Question for those that live away from your Children

[Luked]

my Fiance and I are talking about possibly moving to another state. we are looking at possibly heading west to Colorado.
the thing I am having mixed feelings about is I have 2 young children that live with my X. My son is 10 and my daughter is 5
right now we get the kids on Tues and Thurs till about 7:30 and every other weekend.
if we moved this really wouldn't be possible.
just looking for some advise from you all that are in a similar situation if you by chance had some advise in this situation.

 

[BluMtn]

My first question would be are you moving for work or other reasons. Having been in your divorce shoes I can offer this little bit of advise. If you are moving to a job that will be beneficial to you then that is your choice. If you are moving just to move then I strongly discourage it. It would even have to be a really good job to cause me to want to move. By leaving the area that your kids are being raised in you are giving complete control of how they will be raised to your X and her new companion if there is or is going to be one. You only have one shot at raising your kids and to allow somebody else to do your job is not fair to the kids or for that matter you. You will miss helping them learn about life, you will miss watching them grow and watch their activities. it is not the same as talking to them on the phone or getting E-mails with pictures attached. As a father you have the duty to mess with their lives as much as possible and also not allowing someone elses influence or control on how they think and act. I stayed close to my kids and the oldest ended up coming to live with me, so it does pay off. Good luck on your decision and these are my opinions only.

 

[idahohikker]

I lived as a child in a divorce situation and have faced the possibility of divorce during rocky times in my marriage. I would say the same as above. I would really only move if you have a really good job and feel like you need to. Your influence in your children's lives is hugely significant; their influence on you should be the same. It sucks that it might anchor you temporarily to a place where you may not prefer to live but with family being such an important priority in life I think you could easily regret it if you were separated from them. Nothing compares to face-to-face experience and time is critical in family relationships. As a child, my dad lived in another state for a while and it was a major loss for me. There's an emptiness particularly for a boy to have his father absent. Children usually really want both parents in their lives.

Only you can properly weigh all the factors for yourself. It's a very complex and difficult situation.

 

[boom]

just wanted to chime in and wish you the best of luck.

what do the kids think?


again..best of luck. i have no ideas.

 

[nrh6.7]

Agree with everything above, plus consider how they may interpret your move. They might struggle to understand why you "left."

Good luck in your decision.

 

[ssliger]

Take this from an outsiders view. My wife’s parents divorced when she was 5. Her dad moved around due to work. She spent summers with him and split the holidays. If you asked him today (my wife is now 40), his biggest regret was not getting enough time with his daughters, while they were kids. Good luck with your decision.


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[CX5Ranch]

Wouldnt leave my kids if they gave me colorado.

 

[mfolch]

My father’s father did that to him. Abandoned him and his brothers when he (my father) was 8 and his brothers 1 and 15, and went off to live in another state. Every single one of those three boys now has a broken family, riddled with divorce, mental illness, and drug abuse. Not that that proves a causal link between their family lives and their growing up without a father. But now that I’m a father, I am beginning to see that may of my dad’s biggest mistakes can be attributed to having grown up without a dad who really loved him. I wouldn’t move away from my kids for anything or anyone.


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[Agross]

Wouldnt leave my kids if they gave me colorado.

This

 

[Squirrels]

Wouldnt leave my kids if they gave me colorado.

x 66,700,000 (which is roughly how many acres in said state)

 

[Matt W.]

I had to spend a 5 or 6 months apart from my kids for work (working out state). We had to move our home base from Alaska (the greatest place to live IMHO) to Western WA (a scary place of liberal crazies) so I could spend more time with my wife and kids. It was not something we wanted to do, still miss AK about 30 hours a day.... But, my kids were struggling not having me around... Kid's first.. way easier to say than do.. Mike Rowe wrote a good article on the importance of fatherhood... Sobering challenge we face as Dads.. This world is a crazy place....

Mike Rowe - Returning the Favor

A couple years ago, when... | Facebook

 

[dotman]

Wouldnt leave my kids if they gave me colorado.

Yup nothing could get me to leave my kids either, money comes and goes and isn’t worth following without family.

 

[dallen]

Yup nothing could get me to leave my kids either, money comes and goes and isn’t worth following without family.

Same for me. I couldn't imagine not having been able to raise my daughter...now that she is getting ready to go off to college next fall....We'll be going south when things allow. I would have never left her. For anything. Ever.

 

[nrh6.7]

Similar situation here. Our oldest son graduates with his undergrad this August, and rolling right into a 4-year dual masters program. He should be done around the same time our youngest son (out of HS in a couple months) finishes his own bachelor's degree. So about one year before they both graduate I will start putting the Jedi mind trick on the wife to move West.

 

[D_Eightch]

No chance in hell I would leave my kids and not be an integral part of their child hood.

 

[Luked]

let me put this out there. this was something the Fiance and I were talking about but not even close to abandoning my kids.
we have talked more about it and decided against trying to make a move work now

was a stupid idea that's for sure and didn't take long thinking more about it to decide that I just couldn't do it and be away from my kids for long.
last year we were apart for 2 weeks and it liked to have killed me.

 

[seldomseensmith]

Great reactions but I have one question. A couple of the guys said it would be ok if it were for a good job. Not sure why that makes it any better or ok.


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[robby denning]

my Fiance and I are talking about possibly moving to another state. we are looking at possibly heading west to Colorado.
the thing I am having mixed feelings about is I have 2 young children that live with my X. My son is 10 and my daughter is 5
right now we get the kids on Tues and Thurs till about 7:30 and every other weekend.
if we moved this really wouldn't be possible.
just looking for some advise from you all that are in a similar situation if you by chance had some advise in this situation.

Stay with the kids. They need you badly. My mom moved out of state when I was 10. I’m speaking from experience.


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[unclericco]

As a fellow forum member and hunter, even though I don't know you at all, I will chime in and try to help. I was married 20 years and had a wonderful family with 3 children. I divorced a couple of years ago. I live in a city now and have a great job, but I would never ever leave my teenage daughter for anything life has to offer, period. In fact, in 14 years i can retire and I've cooked up these grand plans of moving to Wyoming or Colorado but what about my children? It's distressing thinking about leaving even when I'm retired. I suggest you stay and be a part of your kids lives all you can while they are growing up, it's absolutely priceless. Just my .02

 

[mfllood3800]

Sounds like you made the "right" choice to stay.
The rewards will exceed any monetary gain.

My parents divorced when I was 13.
My sister who was a year younger than me, said she felt like dad divorced her too, like she was part of the reason for his departure.


Glad you are staying, we have enough tide eating condum snorting kids today- we need more legacies passed down and less support checks mailed.