Dads of Rokslide

[bucksanducks12]

A single kid feels like a lot of work because its a shift from not having a little thing to take care of but if we're honest in hindsight one kid is not that much of a load for two adults. Anyone that has 2 or more kids will testify to that reality. Two is alot more load and 3+ is whack a mole mode.

Don't loose sight of your relationship, make sure open and clear communication is prioritized (need BOTH on board) so neither party develops a resentment. Neither party should utterly sacrifice themselves (real or imagined) to prop up the child and other spouse. Both parties need to be seen and appreciated for what they're putting into the situations. If that isn't happening get in front of that issue, including counseling if needed, cause that is the stuff the erodes away a relationship in the wake of kids imho.

This is spot on. My wife and I thought having our first was a huge change and bringing him on stuff was “hard”. We still did it, hiked him all over the North Cascades, took him bear scouting, and shed hunting a lot his first two years.
Then we popped out a second, and realized that one was the easiest thing to do and we had no excuses. We still get out with two, but not as much as we did with our first. Probably doesn’t help that we are already waiting for #3 to arrive though!

Wouldn’t trade it for the world, but wish we would have had more in site as to how easy one is compared to multiple. I’m sure it will get easier as they get older and can occupy themselves, but we’re currently about to be in the throes of 3 under 3 so I got a while yet!

 

[ODB]

Forget everything you know or have read about having a kid. You simply cannot predict how anything will go.

And…time will go very, very fast. Never assume you’ll have another time to do something with your kid.

if you are a religious person, do not assume living as one will guarantee they will absorb the source of your values. Find a good church and grow them up in it.

Have fun

 

[Jimmy]

In the beginning it's just one day at a time. Keep your cool. Sometimes it's easy. Kid sleeps all the time, wife in a good mood. Other times it's really hard for some people. Baby crying all the time, wife going through post pregnancy hormonal stuff. My wife is the nicest lady, but she got so angry once after the birth she ripped a kitchen cabinet door off it hinges.

Just be there for it all and it all works out.

 

[H@mstar19x3]

If you had one piece of advice for a first timer (me), what would that be?

when my wife was pregnant with our first, someone told me "the days are long but the weeks and months are short". you won't quite understand that for a while. but, eventually you will.

our surprise number 3 is 2 weeks old. i'm trying to remember that phrase right now. lmao.

 

[SonnyDay]

As a dad, don’t let your wife do all the early hard work. You start bonding with your kid the moment they are born (before that, actually). A lot of dads fall into the trap of letting mom do all the comforting, putting to sleep, diaper changes, etc. Get in the game from day one! Develop that bond. Even babies have personalities… get to know yours. You’re already at a huge disadvantage compared to mom… so you need to work at it. That bond will pay dividends when they hit school age, the teens, the 20’s… but it starts on day one.

 

[Customweld]

Read to them every night (as already mentioned)
Help Mom out whenever you can.
As they get older, don't expect them to like all of your hobbies. They have their own mind and will have differing likes. That's okay.
Don't try to solve all of their problems for them. They need to learn how to do that on their own.
Set a good example as a husband.
HAVE FUN WITH IT!

 

[P dog]

Get them their own room and have it organized. Don't let them sleep in the same bed as you and your wife....hard habit to break.

 

[H@mstar19x3]

also, it's been mentioned but worth repeating. work on your marriage as well. the phrase the kids come first is a lie. your relationship with your wife is just as important as the kids.

 

[cnelk]

You cant imagine life with kids until you have them.
Then you cant imagine life without them

 

[Jake Larsen]

Tell your wife she’s a good mom a LOT. And keep telling her that, ESPECIALLY when things aren’t going well. Sounds easy, but it gets hard sometimes when all you want to do is give her suggestions of what to try different. Their whole world gets turned upside down, and there’s a lot of pressure on them to be “taking it all in” and “enjoying every moment” ect ect. In reality for both mom and dad, there’s a lot of adjustment and frankly misery. Everything is new, lack of sleep, your own relationship with her gets turned upside down. Not all of the experience is clairvoyant bliss where you realize “this is the best thing that ever happened to me” My wife really struggled with that, and it made her feel like a bad mom.

Don’t get mentally locked into any ideas of how you’re going to do things as parents. I’m a planner/organizer by nature. My wife and I had all sorts of ideas about how we were going to do things. The baby gets the final say haha. Also, all the “professional advice” on the internet and from the medical community may or may not work at all for you. Try new things until something works. Blessed are the flexible for they shall not be bent out of shape.


Ive got a 2 1/2 year old and a 9 month old. All the tropes you hear ARE true. They’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, made my relationship with my wife better, ect ect. But it doesn’t always feel that way in the moment. It’s also been one of the most difficult experiences for me. The sleep deprivation and life changes hit hard. You’re going to fight with your wife, disagree, have to re-negotiate everything with her. There were many times that I felt like I’d make a terrible mistake by having kids and felt like I couldn’t handle it in the moment. Those moments will pass, and It’ll make everything better in the long run. It’s OK to struggle with it. As others have said, roll with the punches.


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[Slickhill]

Remember that people were successfully raising and keeping kids alive for a long time before now without all the high tech stuff we take for granted. Kids are rubbery and they will be fine when they bonk their head a little or fall down and get a scrape. Don’t fret and panic over the little stuff, humans are resilient creatures. It keeps mom and dad’s stress levels down if they’re not jumping up and freaking at every whimper from their tot.

Other than that I’d say be engaged in as much of their life as you can. I was packing our boy hunting and fishing with me way before he was out of diapers. Rifle over shoulder, extra diaper, toy or two, wipe wallet, and applesauce packet in my cargo pockets and him in my arms or on my shoulders. Or him sleeping in an infant life jacket in the bottom of the boat on seat cushions while I fished. Set him out of the way with toys and earmuffs while I sawed up down trees for firewood. Feeding cattle in the winter. Fabing stuff in the shop or doing repair welding on farm equipment, a chipping hammer will entertain a kid for a long time. Anything you do they’re going to want to be part of, in the beginning you’re their only hero and it’s your job to stay in that spot as long as possible. As they age you’ll end up feigning interest in some weirdball cartoon characters and stuff that’s important to a 3 year old but you do it anyway, they want you to be excited about the things that excite them and you should, it’s good for both of you and your relationship.

As someone else said above, read to them every night. Follow the words with a finger and start teaching them to read as soon as they’re capable of following along. My parents and grandparents did this with me and I could read at 4yo. We did the same and our son was reading by 4, he’s light years ahead in school because of it.

Good luck.

 

[pods8 (Rugged Stitching)]

but we’re currently about to be in the throes of 3 under 3 so I got a while yet!

Been there (they're 6th, 7th, and 9th grade now) pay attention to that second part of my reply, 3 is gonna strain ya. You're in zone coverage now and for one person to get a break they'll take on 3.

 

[TxLite]

Two is alot more load and 3+ is whack a mole mode.

#3 coming tomorrow and this is what I’m worried about lol

The shift from 0 to 1 is hard because you’re having to redo your priorities and daily schedules. Around 3 months it starts to get fun when they start getting some personality.

Kids are a lot of work but man they are fun. Get the book “12 Hours’ Sleep by 12 Weeks Old” and follow it to the T. It’s a life saver on getting your kid on a sleep schedule.

https://www.amazon.com/Twelve-Hours-Sleep-Weeks-Step/dp/0525949593

 

[Scoot]

Include your kids in your hobbies from the start, but also prioritize your kids over your hobbies.

For the first couple years you just need to be focused on building a strong relationship with your baby and helping their mother. If you hunt a lot be prepared to dial it way back, it’ll be temporary.
After that find ways to include them in what you like to do, even if it means not doing exactly what you would normally do. Put your toddler in a backpack carrier and take them hiking or scouting. Give up fly fishing for a few years in exchange for catching farm pond bluegill on nightcrawlers. Replace some backcountry hunting days with family camping trips or squirrel hunting.

If your kid has a positive relationship with the outdoors you’ll be able to hunt a lot more in the long run because it’ll be something your kid wants to do too.

This nailed it for me. Read and reread the first sentence!

 

[The_Jim]

If you had one piece of advice for a first timer (me), what would that be?

Just asking that question tells me you’ll do good. Read this the other day - here’s a few things to avoid. As your kids get older it’s easy to end up doing many of the things below.

 

[pods8 (Rugged Stitching)]

#3 coming tomorrow and this is what I’m worried about lol

The shift from 0 to 1 is hard because you’re having to redo your priorities and daily schedules. Around 3 months it starts to get fun when they start getting some personality.

Kids are a lot of work but man they are fun. Get the book “12 Hours’ Sleep by 12 Weeks Old” and follow it to the T. It’s a life saver on getting your kid on a sleep schedule.

https://www.amazon.com/Twelve-Hours-Sleep-Weeks-Step/dp/0525949593

Not gonna lie, its intense.

Also while some structure / schedule is important lots of that stuff goes out the window with 3 and you just roll with punches alot more. In hindsight its funny/cute watching the young parents of 1 kid leaving gatherings and scheduling their life around "nap time" and such. After they leave all the parents with multiple kids look at each other with a knowing smile. You can reorganize your life around 1 but with more kids they aren't in sync and it just becomes a mismash and everyone makes due, esp. if you want to participate in the world vs hermit mode. That isn't to say disregard the importance of kids getting decent sleep.

 

[TaperPin]

Congrats! Prepare yourself mentally if the doctor asks if you’d like help deliver - not every doc will make the offer, and you don’t have to, but it can happen.

Up to this point you’ve convinced yourself of many things - try to avoid black and white thinking because the first year is full of things not quite what you expected - just like reading about hunting is simply different from actually doing it. Get over the notion of fairness - the world isn’t fair - both of you can only do what you can do, so be supportive of each other. Your wife may be the same person, or she may have a little or a lot of postpardum and it can be rough. Happy kids are easy - naturally grumpy ones will test your patience - every one is different. Most kids are healthy, some kids aren’t and you have to do what you can. Hope for the best, prepare yourself mentally for the worst.

YouTube videos will become a welcomed friend to grab their attention for a few minutes - the appeal of dancing fruit will make you question humanity, a favorite cartoon will mesmerize a kid every time it’s played, and Ms Rachael will be irritating, but you’ll eventually accept that as much as these things shouldn’t be more interesting than you, there’s a reason these get hundreds of millions of views. Lol

Grandparents or other baby sitters can be a much needed break - don’t ever feel guilty asking for help, day or night - you aren’t the first sleep deprived parents and family/friends will be glad to help.

The first time a kid gets sick will feel like the end of the world and it’s human nature to want to blame someone - let it go, kids get sick - right around the corner your kid will have have an opportunity to make half the people at a bbq sick.

 

[RS_Non-Res]

#1 job of parents is to protect your child's innocence (@The_Jim 's black list above is a good start).

also...Children naturally look to their father for how to behave as the child gets older, so sometimes patience is needed.

 

[CorbLand]

No kids for me yet but I use to hunt with a family that there was two brothers. Brother A and Brother B.

Brother A was dedicated. Wanted to kill every time and it had to be the biggest of the group. He achieved it many of the years. Never wanted to take his kids because they held him back, made too much noises, etc.

Brother B hunted but wasnt as dedicated. He took his kids, they made noise, they got cold, etc. Many years of coming back home with a tag in his pocket still.

35 years later.

Brother A. His kids dont hunt with him.
Brother B. His kids keep tags in their pocket until dad gets one.

 

[NWBLKTAIL]

Like everyone has already stated but can’t be said enough.

-be a team with their mom
-don’t expect everything to go smooth (that’s fine) just a part of the deal
-give each other a break when ya can
-make them apart of your hobbies early and act like (this is just what we do) but also realize if it’s just not for them to not push it.
I have found if I just make it about them in the beginning they enjoy most everything dad does as long as we are having fun. I have 3 all under the age of 6 and it’s busy and can get crazy. But there is nothing better.
Good luck

1 doesn’t slow you down. Once you get your rhythm depending on how you and your spouse are they just tag along with everything you do.