you have fun then she wont have any problems with what you do as long as you don't get stupid and make the family suffer for your hobby expenses. But if she suddenly looses interest in those out-of-doors activities after the marriage then you can expect trouble. Then, especially after you have your first kid, she will start demanding that you quit spending so much time and money on things that take you away from the family. And if she ever complains that your hobby time is cheating her out of her girl's night out then you're hosed, start looking for a lawyer.

 

[WyoBowhunter21]

I'm getting married this summer, August 10th. I may be getting "tied down", but I'm pretty darn excited about it!

I want to hear your experiences and advice/tips to navigate a hobby requiring much time and financial commitment while starting a life together.
She isn't a hunter, but loves to hike and camp and be outside. So, I can double dip on a summer scouting trip and getting backpacking gear, etc.

Hoping this generates a few laughs and some good advice as well!

First off, congrats. Don’t look at it like being tied down. Look at it as it is a new adventure that you no longer have to take a lone. My anniversary is the 9th. Great time to get married. No hunting going on! I told my wife when we first met that if we ever got married it would have to be during July/August, December/January/February/Early March as the rest of the year is hunting season. She chose August. I will be honest, it’s not easy to manage if your partner doesn’t hunt (mine does not) but I can let you know that you can manage it. In our house we have a rule about spending. If it’s over $100 we let each other know. We have a spending limit of $150/month. I tend to be a gear nerd and love new stuff. My wife gets tired or me buying new bows, packs and clothes. I try to manage by selling to buy new but I can only sell so many things that don’t exist. . Remember that you are in a team and financially you are working together. If you discuss purchases ahead of time it goes a long way. I try to work extra and sell other things to make money so my $150/month is extended. Time is another hard thing. You can’t just leave and head to the hills. You learn to balance these things. I am always learning that my time is divided and I need to make the most of the time i have in the hills. My wife and life doesn’t allow for a bunch of time to hunt or family time so there is a huge compromise there as well. For me I get 15 days per year of vacation. I give 8 days to 10 days for family and 5 days to hunting. So far this has kept my wife happy. Find that compromise that makes you both happy and that is key. Now your going to screw up and be on a “four day hunt” that turns into a longer one and come home empty handed. Then the explanation to your long camping trip and honey due list is brought to your attention and how hunting is not bring home the “bacon”. Good luck and enjoy being married. It’s the best thing I have ever done.

 

[juan trueno]

Go early go often. Set that standard now. I was fortunate enough to spend three and a half years in afg and irq along with countless training deployments, so that when I did / do have free time everyone is pretty well conditioned to me being gone already anyway. Put some effort into that early on. Get that habit established early.

 

[nrh6.7]

Since hunting season starts the month after you get married, she'll know that you are hunting following your anniversary.

 

[CX5Ranch]

Marry the right gal and she'll be happy to let you enjoy the things you love.

If you are any man at all, when the kids do come, there wont be much else you think about. Cherish all of it because they grow up fast.

And congratulations on getting married. It's quite an adventure

Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk

 

[Azone]

If your marrying the right woman nothing should change.
One of my friends married the wrong woman, I'm now accepting applications for a new friend and hunting partner....... poor soul. I married the right woman and life is still awesome.

Kids though, good lord that is just something you have to experience. I love my children to death and would do anything for them, but as soon as the sound of little footsteps start to echoing down the hall life will change. As a matter of fact baby number three is locked and loaded and due October 5th this year. I was supposed to go on a mule deer hunt two weeks after that with my wife. The A hole in me says screw it and still go, the responsible adult in me says stay home and help mama. Happy wife, happy life.
Or just stay single and do what ever you please whenever you please, have a few friends in this category and boy do I envy them sometimes.

 

[FoxLSX]

I think marrying the right woman is the best advice. Got hitched about two years ago, and honestly I couldn't ask for a more understanding or accommodating wife. I spend most of my free time hunting or fishing. We both have our own hobbies and passions. Being able to share them is great, but having your own identifies is just as good. She has no interest in hunting, I did get her shooting a bow a few times though, and she likes coming fishing with me every once in a while. We both love the outdoors. She loves to travel. Compromise is important, ie; I try to make sure I balance my vacation time between hunting and travelling with her. She doesn't mind me leaving for a week hunting, I don't mind her leaving for a week travelling. She gets a lot more time off than I do (2 weeks vs 6 weeks) so she gets to do some cool stuff without me!

Not being lazy and keeping up on the ole honey-do-list helps.

We also lived together for a about 2 years before we got married, I personally wouldn't do it any other way, get the kinks worked out early (I know others may feel differently). It's nice having no surprises when the vows are all said and done.

We're expecting our first this fall, I know this will be a huge change for both of us!

 

[wseidel]

Being married is a true blessing from God but "It's the hardest JOB you'll ever love!"...to borrow a phrase from a military recruiting commercial from years ago. Lot's of sound advice presented in the other posts above. Interestingly, just today I received and listened to a podcast from Hunt Talk - Randy Newberg - on "Hunting and Marriage". This one was from a woman's perspective and an earlier podcast was from the man's perspective (which I have not listened to yet). Excellent counsel and advice so I strongly encourage both you and your fiancee to listen to these podcasts....together. It's critical to start out your marriage on solid ground regarding faith, finances, sexual fulfillment, raising children, PLANNED time together, etc. For those of you who are die-hard hunters (men and women) it is important to remember the needs and concerns of your spouse - especially if they don't share your passion. All the best and God Bless your marriage!

 

[Jbehredt]

My wife wasn’t a hunter when we got married. She did love camping, photography and hanging out together so she tagged along on a couple trips as an observer. Ten years later she’s my most reliable huntin’ buddy.