Wondering If I'm The Only one in this Predicament

[doc holiday13]

I haven't talked to the majority of my siblings or parents in years. I'm mentally compartmented and a bit autistic. My brain did the mathing and realized the relationship was 1 way despite trying to mend the relationship. Its a bummer but I've made "new family". It truly doesn't bother me. I'm limited and strapped for time as it is, so one less holiday commitment, fewer birthday presents to buy, fewer arguments/disagreements

Its much like not staying in touch with people I work with. Once I leave that job, the chances of us hanging out are very low, like near zero. Only had the friendship because we were in the same hole working on the same widget 5x week

 

[Lionheart]

Maybe some more details about the “dust up” and apologies?

 

[MCS]

It can get way worse. Be civil but if he doesn't want to be friendly stop trying. I tried for years with my older brother and it was a waste of my time.

 

[CJohnson]

Spend more time talking to your brother and less time asking strangers on the internet for advice.

I’m a stranger on the internet, so take that advice for what’s its worth, lol.

 

[Svivian]

Theres two sides to a story and the truth usually lies in the middle. Theres alot of missing information for anyone to help you. You also dont seem that brotherly when you use "dude" 4 times to describe him. It also seems like you also may be holding a grudge against him.

Might be worth looking in the mirror first like another poster mentioned.

 

[KsRancher]

That sucks. I have been told by a lot of people that I am a heartless bastard. I haven't talked to my mom in 15yrs. Dont plan on talking to or seeing her ever again. My sister has a no-contact court order against her and my brother has the same stance as me. But if you treat me right I will do anything for you.

For instance. My brother called me last summer and said he jeep motor locked up in south Texas. I hooked onto the trailer and drove down 700 miles, loaded him up and drive back home. He would do the exact same thing for me. My list of "people" is small. But they are great people.

I would give it a good chance and if they dont take it. I am out and on with life.

 

[Rotnguns]

Shit don’t know what dudes’ problem is seems like a hell of a long time to carry all that anger on your person

Easier for me to say than to do, but have you considered asking him what his problem is?

 

[RockAndSage]

This kind of stuff generally doesn't happen without other family drama, trauma, and addictions, often parental - by action or by absence.

And that stuff doesn't happen without damaging everyone in the home.

Look to yourself first, and when you've done an immense amount of self-work that prioritizes genuine self-illumination and forgiveness of self and others, then you might be ready to heal up that relationship. But there's no guarantees your brother ever will be. Be ready for that, with firm boundaries but an open heart.

 

[Mangata]

I haven't talked to the majority of my siblings or parents in years. I'm mentally compartmented and a bit autistic. My brain did the mathing and realized the relationship was 1 way despite trying to mend the relationship. Its a bummer but I've made "new family". It truly doesn't bother me. I'm limited and strapped for time as it is, so one less holiday commitment, fewer birthday presents to buy, fewer arguments/disagreements

Its much like not staying in touch with people I work with. Once I leave that job, the chances of us hanging out are very low, like near zero. Only had the friendship because we were in the same hole working on the same widget 5x week

^^this^^
I will match the effort folks put into our relationship but I am not the guy who is going to push folks to remain in touch.
Definitely my personality type and likely genetics define my outlook.

 

[Coopsdaddy]

Yep,have one that’s about 59,I’m 49 and when our dad died his true colors came out.Seriously a maggot
Hes never been involved,been out of the picture for decades except for a few visits.Always looked up to him but found out he’s worthless.
Blood is thicker than water they claim.
I don’t think blood means shit except it was the same sperm doner.
I have a few buddies I would take a bullet for.
No blood there.
I cast him aside and will never have a second thought about it.
People earn your loyalty,it not owed.

 

[Aussie Dan]

Im completely no contact with the woman who birthed me. Same deal over the years, lots of conversation about what went wrong at varying times of my childhood, but zero accountability and I don't think I've ever actually gotten an apology for any of the crap that happened.
I say that to say this-
You can only meet people where they are, if he's not ready, willing or able to fulfil the brother role you seek, go find a brother type relationship amongst your friendship circle.

Also, as others have said, you seem to have some hostility towards him and he might be reacting to that and probably thinking the exact same thing about you as you are about him.

I've come to the conclusion that no matter what you do, some people will never be your people. The fact that you share DNA is entirely irrelevant.
Its on you to fill the void that this brotherly relationship has left, nobody else can do that for you.

 

[Jesse Jaymes]

Yep....I'd like to offer support. But the Cop side of me smells rats. Somebody banged the others' wife or GF or did dastardly schitt.

If NOT....then as the kids say "Shoot your shot". I had to pay to sit on someones' couch during a rough spot in life with relationships. "Dude" explained to me (which is very simple in theory)..Do you.

You control your output. Efforts. Courtesy. Have a voice. Speak it. Be nice. If you miss him....tell him. Tell him your expectations or dreams or desires.

If it's met with silence. Opposition. Hate.......that is NOT on you. You were clear. Open. Honest.


That's what YOU control. All there is to it.

 

[Jesse Jaymes]

....and I am somewhat jealous. I always wanted a brother. I have a brother 10 years older than me. Gay AF ( there are levels to it, and he's a 10). Dancer. Wannabe actor. Super Lib in Minneapolis. ZERO in common. Don't speak.

 

[HookUp]

You might try and get a one on one with him. Bring up an old good memory and say I sure miss those times we used to have. Admit fault, stay completely neutral, say there is two sides to every thing and try and work it out. Set a goal for the future that involves both of you doing something fun.

Thats the rainbows and puppy dogs ways to fix issues. The other thing you may realize he is a selfish ass that only cares about whats in its for him and you should probably mentally move on.

 

[MTBackroads]

Call your brother