Interesting line of thought. Mine is the opposite.Unpopular opinion:
I am not working to "set up my kids". My kids are on their own. I will help them, but I am not saving tens of thousands of dollars for them to go to college. They can live with me on and off through college, I will help them with expenses (cell phones, car stuff, few bucks here and there to help them survive, etc) but I am not willing to pay for their college.
I didn't have help outside of what I mentioned above, and feel it molded me into someone who works hard and works for and appreciate what they have. I came from nothing, and my kids have MUCH more growing up than I ever dreamed of already.
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Money and being set up for life is not what produces happy or healthy adults from children.I have been with the same company for 18 years and make a very good salary. A salary that I could not replicate if I decided to leave the company. I drive a desk for 50 hours a week.
The problem I've been having for the past couple years is I just can't get myself "motivated" to get going at work. I'm not enjoying working with the coworkers, not enjoying the industry anymore, and not really enjoying who I am at work.
If i was single or childless this debate might be easier, but my wife and i have 2 kids under 4 years old. At this point we could cover college tuition for the both of them. If i worked this job for another 20 years we could essentially set them up for life.
Being a better father and husband trumps money. I grew up dirt poor in the Ozarks, 5 kids in a single wide trailer, and eat a whole lot of beans and rice because it was cheap. I had great parents though, and that made the difference.The feeling comes and goes but I'm constantly day dreaming about quitting this to pursue a more meaningful career, that would result in a significantly lower income, that i imagine would be more fulfilling but that's not guaranteed either.
In my mind i can justify staying for the money and my families financial future at the expense of my happiness (my happiness at work, outside of that I love life, but work is a big part of life). But I can also justify leaving knowing that my family will still be comfortable and I could potentially be a better father and husband.
I realize this is a good predicament to be in. Never gotten anyone's thoughts on this
^^^^ well done! I agree 100%!Interesting line of thought. Mine is the opposite.
I grew up piss-poor, meaning section 8 apartment complex and putting water in a bowl of cereal because there was no milk poor. There were times we didn't have the cereal.
I say that to illustrate why I paid for my kids' college, up to their bachelors. (I paid for my own college as well, every nickel aside from the GI Bill. Paid off my loans, too.) My wife and I made a deal with our kids; they take care of school & their grades, we'd take care of everything else. They each graduated HS as co-valedictorian and summa cum laude from EMU. So far, my son has gotten his masters from Penn State in a year and 1/2, paid for it himself, and is considering a Ph.D. My daughter hasn't decided yet if she's going to go any further.
I guess my point is, after growing up as poor as I did, I wanted a better life for my kids. (My wife grew up rather poor too, but had it better a little than I did.) And entirely thru our own efforts, we were able to provide it for them. Thru their efforts, and the deal we made with them, they held up their end of the bargain.
I don't think our line of thinking is actually that far off, minus paying for college. My kids have a GREAT life. And I give them that because the same as you - I don't want them growing up how I did, but I want them to learn a good work ethic and not expect handouts. They have everything they need (plus some), we go on vacations, they have phones, nice things, etc. When the oldest turned 16 we bought her a car, pay the insurance and just make her pay for her own gas. We require her to have some sort of part time job to show some responsibility and gain some work ethic. We also require them to have good grades : A's and B's only. She will be graduating this spring with a 4.3 GPA (AP classes are on a 5.0 scale). She has been accepted to the few schools she applied for, and offered about a 50% scholarship from the school as well. She hasn't even applied for the secondary scholarships yet. I am guessing she will have at least 75% of her college paid for from scholarships. She works hard, and has great grades. She's a good kid by nature, but we also set high expectations for her and discussed life past High School many, many times.Interesting line of thought. Mine is the opposite.
I grew up piss-poor, meaning section 8 apartment complex and putting water in a bowl of cereal because there was no milk poor. There were times we didn't have the cereal.
I say that to illustrate why I paid for my kids' college, up to their bachelors. (I paid for my own college as well, every nickel aside from the GI Bill. Paid off my loans, too.) My wife and I made a deal with our kids; they take care of school & their grades, we'd take care of everything else. They each graduated HS as co-valedictorian and summa cum laude from EMU. So far, my son has gotten his masters from Penn State in a year and 1/2, paid for it himself, and is considering a Ph.D. My daughter hasn't decided yet if she's going to go any further.
I guess my point is, after growing up as poor as I did, I wanted a better life for my kids. (My wife grew up rather poor too, but had it better a little than I did.) And entirely thru our own efforts, we were able to provide it for them. Thru their efforts, and the deal we made with them, they held up their end of the bargain.
No, we aren't all that far off. And I agree 100%, I would not have paid for a garbage degree. 1 thing I kick myself for is not putting my foot down and making them go to Hillsdale College. Not that Eastern Michigan is a bad school, but Hillsdale is better, and they would not have had to fight off the liberal indoctrination.I don't think our line of thinking is actually that far off, minus paying for college. My kids have a GREAT life. And I give them that because the same as you - I don't want them growing up how I did, but I want them to learn a good work ethic and not expect handouts. They have everything they need (plus some), we go on vacations, they have phones, nice things, etc. When the oldest turned 16 we bought her a car, pay the insurance and just make her pay for her own gas. We require her to have some sort of part time job to show some responsibility and gain some work ethic. We also require them to have good grades : A's and B's only. She will be graduating this spring with a 4.3 GPA (AP classes are on a 5.0 scale). She has been accepted to the few schools she applied for, and offered about a 50% scholarship from the school as well. She hasn't even applied for the secondary scholarships yet. I am guessing she will have at least 75% of her college paid for from scholarships. She works hard, and has great grades. She's a good kid by nature, but we also set high expectations for her and discussed life past High School many, many times.
The younger one...we'll see how he turns out. He's smart as hell, just like his older sister, but he likes to f**k off a lot in school and has an arrogant little attitude. That said, he still has all A's and B's.
I'm not disagreeing with you and how you want to raise your kids, I think that's fantastic. I just choose to not pay for post high school schooling. I will 100% support them when they need it, but I want them to earn it. I will also not let them get into $150k worth of shitty debt either. I think there's a trade off when it comes to college. Are you going to go to the most expensive school to get a Liberal Arts degree? Waste of money. Can you go to a community college for a year or two, save money, work part time and then finish a degree somewhere else? Can you get into a trade/apprenticeship? So many options out here. College isn't for everyone, and certainly isn't necessary to make a damn good living. I know many guys that never stepped foot on a college campus and are EXTREMELY successful.
I couldn't agree more. Setting your kids up doesn't mean handing them enough money that they never have to work or worry. It means you teach them the skills, morals/ethos to go create a great life for themselves. If part of that is helping them financially at certain points, then so be it.Money is important, there is no denying it. But what truly matters is the love that your wife and kids feel and who shows up at the end of the day / weekend. If taking a pay cut means that you’re a more fulfilled and satisfied husband and father, that will have far reaching benefits in your family and in your marriage. When your job as a husband and father is to pour out your cup into others, the most important thing is to ensure that your cup is as full as possible so that you have more to give to your family. Millionaires and billionaires are often rich, but not wealthy. Middle class families are often wealthy, but not rich. People are incredibly resilient when it comes to financial survival, but I think the greatest indicator regarding the happiness of your wife and kids is a dad who gave them the world in love, rather than material possessions
Your son sounds like a young me. He is bored and everything that is supposed to challenge him is easy as hell. At some point in life, I was finally challenged. It was hard as hell, and I had never learned to really apply myself to things that weren't "fun". I spent 7 years coasting in a low paying job because I was afraid of failure. Looking back, I wasn't afraid of failure. I was afraid of the effort I was going to have to give to be successful. I had only ever applied that kind of effort to shooting, which I loved. Work, up to that point, had been easy to excel at, school as well. Eventually I manned up and started a business. I'm still struggling to find the success I found in school, and the technical aspects of my career, in marketing, sales, and leadership. I have come to really enjoy that struggle. Had someone shown me the rewards that would come from it, and how to stay the course, I would be 7 years further right now. Find something to challenge the hell out of him and get him comfortable with failing, learning from failure, and applying what he learned to create growth. When everything comes so easily, as good grades do for him, failure is a rare and crushing feeling (it was for me anyway). Until I got used to the fact that failure was normal, I always avoided situations with a likelihood of failure and therefore growth. He sounds like he is so smart and talented that he can accomplish what is expected with very little effort. That made me lazy, and I was not used to applying max effort. When I reached a point were even max effort resulted in failure, and I had to learn and try again, it was a rude awakening.I don't think our line of thinking is actually that far off, minus paying for college. My kids have a GREAT life. And I give them that because the same as you - I don't want them growing up how I did, but I want them to learn a good work ethic and not expect handouts. They have everything they need (plus some), we go on vacations, they have phones, nice things, etc. When the oldest turned 16 we bought her a car, pay the insurance and just make her pay for her own gas. We require her to have some sort of part time job to show some responsibility and gain some work ethic. We also require them to have good grades : A's and B's only. She will be graduating this spring with a 4.3 GPA (AP classes are on a 5.0 scale). She has been accepted to the few schools she applied for, and offered about a 50% scholarship from the school as well. She hasn't even applied for the secondary scholarships yet. I am guessing she will have at least 75% of her college paid for from scholarships. She works hard, and has great grades. She's a good kid by nature, but we also set high expectations for her and discussed life past High School many, many times.
The younger one...we'll see how he turns out. He's smart as hell, just like his older sister, but he likes to f**k off a lot in school and has an arrogant little attitude. That said, he still has all A's and B's.
I had a good scholarship, but went to a private school. Between my wife's and my student loans, they were more than our mortgage (monthly payment). I ended up in the trades anyway. Now my wife and I run a couple small construction businesses. We don't make crazy money, but we make a comfortable living. The only way I will encourage my kids to go to college is if it is absolutely required for the occupation they are pursuing.I'm not disagreeing with you and how you want to raise your kids, I think that's fantastic. I just choose to not pay for post high school schooling. I will 100% support them when they need it, but I want them to earn it. I will also not let them get into $150k worth of shitty debt either. I think there's a trade off when it comes to college. Are you going to go to the most expensive school to get a Liberal Arts degree? Waste of money. Can you go to a community college for a year or two, save money, work part time and then finish a degree somewhere else? Can you get into a trade/apprenticeship? So many options out here. College isn't for everyone, and certainly isn't necessary to make a damn good living. I know many guys that never stepped foot on a college campus and are EXTREMELY successful.