Men’s Mental Health Challenge

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when I get stressed out I do belly breathing it has helped me with over thinking and anxiety. I wake up and think of things I'm grateful for. sometimes it is just waking up that I am thankful for. Also praying has helped me mentally. Helping others also is a great thing to do not just for them but in time it also shifts the way your mind operates. You start to think more about others than dwelling on your own problems etc.

 

[SwiftShot]

I wanted very much to kill myself last night. I am grateful it didn't work.

My first wife stopped taking birth control in high school because she knew I would marry her out of obligation. I had broken up with her, but she kept coming around for sex. As a horny 17 year old, I did not say no. We divorced when I was 18 when I found her having sex with my best friend.

From the age of 4 she told my son, who was my padna, that I raped and beat her. His attitude visibly changed toward me and he withdrew into himself. I did not find out what was happening until he was 8, at which point I sued and was granted full custody. At that point though, the damage was done. My son is now 30 and we rarely talk. Even though his mother has since admitted that she lied about it all. His young mind was pulled in two directions and now we speak or see each other rarely. I have tried everything I can think of to repair the relationship. I miss him more than I can express. I cannot express how much I regret the harm done to him during his early years.

I have now been married for 23 years and have a 9 year old daughter. God blessed me with a wonderful daughter who loves me very much. We did not think we could have children. My wife had been off of birth control for 8 years before she became pregnant. Since we before we married, my wife and I have been best friends. There is one subject that we have fought over for literally 20 years.

I was laid off from my job in my early 20s and decided I needed to find a career that I couldn't be fired from or could always find a job in. I went to work from 3am-11am without a lunch break and from 12pm to 930pm went to college 5 days a week. I did this for 4 years until I graduated with my BS and a certification in my trade. I have worked my way up my career and been extremely successful.

God has blessed me with many things; good examples from my father and grandfather, a mind able to learn new skills, determination, affection and loyalty to my family and friends (even though I have few), and good fortune enough to maintain my health when I never saw myself living past 30. I know I have so much that others do not.

I do not know why depression has hit me so hard lately, but the inability to resolve the issue with my wife has truly hurt my soul. I have prayed over and over for guidance, eloquence, and wisdom to know what to do, but nothing has worked.

I do not wish to leave this world because of sadness. It feels more like logic. My wife and daughter would be taken care of for the rest of their lives financially. There would be no more fighting, no more disappointment, and no more loss of love. I not want to go, but sometimes it seems like the right thing to do.


I will be ok. It will all be ok.

1. The world is rough. You think everything would be ok with you gone. Sorry there are no guarantees on that. If you are gone and something goes wrong they are on their own. So stick around for that.
2. That is the selfish way out. You leave guilt behind. It leaves deep wounds that dont heal.
3. Things change all the time. You think you cannot do it. It is rough, that is life. Live for the small victories.
4. You have a daughter. You do not want a child to grow up without a father in their life. That is a sentence to drugs , crime and poverty. You love them, they love you. That is all that matters.