Issues with a high school coach

[bigv]

LOL, you have documented papers from medical/phycological professionals stating coach is a pathological liar? You have seen application/contracts that list coach was hired because coach is AD's friend?

Ok you win. Put coach on improvement plan. If doesn't show growth...fire them!

 

[Crowmangler]

IMO, here's an important factor to consider when trying to decide how to deal with this issue:
Coaches are adults & they have decades in which to screw up, move schools & evade accountability.

These kids only have a short time to play sports & to some it means everything to them. They've put in 10-12 years of effort for their one or 2 seasons of opportunity to start / play at the highest level they ever will.

We were finally able to get rid of a horrible coach with a 10+ year record of failure. Kids would quit & refuse to play because of him. It wasn't pleasant experience but it was worth it in the end

 

[Pony Soldier]

When I was in high school, my coach told me I had to choose between basketball or hunting. I quit basketball. In the spring I was told if I didn't go out for track the coach told me he would flunk me in geometry.

I transfered to a neighboring school the next year and took great pleasure in beating my former schools butt. I did not urge my kids to have anything to do with sports because of my experience.

 

[omicron1792]

Not in TN. If an athlete switches high schools anytime after the 9th grade for any reason except academic, or if they move far enough they cant drive it in a normal time frame, they lose a year of eligibility and have to sit out for a year from their last day of playing. Most of the time we went through it, was during a divorce, parents moving for a job etc. and 90% of the time in those cases, everyone agreed it was fine, but outside of that unless both principals, AD and head coach at each school sign the waiver the athlete sits for a year. Least it was that way my last year in 2020. It also all went before an arbitrator and the worst thing a parent could do, would be make a remark about the coach. Arbitrator would sit the kid every time. Now if they want to switch between the 8th and 9th grade and go to a school out of zone, that is fine.

It was tongue in cheek. Seemed extreme remedy to the situation presented.

 

[Huntindog45]

I hear the helicopter.....

 

[bozeman]

I hate to see some of these kids when they enter the workforce. I sure hope you don't get involved when he feels his manager @ work does something you don't like. I can pick em out a mile away here @ work.......

 

[Marbles]

There are other things in life, you know.

This is key. Sports are about learning, toxic behavior is not what we should want our kids to be learning.

In kids sports, adults are a large part of the problem with focus on winning today rather than building tomorrow's athletes and adults. This problem comes from both parents and coaches, but the fix starts with parents.

 

[elephantrider]

These kids need to learn how to handle people like that early and often for their own good and self awareness of how behaviors look.

If the boy isn't too upset about what's happening, let him handle as he sees fit or not handle at all. He may just walk away with a really good idea of what asshole looks and acts like. You know you own kids enough to see how something is affecting them good or bad.

^This right here. Personal boundaries, when, and how to assert them are one of the most important things young people need to learn to become a healthy adult. It is a big part of navigating life's challenges. School, sports, work, friendships, relationships, peers, family, authority figures, and strangers all have different contexts and 'rules,' that need to be learned so that they can assert and protect themselves as necessary to maintain themselves physically and emotionally.

Sports is chock full of a-holes (or at least they really stick out): stage parents, coaches, unsporting $^!% head kids, your team, the other team, etc. Kids need to learn what behavior they should (or are willing to) tolerate, walk away from, respond to, or work on strategies to deal with.

 

[nphunter]

I appreciate all of the feedback, defiantly a huge array of responses.

My son didn’t bring any of this to my attention, most was overheard or came from conversations between him and friends while I was around. Some because every night after a game win or lose my kid and I sit down and watch film of the game so he can see how he played and talk. I also host a ton of open gyms and have boys at the house playing ball all of the time year round so I hear a lot of stuff not meant for my ears.

My kid loves basketball and has earned his spot and has been rewarded with playing time as a starter and played more than most of the other kids on the team.

He didn’t have any personally issues with the coach, the things I mentioned, the name calling was brought up because the kid was talking about not playing next year with my son. He has been playing with this kid since grade school and went through AAU with him and my son mentioned that he might not play next season. When my son told him he would be one of the number one players and get tons of playing time the kid said it had nothing to do with playing time but had to do with how he was treated. I then pried a little for info and my kid told me about the coach making fun of the kid about his hearing issues. From what I could gather I believe the coach was trying to be cool, but it’s one thing to partake in joking and playful banter with friends and totally different to do so as a role model/coach. We informed the kids parents about it which i think was the right thing to do and I would want to know as a parent if it was effecting my kid in a negative way.

The stuff about the other kid quitting after being belittled i found out about after noticing the kid was not playing and asking why.

At this point i think i will just let it pass and only get involved if asked to by other parents. I don’t want to cause my kid any issues by trying to stand up for other peoples kids.

Thanks for all of the responses I defiantly received way more opinions than I figured i would.