Common hunting colloquialisms

[VernAK]

Lower than whale shit!

 

[InkedElkSlayer]

My hunting mentor since I was 10 was my dad’s best friend who was a 5’6” (with boots on) half Comanche, half Mexican. We’re still all hunting elk together. I can barely speak without using some off the wall saying. Here’s a few.

When describing the “Leadership” in my line of work… “He’s about as useful as a wet paper sack full of used dildos”.

Waiting on someone… “If you were going any slower you’d be in reverse.”

Your kid is being loud as hell and clumsy… “He’s like a baby giraffe running through downfall.”

When the “Leadership” is trying to rename some bullshit that hasn’t worked 3 times in the past and now they’re telling you how great it is… “You can put lipstick on a pig, but it’s still a pig.”

Above situation… or political correctness… Is the art of “Polishing a turd so you can pick it up by the clean end “. It’s still just a turd

 

[Charlie Brown]

Couple morning wake ups from hunting camp 1. It's daylight in the swamp. 2. Drop you cocks and grab your socks

 

[Werty]

" Off like a prom dress"
" Get your dick beaters out of there"
" Slower than old people making love"
" Pitter patter let get at'er"

 

[aussie9]

Happy as a dog with two dicks
Grinning like a rat with a gold tooth.
Off like a lepers foreskin.
Useless as a pocket in your undies.
Hard as a whores heart.
Tight as a fish's arse.
Dumb as a bag full of hammers
To quote a few


Sent from my vivo 1904 using Tapatalk

 

[fatrascal]

When working with someone who does not want to carry their tools so they plan on taking turns using my tools I always say, "You make your owne pay check don't ya?, then bring your owne damn tools!"
I'm 59 years old and sometimes I'll get a new young apprentice who is polite and wants to carry my tools for me and I always tell him, "Every man saddles his owne horse." Which means every man carries his owne tools.
When you've got a worthless person on the crew that is lazy and does not like to work. "That dog don't hunt."
When somebody wants to borrow my pocket knife and ask me, "You got a pocket knife?" I answer them back sarcastically, "I'm a man ain't I?, of course I've got a pocket knife!" Meaning, you ain't a man if you aren't carrying a pocket knife. And I do not let then borrow it. Incidently, im so used to having one in my pocket that I had to give mine up at the SLC airport the other day. Getting a new one tomorrow.
When in a group of people and nobody can decide what we gonna do next, I go ahead and take the initiative and decide and then boastfully call myself a man of decision.
I love Sam Elliotts answer when a kid ask him in the movie Conager, "Hey Mister, who gave you that black eye?" Conager answers back, "Nobody gave it to me son, I fought for it!" I've had to borrow that line a time or two in my life.
Thats enough for now. Fatrascal.

 

[Larry Bartlett]

I turned 50 and my balls got droopy...and i can't find my pecker anywhere. Honey, have you seen my readers?

 

[long hunter]

Finer than frog hair, as watertight as a frog's ass, as fine as a new dime in a goat's ass. busy as two peckered squirrel in a hickory nut tree, stuff your brain up a knats ass it would roll around like a BB in a box car, if your brain was cotton there would not be enough to make a tampon for a fly.

 

[JeffP_Or]

"That bucks spread is wider than a syphilitic whore"

From an ex-navy guy who I worked with one summer. I don't recall he ever cussed a word but everything involved a syphilitic whore when it went sideways [often associated with tool tossing or grabbing injured body parts] but the buck one stood out....

 

[jjohnsonElknewbie]

“You can’t eat the tracks”

—Opah

I'm 47 and that was one of my Dad's favorites

 

[jjohnsonElknewbie]

"Get your dick skinners off that"

Slight variation... "Get your dick beaters off that"

 

[jjohnsonElknewbie]

"Its hard to soar with the eagles when you're hooting with the owls"
"He don't know twice around a bee bee"
"I wouldn't #*%& that with your dick"
"That buck was on that doe like white on rice"
"It's colder than a snake's ass in a wagon rut"
"It's hotter than 2 mice #$%&*+@ in a wool sock"
"He was so hungry he'd eat the ass out of a live skunk!"
"(insert pronoun, name, or subject) was so ugly somebody put a mud flap on its ass to keep the dog from #$%&*+@ it!"
"(insert pronoun, name, or subject) is nuttier than a pet 'coon!"
"That'll go over like a fart in church!"

I'll keep digging in my archive for more and update later...

 

[Missahba]

Busier than a one-armed paper hanger.
Busier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest.
Colder than a witches tit.
Madder than a wet hen.
Faster than a scalded cat.
More nervous than a whore in church.
I have to piss like a racehorse.
Keep your booger hook off the bang switch.
Busier than ants at a picnic.
So hungry I could eat a horse.

Her p=%%? smells like the shit house door on a tuna boat.

If it smells like fish, it’s a dish; smells like cologne leave it alone.

Some of those are from my father in law. 2 navy tours, pre and in WW2. I forgot more than I can recall.

 

[jjohnsonElknewbie]

Colder than a witches tit.

Slight variation...

"Colder than a witch's tit in a brass bra"

 

[jjohnsonElknewbie]

"Nervous as a cat in room full of rocking chairs"
"Don't horse him!"
"You gotta let 'em take it"
"That's why they call it fishing, not catching"
"That's why they call it hunting, not killing"
"It ain't the size of the dog in a fight that matters, it's the size of the fight in the dog"
"He was drunker than 10,000 (insert your own subject)"

 

[jjohnsonElknewbie]

I forgot a couple personal favorites..

"Damn son, we're in the bowels of (insert county, mountain range, or other geographic area)"

When you're entering a particularly remote area..

"Son, we're down here where the goats #$%& the chickens!"

 

[eaglemountainman]

...shakin' like a dog trying to pass a peach pit.

Busier than a 2 peckered billy goat

 

[jjohnsonElknewbie]

"Nervous as a dog $hittin' razor blades"

 

[EdP]

I worked several years with a guy that had some gems but only one comes to mind right off:

Hard as old folks toenails.

 

[donmateo]

It's hotter than 2 squirrels humping in a wool sock