How do you deal with suicide....

[Western_hunter87]

Not posting for pity. I'm more posting to remind you to talk to your friends, talk to those who you haven't heard from. Offer a listening ear or even just a hug or a text hello. Iv had 3 family members kill themselves in the last 5 years. 2 cousins which were brothers killed themselves same condo same way 2 years apart... Alcohol and depression was a big factor. Both had kids and ex wives... how could you be such a coward and leave your kids like that. Its been eating at me mentally the last few weeks since my cousin took his life and I cant seem to process it.. just kind of venting cause who do i talk to about this? just hug your family and hug your friends. stay mentally strong

 

[180ls1]

I'm no expert but do what you can to be the strongest and most loving human you are capable of being.

Since you mention it, cutting alcohol out of my life has been a significant boost and I didn't even have a problem with it.

 

[william schmaltz]

There appear to be many factors outside of what we can see that drives folks to such an end. Some of them are genetic and environmental. Trying to understand without such a curse yourself is simply futile, which is part of the reason I’d recommend refraining from calling them cowards. I’ve learned to not look at someone and try to justify their grief or depression through my eyes. Someone’s problems which appear to be the most trivial shit to us could be life or death to them.

 

[Mosby]

When one member of a family commits suicide the odds of another doing the same goes up significantly. A family I grew up with up the street lost two kids to it. They were good people. It can happen in the best of families and mental illness can be difficult to fix. I don't judge.

 

[ddd-shooter]

Understanding that we’re all broken in our own ways leads to empathy. I told my guys at work today that if they’re struggling; they should seek a therapist or a church. And I told them I use both.
The only thing I can do is talk openly with my friends and colleagues about my faults and failures and hope they find in me a listening ear who can help.

I only know distant acquaintances that have taken their own life. It’s tough even then. Can’t imagine when it hits home.

Talk to a therapist about your grief. Or a minister. Or both.

Seriously. Talk to someone other than strangers on the internet.

 

[Stalker69]

I am going through the same thing. A friend that I’ve been very close to sense third grade ( now 60) took his life the day after Christmas. I don’t know why, he owned his own construction company. They were doing very well, had every thing going for him, didn’t drink or do drugs, and I just can’t believe he’s gone, or why he did it. Op, I don’t know what to tell you, but your not alone !

 

[BPAZ223]

It happens. A friend of mine killed himself when we were kids. Another buddy of mine hung himself after coming home from Afghanistan, another killed himself out of loneliness. Guys always choose a big solution to their problems. Never known a woman to do it.

 

[mooretitan]

I can tell you this. What they leave behind never can be healed, just questions, pain and regret. It will crush your soul and question your own will to live. Mental illness is a terrible misunderstood disease that not enough funding goes into fixing

 

[Jason Snyder]

I can tell you this. What they leave behind never can be healed, just questions, pain and regret. It will crush your soul and question your own will to live. Mental illness is a terrible misunderstood disease that not enough funding goes into fixing

I agree with everything except the never healing part. The healing is a long process and a journey unto itself that may take decades.

I’d recommend talking to a counselor, even if one thinks they don’t need it.

 

[Swamp Fox]

Connecting and "checking in" with friends and family is definitely important, but it is not enough. Nothing is really enough. You NEVER really know what another human being is going through.

Depression runs in families, and so does other mental illness, but I would stop short of saying all or even the majority of suicides are mental illness.

You think you must be crazy or a coward to end your life ... But you are not the other guy. He (or she) has weighed things carefully for a long time.

Their perspective is not your own. They have lost hope. That is not a personal failing. It's not a "stay strong" thing.

It's bigger than that.

 

[Marble]

Not posting for pity. I'm more posting to remind you to talk to your friends, talk to those who you haven't heard from. Offer a listening ear or even just a hug or a text hello. Iv had 3 family members kill themselves in the last 5 years. 2 cousins which were brothers killed themselves same condo same way 2 years apart... Alcohol and depression was a big factor. Both had kids and ex wives... how could you be such a coward and leave your kids like that. Its been eating at me mentally the last few weeks since my cousin took his life and I cant seem to process it.. just kind of venting cause who do i talk to about this? just hug your family and hug your friends. stay mentally strong

I'm sorry for what you're going through. I really am. I was a cop for a very long time and had several friends on the job kill themselves. I had the same thoughts you did, same feelings, same anger. I was there myself until they sent me to a "retreat" for f'd up people like me. I won't describe the list that drove me there. But it was vast, long, and unique. After my reprogramming, I had a great understanding of where I was and had been. I realized it's difficult to make sense of a decision made by someone not in their right mind.

It will hurt. It sucks, but it's normal. Time will help.

Sent from my SM-S918U using Tapatalk

 

[Marbles]

Trying to get into the head of someone to commits suicide is pointless, it is like trying to explain sex to a virgin. If you have ever talked yourself into a corner on something, then realized the walls are only in your head and you are not trapped, you will have some idea of what gets some people to that point. However, there is a large variety of ways people get their, some of them are truly in such a dark place that the believe those they love will be better off without them (as anyone who has had a loved one commit suicide can confirm, that is not true).

For myself, I told myself long ago, "I'm a war fighter, no one takes my life without one hell of a fight and that includes me." I've been in some dark places, no where close to them now and have not been for a long time, personally, I have never been suicidal, though I have flat not carried. I have worked with a lot of suicidal people in the ED, some I connect with, I can understand their pain and brokenness because it has similarities to my own. Others, I cannot comprehend.

Grief is a process, part of that process is frequently anger. That process is not wrong, and it is natural to go through it, and even healthy to grieve, but we must take care to actually work through it and not become stuck. We all grieve somewhat differently, people get uncomfortable with others grief and say things that are frequently unhelpful because of that discomfort. The process is measured in years, not months. If we let it, it can crush us, but we can also choose to grow through it and come out stronger. Though the truth of that is we only come out stronger if we survive, and survival is not promised. Mentally intact survival takes work, grit, and creativity; it takes admitting that we can fail and taking preemptive action to avoid failure.

 

[DougG]

I am going to go a little bit different direction with my response so please bear with me.
My perspective on suicide would have been the same as yours until I watched my father die from stomach cancer. He never gave up and fought until the bitter end. I was 16 years old and he was 48 years old when his battle ended. The pain toward the end was unbearable. The nurses insisted that if they increased his morphine, it would kill him. That level of morphine did not stop the waves of pain that would cause my father to sit straight up in the hospital bed and clinch his hands together in pain until the wave of pain subsided.

I share all of this just to say that sometimes there are things that are worse than death. My father's life at the end was nothing but pain. Toward the end, as a 16 year old son, I did the unthinkable each night and prayed for my father's pain to stop and for him to be at peace.

I really believe that what my father went through with cancer could have just as easily been mental illness, depression, or something else that simply brings a person to their knees and makes life no longer worth living. So please be kind to yourself and be kind to others, for we do not know what challenges that they are facing.

My apologies if my ramblings only made sense to me.

 

[TrackerG]

I recently lost an employee of mine to suicide. No one would’ve ever known. He was a true man’s man. Never showed any emotion. he was 31, on the ranch on the side and ran cattle. He was big into rodeoing.

I agree with you 100% make sure you talk to the guys around you. Men don’t share their feelings, but they most certainly should.

 

[Pony Soldier]

I think it is the need to live for something.For many of us it is another hunting season.

The sad part is when kids finally decide, it appears difficult to change the direction. I had a co-worker whose kid attempted it many times before he got the job done.

 

[pods8 (Rugged Stitching)]

Alcohol and depression was a big factor. Both had kids and ex wives... how could you be such a coward and leave your kids like that.

Lotta big factors there (potential alcohol abuse, depression which can be brutal and demoralizing, broken family) and judgement too. How was their divorce for instance? Did they have limited access to their kids and a court system that turned them into indentured servants to the EX and kids vs allowing a father to be part of his kids lives and retain financial autonomy to also have a household to raise children in and not just a financial mule? THAT or the threat of it has broken folks and brought others to a dark place as an example. Suicide is the end of the road to someone feeling like they can’t find a way out of their current pain in a timeframe the can comprehend while clouded by their pain. Sometimes that is rapid and sometimes that is a long wearing path.

 

[Jake538]

Not posting for pity. I'm more posting to remind you to talk to your friends, talk to those who you haven't heard from. Offer a listening ear or even just a hug or a text hello. Iv had 3 family members kill themselves in the last 5 years. 2 cousins which were brothers killed themselves same condo same way 2 years apart... Alcohol and depression was a big factor. Both had kids and ex wives... how could you be such a coward and leave your kids like that. Its been eating at me mentally the last few weeks since my cousin took his life and I cant seem to process it.. just kind of venting cause who do i talk to about this? just hug your family and hug your friends. stay mentally strong

I work in inpatient psychiatry, reach out to a good therapist and some of your close friends. Suicide is difficult to process and sharing your thoughts is a good way to vent. Be sure to check in on yourself and your spouse. A good spouse will be there to listen to you. Most importantly, take care of yourself make sure you are sleeping well, eating healthy food and connecting with people you care about. Maybe find a way to serve the families of whom are affected the most. It’s a tough world but we need good men to help pick up the pieces of others after their wake.

 

[DuckDogDr]

Truly Sorry you’re having to deal with that . My best friend was suicidal in high school.. He legitimately had no reason to be. He was popular, athletic, didn’t have problems with the ladies … but he struggled nonetheless.. he made it through

Fast forward 20 years he’s in a bad place now but not near as bad place as he was . He’s got a lot that he’s stressed to the bone about … we’ve talked about things and he knows he’s always got an open door whether I’m at work or at home ..

I did have a co-worker last month that actively tried. We we were lucky and actually found her in time and got her help both physically and mentally . Still worried about her.. we’ve worked together for 10 years and she’s become a family friend even going on a few vacations with us.

All you can do is be there for the remainder of his family and maybe together you can find some closure

 

[Scoot]

Regarding who do you talk to... Posting something like this online is probably cathartic. However it's definitely no replacement for speaking to somebody who can lend an understanding ear. If you don't have somebody close to you who can serve that purpose I would recommend you talk with a counselor. It can definitely help.

My condolences for your loss. I've dealt with the after effects of suicide and I can certainly confirm that's it's a tough pill to swallow for those left behind. Prayers sent and good luck.

 

[Mojave]

In 20 years in the military I knew a lot of dudes that did it. Never a woman.

Most guys a woman was heavily involved, or debt, or dishonor to their family because of drugs, sex or something else where they ruined their military career. Or their spouse screwed like 30 dudes.

A friend lost his niece, (I don't know the brother) to suicide. She was 12 or 13. No note, no notice. Hung herself in their barn.

I have 4 daughters, I pray that it will never happen to our family.

We are super open and we talk about it with them all the time. Straight talk.