Money or Happiness

[ScreamingPotato]

It is quite possible that a few years after quitting this job and finding another you like better, you will again be in this same predicament. I.e. bored, unmotivated, with a grass-is-greener perspective.

That’s not to say one should never take risks and try something new. But try to recognize whether your current apathy is really the result of the job or whether it’s an internal problem that will arise again later.

This is what I was gonna post, saves me the time.

Also the way I see it I'm trading my time for money, may as well maximize my returns. I don't think I'll really enjoy any job/career really except for maybe hunting down druglords with the DEA but I bet I'd want out of that after a short time as well.

 

[TheGDog]

You're a Dad... continue on in that Job that's makin' Bank for you and them.

...WHILE... simultaneously making the time to really talk future plans with them. And TRAIN them with knowledge so that they... thru your hard work and saving and investing.. NOW have a higher starting point in their life-path trajectory.. so YOU'LL need to work with them to ENSURE they'd THEN know how to strive for even greater heights, in terms of success they can reach, even higher than you!

Give them that insight you can only get from your years. So they can them grab-the-wheel of your legacy and multiply it!

 

[fshaw]

I didn’t read all the pages after the first here, so if I am redundant, sorry. I’ve retired twice (military and public school science) and certainly don’t have all the answers but here you go anyway. Sometimes just actively looking for a job helps you gain perspective. Keep it on the down low from your current employer, but really look for a new job and go on a couple interviews. You might find that where you are ain’t so bad. Don’t let your job define who you are. You work to earn the money that your family needs, so work to live the life you want to live outside of the 40 or more that you’re there. Don’t live to work, keep your focus on the great adventure outside of your work life. Use your energy to plan great life adventures and define your life by those adventures, not by your job. As others have said, don’t make your family suffer to chase a dream. That said, money for money’s sake becomes a hollow life. That’s a theory for me, I’ve never had a truly big paying job. That said, I’ve been a hunting and fishing guide for over 20 years, on the side while I was working, more now. The cheapest tippers I’ve seen after well over a thousand clients/“guests” (I guide whitewater rafting and kayaking so multiples per day) are the people with the most money. They either shank me completely, or are stingy. It’s like money has become their God and they can’t bear to let go of it. The people who work hard tip well because they recognize hard work and a good job and tip well to show appreciation. The wealthy don’t appreciate it and value their money more than the hard work and good job done. Moral is, don’t let money become your God. I would not trade my life for theirs. In closing, if you do decide to change careers, do it with your wife’s blessing or don’t do it. She’ll probably want support you and for you to be happy anyway. If you take a pay cut you can help your kids through college and cosign for loans. Them having some financial skin in the college game isn’t a bad thing. After they’re out of college and on their own you’ll probably still be working. Your salary willu have grown and you should have less expenses. You can then pay off their college loans over a year or two before you retire. That’s what we did.

When I was teaching high school I told my students that I’d learned 3 ultimate truths over my life, here they are:
1. Life is not a dress rehearsal, you don’t get a do over on show night.
2. Don’t let fear dictate the choices you make in your life. You will achieve less and be less happy.
3. If you’re going to be a tough old man or woman you better get tough before you get old, you need to be tough when you get there.

Good luck and enjoy this great adventure. It’s the only one you’ll get.

Frank

 

[DangerRanger]

So you can pay for their college, to me it’s implied you’re in a situation where you can pay to raise them if that’s the case (or easily cover it with a lower paying position)

Imo they’re a lot more to “set them up for life” than paying for their life once they are adults. In fact, I’d bet spending time with them sets them up for life better. 50 hours isn’t outrageous, but it’s not small either.

If you think you would like to spend more time with your kids this is the only opportunity you will ever have to do that. Ever. Right now.

If you don’t have cash flow to raise them in a healthy manner you need to do so. That doesn’t sound like the case though. I’m not saying you need to quit, I’m just saying you should evaluate what you really want and what they really need.

Personally, I work as little as possible to make enough to live comfortably and enjoy my family, and would not work 50 hours a week at an office

 

[hereinaz]

I like that there are generally two camps that are almost polar opposites. Stay and leave. Both are true, and depend on the specific circumstances in life and the person. Neither one is right or better, but they can give perspective.

 

[IdahoElk]

A combination of both that found me making money at times and playing at other times is what worked best for me.

 

[Backcountry_Preacher]

“No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon. Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment? Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they? Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature? And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin: and yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith? Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed? (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek ) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things. But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.”


- Jesus (‭‭Matthew‬ ‭6‬:‭24‬-‭34‬ ‭KJV)

 

[Backcountry_Preacher]

“No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon. Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment? Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they? Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature? And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin: and yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith? Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed? (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek ) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things. But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.”


- Jesus (‭‭Matthew‬ ‭6‬:‭24‬-‭34‬ ‭KJV)

I’ll also be the first to admit that I could use more faith in this area as well. I have the tendency to trust in money more that God. So I’m just as much talking to myself as I am you

 

[cowdisciple]

I guess it all depends. My employer just chose to reduce my PTO accrual by 12 days annually (after 7 years of record growth).

Probably the cold rational decision is to suck it up and stick it out. But I'm really pissed. They backed me into a corner for no good reason. We both know I only have one card to play.

Of course I realize that every employee is ultimately replaceable. But employers are replaceable too.

 

[Overlander]

Fascinating discussion. I have read many articles on this very topic, and it seems that after basic human needs are achieved and a few material/monetary "wants" are met, general happiness tends to level off. That said, there are many relatively happy people who have very little materially (typically in other parts of the world), while at the same time many wealthy and miserable people (more common to first-world countries). I recently heard it said that "comparison is the thief of joy," and truer words were never spoken. Hence, an all-too-common keeping up with the Joneses American mentality.

 

[Carr5vols]

"For we brought nothing into this world and it is certain we can carry nothing out. 1 Timothy 6:7.

 

[cowdisciple]

Fascinating discussion. I have read many articles on this very topic, and it seems that after basic human needs are achieved and a few material/monetary "wants" are met, general happiness tends to level off. That said, there are many relatively happy people who have very little materially (typically in other parts of the world), while at the same time many wealthy and miserable people (more common to first-world countries). I recently heard it said that "comparison is the thief of joy," and truer words were never spoken. Hence, an all-too-common keeping up with the Joneses American mentality.

I agree with this in broad terms, but there really aren't a lot of salaried professional jobs that allow anything less than a 40h plus whatever else is necessary to keep up with the workload commitment. Most times you're really lucky if it's 40 hours and not 50 or 60 or more.

I'd love to work less hours at my current pay. Our economy rarely allows that. Part of the problem with having health insurance coverage tied so tightly to employment is that companies are incented to squeeze as much work out of as few people as possible. That squeeze doesn't allow for much in way of an outside life, no matter how much you're getting paid.

 

[Overlander]

I agree with this in broad terms, but there really aren't a lot of salaried professional jobs that allow anything less than a 40h plus whatever else is necessary to keep up with the workload commitment. Most times you're really lucky if it's 40 hours and not 50 or 60 or more.

I'd love to work less hours at my current pay. Our economy rarely allows that. Part of the problem with having health insurance coverage tied so tightly to employment is that companies are incented to squeeze as much work out of as few people as possible. That squeeze doesn't allow for much in way of an outside life, no matter how much you're getting paid.

That is true, and the fundamental issue is that we as Americans work too dang much ultimately with the mindset of being able to buy bigger, better, newer things in order to live up to our idea of the "American Dream" and also to impress people we really don't know that well nor even like all that much. Other cultures who are not so work-focused generally have higher self-reported happiness, lower stress, and better overall pictures of health (e.g., Okinawans, Mediterranean countries, etc).

 

[mlevimadden]

I agree with this in broad terms, but there really aren't a lot of salaried professional jobs that allow anything less than a 40h plus whatever else is necessary to keep up with the workload commitment. Most times you're really lucky if it's 40 hours and not 50 or 60 or more.

I'd love to work less hours at my current pay. Our economy rarely allows that. Part of the problem with having health insurance coverage tied so tightly to employment is that companies are incented to squeeze as much work out of as few people as possible. That squeeze doesn't allow for much in way of an outside life, no matter how much you're getting paid.

It is hard to find, but not impossible in the US. My wife and I had our first kid a year and a half ago. I changed jobs right after our daughter was born and was able to negotiate a 30 hr workweek, which is the minimum to maintain federal eligibility for benefits.

I was working for a small company before and new I was underpaid for the market. I had a horrible manager, which was what finally drove me to leave. The new company gave enough of a pay bump that I only took a $5k salary hit for the 25% reduction in hours, and even that salary hit was offset with a better benefits package to where I'm making more.

My wife negotiated with her job to work 25 hrs/wk after our daughter was born and was loving it. We're way happier than when we were both working 45+ hour weeks and honestly aren't making much that much less money.

You have to look hard and it's definitely not an option in every career field, but it's becoming more common after COVID with employers being more flexible. I have several friends who are also new parents that have moved to part-time or flexible work arrangements as nurses, engineers, architects, and project managers.

 

[Azhun]

I have been with the same company for 18 years and make a very good salary. A salary that I could not replicate if I decided to leave the company. I drive a desk for 50 hours a week.
The problem I've been having for the past couple years is I just can't get myself "motivated" to get going at work. I'm not enjoying working with the coworkers, not enjoying the industry anymore, and not really enjoying who I am at work.
If i was single or childless this debate might be easier, but my wife and i have 2 kids under 4 years old. At this point we could cover college tuition for the both of them. If i worked this job for another 20 years we could essentially set them up for life.
The feeling comes and goes but I'm constantly day dreaming about quitting this to pursue a more meaningful career, that would result in a significantly lower income, that i imagine would be more fulfilling but that's not guaranteed either.
In my mind i can justify staying for the money and my families financial future at the expense of my happiness (my happiness at work, outside of that I love life, but work is a big part of life). But I can also justify leaving knowing that my family will still be comfortable and I could potentially be a better father and husband.
I realize this is a good predicament to be in. Never gotten anyone's thoughts on this

I have been with the same company for 18 years and make a very good salary. A salary that I could not replicate if I decided to leave the company. I drive a desk for 50 hours a week.
The problem I've been having for the past couple years is I just can't get myself "motivated" to get going at work. I'm not enjoying working with the coworkers, not enjoying the industry anymore, and not really enjoying who I am at work.
If i was single or childless this debate might be easier, but my wife and i have 2 kids under 4 years old. At this point we could cover college tuition for the both of them. If i worked this job for another 20 years we could essentially set them up for life.
The feeling comes and goes but I'm constantly day dreaming about quitting this to pursue a more meaningful career, that would result in a significantly lower income, that i imagine would be more fulfilling but that's not guaranteed either.
In my mind i can justify staying for the money and my families financial future at the expense of my happiness (my happiness at work, outside of that I love life, but work is a big part of life). But I can also justify leaving knowing that my family will still be comfortable and I could potentially be a better father and husband.
I realize this is a good predicament to be in. Never gotten anyone's thoughts on this

I’d try to split the difference if you can. Work there for another 7 or so years and save money, then find another career or work towards one while you’re at that company.
Best of luck.

 

[Throwin Darts]

I work a desk job and also have two little ones so I can relate. I don't like my job but I also don't base my happiness on my job. Work sucks but its a necessary evil. I used to pour a lot into my job but then it dawned on me that the second I roll out of this place no one is going to care and the business goes on. So treat it that way. Put your time in, get the money, and then shut it off when you leave the office.

Your real job is to be a good husband and dad. Your other job just pays the bills. There is no perfect job out there. You trade time for money and might as well get as much money for your time as possible. Then maximize all your other time outside the workplace.

 

[Mule3006Elk]

It's one thing to not like your work day in/out and it's another to despise it. If you absolutely hate your work and it's affecting you mentally you need to focus on other options while keeping your current job until you can make that happen. Your kids are young and you have a ways to go! That will mentally jack you up and as the years pass it will get worse and then you bring it home if you haven't already.

Been there done that. I found another job and never looked back. That job was so bad on me mentally. I remember driving to work thinking how much I hate this job. I wouldn't take that job back if they offered me 50K over what I make now. Hell no!

 

[timekiller13]

No way I would stay in a job that doesn’t make me happy.

And time with your kids now is much more important than providing them with college/inheritance. Your kids won’t give a damn about who paid for school. They will remember who was at the ball games/recitals etc.

I walked away from a job that paid me $20k/yr more recently so I could spend more time with my family.

i didn’t grow up rich. My parents literally counted loose change to pay the bills. But they were at every game, every event. That’s what I remember.

 

[Rich M]

Every time I see this post, I wonder how folks can be happy without money. Maybe sitting on the back porch sipping iced tea is the secret to happiness - it aint bad if you got kinfolk and friends around.

Life is better when you have some extra - to save, to share, to spend on fun things.

 

[Bluegrassvw]

You need "enough", whatever that means to you. There is a difference between "enough" and "more". That's not saying that you don't continue to better yourself but doing so at the sacrifice of a lot of time is a mistake, IMO.

The people that I know that only chase $$$ (no matter their justification) are the most unhappy people I know. If you are unhappy you are going to raise unhappy kids.

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