Hunting Time Allocation- HELP

[tony]

Yeah, never married, my daughter is grown and on her own.

My GFs son just got a union gig an equipment operator right out of trade school. I know what he makes here in the east, so I’m sure you are making a lot more!
Keep the job.

I’m 57 seen a lot of friends marry. Lot of them don’t turn out the way either party thinks it will. Put some kids in the mix makes it worse.
I don’t have any real answers, maybe you stay home and keep the kids for a few days and let her do things she likes to do with her friends?

 

[HilltopHitman]

I was always told by the men in my family to let her know your lifestyle prior to getting married. Set the expectation that hunting is your lifestyle and what you do. Give up everything else in terms of hobbies and focus on that. When your home focus on them. If she still has a problem with it, trade her in for a new model.

 

[noisy]

Sometimes you just gotta be a little selfish.

 

[schmalzy]

My wife didn’t come from a family that hunts and also I didn’t get to hunt much when we started dating/early marriage. She is an amazing wife and mother and I thank God daily for her.

I’ve had good luck by showing up the rest of the year and being as good of a husband and father as I can and then spending a reasonable amount of time hunting and outdoors. I try to never say “no” if she invites me to do something with her that she wants to do, or equally to be around and handle kids if there is something she wants to do on her own. It’s not a contest or ledger, just want to make sure she gets to chase the dreams and passions she has like I get to for mine.

Once my kids were old enough to tag a long I basically got a blank check to hunt, camp, ski, etc.

Telling her how it’s going to be and to deal with it wouldn’t be MY recommendation, but apparently has worked for a few others on here.

Lastly, things get a little crazy when the kids are little. I’d get so pissed when people would tell me “it gets better” but the truth is it typically does. The frustration of not getting to go as much as you want eventually will fade away, but if your wife is like mine, her memory of how you showed up won’t.


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[HairyScandinavian]

Sounds like she is getting the better end of the deal and is still squeezing you for more. That drive to act that way is really common and often reinforced by friends, family, society in general and certainly social media.

Reading what you write about her, you sound like her #1 fan, she should be yours.

You are young, get it straightened out before you waste half your life not being able to live your life.

100% this. The longer it goes on the more the standard is set. Women can survive for a week without a man, most of them anyway.

 

[wind gypsy]

Man, i dont know how guys do it in most cases without having a parents that do a TON of childcare for them or have a wife that is either into it or OK with taking the short end of the stick when it comes to time away from family responsibilities for leisure. I hunted a lot in younger years by staying single into my mid 30s. Took a big pay cut in the past year to be home more for wife and kids. 3 weeks out west hunting and some summer scouting trips has turned into 1 week out west hunting and some weekend days and weeknights near home.

Just vacation is tough.. Lots of folks have 3 weeks'ish of vacay/PTO a year. Pretty easy to spend over half of that away from your family hunting.

 

[madtinker]

Since you’re asking for personal experience, here’s what happens in our household.

I work a normal 40 hours, with five kids and my wife stays home. I hunt elk and/or deer. The time I take away is hard on my wife because she feels very isolated when it’s just her and the kids, but she still supports me going, bless her. I support her on any trip she wants or needs to take, whether it’s a funeral or just a vacation, so she isn’t always stuck at home.

The kids are almost old enough to come with, so soon she won’t have all of them when I am gone. Usually my hunts are less than a week, and scouting trips are only one or two nights. My wife can see that it’s something I enjoy, and I schedule it around family events like birthdays, performances, and Halloween. I make it clear she can cancel (almost) any hunt any time. She’s never exercised it.

Also I think should be mentioned: I make time to exercise as prep for hunting nearly seven days a week. This also is a tax on my wife’s time, in one way or another. Being aware of that and trying to be considerate goes a long way. I take the baby in a stroller when I go rucking or running, unless it’s cold. Or I take the dog, or I go early morning, and I am back to make the kids breakfast and get them on the bus.

I think it has helped that my wife knows that family is my priority. She is extraordinarily supportive. But, we’ve been married almost fifteen years. When we were four or five years married, if I had tried hunting it might have been different. Right now we have one baby, just turned two. For a while we had four babies under five. In that chaotic time, I wasn’t hunting, and even if I had been living in a state where I could hunt, I am not sure I would have. With the kids more independent, hunting is easier. If I had a more demanding job, I am not sure I’d pursue it.

If I have two tags a year, I generally prioritize one and hunt the second tag for just a couple days. One long week away from home is enough for me.

Just my experience. Good luck!

 

[NWBLKTAIL]

Man, i dont know how guys do it in most cases without having a parents that do a TON of childcare for them or have a wife that is either into it or OK with taking the short end of the stick when it comes to time away from family responsibilities for leisure. I hunted a lot in younger years by staying single into my mid 30s. Took a big pay cut in the past year to be home more for wife and kids. 3 weeks out west hunting and some summer scouting trips has turned into 1 week out west hunting now with a family and some weekend days and weeknights near home.

Having solid child care nearby is a HUGE key for most couples to get to do anything not just hunting. My wife I have friends back home that have amazing child care (parents on both sides really involved)

My philosophy is to be so helpful throughout the year that when the time comes it’s undeniable you’ve earned it.

But with our 3rd born last year and our oldest 6. My days afield have been cut drastically. Thankfully my wife hunts and grew up hunting so although she doesn’t love it she gets it and I go when I can no matter what rain or shine.

OP I wouldn’t just roll over, but you know your wife best and if it’s important to you, you have to stand your ground respectfully for it.

 

[bricketts]

Having solid child care nearby is a HUGE key for most couples to get to do anything not just hunting. My wife I have friends back home that have amazing child care (parents on both sides really involved)

My philosophy is to be so helpful throughout the year that when the time comes it’s undeniable you’ve earned it.

But with our 3rd born last year and our oldest 6. My days afield have been cut drastically. Thankfully my wife hunts and grew up hunting so although she doesn’t love it she gets it and I go when I can no matter what rain or shine.

OP I wouldn’t just roll over, but you know your wife best and if it’s important to you, you have to stand your ground respectively for it.

I like this reply, thank you for it. I can’t even pin what it is specifically, the entirety of it really
resonates with me.

I think it points out the issue that the last couple years I’ve been so swamped with work I haven’t been able to provide the amount at home that I would like to or my wife would have liked, in exchange for some incredible pay checks that helped us get where we are but still; money isn’t everything, and her and I have talked about this. “Be so helpful throughout the year it’s undeniable you’ve earned it.”

And a big amen on childcare, having it close by is better for a lot of things outside of hunting. We are lucky that both are families are an hour away from us and that her mom makes her own schedule. I will definitely be calling upon her to maybe come stay a few nights with my wife while I’m on my trip. But they are great for date nights, come hold the baby for a few hours while we get caught up on chores, etc the list is endless. Thanks again for taking the time and God bless

 

[bricketts]

These replies make me feel good in the sense that I’ve set the framework really well and conveyed clearly from the start with my wife that I will be going hunting. And that my situation is far from worst case scenario that some others have experienced or witnessed. Which makes me feel like I’ve done some things right in this dilemma lol.

I think another overarching point I’ve gathered/concluded that id share to anyone else reading this for advice, is that the correct answer lies somewhere in between “if your wife don’t like it then find a new one” and don’t be a push over/quit all together.
Meaning I think for 95% of us we either actually enjoy the person/friend/partner our wife is and love her and want to work THROUGH the issue at hand. And that telling her to suck it up and deal with it probably wouldn’t be the most effective. And at the other end quitting all together isn’t an option either. Don’t be a pushover, again work THROUGH the issue. That is why that despite her negative feelings towards the week long trip, I’ve done it every year of our relationship(minus this year with a newborn at home). It’s for me a nonnegotiable and I’ve set that standard. To quit on something you love is to quit on yourself.

 

[el_jefe_pescado]

I’ve got a 4 and 2 year old and I have reached the conclusion that time is the most valuable commodity we have. There’ll never be enough of it and as the provider—everyone needs more of “you” than you can realistically give. In my case, I have no problem admitting that I started to feel like I was missing out at home when I would leave on the weekends after being at work all week.

So, I have adapted to hunts that I can do with my 4 y/o son near the house. It started as just a good way to get him outside and now I really don’t want to hunt without him. The competitive drive that I felt when I was younger to be the first one up the mountain has been replaced with an interest in creating memories for my kids…it also gives me a good excuse when I end up with tag soup .


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[NRA4LIFE]

My wife knew when we got hitched that I was a hunter. She loved cats, I didn't like cats and she wanted a cat. So we compromised and got 2 cats. I got to do all the hunting I wanted.

 

[madtinker]

My wife new when we got hitched that I was a hunter. She loved cats, I didn't like cats and she wanted a cat. So we compromised and got 2 cats. I got to do all the hunting I wanted.

I feel like one of you got a great deal here.

 

[grfox92]

This is where I have currently landed in this complex situation.

Starting September 1st I hunt every Friday Saturday and Sunday. I try to work 4/ 10s Monday through Thursday.

I continue that trend for most weeks. Occasionally only hunting 1 or 2 days a week in october if it's warm and things are slow. Then I try and take the last 6 days or so of rifle season for deer (usually Nov 1- 6, but this year they extended season until the 10th so I did the 4th - 10th.)

Then there is a lul for a week or 2 before I start hunting my cow tags. Depending on where they are in relation to home I might take a 3 day weekend and stay out there to try and just get it done or I might day hunt it until the tag is filled.

Post season I might take a day here and there on the weekends to shed hunt, or get the horse in shape might do some day rides. Outside of hunting season I bet I take less than 10 days away from family on the weekends until the next December. If I go out to shoot, I'm leaving the house at day break and usually getting home as everyone is waking up.

That's it. I hunt 3 day weekends for 2.5 months of the year. Outside of that I'm spending every single weekend with my wife and kids. I dont really fish unless it's with the whole family. I dont golf, I dont go out with the boys, I dont drink, I dont watch sports.

Edit, I also thought I would add that this is how it was when me and my wife started our relationship dating. Ive always done this. Its what I do, I told her upfront and repeated it constantly that this will never change, I will be hunting my ass off for the rest of my life. I won't be missing days from birthday parties or events, I will be hunting. When my wife told me she wanted a 4th kid, before we started trying, I told her, " Im not going to start hunting less, I want to start hunting more." She put her hands up and said that she knows and nothing will change for those 3 months of the year. She will handle the kids while I do my thing.

I think this is where guys massively fail. They dont have these tough conversations or assume that it's assumed. The wife thinks that once they have kids the husband will stop hunting so much and focus on the children. Then there is this tense energy where the husband feels obligated to stop doing the one thing he loves outside of work and family and there is resentment.

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[TaperPin]

What you’re going through as a 25 year old is so common every 35 year old will have an opinion, every 45 year old will have a slightly different opinion, and 55 year olds will differ a bit more. Nothing is written in stone, only your relationship is just like your relationship, but human nature provides us with an average marriage length and over the years we see the abstract numbers come to life with friends and family who go through it. Everything we do or don’t do adds or subtracts time before joint custody.

Often what makes the relationship last doesn’t happen or not happen the few weeks during the season, but is how fulfilled and committed to the same long term goals you both are the other 50 weeks of the year. Breakdowns during hunting season are just the iceberg peaking out of the water.

Unfortunately, everyone goes through so many changes in our 20s common goals can be a moving target, that’s just human nature.

What an acceptable compromise is from her perspective is often the most clear in the rear view mirror. During wife #2 I understood wife #1 much better. With wife #3 I’ve finally come to terms with what I should have done with #1 & #2, and could have easily stayed with either of them with the new perspective. I will suggest many of us didn’t know what we didn’t know in our 20s, and in construction it can be an adjustment to go from guy interactions and perspectives all day, then relating to our spouse appropriately the few hours we see them at night.

That’s the advice verbatim I’ve given to young guys since first becoming “old” back in my 40s. Do your best, learn from mistakes, don’t be too hard on yourself, and buy a lot of Costco flowers for no reason (the best $19.95 you can spend).

 

[bricketts]

What you’re going through as a 25 year old is so common every 35 year old will have an opinion, every 45 year old will have a slightly different opinion, and 55 year olds will differ a bit more. Nothing is written in stone, only your relationship is just like your relationship, but human nature provides us with an average marriage length and over the years we see the abstract numbers come to life with friends and family who go through it. Everything we do or don’t do adds or subtracts time before joint custody.

Often what makes the relationship last doesn’t happen or not happen the few weeks during the season, but is how fulfilled and committed to the same long term goals you both are the other 50 weeks of the year. Breakdowns during hunting season are just the iceberg peaking out of the water.

Unfortunately, everyone goes through so many changes in our 20s common goals can be a moving target, that’s just human nature.

What an acceptable compromise is from her perspective is often the most clear in the rear view mirror. During wife #2 I understood wife #1 much better. With wife #3 I’ve finally come to terms with what I should have done with #1 & #2, and could have easily stayed with either of them with the new perspective. I will suggest many of us didn’t know what we didn’t know in our 20s, and in construction it can be an adjustment to go from guy interactions and perspectives all day, then relating to our spouse appropriately the few hours we see them at night.

That’s the advice verbatim I’ve given to young guys since first becoming “old” back in my 40s. Do your best, learn from mistakes, don’t be too hard on yourself, and buy a lot of Costco flowers for no reason (the best $19.95 you can spend).

Man.. this was written like a poet. Well said and solid advice, you’ve got some wisdom and I appreciate you sharing it sir.

I think it’s really well put that the few weeks during season are the tip of the iceberg, what happens the rest of the year is the meat and potatoes of it all.
This thread has given me some good advice and gotten the ball rolling on us having some heavy and important conversations, right here right now. Feels like my wife and I have made more progress(not even specifically in regards to my time away from the house, but relevant to it) in 2 days than we’ve made in 6 years.

 

[bricketts]

That's it. I hunt 3 day weekends for 2.5 months of the year. Outside of that I'm spending every single weekend with my wife and kids. I dont really fish unless it's with the whole family. I dont golf, I dont go out with the boys, I dont drink, I dont watch sports.

The relevancy of this and number of times its been mentioned really makes me feel like I’m doing well/ahead of the game on this front(not that I need strangers on the net to validate it but enjoy hearing it from those with more experience under their belt than I).

I quit drinking before I ever legally could(hit the bottle very hard from 14-19, quit at 20 along with nicotine).

I have never been a sports watching guy and we currently don’t own a TV, haven’t for a while. When we did we watched things we both wanted to watch.

Only time I really “go out with the boys” is to shoot the bows.
And in the topic of shooting like you said, any of my other hobbies outside hunting I leave at ass crack of dawn to get done to be home the rest of the day.
Outside of hunting, my hobbies are shed hunting and wood carving and archery, which all get far less attention than the former.

All this is to say that you finding the relevancy in listing those things made me go “man I’m glad I already do/don’t do all those things so it’s not another thing to think about stopping.


And for anyone reading this that’s on the fence:
DITCH THE TV!!!! That worthless black box is taking years of your life you’ll never get back.

 

[grfox92]

The relevancy of this and number of times its been mentioned really makes me feel like I’m doing well/ahead of the game on this front(not that I need strangers on the net to validate it but enjoy hearing it from those with more experience under their belt than I).

I quit drinking before I ever legally could(hit the bottle very hard from 14-19, quit at 20 along with nicotine).

I have never been a sports watching guy and we currently don’t own a TV, haven’t for a while. When we did we watched things we both wanted to watch.

Only time I really “go out with the boys” is to shoot the bows.
And in the topic of shooting like you said, any of my other hobbies outside hunting I leave at ass crack of dawn to get done to be home the rest of the day.
Outside of hunting, my hobbies are shed hunting and wood carving and archery, which all get far less attention than the former.

All this is to say that you finding the relevancy in listing those things made me go “man I’m glad I already do/don’t do all those things so it’s not another thing to think about stopping.


And for anyone reading this that’s on the fence:
DITCH THE TV!!!! That worthless black box is taking years of your life you’ll never get back.

Your doing good man. Most importantly make sure you and your wife are on the same page.

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[Alpine4x4]

Guess I'm lucky. I am more into bass fishing than hunting, but my eife was my partner and always on board to go. That obvioustopped when we had our first kid, but she did fish a tournament with me 7 months pregnant prior to that. She also let me go on a 9 day trip with a friend to fish all over the PNW prior to my son being born.

I made fishing take a back seat to the kids. They're only this age once so I want to be there as much as possible. My 100 days on the water a year has gone to maybe 10. With both of us working full time we spend what we can with the kids. I do most of the cooking at home, manage finances, etc. Guess it buys me brownie points as any time I want to go afield I am allowed.

I've started diving more into big game the last few years and my wife is overly supportive. She was even disappointed I left a legal buck to go to a Thanksgiving dinner. Luckily he didnt move far and I tagged him the next day. Theres never an argument about me leaving for a hunt or a tournament, just support. Wouldnt have it any other way.

 

[Andrew12gauge]

My wife and I have these same struggles, I will tell you it’s probably going to keep coming up. We have 4 kids ages 18 months to 11 years. I take the older kids along as much as I can, any scouting trips are just backpacking trips with the kids in the summer. I work 2 days a week, make pretty good money doing it, have no other hobbies besides hunting with a little fishing sprinkled in. When I’m not hunting(or something adjacent) I’m home with her and the kids. I plan my hunting season out months in advance every year just like she asks me to do. I usually get in a day or 2 in September(this year I hunted 4 days) and a weekend in early October. But I can guarantee that every year about the last week of October we will have “The Fight” I take the last week of October off every year for general deer season, the amount of times I’ve actually gotten to hunt that full week are 0. Sometimes I’ve tagged out and come home early, others my wife suddenly can’t understand why I need to go hunting, usually it’s something like “there’s no point in you going, you never kill anything anyways” I’ve gone so far as literally cutting up my license in front of her because the fight is so infuriating to me and it makes me want to quit. We usually finally come to an agreement after I have spent a couple of weeks in a deep depression and I will get out for some late season archery hunting or in the case of the last couple years a November muley tag and this year a late bull elk hunt somehow we were even OK when I missed thanksgiving to go elk hunting. I don’t know that any of this is helpful to you other than maybe knowing how not to handle it. I would like to say my wife and I have it all figured out, but I’m sure the same fight will happen again next October

Edit to add, in spite of the fact “I never kill anything anyway” our freezer has not run out of game meat very often the last few years

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