Am I out of line?

[Deadfall]

My wife is due with our fist child in March. I said something about turkey season and she looked at me and said there's no way I was turkey hunting this year. She couldn't believe the fact that I was wanted to take one day and turkey hunt and leave her to take care of our one month old.
Am I out of line? Maybe ill feel different after the baby is here?

Forgiveness is easier then permission...

Buy her something nice....build her something nice...

 

[IdahoElk]

sounds like hormones.

 

[Jherek]

You don't want my opinion....(my advice might not be the best for the marriage lol) That being said, you should absolutely go hunting! Like others have said, I would leave it be, until it's closer, she might be kicking you outta the house by that time anyway, no need to rock the boat now.

Yes it's your first born, you don't want to miss out and kids grow up fast.
But.... life happens fast as well
Coming from someone who's dealt with lots of health issues, we never know what tomorrow holds. I've put off hunts for next yr, or in 3 years when I was in my 20s, now at 37 I'll physically never be able to do them. Go hunting..... just be fair and reasonable, And yes I am married with 2 kids, not divorced lol.

 

[Mule3006Elk]

18 years of experience here. Leave it alone for now. The ball is your court if you make a hard nosed decision. One you may not live down anytime soon. You know, those things that come up during an argument years down the road. Most spouses, are like matriarch elephants, they don't forget anything! Personally, when the time comes around, if you don't have her support, I wouldn't go. I done things that I normally love, after we've had an argument, it's not as fun. My mind is elsewhere.

If this is a pattern of not letting you do things you want to do: completely different story IMO.

My wife, when I put the ball in her court, usually doesn't want to be the one that doesn't let me do something. I never really ask truth be told. I say here are my plans. If I get negative feedback, I leave it alone, and move on. At some point, she will bring it up again, but not always. My response is you said you don't want me to go. She feels bad and flips. Doesn't necessarily want me to go but doesn't want to put her foot down and say no. Once she commits, I have her full support which is great.

 

[Mule3006Elk]

Awesome thread. Free counseling from those with experience. No academic answers here. Real life what works. Love it!!

 

[beforethehunt]

Lots of good advice here. Hunting passion plus a baby equals bad things many times. I like a book called “man on the run” I highly recommend it. It’s by zeke pipher. I had to give up a trip or two in my days and my youngest (I have 5) is now 3. When I have permission and blessing to go I hunt better. I am a softie and after a day or two I miss my wife and kids like crazy. I hope to bring them with me on a elk trip. We will rent a home


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[Gobbler36]

Better start right now and get her used to you going hunting or it wont get any better, when it’s not hunting season though you gotta explain that she can dump the kid on you for her to have time for herself

 

[idelkslayer]

Unless there are complications, newborns are easy to care for. A lot of women (and men) want whatever facebook glory they can get from being the heroic and exhausted new parents and it sets this terrible expectation that caring for a newborn will destroy you physically and mentally.

I do agree with the comments that after the birth she will calm down and be more likely to agree with you going hunting. Continue planning your hunts and be open about it. Also be clear that you are prepared to cancel the trip if you are needed at home.

For what it's worth I relayed your situation to my wife and she agreed with what I said above. We had our first on August 30. It did not affect my hunting at all. She had to be alone for 8-10 hours per day anyway while I was at work and college. Our son was born on Friday and I was back in class and at work on Monday morning. Our culture has grown soft, women have birthed and cared for infants in far worse conditions than are normal today.

On a slightly different note I think it is terrible in a marriage if either spouse has be "let" to do something. Neither spouse truly has control over the other and the idea that a woman "lets" her husband do anything is ridiculous. Likewise the idea that a man "lets" his wife do activities of her choosing is equally ridiculous. You choose your activities with an understanding for how it will affect your wife and you make sure that she knows you are taking her into consideration.

 

[Gearqueer]

Nothing new to add that hasn’t already been said, but I will add it anyways:

She will be sick of you if you linger around the house too much. When babies are in that “larvae stage” they need mama.

If your wife is anything like mine she will be fine with you getting out some. Just slow play it instead of making a hard stand now.


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[Ucsdryder]

Dude, man up and put your foot down. Tell her, “you’re the woman, you have the boobs, it’s obviously your job to take care of the baby.” Good chance you’ll get lucky and have the whole season to hunt turkeys and probably some more free time after that!

 

[jspradley]

Dude, man up and put your foot down. Tell her, “you’re the woman, you have the boobs, it’s obviously your job to take care of the baby.” Good chance you’ll get lucky and have the whole season to hunt turkeys and probably some more free time after that!

Now I don't have kids but I have been married for a while, I don't think this is smart advice.. lol

Have you sat down and had a discussion with her about her reasons for not wanting you to go and you lay out the reasons why it's important to you? The best outcome here is that you both understand that you both have valid reasons and can both come to a conclusion that is as satisfactory to both of you as possible.

Either or both of you saying "its my way or the highway" is completely unreasonable.

 

[beforethehunt]

Just remember not all women are alike. Not all marriages are alike. My wife has lost parting depression with one of our kids and I was not supportive but she still was good with me leaving for 9 days about 11 months after our baby girl was born!


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[Oregonboy]

Be there for your wife and skip it this year, store up some goodwill you can use for elk or deer season. I've got 2 young kids (2.5 and 12 weeks) so I feel your pain. Things will get better once your child arrives, but the first month will be tough. Grandparents usually can't wait to help out and they will give you some relief. You've got your whole life to hunt but only a limited amount of time with your newborn. Soak it all in, it goes by fast.

 

[Scoot]

Set the ground rules now! If you don't, you'll be stuck with whatever you allow early on!!! I went on an 8 day hunting trip when my daughter was 11 days old. Now THAT was stupid! I still regret it, and my wife still brings it up. But, not turkey hunting for a day or two... that's ridiculous. Be a good dad, help out a ton, and go turkey hunting a couple/few times. Good luck.

 

[TonySkyline]

Agree with Scoot.

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[lif]

My wife is due with our fist child in March. I said something about turkey season and she looked at me and said there's no way I was turkey hunting this year. She couldn't believe the fact that I was wanted to take one day and turkey hunt and leave her to take care of our one month old.
Am I out of line? Maybe ill feel different after the baby is here?

if it’s one day it should probably happen. As stated by Frank above, now is not the time. If your schedule is loose enough to wait until baby time then you will almost certainly be given that opportunity. Your wife needs to know you’ll be there for her right now. In March your wife Will tell you to get out of the house more than once.
The bright side is you’re not expecting a kid in October.

 

[30338]

First concern would be getting a healthy baby and a healthy momma. But that's just me.

Had two kids, both in November. Favorite birthday activity for them, bird hunting or deer hunting. Life has been great.

 

[WannabeHunter]

If I tired to turkey hunt with a 1 month old, I'd fall asleep against the tree within 5 mins.

 

[JeffP_Or]

Long story but here it goes: I have experienced two different scenarios – but through hunting partners:

The first was a work & hunting friend that we had 5 weeks of deer season and hunted close our town; we went just about every weekend and met his brother and other family staying in his home town out on the coast. On occasion, his wife and kids would follow down and stay with her family for the weekend as well – and we would gather for dinner etc after we got out of the woods. They had two kids – young. All was good. Time was shared with them etc. As time passed, the more she regretted his going and the less she came down with the family. The less often he went as well saying the wife would not let him and blamed him for bailing on her. No amount of honey-dos during the off-season or extended family time/vacation seemed to matter; he stopped helping as much. Eventually, it got really tense between them whenever I showed up – I began to get the blame. Eventually, we stopped hunting together and he stopped hunting from what I know. They remain together to this day – 25+ years and kids are long grown and gone.

The other hunting partners were partners together long before I was invited to join them. They each had kids, school age – one had three the other had two. They left when fall came. Often to much crying of kids [especially around Halloween] – to the point several of the kids hated seeing me darken their doorstep because they knew what was next, dad was leaving. It was the guys thing though and the wives knew that and the kids learned it; it had long been their thing. However, there were many trips were one or the other or even both only went a few days or cut the hunt length short because of commitments to family. Each was dedicated [almost to a fault] to family and time to raising their kids [coaching, scouts, sports, school, gardens, camping etc]. Their kids are long out, married and having kids of their own. These two have now begun to plan around time with grandkids BUT they still make time to hunt because it is their thing, always has been and their wives know it.

The sad thing, the son of one has been hunting with us since high school – he has two kids in high school himself now. His wife dictates for the most part how he spends his time and whether or NOT his boys come out with us. He doesn’t even get to keep his hunting rifles or any other mementoes of his hunts in the house….but that is another story.

Long story to say, come to an agreement. Dedicate yourself to family time. Share with your wife. Openly communicate. And don’t have birthdays and anniversaries during the best hunting seasons! It seems the majority of these responses are very similar. And good luck with your hunt – even if only a day or two; make it eventful and AFTER you ask how she faired with the kid and what new, fun things it did in your absence and how you missed everyone, tell her how important and fun the hunt was…..

 

[WhiteOak]

Dont put the horse before the cart man. Not worth fighting over it when it can be a non issue when the time comes. You may settle in in a couple of weeks and it wont be a big deal for you to go. Or if it's a rough time you need to be there for your family first and I'm sure you wont even be thinking about hunting. I'm sure right now she just wants to know that your family is going to come first.

First babies can be really hard on the mothers body and she might need more help from you those first few weeks. Get mom and baby home and healthy first before you even think about needing to go hunting.

I'm sure all of your priorities will change when that time comes.