Dads of Rokslide

[hikenhunt]

You will likely not feel ready no matter how much you read/research/hear about raising kids. You simply cannot be prepared for everything you will run into. You have to be flexible, roll with the punches, and be able to laugh even when things are hard.

Already a lot of great advice hear, but I'd echo that your kids are with you temporarily (at least live with you), but your wife isn't. I've seen marriages fall apart when the kids are out of the house, it shouldn't be like that.

It goes quick! We have four between 3 and 10. Its crazy to think our oldest is more than halfway to being out of here...

 

[rileybassman]

My mom raised three boys by herself. One day I asked her "how did you do it?" She told me that she had to accept that as long as we made it home and we were still alive, that was good enough.

Man - some days just feel like no ER trips was the sole victory. My wife has a shirt that says "Boy Momma, less drama than girls, but much harder to keep alive"

We are 3 for 3 for ER trips this year alone lol.

Good on your mom... my MiL raised 5 (4 girls and 1 boy) alone and it's a hard road to travel.

 

[BackcountryIdaho]

Many great points.

All I can offer is that your life to this point has likely centered a lot around your own wants and needs.

Your life now will revolve entirely around your family's wants and needs.

Don't worry, you will like your new life better, and when you get back to hunting hard in a few years, you'll find yourself hiking to the top of mountains that don't hold elk simply to get cell service and facetime the family.

 

[rileybassman]

Not every kid is the same. What worked on one might not on another, so take specific parenting advice with a grain of salt.

The goal for me is to train my relief, I don't care if my daughters life is better or worse than mine. I do want them to be better people than I am.

You are training them, every time you reward bad behavior you are training it in, every time you over react to bad behavior you are training them to over react. You will not get it perfect, but part of parenting is developing yourself.

Parents are really judgy of one another and are told to worry about a lot of stupid stuff. Don't worry about everything, because you then effectively worry about nothing.

Very true... I wished I learned that sooner with my 2nd ... we parented like we did for our 1st for the first few years, and it was not nearly as effective. Once we adjusted, he started responding way better. Every kid learns, comprehends, responds, and possesses differently.

 

[bowhuntercoop]

My 3rd is due next month, I will have 3 under 3. They are Gods greatest gift while on earth. I left a high stress federal law enforcement job and pension to be a stay at home dad. Wife’s a doc so the clear bread winner.

Work as a team, prioritize time for each child, family time, and self time. Enjoy the ride. Having kids was the greatest thing my wife and I have ever done. Like mentioned above they are always watching. You can always make more money down the road, you can’t make more time!

 

[RockAndSage]

For you dads with both boys and girls - what are some of the bigger differences in what they need from you, both emotionally, and in how you parent?

 

[asimpso94]

Many great points.

All I can offer is that your life to this point has likely centered a lot around your own wants and needs.

Your life now will revolve entirely around your family's wants and needs.

Don't worry, you will like your new life better, and when you get back to hunting hard in a few years, you'll find yourself hiking to the top of mountains that don't hold elk simply to get cell service and facetime the family.

I actually already found myself doing that while I was out a couple weeks ago in MT

 

[Fujicon]

Just be you and love your kids. They'll see right through any phony BS you attempt anyway, so just be the real you and never hold back on the love.

 

[j_volt]

I am only three months into this endeavor, so take this with a grain of salt. I have few things to share that have helped so far.

1. Be ready to referee with visitors. Everyone wants to stop by all the time to "help", but "help" generally means holding the baby (which isn't help). You are the man of the house....have those hard conversations before the baby arrives.
2. I started the carnivore diet a few days after my son's birth. This REALLY helped me cut out junk food, which helped me be on little sleep. 5 hours of sleep on the carnivore diet is more effective for me than 8+ hours eating junk. Picking food was easy because my options were so limited. This helped me focus on the needs of my wife, son, house, dog, etc.. I do not think the carnivore diet is necessary, but simplifying and improving your diet can help when you are in the trenches.
3. Silver isn't bad, but man, I was not prepared to be so far in second place. I have been extremely active/attentive for all of my son's life, and he SIGNIFICANTLY prefers my wife. As someone mentioned above, I can spend a half hour trying to calm him down while my wife sleeps, and she can settle him down in mere seconds. I understand why they are so strongly bonded, but be prepared to be a second class citizen in the beginning. Don' take it personally and don't give up.

 

[3forks]

Try to look at yourself critically, and work on trying to change the flaws you know you have. I say this because kids are a blank slate when they come into this world, but they will emulate everything about you and your relationship with your wife.

When your children grow up and start dating - they will gravitate towards people and relationships that reflect the household they grew up in (especially daughters). Being a perfect person is impossible, but don’t handicap your child’s future and how they will view the world by being too lazy to correct the flaws in yourself that you’re aware of and know you should change.

Your kid is a mirror to your soul; sometimes you will like what you see, sometimes you won’t.

· Timing is everything.

· Be particular, don’t be picky.

· Gentle in what you do, firm in how you do it.

· It’s all about the quality of communication, not the quantity.

Kids respond to comfort, they respond to peace better than about anything else you could do.

 

[Jake Larsen]

I am only three months into this endeavor, so take this with a grain of salt. I have few things to share that have helped so far.

1. Be ready to referee with visitors. Everyone wants to stop by all the time to "help", but "help" generally means holding the baby (which isn't help). You are the man of the house....have those hard conversations before the baby arrives.
2. I started the carnivore diet a few days after my son's birth. This REALLY helped me cut out junk food, which helped me be on little sleep. 5 hours of sleep on the carnivore diet is more effective for me than 8+ hours eating junk. Picking food was easy because my options were so limited. This helped me focus on the needs of my wife, son, house, dog, etc.. I do not think the carnivore diet is necessary, but simplifying and improving your diet can help when you are in the trenches.
3. Silver isn't bad, but man, I was not prepared to be so far in second place. I have been extremely active/attentive for all of my son's life, and he SIGNIFICANTLY prefers my wife. As someone mentioned above, I can spend a half hour trying to calm him down while my wife sleeps, and she can settle him down in mere seconds. I understand why they are so strongly bonded, but be prepared to be a second class citizen in the beginning. Don' take it personally and don't give up.

Be patient with the “second class citizen” situation. Once my daughters both hit about 6 months, it flipped. They still want mom for comfort, but dad becomes the “fun one”. My wife says they’ll be crabby or having a bad day and driving her nuts for hours, and when I walk in the door they’re suddenly happy, laughing , playing and having fun. The other day she said “it seems like they don’t even like me anymore, they only ever cry at me”. It gets more pronounced once the second one comes along. My oldest started to bond with me way more, because mom has to prioritize the newborn. There was a short period when she was very intensely jealous of her baby sister, and we had to work with her to accept her as part of the family. As I completely took over her routine in the evenings, from helpjng her eat to bedtime, she started to develop a much deeper bond with me. Now she often asks me if she’s had a bad dream, gets hurt, ect. I can now see the beginning of the “dad as protector/provider” role in the relationship. Seems like it’s part of the process of the kid weaning off mom emotionally as well as physically. It’s almost like kids need both moms AND dads….haha.


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[Jake Larsen]

I am only three months into this endeavor, so take this with a grain of salt. I have few things to share that have helped so far.

1. Be ready to referee with visitors. Everyone wants to stop by all the time to "help", but "help" generally means holding the baby (which isn't help). You are the man of the house....have those hard conversations before the baby arrives.
2. I started the carnivore diet a few days after my son's birth. This REALLY helped me cut out junk food, which helped me be on little sleep. 5 hours of sleep on the carnivore diet is more effective for me than 8+ hours eating junk. Picking food was easy because my options were so limited. This helped me focus on the needs of my wife, son, house, dog, etc.. I do not think the carnivore diet is necessary, but simplifying and improving your diet can help when you are in the trenches.
3. Silver isn't bad, but man, I was not prepared to be so far in second place. I have been extremely active/attentive for all of my son's life, and he SIGNIFICANTLY prefers my wife. As someone mentioned above, I can spend a half hour trying to calm him down while my wife sleeps, and she can settle him down in mere seconds. I understand why they are so strongly bonded, but be prepared to be a second class citizen in the beginning. Don' take it personally and don't give up.

Be patient with the “second class citizen” situation. Once my daughters both hit about 6 months, it flipped. They still want mom for comfort, but dad becomes the “fun one”. My wife says they’ll be crabby or having a bad day and driving her nuts for hours, and when I walk in the door they’re suddenly happy, laughing , playing and having fun. The other day she said “it seems like they don’t even like me anymore, they only ever cry at me”. Once the second one comes around, the older one bonds with dad way more, because mom has to prioritize the newborn. It’s almost like kids need both moms AND dads….haha.


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[TaperPin]

As soon as your kid is old enough to stand, one of these is worth their weight in gold - on sale these go for $50, but it’s worth the $100 full price. Kids love to watch and emulate adults - this little gem lets them stand and be a part of what’s happening at counter or work bench height, rather than just be at your feet looking up, and they are fenced in pretty good. A little ball of flour and water the consistency of play dough gives them something to do with their hands. With a cutting board to put finger food on, it can also be a nice change from eating in a high chair once they can pick up food well. I’m not going to lie - it works well next to the reloading press when watching our grandson.

 

[Beendare]

For you dads with both boys and girls - what are some of the bigger differences in what they need from you, both emotionally, and in how you parent?

Girls seem to need more self esteem boost than boys....

 

[Mighty Mouse]

I can't say it any better than Voddie Baucham did in this recent sermon. The whole thing is good, but skip to 23:55 if you just want the practical meat and potatoes.

TLDR version:
Phase 1 = Discipline and Training - "Do what I say, when I say it, and with a respectful attitude"
Phase 2 = Catechism - "Teach children what to believe and why they believe it"
Phase 3 = Discipleship - "Give me your hand and walk with me and I will show you how this is lived out in the real world."

 

[TxxAgg]

These guys have nailed it on so many points.

One thing is for sure....learn to have patience. And a sense of humor. And patience.

 

[TxLite]

Not gonna lie, its intense.

Also while some structure / schedule is important lots of that stuff goes out the window with 3 and you just roll with punches alot more. In hindsight its funny/cute watching the young parents of 1 kid leaving gatherings and scheduling their life around "nap time" and such. After they leave all the parents with multiple kids look at each other with a knowing smile. You can reorganize your life around 1 but with more kids they aren't in sync and it just becomes a mismash and everyone makes do, esp. if you want to participate in the world vs hermit mode. That isn't to say disregard the importance of kids getting decent sleep.

Right, but it sounds like OP is on #1 and I can’t tell how how nice it is when you have an 8 week old sleep through the night and get a schedule in place. I’ve got friends with 4+ month olds that still have multiple feedings a night.

But like you said, the more kids you have the harder it is to enforce that schedule. It was much harder to keep #2 on track and #3 is just gonna have to nap in the chest carrier lol

 

[pods8 (Rugged Stitching)]

and #3 is just gonna have to nap in the chest carrier lol

Pretty much, haha.

 

[Axlrod]

The best thing you can give, is your time.
We were driving by a park, and my oldest (25 yr old) said " Dad remember when my pre-school went sledding there? You were the only parent that came to volunteer that day. And you pulled my sled up the hill for me everytime!"

Those few hours I took off from work weren't a big deal back then, but are priceless now!

 

[jjohnsonElknewbie]

Include your kids in your hobbies from the start, but also prioritize your kids over your hobbies.

For the first couple years you just need to be focused on building a strong relationship with your baby and helping their mother. If you hunt a lot be prepared to dial it way back, it’ll be temporary.
After that find ways to include them in what you like to do, even if it means not doing exactly what you would normally do. Put your toddler in a backpack carrier and take them hiking or scouting. Give up fly fishing for a few years in exchange for catching farm pond bluegill on nightcrawlers. Replace some backcountry hunting days with family camping trips or squirrel hunting.

If your kid has a positive relationship with the outdoors you’ll be able to hunt a lot more in the long run because it’ll be something your kid wants to do too.

Didn't need to read any further after this one. Only thing I'd add is to match their intensity for hunting, fishing, camping, etc... Don't push your intensity on them. The last thing you want to do is have them burned out before they're even old enough to appreciate it.