Memorable lines from grandpas

[Johnboy]

My great grandfather's questionable advice on shot opportunities at whitetails in U.P. Michigan:

"There's no luck in lead unless it's flyin'."

 

[bedford falls]

"you're slower than molasses in the winter"
"if you can't run with the big dogs, stay on the porch"
"don't write checks that your ass can't cash"

My dad and grandpas both died when I was young. these quotes are from other older men that I respected.

 

[bbell]

grandpa's lines
1. Shining like a diamond in a goats a**
2. shaking like a dog Shi*in sandburs
3. Colder than a witches ti* in a brass bra

step dad one of his famous lines when we asked for something
"you can sh*t in one hand and wish in the other let me know which one fills up faster." makes me laugh now that im older.

forgot about that one. That was a staple in my family

 

[Moserkr]

Grandpa to me about my dad:
“He don’t mind well”
Grandpa to telemarketer:
“I dont know you from a bale of hay”
Grandpa to me:
“Always give every person you meet a compliment to make them feel good”
Theres a bunch i dont remember too but ive been lucky to hunt with him for 20+ years. Hes 93 and still goes out dancing and sells real estate to this day. On his bucket list was to shoot an elk so last year I put together a trip. He got a big spike on public land with a crossbow at 53 yards!! As we left the atvs before he got his elk he said “Now quit being so loud and screwing around. We’re hunting!”

 

[MallardSX2]

I cant write it here, but I assure you it was the funniest thing I had heard in life up to that point and still is to this day. lol

 

[Rob5589]

When I would ask him if was was "Monday," or whichever, he'd answer, "All day unless it rains." Still have no idea what he meant.

Asked him what his old .300 WM was good for; "Anything big enough to die."

"Don't kill anything you aren't going to eat."

 

[tanker]

“It will feel better when it quits hurting”

 

[Wapiti1]

"Get yourself a Helena woman."

We had just pulled into the first campground at Holter Lake in Montana, by the damn. I don't recall if it has a name or not. My folks had gone to set up the camper and my grandparents motor home, and grandpa and I went to launch the boats. I think I was 13-14 at the time.

There was a decent line at the boat launch with the typical assortment of Montanans that have no idea how to back up a trailer.

There was one group though that stood out. They had 3 boats to launch and this good looking lady was driving the truck. She would hook up, back it in, the men would float off and she repeated that three times like it was second nature. Most every other wife was just standing there waiting.

The license plate on the truck was from Lewis and Clark County where Helena is.

My grandmother and mom both were workers. I hunted as much with my mother as I did with my dad. She loved bird hunting. Still does.

Jeremy

 

[sab]

“It will feel better when it quits hurting”

So you’re Captain Obvious’ grandson, then?

 

[JMF]

"Don't stick your finger anywhere you wouldn't stick your pecker and you'll never lose it."

 

[netman]

Dad,
“It’s better to be a running rabbit than a sitting duck”
He always told me this when I was headed to a hazardous environment.

 

[swampthing]

If your not early your late!

 

[timberland]

Tired as a one legged man at an ass kicking contest

I always heard it as busy as a one legged man in an ass kicking contest

 

[pk_]

My grandpa used to take me to a few farm ponds to catch fish when I was young. He always kept the fish to eat. Bream, catfish, bass, didn’t matter. One time he took my dad and uncles along with us. We were sneaking and releasing the bass behind his back.

Well I was like 8 or 9 years old and not quite as discreet as my father and uncles. So naturally my grandpa caught me reeling in a largemouth and then letting it go.

He started hollering at me from across the pond:

‘What the hell are you doing?!? God d*mnit I was gonna eat that!!!’

Just remember my dad and uncles dying laughing their butts off. I was like a deer in headlights. My grandpa grumbled about it all the way home.


Unfortunately he passed a couple years later. But the phrase ‘God d*mnit, I was gonna eat that!’ Has remained a bit of an inside joke and a funny line my dad/uncles and I would yell when we are together fishing or hunting, whether we lose a fish we are fighting or relay how we feel about missing an animal while hunting...

sorry this ended up being a longer post than I meant but it actually made me smile.

 

[weaver]

If I tell you to jump, don't ask why, ask "how high"

Sent from my XT1635-01 using Tapatalk

 

[CorbLand]

My grandpa used to take me to a few farm ponds to catch fish when I was young. He always kept the fish to eat. Bream, catfish, bass, didn’t matter. One time he took my dad and uncles along with us. We were sneaking and releasing the bass behind his back.

Well I was like 8 or 9 years old and not quite as discreet as my father and uncles. So naturally my grandpa caught me reeling in a largemouth and then letting it go.

He started hollering at me from across the pond:

‘What the hell are you doing?!? God d*mnit I was gonna eat that!!!’

Just remember my dad and uncles dying laughing their butts off. I was like a deer in headlights. My grandpa grumbled about it all the way home.


Unfortunately he passed a couple years later. But the phrase ‘God d*mnit, I was gonna eat that!’ Has remained a bit of an inside joke and a funny line my dad/uncles and I would yell when we are together fishing or hunting, whether we lose a fish we are fighting or relay how we feel about missing an animal while hunting...

sorry this ended up being a longer post than I meant but it actually made me smile.

My family has a favorite saying like that from my Grandma. My Grandpa asked her to get him a glass of milk when she went downstairs. She came back and he asked where his glass of milk was. She looked at him and said "get your own damn glass of milk." We say that to each other when we ask someone to grab us something.

 

[isu22andy]

"We were so poor we had to jack off the dog to feed the cat "

 

[woodson]

Loving this thread. Mine died in 2013 and I think about stuff he said all the time.

"He is so tight he can squeeze a nickel hard enough to turn it into a quarter".
"I'd rather have 40 acres of rattlesnakes than [fill in the blank]". (Usually something to do with farming cotton)
"That boy is dumber than a dirt clod"
"When God made Missouri he used the tip of his finger. When he made Illinois he just drug his elbow along"
"He is so lazy that I should hire him to find the easiest way to do some of these hard jobs".
"Nothing ain't much"

At my wedding in 2012 he was 85 and had early Alzheimer's. He and my grandmother were the last couple on the dance floor during the "generation dance" as they had been married 66 years. DJ asked him what advice he had for the new couple to which he took the microphone and said, "All I know is I get to sleep with her every night, and one of us is usually naked". Place exploded with laughter.

I could go on and on.

 

[BackcountryBloodline]

"Don't take any wooden nickels" was one of my grandpa's favorites.

I think my dad's most memorable line was "no such thing as a free lunch" or some sort of variation...didn't make a lot of sense to me at the time but he would say it at least once a week and having a family myself now I've come to fully understand that statement.

I also remember us having a toilet that didn't work right for the longest time, not sure why but for whatever reason that was a "broke dick popeye" toilet...he could never explain what exactly that meant or where it came from but that one also stuck with me through the years for some reason or another, never did quite figure that one out.

 

[Don Qui Puncher]

"Don't stick your finger anywhere you wouldn't stick your pecker and you'll never lose it."

That’s a beauty