How do you deal with suicide....

[Article 4]

Check in. Check in. Check in. I have lost a few friends in the past years, ppl that look and act healthy.
Almost 40% of yearly Vet deaths are from suicide

This is a great link to look up and learn about the warning signs.

Risk factors, protective factors, and warning signs

While there is no single cause for suicide, there are risk factors and warning signs which may increase likelihood of an attempt. Learning them can save lives.

afsp.org

Ask for help. Too many good men and women aren’t here to tell their story.

 

[gbflyer]

Not posting for pity. I'm more posting to remind you to talk to your friends, talk to those who you haven't heard from. Offer a listening ear or even just a hug or a text hello. Iv had 3 family members kill themselves in the last 5 years. 2 cousins which were brothers killed themselves same condo same way 2 years apart... Alcohol and depression was a big factor. Both had kids and ex wives... how could you be such a coward and leave your kids like that. Its been eating at me mentally the last few weeks since my cousin took his life and I cant seem to process it.. just kind of venting cause who do i talk to about this? just hug your family and hug your friends. stay mentally strong

I won’t read all the replies so if it’s already been said...

Cowardice has absolutely zero to do with it. Zero. That’s something that a survivor says to try any way to justify the situation. A normal functioning person has no clue the depths of darkness a depressed person dwells in. And they can seem 100% fine on the surface. They are not cowards. They are sick. Just like heart disease. They need help. That help comes from a professional. Often times they won’t accept it. And there’s not much we can do when they won’t.

I’m sorry for your loss. Know that your loved ones can’t help what they have done. Don’t remember them poorly because of it.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[Chuckybmd]

I am sorry to hear of the losses you’ve experienced.

In my work as an emergency doc, I see a fair amount of suicide and suicide attempts.

I have come to believe strongly in the mantra that you should treat everyone like they’re going through a crisis, because it will surprise you how many people are struggling inside.

One thing that generally surprises me is people assume that an individual would never do something like that.

The truth is I believe that anyone is capable, depending on the horrors and stresses that they’re dealing with.

I believe the only way that we can enact the change is to become more open about it with those you are close to.

The people who need the most help are the least likely ones to seek it.

 

[HingleMcCringleberry]

People sometimes get to a point, for various reasons where it's the only solution to their problems, in their eyes.

I've dealt with a lot of suicides. I've literally talked to someone in the AM and offered help, only to see them deceased in the PM. Unfortunately those that have made up their mind rarely deviate.

All you can do is offer a different path, at the end of the day it's their choice. But in my experience those that have made up their minds won't reach out for help, they act on their plan.

 

[KWT]

Went through this with my boss less than a year ago. Very small company and I viewed him as one of my best friends rather than an employer. In everyone else’s eyes, Tom had life on easy street. But there’s much more going on behind closed doors.

The last few weeks of his life were something that I don’t think I’ll ever forget. We all tried to get him help but he just wasn’t willing to accept our outreach.

It’s definitely a grief that I’ve never dealt with, and it’s hard. Still have dreams about the guy regularly.

Reaching out to friends and family helps, but I’ve never felt like anyone truly understands. Reading everyone’s posts and writing my own helps

 

[*zap*]

Grew up in NYC many years ago and had 5 good friends. 4 suicide by the time they were in their early 20's. It was a rough hood and young death was not uncommon. That was around 55 years ago.

 

[jimh406]

I've been lucky that I only know of 3 people who committed suicide. Well, one we don't really know. Of course, I have no idea how many people have tried.

1. Sister's friend was at the lake with his wife. He was a joker and put a gun to his head and pulled the trigger. Nobody knows if he thought it was unloaded or wanted to commit suicide.

2. He was having issues with his current wife and the interaction with her son and his daughter. He didn't leave a note, so I have no idea of finally sent him over.

3. Was retired military enlisted and always seem to be happy. He went out to his old base drank some beers and took some pills.

I don't know how you can help the people who are left.

 

[PredatorSlayer]

I had a business go under back in 2008 and went to a dark place for a while - had the thoughts, luckily never acted…you are right, it is selfish and doesn’t make sense. You end up finding yourself believing that your loved ones would be better off without you, they can collect life insurance, wife will find somebody that isn’t such a loser etc…so in this weird twisted way, you feel like unaliving yourself is the least selfish thing in that moment. Doesn’t make sense to somebody who is mentally stable and in a good place.

I appreciate the reminder. Life is really good for myself and my family right now, but somebody once told me that if you assume everybody you come in contact with is struggling, more often than not you are right. There are a couple people I need to reach out to and check on.

 

[COJoe]

My encouragement is as it's already been stated, find someone you can trust and talk to them.
I'm sorry for the losses that so many of you have experienced. I appreciate the openness, honesty and sincerity of all the responses so far. I haven't experienced suicide around my family or friends thankfully though I was heading into depression about twenty years ago. I was recently married, new great job, new house, new vehicles, etc but yet I recognized my life becoming unfulfilled and ugly in a strange unexplainable way and I couldn't stop what was slowly happening. It was only by the grace of God that I was saved and became a born again believer in the Lord Jesus Christ during that time that I can now walk victoriously through life. I am involved in a small christian church in town and it is so beneficial for each of us there, especially in keeping each other accountable. We are doing life together, talking, laughing, crying about what is happening in our lives. I am thankful for our men's group that we can have the courage to ask the hard questions and not take, "I'm doing good" as a sufficient answer but instead, asking what that looks like, explain it better to me. I don't listen to what society says a man should be and how he should act, instead I rely on who God says I am which carries me in victory despite my failures, struggles and challenges.
The hospital I work at has a suicide awareness training we have to take each year and this year I am seeing the need to take it much more seriously to recognize it in those who I come into contact with. I will take this post as a wake up call to get in touch with those I haven't talked to in a while such as past coworkers.

 

[eddielasvegas]

You know OP, I have been fairly active on forums (car, motorcycle, hunting) for 20+ years.

In all that time I have read probably 50,000+ threads and their posts and there have been maybe five threads that struck me to my core. This is the sixth. Thank you for starting it.

I know I will be a better person for reading this thread given where I am (and I don't mean AZ) right now. And I'm fairly certain other readers will draw some knowledge, wisdom or compassion from it.


Eddie

 

[Rich M]

What ive seen is most suicides seem tied to mental illness. Treatment and medication are necessary for some.

Neighbor recently lost nephew to suicide. They are having a tough time helping the mother adjust.

My heart goes out to those involved in this.

 

[Jimmy]

It has been helpful for me, after a friend or family member does this, to try and connect with those they left behind. Son, wife, mother, etc. Take the boy fishing, help fix the car, or just drop in and make an excuse to chat for a little bit. It helps me and it helps them.

 

[western406]

This article from Bill Heavy is a good read regarding this topic. Would always give it a read when I felt backed into a corner.

A Sportsman’s Life: The Quicksand

Bill Heavey confronts his battles with depression, and helps a fishing buddy in need.

www.fieldandstream.com

 

[7LRM]

it is hard to deal with when it happens, Alcohol , Drugs, and stress will do it.i lost a good friend, because he refused to go to psychiatrist , he finally went and did take the medication. he took himself out and left behind 2 kids and a wife. it is sad!

 

[JoshOR]

Sorry for your loss. Find someone to talk to. Forgive.

 

[WCB]

6 years ago I had a 2 friends I played high school hockey with die unexpectedly. First one was a heart attack at 34 years old (some pills were involved etc...but not a suicide).

Exactly 2 months after that one I got a call from my best friend " Hey, Ben's dead...he shot himself." These two guys that were now dead were best friends joined at the hip. My buddy that called me to tell me about the suicide grew up next door to this kid...literally grew up like brothers, on almost every hockey team together, baseball, football, same classes etc. My buddy had no idea how to feel. When he told me you would have thought he was talking about how his job was. Just said it straight no shake in his voice and to the point. He had actually known for a couple hours and still seemed to just not believe it. Part of it maybe was we just had two good friends from the same group of guys die in 2 months, at 34 years old. You just don't expect it. Then add a suicide to one of them.

I know of others that have committed suicide but that one is the only one I know personally. I am lucky where I don't try to put myself into people's heads in that type of situation. It doesn't make rational sense when you are thinking rational. My wife has a hard time with that. She doesn't get how people can do certain things and I have to remind her that those people don't think the same and their brain at least at the time was not in a rational mode. It is beyond what you can understand and that is all we will actually understand about it. You can not put yourself into that situation or that person's place and have anything good come form it.

 

[7mm-08]

This is an interesting (and unexpected) thread. I've read through it a couple of times and continue to glean little tidbits of information each time I do. Thanks to those who have been open with their struggles - those aren't easy things to say and I admire your bravery. One thing is certain: talking about personal issues with others (especially trained suicide prevention practitioners) may be key to surviving this terrible tragedy.

 

[Western_hunter87]

I appreciate all who have responded. for the last few weeks i have been spiraling downward and out of control. Today is day 2 of getting my life back together and picking up the broken pieces. I feel 500X better than i did last week and i reached out and talked to a very close friend and business partner which is hard cause i didn't want to show him my weakness. That talk really lifted a lot of weight off of me and i feel like i can reach out to him for support. There have been a few who have reached out to me through here and its much appreciated and im glad i can count on fellow roksliders who want to support their hunting community.

 

[307]

OP;

I spent yesterday with a dying man. One of my closest childhood friends, in the last days of his life. For a couple of hours, it was just 4 of his friends, all men in their 40's who really know each other, being there for him. We cooked and cleaned, and did whatever needed to be done for him without ego and with love and full understanding for what was happening. There were laughs and stories and an occasional tear as the weight of the moment would occasionally hit one or all of us unexpectedly. It was one of the most profoundly beautiful days of my life, which is not at all what I expected.

None of us want to show any sort of vulnerability, myself included, but know that the people around you want to be there for you if you let them. It takes a lot of bravery to allow people inside the walls we all try to put up, but I think you'll find it worth it.

 

[Glendine]

My deepest condolences to anyone here who has lost someone to suicide.

This day 16 years ago I lost my best friend, he took his own life, it took a long time to recover from it and it still hurts.
The only consolation I have is that I now respect his decision I still done agree with it, I just miss him especially when the autumn comes and the fallow deer are rutting,

it just seemed to be a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

Glendine.