Men’s Mental Health Challenge

[Scale]

when I get stressed out I do belly breathing it has helped me with over thinking and anxiety. I wake up and think of things I'm grateful for. sometimes it is just waking up that I am thankful for. Also praying has helped me mentally. Helping others also is a great thing to do not just for them but in time it also shifts the way your mind operates. You start to think more about others than dwelling on your own problems etc.

 

[SwiftShot]

I wanted very much to kill myself last night. I am grateful it didn't work.

My first wife stopped taking birth control in high school because she knew I would marry her out of obligation. I had broken up with her, but she kept coming around for sex. As a horny 17 year old, I did not say no. We divorced when I was 18 when I found her having sex with my best friend.

From the age of 4 she told my son, who was my padna, that I raped and beat her. His attitude visibly changed toward me and he withdrew into himself. I did not find out what was happening until he was 8, at which point I sued and was granted full custody. At that point though, the damage was done. My son is now 30 and we rarely talk. Even though his mother has since admitted that she lied about it all. His young mind was pulled in two directions and now we speak or see each other rarely. I have tried everything I can think of to repair the relationship. I miss him more than I can express. I cannot express how much I regret the harm done to him during his early years.

I have now been married for 23 years and have a 9 year old daughter. God blessed me with a wonderful daughter who loves me very much. We did not think we could have children. My wife had been off of birth control for 8 years before she became pregnant. Since we before we married, my wife and I have been best friends. There is one subject that we have fought over for literally 20 years.

I was laid off from my job in my early 20s and decided I needed to find a career that I couldn't be fired from or could always find a job in. I went to work from 3am-11am without a lunch break and from 12pm to 930pm went to college 5 days a week. I did this for 4 years until I graduated with my BS and a certification in my trade. I have worked my way up my career and been extremely successful.

God has blessed me with many things; good examples from my father and grandfather, a mind able to learn new skills, determination, affection and loyalty to my family and friends (even though I have few), and good fortune enough to maintain my health when I never saw myself living past 30. I know I have so much that others do not.

I do not know why depression has hit me so hard lately, but the inability to resolve the issue with my wife has truly hurt my soul. I have prayed over and over for guidance, eloquence, and wisdom to know what to do, but nothing has worked.

I do not wish to leave this world because of sadness. It feels more like logic. My wife and daughter would be taken care of for the rest of their lives financially. There would be no more fighting, no more disappointment, and no more loss of love. I not want to go, but sometimes it seems like the right thing to do.


I will be ok. It will all be ok.

1. The world is rough. You think everything would be ok with you gone. Sorry there are no guarantees on that. If you are gone and something goes wrong they are on their own. So stick around for that.
2. That is the selfish way out. You leave guilt behind. It leaves deep wounds that dont heal.
3. Things change all the time. You think you cannot do it. It is rough, that is life. Live for the small victories.
4. You have a daughter. You do not want a child to grow up without a father in their life. That is a sentence to drugs , crime and poverty. You love them, they love you. That is all that matters.

 

[left field]

I wanted very much to kill myself last night. I am grateful it didn't work.
...

This one hit a little hard. I will say that you need professional help. Talk with someone outside yourself or the forum.

This will be long as I don't have the time to make it short.

Son of an abusive alcoholic who put me in the hospital more times that I can count. Abused my mother and sister. At a young age, I learned that I could piss him off and redirect his anger to me to save them the abuse, so I took the beatings.
He hung himself in front of me when I was 12, but I managed to cut him down in time and save his life. I hid all the evidence and put him to bed. A few years later he drank himself to death.

I was pretty messed up and dealt with a lifetime of depression. At times, withdrawing into a room for three days as I just couldn't bear being around people. Thoughts of suicide every day.

A few years ago, I broke down with the realization that I didn't like who I was. Who I was presenting to the world. And the world didn't like me as I was a bitter sarcastic asshole. Talked to my wife of 19 years and said that I needed to fix myself before I could fix us and that I needed to be selfish and had no idea how much time it would take. She understood and moved to another country to supervise construction on a retirement house we were building.

So I sat in my cabin in the woods and looked out into the forest. And thought. Then a psychoanalyst friend suggested that I would be a good candidate for psychedelic therapy, specifically MDMA and psilocybin. After a lot of research, I agreed.

He found me a team of an integrator (to help pre and post) and a person to trip sit for me. A typical session would be me taking the medicine and then laying down on his sofa with an eye mask and music designed for the session. It would last approx five to six hours, though the medicine would stay in my system for days. It was profoundly life changing and I have subsequently done a dozen sessions. For those curious, you never feel like you are stoned.

I have said over the years that I forgave my father. But now I'm on MDMA which is an empathogen and my heart is open. My father comes to me and I say, "Look man, I get it. You were the son of an abusive alcoholic, who was the son of an abusive alcoholic. I want you to know that it stopped with me and I forgive you. But I also want to ask for your forgiveness. I have kept the worst part of you alive for decades. I want to set you free. Go and get some rest."

With that my father was gone and I don't think of him unless I tell this story. There's was a lot of post work in there as well.

I am in an incredible place right now and my life has changed dramatically. Unfortunately, it did end up costing the marriage but we both think that was a the right thing to do.

Small regret my ego didn't allow me to address all this long ago but so grateful I got here in the end.

Happy to answer any medicine therapy questions.

Good luck, guys.

 

[Forestryguy]

I have been thinking about men's mental health more since Torque posted. (Has he reached out to anyone?) I am having more and more men as patients come through the ER with anxiety and other issues from stress and mental health. I know it sounds cliche, but even getting a dog, as your dog, not the families, can help. Mine kept me going through rough times and was there when no one else was. He gave me a reason to get up and get things done. He gave me something to focus on for training and taking care of him. It doesn't matter what kind of dog it is. Obviously, there is a lot more to fixing things than just getting a dog.

 

[Howdoyoulikemenow]

This one hit a little hard. I will say that you need professional help. Talk with someone outside yourself or the forum.

This will be long as I don't have the time to make it short.

Son of an abusive alcoholic who put me in the hospital more times that I can count. Abused my mother and sister. At a young age, I learned that I could piss him off and redirect his anger to me to save them the abuse, so I took the beatings.
He hung himself in front of me when I was 12, but I managed to cut him down in time and save his life. I hid all the evidence and put him to bed. A few years later he drank himself to death.

I was pretty messed up and dealt with a lifetime of depression. At times, withdrawing into a room for three days as I just couldn't bear being around people. Thoughts of suicide every day.

A few years ago, I broke down with the realization that I didn't like who I was. Who I was presenting to the world. And the world didn't like me as I was a bitter sarcastic asshole. Talked to my wife of 19 years and said that I needed to fix myself before I could fix us and that I needed to be selfish and had no idea how much time it would take. She understood and moved to another country to supervise construction on a retirement house we were building.

So I sat in my cabin in the woods and looked out into the forest. And thought. Then a psychoanalyst friend suggested that I would be a good candidate for psychedelic therapy, specifically MDMA and psilocybin. After a lot of research, I agreed.

He found me a team of an integrator (to help pre and post) and a person to trip sit for me. A typical session would be me taking the medicine and then laying down on his sofa with an eye mask and music designed for the session. It would last approx five to six hours, though the medicine would stay in my system for days. It was profoundly life changing and I have subsequently done a dozen sessions. For those curious, you never feel like you are stoned.

I have said over the years that I forgave my father. But now I'm on MDMA which is an empathogen and my heart is open. My father comes to me and I say, "Look man, I get it. You were the son of an abusive alcoholic, who was the son of an abusive alcoholic. I want you to know that it stopped with me and I forgive you. But I also want to ask for your forgiveness. I have kept the worst part of you alive for decades. I want to set you free. Go and get some rest."

With that my father was gone and I don't think of him unless I tell this story. There's was a lot of post work in there as well.

I am in an incredible place right now and my life has changed dramatically. Unfortunately, it did end up costing the marriage but we both think that was a the right thing to do.

Small regret my ego didn't allow me to address all this long ago but so grateful I got here in the end.

Happy to answer any medicine therapy questions.

Good luck, guys.

I believe that I saw very similar last week on tv. Maybe 60 Minutes? They had a group of I believe veterans who were/struggling from PSTD going through this new treatment. Interesting for sure.

Glad that helped and I’m sorry the you lost your marriage.

 

[Bama67]

I'm generally very happy, about the only thing I feel has an adverse effect on my mental health is constantly checking FB Marketplace for old cars/trucks that I feel like I am missing out on. lol

Occasionally I break the habit of scrolling marketplace and I am a lot happier for it.
Anyway, I better go see if any cheap old Fords have hit the market.

 

[left field]

I believe that I saw very similar last week on tv. Maybe 60 Minutes? They had a group of I believe veterans who were/struggling from PSTD going through this new treatment. Interesting for sure.

Glad that helped and I’m sorry the you lost your marriage.

Thanks.

Last year, I was talking with a friend who is a retired 30 year colonel. He said that nearly all his guys were calling him up to say that this medicine saved their lives as they were about to end it.

The military has been using MDMA for years to cure soldiers of PTSD. Cure. Compared to years of traditional talk therapy that may or may not work, it seems a no brainer. There are efforts underway to have MDMA and psilocybin legalized for therapy as ketamine currently is. Bit of an uphill battle after years of "drugs are bad, mmkay" but I think they'll get there.

 

[CRJR45]

If a guy could leave any time and go bass fishing anywhere in the south, where would you send him? I’ve never been in the south for pleasure and feel that I need to use up all my vacation days starting Monday and put my current trajectory on pause. Some place with a campground and ability to rent a boat would be perfect. Anywhere from Texas to Florida.

I need to find a way to break out of this current path I’ve been on as I don’t have much time left.

J&S FISH CAMP | LAKE OKEECHOBEE RV PARK, TAVERN & MORE.

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Sorry for the late reply

 

[Jimmy]

I wanted very much to kill myself last night. I am grateful it didn't work.

My first wife stopped taking birth control in high school because she knew I would marry her out of obligation. I had broken up with her, but she kept coming around for sex. As a horny 17 year old, I did not say no. We divorced when I was 18 when I found her having sex with my best friend.

From the age of 4 she told my son, who was my padna, that I raped and beat her. His attitude visibly changed toward me and he withdrew into himself. I did not find out what was happening until he was 8, at which point I sued and was granted full custody. At that point though, the damage was done. My son is now 30 and we rarely talk. Even though his mother has since admitted that she lied about it all. His young mind was pulled in two directions and now we speak or see each other rarely. I have tried everything I can think of to repair the relationship. I miss him more than I can express. I cannot express how much I regret the harm done to him during his early years.

I have now been married for 23 years and have a 9 year old daughter. God blessed me with a wonderful daughter who loves me very much. We did not think we could have children. My wife had been off of birth control for 8 years before she became pregnant. Since we before we married, my wife and I have been best friends. There is one subject that we have fought over for literally 20 years.

I was laid off from my job in my early 20s and decided I needed to find a career that I couldn't be fired from or could always find a job in. I went to work from 3am-11am without a lunch break and from 12pm to 930pm went to college 5 days a week. I did this for 4 years until I graduated with my BS and a certification in my trade. I have worked my way up my career and been extremely successful.

God has blessed me with many things; good examples from my father and grandfather, a mind able to learn new skills, determination, affection and loyalty to my family and friends (even though I have few), and good fortune enough to maintain my health when I never saw myself living past 30. I know I have so much that others do not.

I do not know why depression has hit me so hard lately, but the inability to resolve the issue with my wife has truly hurt my soul. I have prayed over and over for guidance, eloquence, and wisdom to know what to do, but nothing has worked.

I do not wish to leave this world because of sadness. It feels more like logic. My wife and daughter would be taken care of for the rest of their lives financially. There would be no more fighting, no more disappointment, and no more loss of love. I not want to go, but sometimes it seems like the right thing to do.


I will be ok. It will all be ok.

I don't know you, but I'm glad you're still here man. Stay for your daughter. She needs you even if you don't think so.

 

[ddowning]

Something I have thought about when times are rough is to put our current society in historical context. Remind myself how much harder things were just a couple generations ago. My grandad was born just in time for the Great Depression to define his childhood. Born in a one room sod cabin/hut on the Canadian prairie. Came to the US with his family and went to work at age 12. Graduated high school just in time to get drafted into WW2 in the infantry. Spent four years in a foxhole in the South Pacific. His story is not unique. That was reality for most of an entire generation. I contrast that with my life and stuff starts to seem pretty insignificant. I’m not downplaying anyone’s experiences, just offering something that I do that helps. I do think life today is a lot more complex, more things to juggle, more economic uncertainty, more politically divided.

Another thing I tell myself is that life is NEVER exactly as you anticipated. What you think something is going to be like is almost meaningless. It’s a figment of your imagination. Don’t let it have power over your thoughts.

I'm just starting through this thread. I think about this often. Every time someone calls me "tough" I think about it hard. I am a pussy. I have a better life than I ever thought would be possible after 2008. I have very few physical hardships. I have put myself in a position where I am not rich, but I am relatively clear of financial hardship pending a major recession/depression.

Thinking about my dad's generation and my grandpa's generation makes me ask a lot of questions. First, how did they manage to navigate such trying times and function so well. They had trauma, financial hardships, physical hardships, etc. None of it seemed to really have much negative effect on their everyday lives. How?? What changed?? Modern PTDS, ADHD, Autism, etc are real, but why? Why is depression such a big thing? Why are obesity and diabetes such a big thing? Why is motivation such a problem?

It is becoming more mainstream at this point, but I started realizing about 4 or 5 years ago that the food and pharma industries are poisoning our society and the mental health and education industry/institutions are poisoning our minds. I found, after using the 75 Hard program created by Andy Frisella to fix my mental discipline, that I felt a lot better after developing better eating habits.

I have never been overweight even a little, and I have always been active. My diet was horrible. I was drinking 6-8 cans of soda pop a day and eating oreos for breakfast. My mental acuity and discipline were horrid. After fixing my diet, it seems like a lot of things just automatically fall into place.

We get brainwashed by the education system to believe that never being happy and always wanting more is a bad thing. Without getting into religion, I will say that we need a very strong sense of purpose and belief in something bigger than us to feel fulfillment. We are designed to expand our capabilities and learn and build and create. Feeling inadequate, wanting more, and not being satisfied with who we are and what we have drives that. Those feelings are crucial to the success of the human race. They are emotional hunger. On the other hand, it is good to step back and analyze what we have done and express gratitude for our situation. It is a delicate balance, but one that our mainstream American society has let get way out of whack.

There are many victims. We are all victims of something on one level or another. We all get to start in different places, from the guy with nothing to the trust fund baby. We have very little control over any of that. We can control what we eat, the actions we take, and the media we consume. We might not get to choose where we start from, but regardless, our choices damn sure effect where we end up.

To make a long rant short, the matrix was less advanced in my grandfather's day. Withdraw yourself from the matrix and embrace the simple truths in life. It makes it a lot easier to go in the right direction.

 

[Torque]

I don't know you, but I'm glad you're still here man. Stay for your daughter. She needs you even if you don't think so.

Thank you. I had several members reach out to me. It meant a lot to me. I appreciate everyone.

 

[Torque]

1. The world is rough. You think everything would be ok with you gone. Sorry there are no guarantees on that. If you are gone and something goes wrong they are on their own. So stick around for that.
2. That is the selfish way out. You leave guilt behind. It leaves deep wounds that dont heal.
3. Things change all the time. You think you cannot do it. It is rough, that is life. Live for the small victories.
4. You have a daughter. You do not want a child to grow up without a father in their life. That is a sentence to drugs , crime and poverty. You love them, they love you. That is all that matters.

You're right. Thank you.

 

[Torque]

This one hit a little hard. I will say that you need professional help. Talk with someone outside yourself or the forum.

This will be long as I don't have the time to make it short.

Son of an abusive alcoholic who put me in the hospital more times that I can count. Abused my mother and sister. At a young age, I learned that I could piss him off and redirect his anger to me to save them the abuse, so I took the beatings.
He hung himself in front of me when I was 12, but I managed to cut him down in time and save his life. I hid all the evidence and put him to bed. A few years later he drank himself to death.

I was pretty messed up and dealt with a lifetime of depression. At times, withdrawing into a room for three days as I just couldn't bear being around people. Thoughts of suicide every day.

A few years ago, I broke down with the realization that I didn't like who I was. Who I was presenting to the world. And the world didn't like me as I was a bitter sarcastic asshole. Talked to my wife of 19 years and said that I needed to fix myself before I could fix us and that I needed to be selfish and had no idea how much time it would take. She understood and moved to another country to supervise construction on a retirement house we were building.

So I sat in my cabin in the woods and looked out into the forest. And thought. Then a psychoanalyst friend suggested that I would be a good candidate for psychedelic therapy, specifically MDMA and psilocybin. After a lot of research, I agreed.

He found me a team of an integrator (to help pre and post) and a person to trip sit for me. A typical session would be me taking the medicine and then laying down on his sofa with an eye mask and music designed for the session. It would last approx five to six hours, though the medicine would stay in my system for days. It was profoundly life changing and I have subsequently done a dozen sessions. For those curious, you never feel like you are stoned.

I have said over the years that I forgave my father. But now I'm on MDMA which is an empathogen and my heart is open. My father comes to me and I say, "Look man, I get it. You were the son of an abusive alcoholic, who was the son of an abusive alcoholic. I want you to know that it stopped with me and I forgive you. But I also want to ask for your forgiveness. I have kept the worst part of you alive for decades. I want to set you free. Go and get some rest."

With that my father was gone and I don't think of him unless I tell this story. There's was a lot of post work in there as well.

I am in an incredible place right now and my life has changed dramatically. Unfortunately, it did end up costing the marriage but we both think that was a the right thing to do.

Small regret my ego didn't allow me to address all this long ago but so grateful I got here in the end.

Happy to answer any medicine therapy questions.

Good luck, guys.

Thank you for your story. I would love to learn more about what helped you.

 

[Silver Wings]

I'm just starting through this thread. I think about this often. Every time someone calls me "tough" I think about it hard. I am a pussy. I have a better life than I ever thought would be possible after 2008. I have very few physical hardships. I have put myself in a position where I am not rich, but I am relatively clear of financial hardship pending a major recession/depression.

Thinking about my dad's generation and my grandpa's generation makes me ask a lot of questions. First, how did they manage to navigate such trying times and function so well. They had trauma, financial hardships, physical hardships, etc. None of it seemed to really have much negative effect on their everyday lives. How?? What changed?? Modern PTDS, ADHD, Autism, etc are real, but why? Why is depression such a big thing? Why are obesity and diabetes such a big thing? Why is motivation such a problem?

It is becoming more mainstream at this point, but I started realizing about 4 or 5 years ago that the food and pharma industries are poisoning our society and the mental health and education industry/institutions are poisoning our minds. I found, after using the 75 Hard program created by Andy Frisella to fix my mental discipline, that I felt a lot better after developing better eating habits.

I have never been overweight even a little, and I have always been active. My diet was horrible. I was drinking 6-8 cans of soda pop a day and eating oreos for breakfast. My mental acuity and discipline were horrid. After fixing my diet, it seems like a lot of things just automatically fall into place.

We get brainwashed by the education system to believe that never being happy and always wanting more is a bad thing. Without getting into religion, I will say that we need a very strong sense of purpose and belief in something bigger than us to feel fulfillment. We are designed to expand our capabilities and learn and build and create. Feeling inadequate, wanting more, and not being satisfied with who we are and what we have drives that. Those feelings are crucial to the success of the human race. They are emotional hunger. On the other hand, it is good to step back and analyze what we have done and express gratitude for our situation. It is a delicate balance, but one that our mainstream American society has let get way out of whack.

There are many victims. We are all victims of something on one level or another. We all get to start in different places, from the guy with nothing to the trust fund baby. We have very little control over any of that. We can control what we eat, the actions we take, and the media we consume. We might not get to choose where we start from, but regardless, our choices damn sure effect where we end up.

To make a long rant short, the matrix was less advanced in my grandfather's day. Withdraw yourself from the matrix and embrace the simple truths in life. It makes it a lot easier to go in the right direction.

I’m glad you were able to improve your mental health by fixing your metabolic health. More and more people are coming to understand the connection between the epidemic of chronic diseases, including mental health issues, and our poor diet/lifestyle and metabolic health.
I’d really encourage anyone struggling with mental health issues or any chronic disease to read Brain Energy. I can’t tell you how many testimonies I’ve read from people with long standing, “treatment resistant”, mental health problems who have had life changing improvements by focusing on improving their metabolic health.
Please take the time to read this and consider acting on the information within.

Brain Energy: A Revolutionary Breakthrough in Understanding Mental Health--and Improving Treatment for Anxiety, Depression, OCD, PTSD, and More

The book that will forever change the way we understand and treat mental health.

brainenergy.com

 

[left field]

Thank you for your story. I would love to learn more about what helped you.

DM sent.

 

[Howdoyoulikemenow]

To add. I’m not a “needy” person. But I have my demons. So I struggle. I’ve already shared on here prior. So before Christmas I put aside my pride and reached out to mental health clinics to see if I might be able to start talking to an expert to help me address my issues. Well hell. I can’t find any clinic that’s accepting new patients.

So here I am. Putting aside my manly, I don’t need any help attitude reaching out for help only to be dismissed. Kinda a kick in the nuts, ya know? I’ll figure it out on my own like every other obstacle I’ve encountered in my life.

Please stay vigilant you guys.