This is a touchy subject and you’ll get a ton of answers but I’ll do my best to give my opinion and thoughts from a married guy with a daughter and I grew up in a house with a single mom and sister- no shortage of women that I care about in my life.
The first and most important thing is to let them decide if they even want a gun and if they do, will they keep it in the home or will they actually want to carry it defensively in public?
If the gun is to be stowed safely in the home for defense, there is no reason to go small. Get a good size gun that they enjoy shooting and you may even gain magazine capacity which is a big plus in my opinion. Hard to go wrong here, Glock 19/17, walther, many of the sig offerings are nice and so are many other manufacturers these days.
A very common thing i personally see is a guy buys his wife a blue or pink subcompact pocket pistol, she shoots it once, hates it, and at best (unsafely) carry’s it in her purse and presents a safety hazard to herself and people around her.
Larger pistols are typically much easier for beginners to shoot and learn on- never be afraid to grab a full size .22 and let them have a ball on steel targets before graduating to a .380 or 9mm. My wife probably put 5,000 rounds out of a .22 on steel targets when we were younger and would routinely outshoot me with that pistol and loved doing it- and bragging about it. When she decided in her own time that she wanted to graduate to a larger gun, she shot my Glock 19 quite well.
If they want to carry on body, there are many more things to consider. Simply having a gun is not enough. Their own safety and the safety of the people around them are paramount so they need to understand the weight that comes with carrying a gun in public and how to do it responsibly and safely. The last thing we would ever want is an accident to hurt the ones we love- especially when we’re the one who talked to them into carrying a gun in the first place. Off body carry (purse) or leaving a gun in a vehicle is a recipe for disaster and theft. If they’re not comfortable carrying a gun on body in public, an alternative to purse or car carry is pepper spray such as POM. It is also far more convenient and permissible in many environments which should lead to them having it on them more. If they do decide to carry on body (AWESOME!) then there are some excellent resources, holster systems (PHLSTER enigma), and compact handguns that will work great for them! I recommend the “armed and styled” YouTube channel and the Phlster concealment workshop Facebook group for ideas and advice. Some of the best people in the business!
A great case for OC spray- your daughter is walking out of Walmart late at night, she reaches in her purse, grabs the POM spray on her key chain, and has it ready in her hand, then walks across the dark lot. This is a lot more acceptable than walking across the lot with your gun drawn- lol which means it can be done employed to an altercation immediately and effectively. I would argue that this would be much more effective against a would be “bad guy” than a pistol that she can’t draw in under 5 seconds that may or may not even be loaded. This same tactic could be used at a house party when a guy starts to give her the creeps. A plus side- typically no one dies and charges are not brought. OC spray is an excellent choice WITH or WITHOUT a pistol on body.
Carrying a gun is a serious deal, and I hope more people (especially women!) adopt it more. My wish is for people to carry with them tools and mindset that helps them protect themselves and the people around them- men and women alike. It’s our job to guide people into that lifestyle and mindset without pushing them away. Please feel free to message me anytime and I can send or post plenty more resources for good info for carrying for both men and women.
