My first name kind of rhymes with “bastard,” and 22 years ago a good friend’s 5 year-old daughter (they listen to a lot of Wu-Tang Clan in that house) looked up at me one day and made this face and said “Ol’ Dirty Baxter!” He and his wife (and all our mutual friends) have never called me anything since, and if he ever introduced me to you, that’s what he’d call me.