Hunting Time Allocation- HELP

[tony]

Yeah, never married, my daughter is grown and on her own.

My GFs son just got a union gig an equipment operator right out of trade school. I know what he makes here in the east, so I’m sure you are making a lot more!
Keep the job.

I’m 57 seen a lot of friends marry. Lot of them don’t turn out the way either party thinks it will. Put some kids in the mix makes it worse.
I don’t have any real answers, maybe you stay home and keep the kids for a few days and let her do things she likes to do with her friends?

 

[HilltopHitman]

I was always told by the men in my family to let her know your lifestyle prior to getting married. Set the expectation that hunting is your lifestyle and what you do. Give up everything else in terms of hobbies and focus on that. When your home focus on them. If she still has a problem with it, trade her in for a new model.

 

[noisy]

Sometimes you just gotta be a little selfish.

 

[schmalzy]

My wife didn’t come from a family that hunts and also I didn’t get to hunt much when we started dating/early marriage. She is an amazing wife and mother and I thank God daily for her.

I’ve had good luck by showing up the rest of the year and being as good of a husband and father as I can and then spending a reasonable amount of time hunting and outdoors. I try to never say “no” if she invites me to do something with her that she wants to do, or equally to be around and handle kids if there is something she wants to do on her own. It’s not a contest or ledger, just want to make sure she gets to chase the dreams and passions she has like I get to for mine.

Once my kids were old enough to tag a long I basically got a blank check to hunt, camp, ski, etc.

Telling her how it’s going to be and to deal with it wouldn’t be MY recommendation, but apparently has worked for a few others on here.

Lastly, things get a little crazy when the kids are little. I’d get so pissed when people would tell me “it gets better” but the truth is it typically does. The frustration of not getting to go as much as you want eventually will fade away, but if your wife is like mine, her memory of how you showed up won’t.


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[HairyScandinavian]

Sounds like she is getting the better end of the deal and is still squeezing you for more. That drive to act that way is really common and often reinforced by friends, family, society in general and certainly social media.

Reading what you write about her, you sound like her #1 fan, she should be yours.

You are young, get it straightened out before you waste half your life not being able to live your life.

100% this. The longer it goes on the more the standard is set. Women can survive for a week without a man, most of them anyway.

 

[wind gypsy]

Man, i dont know how guys do it in most cases without having a parents that do a TON of childcare for them or have a wife that is either into it or OK with taking the short end of the stick when it comes to time away from family responsibilities for leisure. I hunted a lot in younger years by staying single into my mid 30s. Took a big pay cut in the past year to be home more for wife and kids. 3 weeks out west hunting and some summer scouting trips has turned into 1 week out west hunting and some weekend days and weeknights near home.

Just vacation is tough.. Lots of folks have 3 weeks'ish of vacay/PTO a year. Pretty easy to spend over half of that away from your family hunting.

 

[madtinker]

Since you’re asking for personal experience, here’s what happens in our household.

I work a normal 40 hours, with five kids and my wife stays home. I hunt elk and/or deer. The time I take away is hard on my wife because she feels very isolated when it’s just her and the kids, but she still supports me going, bless her. I support her on any trip she wants or needs to take, whether it’s a funeral or just a vacation, so she isn’t always stuck at home.

The kids are almost old enough to come with, so soon she won’t have all of them when I am gone. Usually my hunts are less than a week, and scouting trips are only one or two nights. My wife can see that it’s something I enjoy, and I schedule it around family events like birthdays, performances, and Halloween. I make it clear she can cancel (almost) any hunt any time. She’s never exercised it.

Also I think should be mentioned: I make time to exercise as prep for hunting nearly seven days a week. This also is a tax on my wife’s time, in one way or another. Being aware of that and trying to be considerate goes a long way. I take the baby in a stroller when I go rucking or running, unless it’s cold. Or I take the dog, or I go early morning, and I am back to make the kids breakfast and get them on the bus.

I think it has helped that my wife knows that family is my priority. She is extraordinarily supportive. But, we’ve been married almost fifteen years. When we were four or five years married, if I had tried hunting it might have been different. Right now we have one baby, just turned two. For a while we had four babies under five. In that chaotic time, I wasn’t hunting, and even if I had been living in a state where I could hunt, I am not sure I would have. With the kids more independent, hunting is easier. If I had a more demanding job, I am not sure I’d pursue it.

If I have two tags a year, I generally prioritize one and hunt the second tag for just a couple days. One long week away from home is enough for me.

Just my experience. Good luck!

 

[NWBLKTAIL]

Man, i dont know how guys do it in most cases without having a parents that do a TON of childcare for them or have a wife that is either into it or OK with taking the short end of the stick when it comes to time away from family responsibilities for leisure. I hunted a lot in younger years by staying single into my mid 30s. Took a big pay cut in the past year to be home more for wife and kids. 3 weeks out west hunting and some summer scouting trips has turned into 1 week out west hunting now with a family and some weekend days and weeknights near home.

Having solid child care nearby is a HUGE key for most couples to get to do anything not just hunting. My wife I have friends back home that have amazing child care (parents on both sides really involved)

My philosophy is to be so helpful throughout the year that when the time comes it’s undeniable you’ve earned it.

But with our 3rd born last year and our oldest 6. My days afield have been cut drastically. Thankfully my wife hunts and grew up hunting so although she doesn’t love it she gets it and I go when I can no matter what rain or shine.

OP I wouldn’t just roll over, but you know your wife best and if it’s important to you, you have to stand your ground respectfully for it.

 

[bricketts]

Having solid child care nearby is a HUGE key for most couples to get to do anything not just hunting. My wife I have friends back home that have amazing child care (parents on both sides really involved)

My philosophy is to be so helpful throughout the year that when the time comes it’s undeniable you’ve earned it.

But with our 3rd born last year and our oldest 6. My days afield have been cut drastically. Thankfully my wife hunts and grew up hunting so although she doesn’t love it she gets it and I go when I can no matter what rain or shine.

OP I wouldn’t just roll over, but you know your wife best and if it’s important to you, you have to stand your ground respectively for it.

I like this reply, thank you for it. I can’t even pin what it is specifically, the entirety of it really
resonates with me.

I think it points out the issue that the last couple years I’ve been so swamped with work I haven’t been able to provide the amount at home that I would like to or my wife would have liked, in exchange for some incredible pay checks that helped us get where we are but still; money isn’t everything, and her and I have talked about this. “Be so helpful throughout the year it’s undeniable you’ve earned it.”

And a big amen on childcare, having it close by is better for a lot of things outside of hunting. We are lucky that both are families are an hour away from us and that her mom makes her own schedule. I will definitely be calling upon her to maybe come stay a few nights with my wife while I’m on my trip. But they are great for date nights, come hold the baby for a few hours while we get caught up on chores, etc the list is endless. Thanks again for taking the time and God bless

 

[bricketts]

These replies make me feel good in the sense that I’ve set the framework really well and conveyed clearly from the start with my wife that I will be going hunting. And that my situation is far from worst case scenario that some others have experienced or witnessed. Which makes me feel like I’ve done some things right in this dilemma lol.

I think another overarching point I’ve gathered/concluded that id share to anyone else reading this for advice, is that the correct answer lies somewhere in between “if your wife don’t like it then find a new one” and don’t be a push over/quit all together.
Meaning I think for 95% of us we either actually enjoy the person/friend/partner our wife is and love her and want to work THROUGH the issue at hand. And that telling her to suck it up and deal with it probably wouldn’t be the most effective. And at the other end quitting all together isn’t an option either. Don’t be a pushover, again work THROUGH the issue. That is why that despite her negative feelings towards the week long trip, I’ve done it every year of our relationship(minus this year with a newborn at home). It’s for me a nonnegotiable and I’ve set that standard. To quit on something you love is to quit on yourself.

 

[el_jefe_pescado]

I’ve got a 4 and 2 year old and I have reached the conclusion that time is the most valuable commodity we have. There’ll never be enough of it and as the provider—everyone needs more of “you” than you can realistically give. In my case, I have no problem admitting that I started to feel like I was missing out at home when I would leave on the weekends after being at work all week.

So, I have adapted to hunts that I can do with my 4 y/o son near the house. It started as just a good way to get him outside and now I really don’t want to hunt without him. The competitive drive that I felt when I was younger to be the first one up the mountain has been replaced with an interest in creating memories for my kids…it also gives me a good excuse when I end up with tag soup .


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[NRA4LIFE]

My wife new when we got hitched that I was a hunter. She loved cats, I didn't like cats and she wanted a cat. So we compromised and got 2 cats. I got to do all the hunting I wanted.