My marriage is falling apart

[dangerousD]

Been thinking about this for a day now...I have no real answers or good perspective to give either way. I think when there are kids in the picture, you owe it to them to do everything within your power to keep the family together. I think that's possible, even if there has been infidelity. If she loved you before, then there's no reason you can't find that again and come out the other side stronger than ever. Too many people just give up so easily nowadays and don't take marriage seriously. Heck, my own parents divorced after 18 years and four kids. I was the oldest and in college and it hurt, but my younger siblings had a rough go of it. 20+ years later there are still emotional scars that my younger sisters have from the break-up and the loss of closeness to our dad.

I've been married now for 17 years and four kids and I think things are better than ever. Maybe that's my blind perspective. That said, my wife has been hounding me to read the 5 love languages book... This thread makes me think I should make that a priority. I did watch the Fireproof movie with her though. Points for me, right?

I understand where guys are coming from with the lawyer up quick advice. I just wouldn't go there,,,,,,,yet. Sounds like you have already reached the life changing point and are committed to making it work by doing everything in your power. From everything I've seen, separation is just a precursor to divorce and nearly 80% of the time that's how it ends up. Keep fighting for her and I pray it works out!

 

[LJ Buck]

Go get what you Love.

 

[PA 5-0]

First, some incredible advice on here and I commend your courage for seeking it.

Secondly, I can't thank you enough for serving our Great Country by going to war to protect our freedom. Your sacrifices are huge and painfully obvious. It breaks my heart. In my years on the street, I have seen some shit which I'm sure does not compare to what you and your brothers have experienced. With that said, I sometimes have to make a conscious effort not to talk to my wife and kids like the shitbag I was just pointing my AR at. I am 18yrs into a marriage with 4 incredible kids. My wife and I have had some rough times but I am thankful we got thru them. It sounds like you are acknowledging the problems and slowly moving forward. It is gonna take time.

Just like a military strike, attack from many angles. Help yourself, love your wife, love your kids, chat up God if that helps and talk to a lawyer. The wife doesn't need to know u are seeking legal advice. The painful truth of this situation is shit is coming down the track and you need to be prepared for all possibilities. It doesn't mean you are giving up on your marriage. It will assist you in making solid decisions that may affect the next 15-20yrs of your life. If this marriage is truly your destiny, it WILL come back to you. If it doesn't, you are young and you WILL recover.

The best of luck to you Brother.
Dan

 

[Josh Wright]

Read Ephesions Chapters 4-6 until it sticks. Keep praying. There is still hope.

 

[rhendrix]

Thanks, Dan. I'm certainly taking a multifaceted approach to all of this.

And Josh, I'll add that to my devotional. . Thanks buddy.

Things seem to be looking up, I'm not sure if it's because I've recognized and addressed my past failures and have a plan to prevent them from reoccurring or if it's just God helping me find peace and understanding. Either way, I'm just putting one foot in front of the other and doing what needs to be done to save our marriage.

 

[William Hanson (live2hunt)]

It's good to hear things are getting better. Keep the faith. I'd like to hope that your wife truly is the Proverbs 31 woman that her screen name implies and if so she will certainly come around as long as you are doing your part a making yourself into a godly man. Hang in there buddy.

 

[ReddingArcher]

I'm not married so I don't have any first hand experience but there is some very sound advice here. Like someone said previously, sometimes it is easier to write down your feelings towards her rather than speaking them. Sometimes actually speaking them will drag all those emotions to the forefront and you may say something you don't really mean at the moment. Coming on here and asking advice from guys on a hunting forum is a very humble thing to do, I might even consider showing her this thread. It could show her that your humble enough and that you put your pride aside in order to ask for help and advice from total strangers. Best of luck to you and your wife, I hope all things work out for you two.

 

[jrnorton4]

Some great advice on here.
As an attorney, I have loaned the Fireproof movie to clients before. Really good. Love Dare book is good too.
What God has joined together, God can keep together.

 

[boom]

Best wishes friend. Clearly understanding you have a prob is a gigantic step.

 

[kodiakfly]

Still checking in on this thread. Keep it up and best wishes to you. I have a buddy who's Mom is dying right now of cancer (like day to day). I don't even know her. I don't know you either, but every night I pray for Mike's Mom and "that dude on Rokslide."

 

[William Hanson (live2hunt)]

I'm still checking regularly too hoping for good news.

 

[rhendrix]

Thanks for the prayers and PM's gents, this past week, while at times was difficult, I made sure to let my actions show that I'm fully commuted to rebuilding our marriage. My wife has been receptive and even reciprocated some, so things are going good. Thanks for lifting us up prayer warriors.

 

[Jason Snyder]

Romans 5:1-21English Standard Version (ESV) [h=3]Peace with God Through Faith[/h]5 Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we[SUP][a][/SUP] have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. [SUP]2 [/SUP]Through him we have also obtained access by faith[SUP][b][/SUP] into this grace in which we stand, and we[SUP][c][/SUP] rejoice[SUP][d][/SUP] in hope of the glory of God. [SUP]3 [/SUP]Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, [SUP]4 [/SUP]and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, [SUP]5 [/SUP]and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.


Ephesians 5:25English Standard Version (ESV)
[SUP]25 [/SUP]Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,


Still praying for the both of you.

 

[DeepMauka]

Rhendrix, if you are a Christian, then the best book I can suggest to you is "You and Me Forever" by Francis and Lisa Chan. It's free online. Download and start reading it today. Francis is one solid dude, and has his focus right on what is at stake. Praying for you man. Don't give up!!

 

[unm1136]

Romans 5:1-21English Standard Version (ESV) [h=3]Peace with God Through Faith[/h]5 Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we[SUP][a][/SUP] have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. [SUP]2 [/SUP]Through him we have also obtained access by faith[SUP][b][/SUP] into this grace in which we stand, and we[SUP][c][/SUP] rejoice[SUP][d][/SUP] in hope of the glory of God. [SUP]3 [/SUP]Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, [SUP]4 [/SUP]and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, [SUP]5 [/SUP]and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.


Ephesians 5:25English Standard Version (ESV)
[SUP]25 [/SUP]Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,


Still praying for the both of you.

Jason,

I was just about to PM him the Romans verses. One of my favorites when things are tough.

pat

 

[HuntCrazy]

Sir, I dont really know what to say, I will say you and yours will be in my prayers!
There is something Id like to share with you it is a 10 part series that I downloaded on my phone and each part is about a hour long( I listen to it on my way to work each day)
It is sermon bye Matt Chandler of the village church in Tx.
look it up on your phone or internet.... the sermon is called " A Beautiful Design" there is 10 parts to it I encourage you to listen to it and talk to your wife and ask if she would mind listening to it as well, maybe you guys could listen to a sermon a day or week then come together and talk about it with each other. There is SOOOOO many great things to take out of it, ive listened to it all twice now!

Here is a link to it if it helps bud!http://www.thevillagechurch.net/resources/sermons/

God Bless bud!

 

[6t4nova]

Haven't posted here in a while, but I read through this thread and I wanted to share something that John Hagee Ministries posted up today. I pray that this helps you out with your forgiveness:

When God restores you, He does it completely... and without shame. Forgive yourself and move on to a bright tomorrow. - Pastor John Hagee

 

[Vance in AK]

I have been praying for you but haven't posted.
As a pastor I do a fair bit of marriage counseling, & one of the passages I always start with is this.
Philippians 2:1-8
"1 Therefore if there is any encouragement in Christ, if there is any consolation of love, if there is any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and compassion,
2 make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose.
3 Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another (read that as "your souse) as more important than yourselves;
4 do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others (read that as "your spouse").
5 Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus,
6 who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped,
7 but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men.
8 Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death
".

Real manhood is demonstrated when we are secure enough to consider ourselves bondservants for our wives, not their masters. Sounds like you are there. Dying to ourselves so that we might live first for Jesus, which will always lead to dying to ourselves so that we might live for our wives.
That doesn't mean we cower like whipped pups waiting for our wives next command, it means we live like men who are willing to sacrifice our lives (ingloriously & daily, not once in a ball of glory) for our wives, waiting for the Lord's next command on how we might love them better. Christ took on the form of a bondservant for the church, but is still it's Head.
In doing the above, you will find that she will find your pursuit much harder to resist. And by the way, in the "Rokslide way" pursue her until you bleed. No mountain too high, no valley too deep, no river too swift... She's worth it.

Thank you for your service.

 

[Jason Snyder]

Wow Vance, that was very well said!

 

[boom]

Wonderful post Pastor!

But there is a very fine line between pursuing the woman you love and stalking her all creepy like. Respect her with all your heart. That means to respect her space as well. It's a thin fuzzy line. Easy to go the wrong way and look like a creep and push her further.