when you get "that call"

[Beendare]

I think the most important thing when you do get that call is to move on in a positive fashion with your own life.....treating every day as precious.

I got the call that my lifelong friend and business partner had made a drastic turn for the worst and was on his death bed....and If I wanted to see him to get there quick. I did....and he passed later that night. He did have the strength to talk and he emphasized that I shouldn't feel sorry for him...."I had a great run" he said. He said he hoped that I would stay in close touch with his family...and watch out for them. Of course I have.

My dad took a turn for the worst and we put him on hospice a few days before I was set to leave on an Arizona elk hunt that took me 13 years to draw. It was terrible to see my dad whither and pass. It profoundly affected me. My truck was packed. I was moping around the house. It was about 5 days in to the 2 week hunt when my wife literally kicked me out of the house....and I drove to AZ.

That was one of the best things I've ever done...though the first couple days were rough. That solo hunt gave me time to reflect....and realize that moving forward honors those we loved. Wallowing in pity is a downward spiral. Even menial chores done for family and friends take on meaning.....creating a fuller life. Pass it on is what becomes important......don't wait for someone close to you to pass to learn that lesson.

_____

 

[Squamch]

Sorry for your loss. There's no easy or gentle way to break news like that.
A few years back I had a 2 brothers who were long time friends die within a couple months of each other. One was a protracted suicide using drugs, one hung himself. I'll never forget either of those calls, or the calls I had to make afterward.

Hug your kids, tell them you love them. Those guy's parents never did and it ****** them up badly.

 

[AZ8]

I’ve been on both ends. I think making the call is harder. When my father passed I had to call my siblings to break the news. 2 were in other states and the time difference made it more difficult. I knew once they saw my number pop up at 2am their time, that it was bad news. I made 5 calls that night, with my father just a few feet away........tough.

Anyhow........

 

[Trial153]

Gotten that call twice. First time I was standing in river guiding a steelhead fishermen, oct 28. My grandfather died that morning. The night before, actually 6 hours before I left the hospital, he was doing okay, no indication that end was near. I even told him that morning that I was going to cancel it and stay close, he said bull shit, go make money, Stop in when your done.
An older version of me would have seen it coming and been there.

The second call was at 730 in the morning on June 29th, I was camping in the Adirondacks with my wife, kids and friends their franily. We all over the county. We spend a week every year around the fourth in the Daks, we all went to college together and our family's has grown and stayed close.
Any way I was putting the coffee pot on when I got the call from my step dad. My sister died that morning. It was long ride home alone to be with my mother.

Such is life, the good, the bad and everything in between. Be thankfull for all you have, and remember what you had. Condolences to you, and your friends family.

 

[rayporter]

Beendare​

reading your post brings a lot of memories back.

i was packed to go elk hunting. sam would leave ohio with 2 mules after work and drive all night to pick me up.

my mom went into the ER and was not expected to pull through just after he left. i caught a plane to ohio and he got to arkansas only to turn around and go back. i woke up in the waiting room a day later with him sitting beside me.

mom did pull through but i learned later they really wanted to ask me to pull the plug.

life is precious folks------as are your friends.

 

[CorbLand]

My dad passed of a heart attack at the age of 38. I was 4. I don’t remember much of the actual day. I remember riding from my uncles house to our house and my mom sitting in the living room crying when my two brothers and I walked through the door.

My cousin and best friend was killed in a car wreck at the age of 7 on thanksgiving. I remember waking up and my mom was supposed to be gone shopping. She was still there and I was super confused. I will never forget asking about my cousin and my mom telling me she didn’t make it.

My grandma died when she was 63. I was 16 and we had a different ring tone for their number. It was 1130 at night when we heard that ring tone and I looked at my mom as said “that ain’t good.” I was going to Florida with a cousin in a couple weeks and she had given me some spending money. We were going to go see my grandparents the next weekend and my mom kept telling me I needed to call her and thank her. I kept telling my mom I would when we saw them in a couple days. I finally called her the day before she passed and I am so glad I did.

I remember getting a call from my brother that my oldest brother was on a helicopter to a hospital in Texas, they lived in New Mexico at the time, and was possibly paralyzed. He was walking to work when someone ran a red light and plowed him at 35 mph. Somehow the only way you can tell he was hit is that they had to stitch his eyebrow back together and they didn’t line it up. Other than that he walked away from that as good as before.

Your life can turn up side down in a second. Don’t let the little things bend you out of shape. Remember what truly matters in life.


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[zacattack]

I was 850 miles away when my mom called me to tell me that she had to call 911 and an ambulance came to take my dad to the hospital. The paramedics had to revive him on the way but a day or so later doctors said he was getting better. He had even started talking to the doctors and other people on day 3. I decided to not drive down. Got a call around 2 AM saying that at some point he had lost oxygen to his brain and had irreversible damage. He was put on a ventilator. I drove down as I couldn’t get a plane ticket. We took him off the ventilator 3 days later. I regret not fighting harder with the doctors to take him off sooner as he wasn’t even in the world at that point. Miss him every day. For a few years after college we didn’t have the best relationship, but for the last 10 years or so before he died I would call him at least once a week. My son that was born a few months later could be his twin, same eye color and everything. It’s spooky but he’s like a tiny version of my dad.

 

[*Mountainhunter]

have you got that call?
what do you do if a friend calls from 750 miles away.

in a week it will be 11 years since i got the call from my best friends wife, she was bawling and i could only understand a few words "sams dead"

it was just getting dark here and raining. it was snowing in ohio.

i sat in stunned silence for an hour. finally marilyn asked me what i was going to do. i guess i am going up there i told her. a few minutes of thought and i grabbed my coat and hit the road.

i pulled into her drive at daylight when my phone rang. she asked are you going to come up?"

when i told her i was sitting outside she came flying out through the snow to hug me and was still crying , as was i.

i sorted his guns for 2 days and made a few calls to see if i could get some one to make a serious offer on all at once.

one fellow offered $7000 compared. to others of about 3000. i told her to take the 7000. yes were worth more but i would have been at least a year selling them.

so i have been sitting here just reminiscing.

the summer before we had paddled the boundary waters and he was not normal. i could not put a finger on it but he just did not put his normal effort into anything. that winter he had a stroke. i am sure now he had a mini stroke on the trip.

the following year we went elk hinting and i killed a bull and of course he had trouble. he went to camp and laid down while i brought the meat down.

and that winter he had heart surgery. 4 days later he was gone.

the following year i had an either sex tag. before i left his wife gave me an urn with his ashes and i emptied the urn over a cow carcass as i read from the bible. he loved the mountains as do i.

I’m sorry for your loss!

 

[ewade07]

I’ve gotten 2 of these calls in my life. The first was from my brother when I was 17 to tell me that my dad had died. The second was from a buddy of mine to inform me that a good friend of ours had died in an avalanche.

Life is precious. Never take it for granted.

 

[weekender7]

I have received two of those calls about my best friends passing. I have also had to make those calls when my Dad passed. Not looking forward to either side in the future.
You were his FRIEND, not many folks have friends like you.

 

[Marble]

I've had two of them. Both sudden and were people that were way to young.

The first was Earl. He was an academy classmate and just a few days before our 5 year anniversary He was killed on a traffic stop. I had just got off graveyard shift and my Sergeant called to give the news. Earl was 35.

The other was Kenny. He taught me everything about rifle elk, high country mule deer, horse packing. He died during a search and rescue recovery at 63. I dearly miss him.

When we get those calls and love ones are asking for help, there is nothing more important. It means you meant enough to be one of the first called and first to respond. Its an honor.

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[Jmort1754]

October 20, 2001- my uncle was found dead in his condo in Atlanta. To this day my grandma will not release what killed him. Everyone still says I am his twin we look, talk, and act alike. He got my hooked on the Atlanta Braves.

October 29, 2002- my great grandpa who has Parkinson’s and couldn’t work his horses anymore shot himself in the back yard. He always said when he had to depend on everyone else he wouldn’t be a burden no one believed him. Shot my first deer with him.

November 28, 2011- stationed at Fort Benning, Ga my dad called and was crying, he never cried. His best friend, a second father to me had died of a heart attack while hunting Pa rifle season. The solace we took is he went out doing what he loved. The day of his funeral we went hunting after and my grandpa shot the only buck that my dad and I have ever seen him shoot.

November 11, 2016- my grandma who was the matriarch of our huge catholic family was pulled off of life support after fighting for 3 days post pneumonia. Hardest part of this was that we had just had a huge fight night after Trump was elected. My grandpa and I sat and talked for hours after this and I learned so much about life and how to stay married for 60 plus years.


Having been involved in medicine for years I have seen death. I have been the one to tell a family that their loved one is no longer with us that they have passed on. This is perhaps as hard as dealing with death of our own.

I personally don’t fear death. I fear not leaving anything behind me.

Chuck Palahniak said “ We all die. The goal isn't to live forever, the goal is to create something that will.”

 

[Elk97]

OP - sorry for your loss, a good friend is tough to lose.
It's the unexpected calls that really shake your foundation, nothing is quite the same ever again.

 

[Scoot]

OP- very sorry for your loss. I've read this thread and weeped the whole time. My dad died in October. Mom died 4 years earlier. Life won't be the same without either or both. Loss of a loved one is tough. I'm very sorry for your loss and will include you in my prayers.

 

[Razz]

Had that call and without going into details, it was about ones that went way too soon and unexpectedly. As others have said, makes you realize what really matters and what doesn’t. Live life to the utmost fullest and recognize the little things that really do matter.