Am I out of line?

[menhaden_man]

Hey pal, I stacked about 8 critters with my buddies in WY within about two months of my first of three children. Trick was to save up time to fly the in-laws our for a week while I was gone.

Don’t give up on what you love, it’s a slippery slope bro! Next step is to think of how your kid can join you. Tell your wife that canceling the hunt is a no go.

 

[crich]

Congrats on the baby man we just had our first in January and heres what I've learned.

1. Newborns can be a ****load of work.
2. Post partum women are emotional as ****.
3. What you're about to embark on is a joint effort and she needs to know you're in it 100% (not saying you arent)


You're both new parents and shes probably apprehensive a little. Id play this one by ear. Plan on not hunting and if things are going well with the baby and the wifes doing well go ahead and bring it up. Neither one of you have an idea of how things are going to be come March/April trust me!

She's going to be much more limited as far as free time for obvious motherly reasons. If you guys are a team and help eachother through the beginning then that will set you up for success... its going to be stressful dude especially if the baby is colicky. Good luck and congrats.

 

[Sammymusi]

Hahaha I should have been more specific my wife had my daughter on a Monday and I was hunting Saturday ahaha

 

[huntineveryday]

None of us know the dynamics of your relationship, so ultimately you'll need to decide how important turkey hunting is to you. If turkey season is important then I wouldn't wait until then to talk about it. Get it out in the open and figure things out now so neither of you are worrying about it or letting things fester. Things are only going to get more stressful the further along you get.

Things are going to change once you have that kid, no two ways about it. That might mean you might have to change the way you hunt (how often, how far from home, how much of the day you're gone, etc), but that doesn't have to mean you stop hunting altogether. She's probably worried you won't be around and she'll be all alone to take care of the kid on her own all hunting season, and you're probably worried you'll never get to hunt again. The truth is probably closer to the middle, you'll be there to help but still need some time for you to be you, which means you will still do some hunting. Discuss it, work through it so there isn't the extra hurdle to deal with later on.

Ultimately both of you are going to need some time to decompress away from the kid from time to time, make sure to give each other that opportunity.

And congrats!

 

[Carpenterant]

My wife tells the story of our first kid as I dropped her off from the hospital then went to work and was calling coyotes that weekend. I remember it different, like taking a day or two off work and waiting a week to go calling. Obviously I would recommend telling her you’re hunting and go. Unless you have a pattern of your wife telling you what you can and can’t do.

 

[KoolBreeze]

My wife and I have been married 20 years. I gave up hunting completely for probably the first 10-12 of those years (mistake). We traveled a lot together the first 4 or 5 years, found new hobbies we could enjoy together (like scuba) and then started having kids. My wife didn't want me to hunt (still doesn't), so I gave it up for a long time. But eventually I ended up back in the woods. For me it's not so much about the hunt, it's about being out there and getting away from it all for some "me" time. Having given it up for so long, made it a lot worse though and it was a source for a lot of tension the first year or two after I started back. So I'd advise you not to give it up completely, if it's something you want to enjoy doing down the road, but 1 season? That's nothing and who knows you may be able to slip off for a hunt or 2 this season. But enjoy those precious moments with your family. You're kids will be grown up in a blink of an eye.

 

[Fitzwho]

My wife said the same thing when we had our first (and only). Just my hunt that got cancelled was a solo spring bear hunt on Kuiu Island, AK.

Make sure you are set and willing to stay with your child alone as well, when that is possible. Your wife needs to trust that you can handle it yourself as well. And have life insurance setup prior to your next hunts if you don’t already.

 

[Tbone58]

My girlfriend was pissed when I went turkey hunting 2 days after our son was born. But her friend and her family were at the house and I didn’t want to be around that many people after spending three days in the hospital. I still hear about it every spring. And that was a couple years ago now

 

[String&stick]

Others have said it, and you will get varying opinions, but here is my take.

For background I'm 33 and have 3 kids. 10, 7, and 3. First kid my wife was a wreck with postpartum depression, scared for our son (had some health issues early), and just completely exhausted.

At 1 month out you could have a happy rested wife and child, or you could have a stressed, exhausted, panicky wife that is scared to death something will go wrong with your new baby.

My advice for what it's worth. Talk with your wife again and explain things this way. Tell her you would love to go turkey hunting in the spring if everything works out, that it would be a short outing if it happens. BUT explain that she is your #1 priority and the baby will be once it comes as well. And tell her you are 100% prepared not to go if there is anything wrong at all, including her being tired and overwhelmed.

I screwed up with our first kid and didn't take care of my wife enough, didn't know any better! Did much better with the next 2 and now I hunt when I want and take the kids when they can go. My wife is amazing and we both give and take. But pregnancy and delivery are major turama events to a woman's body and depending on how she does she may need you home!

 

[William Hanson (live2hunt)]

First off, next time plan pregnancy around seasons.

Second, plan for the best but expect the worst. Plan for the hunt like it will happen (in your head not to your wife), but expect that anything from a c section to post partum depression can make caring for a 1 month old alone an unreasonable expectation for her. Adjust your hunt accordingly.

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[Ac338]

I have 3 girls and the wife never says I can't go fish or hunt which honestly between whitetail, multi week western hunts, scouting, bow tuning, gear tweaking, and salmon fishing the Great lakes all summer adds up to a lot of time. She never complains for the most part but I also make it a point to let her have her time too. A good tactic I've found is the weekend before a hunt set her and a friend up for a spa day or movie and dinner or whatever she enjoys. That weekend away may be what she needs to reset, refresh and have a better mindset. I definitely wouldn't give up on your passion, honestly that's not healthy for either person imo. I think when it gets rough is if she starts feeling like shes just a mom and loses touch with the things that make her happy as well. No expert here but it works for me. Good luck I'm sure it will work out and congrats on the child its definitely a life changing event for the better.
P.S. if she has a raging hormonal I'm going to kill you look do NOT bring up your hunt. Shut up grab your debit card and drive 20 over to the closest taco bell and buy the whole damn menu.

 

[qwerksc]

Take 3 years and compromise, hunt when it's good with her, sacrifice, then when the kid is three smash the bluegill and bass, with junior, 5 years of fishing, then ease back into the hunting thing. N ow my kids are all in on all of it! Happy wife! All good, Now I hunt whenever i want.

 

[Mauibowhunter]

you're out of line. I would go. 1 month old is easy. 9 month old not so much.

 

[Marbles]

My wife is due with our fist child in March. I said something about turkey season and she looked at me and said there's no way I was turkey hunting this year. She couldn't believe the fact that I was wanted to take one day and turkey hunt and leave her to take care of our one month old.
Am I out of line? Maybe ill feel different after the baby is here?

Depends on a lot of factors. Give it time, be willing not to go. Make sure she gets time to herself as well and there is no problem with you getting time to yourself. In my opinion, family should be very high on the priority list. However, part of taking care of family is taking care of yourself.

I tell my wife to get out of the house and go do whatever she wants, don't make her have to fight to get you to give her freedom. If she is a decent human, she should reciprocate. Perhaps not immediately, but after a reasonable amount of time and a few conversations.

Many things depend on what you are already working with in the relationship too. Both individual factors with each of you and how you have interacted up till now. The fact that this even came up could be an indicator of something that needs work. Something always needs attention in a relationship, what makes the good ones is sound preventative maintenance and identifying friction points early. That, and only fighting fair.

 

[ELKhunter60]

My wife was kind of like your wife when she was pregnant for our first. A lot of these guys already said it - just chill and wait it out. She'll probably lighten up once the baby comes. If she's still having a hard time with you leaving once turkey season comes, you might need to rethink your plan for that year. I will tell you I did give up some outside time when the kids were really young to help my wife raise OUR kids. But that got better once they could walk and were potty trained. Today my son lives in Bozeman and I'm heading out to archery hunt elk with him in 7 weeks. Can't wait. And my wife......greatest gift God ever gave me. Love her to death for 33 years now.

 

[DunnCoHunter]

Everyone’s marriage is different. We are expecting our first child this winter as well. But My wife is a hunter herself so that helps her be more understanding about my hunting trips. But I know that she could get overwhelmed this spring and ask me to not go turkey hunting. Just go with the flow and don’t cause an argument over it. Killing a turkey isn’t worth it.


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[Racethesunset]

“The one thing that you cannot ask me to sacrifice is hunting”.

-Grandpa, happily married for 50 years

 

[mmcdonough]

The first couple of months are rough with the first kid. Especially for the mom if they're nursing. You're trying to figure out how to be a parent on the fly lol. We pretty much went on lock down and didn't really leave the house much for a couple of months. Every family is different but that was our experience.

My first was born in mid-September. I tried to hunt that fall but it didn't exactly go over very well. Life seems to be much easier the more parenting experience you get. I've never hunted more than I have in the last two years and that's with adding a second kid. She's been really supportive about it.

 

[jjgrow]

When we were having our kids (3 in 4 yrs), I had an annual duck hunt/red fishing trip on a camp in southern Louisiana around Thanksgiving. It was over 20 yrs ago when the hunting was lights out down there. My wife was not at all happy about the prospect of me leaving for a week. I didn't push it too hard and she grudgingly accepted the idea, mostly because it was with 3 generations of family and an amazing overall experience. And one year I was able to get my mother-in-law to visit and help.

About the only thing I could do to lessen the impact was to always find/enthusiastically embrace opportunities for her to get away from the kids, even if it was only an afternoon, and to pick up extra kid responsibilities especially in the evenings.

 

[Opah]

it is obvious who has the line and reel and who has the hook,
All jokes a side the first 3 months are very difficult, so get the Grandmas
together and give you both a couple of days.