Wow, someone who actually has the right attitude, I always appreciate that.. (one should always be skepitical)
Bond rates tend to rise when markets crash.
No mutual fund will save you from losses. They're all invested in the same shit that's crashing.
Watched my mutual fund based 401k lose 50% 2008, watched my dad lose half of his in 2000 and 2008, bond funds actually increased, they're the inverse of the market. Safe places to store money in bad times.
In my self managed I went 75% big oil/25% cash for the interim (except PLTR, can't break that one)