Getting Married and Hunting

[MuleyFever]

I tried to think of something but I don't have any good advise. I am pretty sure 90% of people who tried to follow my lead would end up divorced.

 

[harry]

Congratulations! Every marriage is different and I wish you the best it has to offer. Over the years I've had to deplete my hunting funds to pay for an unexpected bill, the more members in your family, the higher your odds of unexpected bills. Just never hold that against your family for ending your hunts that year, it's part of life. One thing my wife did when our kids were little is she would make the week I was gone special for the kids. They would get a bunch of snack foods and watch movies and all sleep together or take them out for entertainment. The kids liked it so much they would ask "when is dad going on his next hunt?", I would just smile. About to enter the next chapter, the empty nest, I'm trying to get my wife to finally come along with me.

 

[Danny Hoey]

Coming up on 8 years and we have 3 kids. Best I can say is be nice upfront and honest about everything and remember to listen!!! Good luck!

 

[AK Troutbum]

I'm getting married this summer, August 10th. I may be getting "tied down", but I'm pretty darn excited about it!

I want to hear your experiences and advice/tips to navigate a hobby requiring much time and financial commitment while starting a life together.
She isn't a hunter, but loves to hike and camp and be outside. So, I can double dip on a summer scouting trip and getting backpacking gear, etc.

Hoping this generates a few laughs and some good advice as well!

We first off, August 10 is sheep opener here in AK, so that’s a no go! I made the mistake of getting married in mid Oct., which also happens to be my prime time for goat hunting. I didn’t know that 20 years ago, but I’ve been paying for it ever since I started goat hunting. For the last 9 years I’ve had to schedule my goat hunts around Oct. 16, because god forbid I’m not home on that day to celebrate our anniversary. Also, whatever is ok with her now, may not necessarily be ok with her a few years down the road (it’s a woman’s prerogative to change her mind), so save your energy and be ready to fight the good fight when she says “you don’t need to go on a big hunt this year, you went on one last year, and that should be good for a couple years”!

Congratulations, and remember, if the Aug. 10 anniversary starts to become an issue, you can always get married at a completely different time of year....the next time you get married.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[*zap*]

Been married once, with the self centeredness and widespread disloyalty of people in general I am not sure I would go down that path again. YMMV.
I admire folks who have been married a while and are doing good at it.

 

[mtnkid85]

I'm getting married this summer, August 10th. I may be getting "tied down", but I'm pretty darn excited about it!

I want to hear your experiences and advice/tips to navigate a hobby requiring much time and financial commitment while starting a life together.
She isn't a hunter, but loves to hike and camp and be outside. So, I can double dip on a summer scouting trip and getting backpacking gear, etc.

Hoping this generates a few laughs and some good advice as well!

Yep, figure out a way to do the things that she wants to do. My wife races triathlons, so we generally take a couple ~week long trips during the summer to go to her races. I drive, take care of the camping, setup her bike, feed her and generally try to make the trips about her. Then come September- Im home free to get out as much as I want.

Every decision is a compromise, I give up some summer scouting to have more fall hunting.

 

[Sportsman]

1. Choose well. Most important.

2. Be flexible. As noted, kids change everything.

3. Learn to communicate. You learned to walk, talk, shoot, etc. We don't communicate well naturally. Do premarital counseling or find a seminar. Many people mention prenups but seldom mention premarital education which helps both in evaluation of the relationship and in skills to be successful in the relationship.

4. Your money isn't your own now. Family priorities come before new rifles. don't go into debt and you'll hunt more across all phases of life.

5. Listen to Randy Newberg's recent podcast on the subject. Hit's a lot of areas including that he hunted while a newly wed and with young kids but definitely not the full schedule he has now.

 

[jmcd22]

Congrats OP and good luck!

Some good advice here. I will be engaged here within a few months (as long as she says yes!) so reading through everyone's responses has given me some great insight. Luckily, she LOVES to fish. She has taken an interest in hunting and gotten all of her safety classes done on her own with no help from me so I am hopeful that my passion for hunting can be shared with her. The one thing that I have noticed is that as long as I compromise...I can do what I want to do. She doesn't ask for much, but what she does ask means a lot to her. A few others have pointed that out already so I think we might be on to something!

 

[rustneversleeps]

Will the right woman care if I fish 150 days a year and hunt 40 or 50?

 

[timekiller13]

You should hash all this out before you tie the knot. If your future wife is not supportive of your hobbies, you need to find out why. If she is not going to support you going hunting, then that is a recipe for disaster. You will constantly fight and bicker over going on hunting trips, buying gear, etc.

I was an avid hunter/outdooorsman well before I got married. I made it clear to my wife before we got married that hunting was something I loved to do and I would not stop hunting. But, that being said, it's all about balance and give and take. You cannot reasonably expect to be able to hunt as much as a married person as you did when you were single. When I was single, I was in deer camp every Friday and Saturday, year round. During hunting season, I hunted 3-4 days a week, pretty much every day I was off work. Once I got married, I knew I could not keep that up. You have to make time for your spouse, and sometimes that means sacrificing time in the woods.

Once you throw kids in the mix, then things change drastically. When you take off to go hunting and you have no kids,, it's easy for your wife to sit around the house and relax, hang out with friends etc. When you have kids, then all that "me time" no longer exists. You being gone hunting means your spouse is a single parent during that time frame. Working, getting the kids to school, after school activities, church, ball games etc, is really tough when you are by yourself. It's not that big of a deal to do it every now and then, but if you do it all the time, then one person is really going to feel like they are being taken advantage of.

Here is what I do. Once season dates for hunting season are published, I mark those dates on our calendar. My wife and I sit down and talk about family vacation plans and all the other activities that we and our are involved in. Big hunting trips are scheduled as far in advance as possible, so that way all child care arrangements are taken care of and no one is surprised. In an average hunting season, I take one long hunting trip (7-10 days) and usually do 2 shorter trips (3 days). Those trips are well-planned and as many details as possible are worked out months in advance. Day trips are not that big of a deal and require little planning. But, I make sure day trips are not scheduled on really busy days for us. For example, I know Mondays are really busy days in our household. Both of my kids have after school activities that go until 1900 on that day. I don't hunt on Mondays if at all possible.

Make sure you take time to spend with your family. You may have to take a non-hunting vacation during hunting season. Or, surprise your wife by arranging a "kid free weekend" and you and your spouse take off and hit up a winery or go on a day trip or something together. Or, if you want to win real points, surprise your wife by saying "Hey, I'm not going hunting this weekend, how about you go shopping (or whatever she likes to do) and I will watch the kids. Take some time to yourself." It will pay big dividends for you, I promise.

 

[OFFHNTN]

You should hash all this out before you tie the knot. If your future wife is not supportive of your hobbies, you need to find out why. If she is not going to support you going hunting, then that is a recipe for disaster. You will constantly fight and bicker over going on hunting trips, buying gear, etc.

I was an avid hunter/outdooorsman well before I got married. I made it clear to my wife before we got married that hunting was something I loved to do and I would not stop hunting. But, that being said, it's all about balance and give and take. You cannot reasonably expect to be able to hunt as much as a married person as you did when you were single. When I was single, I was in deer camp every Friday and Saturday, year round. During hunting season, I hunted 3-4 days a week, pretty much every day I was off work. Once I got married, I knew I could not keep that up. You have to make time for your spouse, and sometimes that means sacrificing time in the woods.

Once you throw kids in the mix, then things change drastically. When you take off to go hunting and you have no kids,, it's easy for your wife to sit around the house and relax, hang out with friends etc. When you have kids, then all that "me time" no longer exists. You being gone hunting means your spouse is a single parent during that time frame. Working, getting the kids to school, after school activities, church, ball games etc, is really tough when you are by yourself. It's not that big of a deal to do it every now and then, but if you do it all the time, then one person is really going to feel like they are being taken advantage of.

Here is what I do. Once season dates for hunting season are published, I mark those dates on our calendar. My wife and I sit down and talk about family vacation plans and all the other activities that we and our are involved in. Big hunting trips are scheduled as far in advance as possible, so that way all child care arrangements are taken care of and no one is surprised. In an average hunting season, I take one long hunting trip (7-10 days) and usually do 2 shorter trips (3 days). Those trips are well-planned and as many details as possible are worked out months in advance. Day trips are not that big of a deal and require little planning. But, I make sure day trips are not scheduled on really busy days for us. For example, I know Mondays are really busy days in our household. Both of my kids have after school activities that go until 1900 on that day. I don't hunt on Mondays if at all possible.

Make sure you take time to spend with your family. You may have to take a non-hunting vacation during hunting season. Or, surprise your wife by arranging a "kid free weekend" and you and your spouse take off and hit up a winery or go on a day trip or something together. Or, if you want to win real points, surprise your wife by saying "Hey, I'm not going hunting this weekend, how about you go shopping (or whatever she likes to do) and I will watch the kids. Take some time to yourself." It will pay big dividends for you, I promise.

Good post.
I told my wife on our very first date "I hunt, a lot." and I hope you can deal with it.
I got lucky and so far she has. She grew up in a non hunting family and she slowly started going out and soon had shot a deer, then antelope, then muley, then bear......both gun and archery. Kids came along and her hunting has slowed down. Thankfully mine hasn't, but I am mindful of how much I am spending on hunting vs family things and vacations. I try to do more around the house and with the kids 8-9 months out of the year because I know the other 3-4 I am not around as much. It definitely is a balancing act, but be honest from day one with your soon to be wife. Good luck!

 

[prm]

Be clear about expectations. Months in advance be clear about how much you will be hunting. It can work out great.

 

[Riplip]

You are starting off on the right foot with the wedding date, as your anniversary will be right before hunting season. Just put some effort into planning something special every year (hike, weekend away, whatever she is into) and you will be good to go for hunting season!

In all honesty if you are marrying the right person and for the right reasons it will work out better than you can imagine. Congratulations and good luck.

 

[Thunder head]

Over the last few years I always tell couples the same thing.

The basis of our 25 year marriage is giving to one another. Your taking two peoples wants and needs and trying to combine them as one. You have to give to each other, It has to go both ways.

Communication is key. Bounce things off her and see what she says. You'll be less likely to cause a major problem.

A couple of tips:
Do not over extended yourself financially. Money problems are consistently #2 reason for divorce.
Budget some money for both of you to spend every week on what ever you want.
Tell her you love her every day!!!


Some laughs:
Get her a job that requires her to work on Saturday
If you ever think you have her figured out. Look at your palm and slap the S&%t out of yourself

 

[ChrisS]

Communication, make sure she likes to eat wild game (my wife will let me know when the freezer is getting low), and plan for time with her. She may see your hunting trip as a vacation without her - so plan on taking vacations with her.

Do be upfront about the time commitment to hunting. and/or fishing - if she is not familiar with the hobbies she may be (very) surprised at how much time they consume. My wife once thought fishing took an hour or so.

 

[rtaylor]

I let my wife know well before our wedding that I would be hunting and fishing alot. That hunting and fishing made me who I am and I won't be anyone's project that needs to be "fixed". I also made her sign a contract that said she understood and wouldn't cause a fuss about it. Going on 14 years and it's been great. I treat her like I should and when the kids were little my hunting was very limited and near the house. I think if you put your spouse's needs before your own everything will work out just fine.

 

[IdahoHntr]

So much good advice to learn from as I'm only a few years into this thing myself. Listen to these guys who have made it work for a while. They know what they are talkin about.

One thing I'd add, and I don't think it has been said enough, is marriage is AWESOME! Kids are AWESOME! How and when you hunt might change a little compared to when it was only you, but that doesn't mean it changes for the worse. If you both have a top priority of making each other happy, your hunting won't be a problem for her and doing whatever she likes to do won't be a problem for you.

As far as a hunting tip with a significant other, mine applies to married and single people alike. Don't overspend on gear. Most marriages seem to start out with more limited funds and so what money you do have to spend on hunting, spend it on tags, experiences, and opportunities. If you hunted last season, then you already own everything you NEED to get in the woods. Use what you have and get out there. The nicest gear is great, but it isn't necessary. Your wife will be whole lot more supportive of your passion for hunting if it doesn't break the bank every year, not to mention that if you spend more on actually getting in the mountains, I think you will become a better hunter than if you spent it on gear. You can spend a little of that money you "saved" from not buying gear and get your wife something too! Goes a long way to making sure she knows you appreciate her holding down the fort by herself when you're gone.

 

[Rich M]

Been married once, with the self centeredness and widespread disloyalty of people in general I am not sure I would go down that path again. YMMV.
I admire folks who have been married a while and are doing good at it.

I had issues with the first one, traded-up and been going for 21 years the 2nd time around. My first marriage - I had a wife who liked to hunt and fish - spent all my time making things go better for her. Was not worth it. Wish I could have those years back but it aint gonna happen.

If you think you are gonna use all your vacation hunting every year - aint gonna happen. If you keep it reasonable, she'll be your biggest ally.

I also think it is good that she doesn't hunt.

Congratulations.

Always remember to get her something when you go off on an adventure. Excellent advice!

 

[Shrek]

Just be aware that it can go bad in a hurry ! Prenuptial agreement ! I got married once. I’ll never do it again ! The advice about a contract about hunting is solid imo. It will communicate just how serious you are.
My real advice is don’t buy the cow ! There’s milk for sale by the gallon all over the place !
Just to make my point. A good friend of mine is just divorced last week. He married a sweet “good girl” and eleven years later he’s living in his camper in his parents back yard. I can honestly say it was all her doing. We all told him to divorce her five years ago but he kept trying to make it work and didn’t protect himself financially.

 

[twall13]

I haven't quite made it through all of the responses yet but I thought I'd add my experience as well. Before we got married my wife knew that I loved hunting, fishing, camping, etc. She said she was happy I was a hunter, after all her dad, brother, grandpa, uncles, etc. hunted so it was a good fit. She also enjoyed camping and fishing and though she had taken hunters safety she hadn't done any hunting herself. I thought with that much of a discussion I was in heaven and set for life. Turns out, what she was used to was her family hunting deer on weekends twice a year. I do a lot more hunting than that between deer, elk, upland, waterfowl, turkey, etc. Needless to say, she didn't like me being gone that much. I really wish I would have made it more clear prior to marriage but I've mostly worked through the kinds with her over the last 13 years.

The hunting/fishing time got worse as we added children. Previously on family camping trips we'd frequently go fishing, and that was something she always enjoyed with me. Now she won't even buy a license because she says there is no point, she is just watching kids and not fishing anyway. I can understand where she is coming from on that one and the reality is I don't do much fishing either as I'm always rigging up rods for my kids, untangling a rats nest of fishing line, etc. It's still worth doing it with the little ones as they learn and enjoy the outdoors but it's different. I hope as the kids grow older and more independent we can get beyond that stage and both enjoy fishing again. As for now, my wife just tells me it's a man's world.

My wife really is more understanding than most and I appreciate all she does for me and my kids. I have a sister in-law that can't understand why my brother wants to hunt. In her mind, he's already killed deer and elk, so why would he need to do it again. It's a sore spot in their marriage and it's not uncommon that he misses out on a hunting trip because of her. He's a great husband and father and really does a lot with his kids and helping around the house, etc. Seeing his experience and mine, I feel like it's important to make the expectations known early, which is something neither of us did as well as we should have, and then additionally be present and give 100% in the time you do have at home. I don't go partying with friends, I gave up basketball, flag football, softball, etc. Prioritize what's important and communicate with your spouse and things will work out. You'll have to make sacrifices, but so will she and that's a big part of making a marriage work. Congrats on the upcoming wedding and good luck.