Issues with a high school coach

[bigv]

LOL, you have documented papers from medical/phycological professionals stating coach is a pathological liar? You have seen application/contracts that list coach was hired because coach is AD's friend?

Ok you win. Put coach on improvement plan. If doesn't show growth...fire them!

 

[Crowmangler]

IMO, here's an important factor to consider when trying to decide how to deal with this issue:
Coaches are adults & they have decades in which to screw up, move schools & evade accountability.

These kids only have a short time to play sports & to some it means everything to them. They've put in 10-12 years of effort for their one or 2 seasons of opportunity to start / play at the highest level they ever will.

We were finally able to get rid of a horrible coach with a 10+ year record of failure. Kids would quit & refuse to play because of him. It wasn't pleasant experience but it was worth it in the end

 

[Pony Soldier]

When I was in high school, my coach told me I had to choose between basketball or hunting. I quit basketball. In the spring I was told if I didn't go out for track the coach told me he would flunk me in geometry.

I transfered to a neighboring school the next year and took great pleasure in beating my former schools butt. I did not urge my kids to have anything to do with sports because of my experience.

 

[omicron1792]

Not in TN. If an athlete switches high schools anytime after the 9th grade for any reason except academic, or if they move far enough they cant drive it in a normal time frame, they lose a year of eligibility and have to sit out for a year from their last day of playing. Most of the time we went through it, was during a divorce, parents moving for a job etc. and 90% of the time in those cases, everyone agreed it was fine, but outside of that unless both principals, AD and head coach at each school sign the waiver the athlete sits for a year. Least it was that way my last year in 2020. It also all went before an arbitrator and the worst thing a parent could do, would be make a remark about the coach. Arbitrator would sit the kid every time. Now if they want to switch between the 8th and 9th grade and go to a school out of zone, that is fine.

It was tongue in cheek. Seemed extreme remedy to the situation presented.

 

[Huntindog45]

I hear the helicopter.....

 

[bozeman]

I hate to see some of these kids when they enter the workforce. I sure hope you don't get involved when he feels his manager @ work does something you don't like. I can pick em out a mile away here @ work.......

 

[Marbles]

There are other things in life, you know.

This is key. Sports are about learning, toxic behavior is not what we should want our kids to be learning.

In kids sports, adults are a large part of the problem with focus on winning today rather than building tomorrow's athletes and adults. This problem comes from both parents and coaches, but the fix starts with parents.

 

[elephantrider]

These kids need to learn how to handle people like that early and often for their own good and self awareness of how behaviors look.

If the boy isn't too upset about what's happening, let him handle as he sees fit or not handle at all. He may just walk away with a really good idea of what asshole looks and acts like. You know you own kids enough to see how something is affecting them good or bad.

^This right here. Personal boundaries, when, and how to assert them are one of the most important things young people need to learn to become a healthy adult. It is a big part of navigating life's challenges. School, sports, work, friendships, relationships, peers, family, authority figures, and strangers all have different contexts and 'rules,' that need to be learned so that they can assert and protect themselves as necessary to maintain themselves physically and emotionally.

Sports is chock full of a-holes (or at least they really stick out): stage parents, coaches, unsporting $^!% head kids, your team, the other team, etc. Kids need to learn what behavior they should (or are willing to) tolerate, walk away from, respond to, or work on strategies to deal with.

 

[nphunter]

I appreciate all of the feedback, defiantly a huge array of responses.

My son didn’t bring any of this to my attention, most was overheard or came from conversations between him and friends while I was around. Some because every night after a game win or lose my kid and I sit down and watch film of the game so he can see how he played and talk. I also host a ton of open gyms and have boys at the house playing ball all of the time year round so I hear a lot of stuff not meant for my ears.

My kid loves basketball and has earned his spot and has been rewarded with playing time as a starter and played more than most of the other kids on the team.

He didn’t have any personally issues with the coach, the things I mentioned, the name calling was brought up because the kid was talking about not playing next year with my son. He has been playing with this kid since grade school and went through AAU with him and my son mentioned that he might not play next season. When my son told him he would be one of the number one players and get tons of playing time the kid said it had nothing to do with playing time but had to do with how he was treated. I then pried a little for info and my kid told me about the coach making fun of the kid about his hearing issues. From what I could gather I believe the coach was trying to be cool, but it’s one thing to partake in joking and playful banter with friends and totally different to do so as a role model/coach. We informed the kids parents about it which i think was the right thing to do and I would want to know as a parent if it was effecting my kid in a negative way.

The stuff about the other kid quitting after being belittled i found out about after noticing the kid was not playing and asking why.

At this point i think i will just let it pass and only get involved if asked to by other parents. I don’t want to cause my kid any issues by trying to stand up for other peoples kids.

Thanks for all of the responses I defiantly received way more opinions than I figured i would.

 

[Predator_SD]

I hate reading things like this, because we've gone through it twice recently. My son decided not to play baseball his senior year of high school because the coach is arrogant beyond belief, disrespectful, and expects my son to pitch every other day. He decided he'd rather work. Sad that one person in that position can ruin it for so many. My daughter quit cheer after her junior year because the coach kept changing stunt groups days before a competition and my kid got dropped twice. She tried to express why she was upset and concerned and the coach told her to "grow up and think of the team". Well she did and they've gone from winning multiple comps to finishing last in the last two.

I hope it doesn't come to quitting because my kids loved their sports and competed for over a decade before losing their passion because of a bad coach

Did you ever consider your kids lost their passion because as Junior and Seniors they’ve already “competed for over a decade”? Not so long ago you started playing sports in 7th and 8th grade at the earliest. It was super common to even start freshman year of high school. So your average kid played sports FOR FUN anywhere from 4-6 years.

Now parents encourage, push, young kids into sports in 2nd, 3rd, 4th grade etc. I highly doubt many 6yos are actually asking to play sports completely on their own. I’d bet almost all of them are signed up by the parents. I know none of mine asked that young.

Most are taking sports way too seriously nowadays. My son was only in 3rd grade when we got an email about signing up for basketball but for “serious players only”. That is absolutely laughable! No wonder these kids lose their passion by the time they reach high school.

 

[SDHNTR]

Did you ever consider your kids lost their passion because as Junior and Seniors they’ve already “competed for over a decade”? Not so long ago you started playing sports in 7th and 8th grade at the earliest. It was super common to even start freshman year of high school. So your average kid played sports FOR FUN anywhere from 4-6 years.

Now parents encourage, push, young kids into sports in 2nd, 3rd, 4th grade etc. I highly doubt many 6yos are actually asking to play sports completely on their own. I’d bet almost all of them are signed up by the parents. I know none of mine asked that young.

Most are taking sports way too seriously nowadays. My son was only in 3rd grade when we got an email about signing up for basketball but for “serious players only”. That is absolutely laughable! No wonder these kids lose their passion by the time they reach high school.

You aren’t wrong. My 12 yr old daughter plays softball year round. Sometimes 5-6 games a weekend. 5am wake up calls. She loves it and shows genuine potential, but I wonder if it will last for another 6+ years?

 

[Pramo]

I’ve raised two kids one played D3 and was studying to be commercial pilot so D1 was not an option and he really didn’t have physical build. Daughter plays D1 currently and I coached rec, club sports and played D1

I tell my kids sports help you learn to deal with stress in a make believe environment. It’s a great way to learn to keep trying, working hard and dealing\working with people you may not like.

Sports are great, loved them personally but chances of scholarship are slim and pro is really slim. Use sports as a tool to advance in life and learn to deal with bad coaches and teammates. Unless there is physical abuse no need to talk to a coach, my kids have to learn to deal with things. I’ll give advice if they ask but it’s up to them to navigate it.

After a game I never talk about the game unless they lose then I say “At least it ain’t raining” or if they are stressed I give them advice given to me after losing a big (to me) wrestling match in high school “ya see this… this is all bull $### anyways”

 

[Dos Perros]

@Predator_SD some kids have passion and some kids don't. It is evident on the playing field, and doesn't necessarily correlate with talent. We have boys on my son's U11 soccer team that have good physical and technical ability and talent but they just don't give a shit. You can't push a rope. And maybe that's your point. But you have to try it to see if it's there. The risk to not trying something young is that when they finally do try it they suck, and will get discouraged that they suck. The risk of trying something early is they'll get burned out. It's all risky, as they say.

 

[omicron1792]

Did you ever consider your kids lost their passion because as Junior and Seniors they’ve already “competed for over a decade”? Not so long ago you started playing sports in 7th and 8th grade at the earliest. It was super common to even start freshman year of high school. So your average kid played sports FOR FUN anywhere from 4-6 years.

Now parents encourage, push, young kids into sports in 2nd, 3rd, 4th grade etc. I highly doubt many 6yos are actually asking to play sports completely on their own. I’d bet almost all of them are signed up by the parents. I know none of mine asked that young.

Most are taking sports way too seriously nowadays. My son was only in 3rd grade when we got an email about signing up for basketball but for “serious players only”. That is absolutely laughable! No wonder these kids lose their passion by the time they reach high school.

It’s definitely a double edged sword.

On one hand youth sports are taken way too seriously, mainly by the parents.

On the other, there is a zero percent chance you would make the junior high team, much less the high school, if you didn’t play youth sports. There are 160 boys in my son’s 2nd grade class, and over 130 played 2nd grade basketball. Around 80 will go out for the 7th grade basketball team for 12 spots. Again, zero chance you don’t play and go out in 7th grade and make the team.

So what’s the answer. We try to make sports fun. We use it to teach life lessons. We focus on fundamentals of the sport. And I don’t harp on games after they are over, we move on.

Some of my best memories are high school sports. So I want my kids to have that opportunity if they choose to do it.

We could always choose to live in a small town and they be 20 boys in the whole class. Yes you can not play youth sports and do fine.

We choose to live where it is safe, every opportunity in the world is available, and it’s the best education in the state. Needless to say others feel the same and there are a lot of kids with driven parents in the system.