Single income house holds

did you become a single family home when your child was born

  • yes

    Votes: 157 53.8%
  • no

    Votes: 97 33.2%
  • For first year

    Votes: 12 4.1%
  • Until kids started school

    Votes: 26 8.9%

  • Total voters
    292
My wife hasnt worked since my son was born almost 11 years ago now. We definitely are careful with what we spend and when, drive older vehicles, live more rural, limit trips and hobby expenses. I work out of town on a rotation due to the additional money i can make that way.
Has worked out well though, the cost of childcare and loss of time with your children just isn't worth it IMO - my wife has done a fantastic job of ensuring our kids are good humans, and the kids always have mom at every event or extra curricular they do - no limitations on stuff like that when mom isn't working around a schedule too.
Also works great when i am off shift as we get to spend a ton of time together. Overall i think what's lost in a second income is worth the benefits in having your wife home
Wife was interested in getting back to some kind of work and get away from the house in the beginning - especially when the kids are little - its tough slogging there, but now as they are older she appreciates the flexibility she has in supporting their interests and always being there for them. She has little side things on the go now and then but is quite happy with how things are now. When the kids are in high school and significantly more independent that may change
 
Dynamics vary. I personally never wanted to have a stay at home wife, just being honest. I certainly understand others have no problem with it. But I knew that about myself and it was known before we were married or started a family. Others feel differently, different strokes for different folks, be honest with yourself.

When the 3rd kid was on the way the financials made sense to do a period of time on single income. Finances were strained and it was stressful. Luckily we had paid in full vehicles going into that period that didn't need replacement during that timeframe because there was no budget for it, etc. The period of time agree upon lapsed and caused even more stress and friction and triggered resentments which built up in both directions.

That is in the past but sucked a lot at the time cause we weren't in agreement with the situation and I felt back doored into a situation that violated the initial agreement, it did not feel like a partnership.

She was off work for ~7yrs, restarted her career at a depressed salary and is still fighting to make up ground.


Not saying my feelings / situation are relevant to yours, just one data point in a sea of others. You have to be honest with yourself, your partnership, and your situation cause once someone leaves work for a period of time they might not be rushing back to work.
 
We currently cannot afford for her to be home. We have another little one on the way and day care is $260 a week. She makes about $10K more than me.. for now. The plan though is for me to get some IT Certs under my belt to match my experience and then i should be able to land a rather well paying job so she can do whatever she wants to. Stay home, part time, different job. She hates her job and since becoming a mother has realized work sucks and she doesnt want to climb the career ladder anymore.

I'd rather have her home with our boys happy and thriving over having the extra she would be in by working. we are not a greedy family, we need just what we need and to have some extra to go on family trips to create memories.
 
We knew we wanted kids and I started making changes and arrangements knowing that. I was working an hour from home each way and had some flexibility in my schedule. I started looking for a job closer to home, found one 10 minutes from home and made it clear interviewing I wanted to have a very flexible schedule and be able to work from home when needed. (I can't be fully remote and still do my job). I was hired and get a pretty hefty raise. Stocked alot of it away knowing a kid was coming and most likely be single income for some time.
My wife feels like she is a burden on me if she isn't helping pay bills. But even before the kid she paid her car payments and electrical bill, her car is paid off now so I'm picking up one extra thing.
She's been selling our eggs to have some "spending money" which makes her feel better about the deal. I think long term her brain is going to force her to go back to work. To feel like she is bringing something to the table.
 
Everyone's situation is different. My wife wanted no part of being a stay at home Mom. I am so glad that she feels that way, because I never wanted to have a stay at home wife. She makes a good salary and has for the last 10 years. Our kids are 9 and 6 and go to public school. It's amazing that they are making it without being radicalized ( according to some people)

She missed 3 months of work with each kid, but also reduced her hours by 50% at work, until they both were atleast in school. After they both were going to school full time, she picked up those days she lost at work and is back at full time. (36 hours)

We had family help on some days, daycare or babysitters on others. We are set up very well in life now and should be able to retire very comfortably and earlier than most. This can be a touchy topic and only you know what is right for YOU. Good luck OP
 
Sometimes it’s not about wanting more
Money for yourselves. My wife is a full time teacher and has been since we were married. Worked full time through 3 kids. We were lucky and had my Mom for a little bit till she got sick. My wife’s sister watched our kids at our house twice a week. My wife’s aunt did the other 3 days. All 3 kids are 3 years apart each so only two were being baby sat at a time. We had free preschool through our local public school when each one was 4 years old. They have all been raised with very good values. All 3 kids went to school with my wife and home with her everyday at the same K-6 Elementary school. Two are still there and one is in 8th grade. She has all the same days off and breaks with the summer off so it works out really well for us. We could not make it on my measly paycheck alone. She now makes double what I do as she has her masters degree and is nationally certified. She earned her masters degree while teaching and pregnant with our 3rd child. My wife is a go getter. I’ve tried expanding my family business but can only go so far when two other family members don’t want that and are fine with where we are. If you can make it on one salary and Mom can stay home with the kids then do it. We were lucky with having so much family around us to help.
 
It was important to my wife and I to raise our children, instilling our values. We never planned on the homeschool route, but our kids have thrived in a coop environment and we have no regrets. Both kids are in high school, so we’ll see what she wants to do when the nest is empty.
 
My wife has been a stay at home mom since our oldest daughter was born 4 years ago and we are about to deliver our third this week. When we started this journey 4 years ago I was making 1/3 of what I do now while putting myself through college at night with a newborn in the house after working a full time job as a construction superintendent. It wasn’t what I would call easy but I always knew it was the right move for us and I’d do whatever I had to do to make it right. Looking back now, it’s unbelievably evident that it was the right move when I look at how special my daughters are.

We both drive >5 year old vehicles that are paid for, don’t take high dollar vacations (doesn’t mean they aren’t awesome), and I’m probably not buying an offshore boat for a while, but I can promise you the time with my girls is worth more to me than any dollar amount. Your kids are only young once.

I get to build custom homes for some incredibly high net worth individuals if you want a list of people who have more money than anyone and somehow still find ways to be incredibly unhappy.

At the end of the day it’s a personal choice…
Don’t let the almighty dollar be the defining measure in your life.
 
This is a personal decision, but IMO, moms should stay home and raise the kids. Lots of benefits for the children when their mom is there taking care of all of their needs and showing them love.

If money was that tight, I would look for a second job or a better job. If mom has to work, look for an at home option.

I'm glad my wife raised the kids, made lunches, and went to every meeting, practice and game.

You only get one chance at that stuff.

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We have been a single income household since my first child was born, that was 11 years ago this week. I wouldn’t t change it at all, it’s been a blessing.

If this is a goal you two share and can make it happen then go for it. Give it a few months and reassess. The time a child gets with their parents in their first years is invaluable.

There’s been a few threads on RS lately about wives working, homeschooling and all the pros and cons. If you two want it, you’ll make it happen and it doesn’t matter what others think.


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My wife has been out of the workforce for 3 years now. For us the time together and with our son is far more valuable than the dollar. I do not make a ton of money but I'm so rich with the life we get to live
 
This is a personal decision, but IMO, moms should stay home and raise the kids. Lots of benefits for the children when their mom is there taking care of all of their needs and showing them love.

If money was that tight, I would look for a second job or a better job. If mom has to work, look for an at home option.

I'm glad my wife raised the kids, made lunches, and went to every meeting, practice and game.

You only get one chance at that stuff.

Sent from my SM-S918U using Tapatalk
Studies show a stable and present/involved father figure is just as important as a mother.

So if Dad has to work two jobs to provide and is never home. It’s not benefiting anyone.

Jobs are very flexible these days. With the ability to work remotely and many companies offering extended maternity leave etc, it’s a much more friendly work force for parents.
 
We just had our little boy a month ago. wife was thinking she would go back to work part time and is now thinking about staying with him for a year. I don't have a problem with it. It will make things tight and we wont be making trips like we use to but i think it will be worth it. After a year i asked if she would go back to work part time. Probably still could make it happen if she didnt, but Id rather have a little play room in our budget with her working some.
If she wants to stay home and raise your babies and invest 100% of her time, love, and energy into them vs try to turn a profit for some random executive/company, I'd do everything possible to make it happen.
 
Wife started working from home after our 2nd kid. She works maybe 3 hours a day max, but gets paid 40/week. Her money is basically used for fun money for her and the kids while my part takes care of all the bills and investments.
 
We knew we wanted kids and I started making changes and arrangements knowing that. I was working an hour from home each way and had some flexibility in my schedule. I started looking for a job closer to home, found one 10 minutes from home and made it clear interviewing I wanted to have a very flexible schedule and be able to work from home when needed. (I can't be fully remote and still do my job). I was hired and get a pretty hefty raise. Stocked alot of it away knowing a kid was coming and most likely be single income for some time.
My wife feels like she is a burden on me if she isn't helping pay bills. But even before the kid she paid her car payments and electrical bill, her car is paid off now so I'm picking up one extra thing.
She's been selling our eggs to have some "spending money" which makes her feel better about the deal. I think long term her brain is going to force her to go back to work. To feel like she is bringing something to the table.
Unfortunately, for the past 100 years society has told women that you are only living up to your full potential if you work outside the home, making widgets for the widget company. Otherwise, you 'aren't bringing something to the table.' Historically, that's not the case, as families were often their own economic unit and wives, husbands, and children cooperated in running the home/home business/trade, each performing tasks that were best suited to their skills. Few people are in a situation where the whole family can work together like this anymore, which in my mind is very unfortunate and has led to more individualism between family members. Even so, if "all" my wife does is raise our boys the way WE want them raised, and pour her love and energy into our family, I am very lucky to have her contribution to our home. If she is struggling with feeling like a burden, I'd let her know she IS bringing something to the table, something that you literally cannot earn enough money to replace.
 
I wonder how young families can make it now with just a single income. Unless the husband makes really good money i don’t usually see it in my neck of the woods.

Lots of the people I know who do it rely heavily on handouts and people taking pity on them. I'm not saying everybody does but the handful of people I know who have stay at home wives have basically become reliant on churches and donations. Maybe they felt bad about it at some point but right now, I don't see any of them having enough humility to say no.

I work with a guy who has a stray at home wife, she stays at home, makes zero money even though they are poor. He's driving a vehicle some guy from his church loaned him, he has had the church pay his rent and fuel bills and multiple times has received envelopes of cash anonymously from concerned church members to pay for groceries and clothes for his kids.

I know another guy who does It too but he lies about it and says he makes enough money that his wife doesn't need to work, takes the same handouts and even goes from church to church once he's worn out his begging in one place. Pretty gross really.

All while his wife doesn't work. I honestly can't think of any successful people I know with stay at home wives.
 
I let my wife discover that working was not worth the money. She tried working outside the home while trying to maintain being a mother and wife. She was massively stressed out. Now she's happy to stay home do and things there
 
My wife stayed home from before our first was born until the 2nd went to school. My kids are 4 years apart so that was about 9 years.

Money was not really an issue as I owned a very successful business and she worked there with me prior and after her time at home. Having her home was immensely good for both her and the kids though. Looking back it would have been worth almost any sacrifice to do it.
 
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