"Funny" TSA Thread

[Beendare]

Note to self- do a quick search of hidden airport locations outside the TSA screening.

That might result in some really nice "Finds"....grin

 

[ozyclint]

I once was checking in on an Air Canada flight from Brisbane to Vancouver and I had declared that I had a gas stove (jetboil), as the check in process required as per their process.
Check in Lady says I can't take the stove part as it may contain traces of gas. I was shocked and now left with the problem of what to do with a jetboil stove.
The lady kindly offered to send it to my home address.
It was at home when I got back from Canada. I gladly forwarded a little cash to the senders address.

 

[Fire_9]

I was 21 and flying out of Spokane. Walked up to security and was the only one in line and noticed the rather attractive TSA lady. Throw all my stuff on the conveyer and proceed to walk through the metal detector. It's goes off and I realize I forgot my belt. No big deal, take my belt off and send it down the conveyer.

Walk through the metal detector again and it still goes off. She asks me to double check that I don't have anything in my pockets. I pat the front and back pockets of my cargo shorts and assure her I don't have anything in there. I've never had my watch or necklace set it off but she suggests I take them off anyways.

By this time, people are starting to stack up behind me.

I walk through again and it still goes off. I'm starting to get frustrated at this point. "Are you sure you don't have anything in your pockets? Sometimes even a gum wrapper will set them off."

"Lady I'm telling you I don't have anything...." I say as I'm patting my pockets once more except this time I pat my cargo pockets and feel something.

I sheepishly look at her, turn around, and walk back to the conveyer where there are now 10 or so people waiting on me. I grab one of the small containers and drop a condom into it and send it through the x-ray. I turned around to see her trying to keep a straight face, "Come on through sir. Let's try it now"

Went though without a problem that time. Was a hell of an embarrassing way to start a trip lol

 

[mtwarden]

And I agree with you. Yet one tried to take your badge because it “could be a throwing star”. If we are going that route, there’s a hundred things at least that could be a weapon on a plane. I did close to 30 years dealing with assholes (fire/ems). Now I babysit assholes (prison nurse).
Many of these tsa have I want to be a copitis. And then they have to call the police when they find something.

I did watch tsa be super cool to an old guy once, looked to be in his 80s. Forgot he had a little pen knife on him. They let him get out of line and give it to family that brought him to the airport.

Yeah the list of things you can take is a little out of whack- how about a stout knitting needle or a big pair of scissors. Most tools are allowed, couldn’t hurt anyone with a stout tool.

In fairness, they don’t make the rules but definitely have to enforce them.

 

[JohnB]

I was 21 and flying out of Spokane. Walked up to security and was the only one in line and noticed the rather attractive TSA lady. Throw all my stuff on the conveyer and proceed to walk through the metal detector. It's goes off and I realize I forgot my belt. No big deal, take my belt off and send it down the conveyer.

Walk through the metal detector again and it still goes off. She asks me to double check that I don't have anything in my pockets. I pat the front and back pockets of my cargo shorts and assure her I don't have anything in there. I've never had my watch or necklace set it off but she suggests I take them off anyways.

By this time, people are starting to stack up behind me.

I walk through again and it still goes off. I'm starting to get frustrated at this point. "Are you sure you don't have anything in your pockets? Sometimes even a gum wrapper will set them off."

"Lady I'm telling you I don't have anything...." I say as I'm patting my pockets once more except this time I pat my cargo pockets and feel something.

I sheepishly look at her, turn around, and walk back to the conveyer where there are now 10 or so people waiting on me. I grab one of the small containers and drop a condom into it and send it through the x-ray. I turned around to see her trying to keep a straight face, "Come on through sir. Let's try it now"

Went though without a problem that time. Was a hell of an embarrassing way to start a trip lol

Maybe this was the same gal. I live about 3 hours from the Spokane airport. I had an early morning flight so slept in the back of my car in the overnight parking lot. I'm going through security at 5am all groggy and hand my ID to the attractive woman working there. She looks at it for a second and tells me that I need a new driver's license. I was all sorts of baffled and grumbled out some response that I had just renewed it. She said "oh you just look much better than your picture".


After being caught completely off guard by that I then decided that things were going alright despite sitting in an airport at 5 in the morning.

 

[Manwitaplan]

Heard a friend of a friend story (so wouldn’t surprise me if untrue) that a guy went through TSA no issues, got to his destination, and opened his duffel and found that he had left his pistol in his carry on bag by accident. TSA never batted an eye. Granted this was back in the early TSA days so the tech likely wasn’t as advanced as we have now.

Two years ago this May my buddy flew from Houston to miami for his daughters cheer comp. He was there for a week with his carry on computer bag. When he went to fly out back to houston they found he had a 9mm in his bag. Since he had his CCL they actually kept the gun but allowed him to fly back and told him the prosecutor would make a decision. 4 weeks later he gest a 10,000.00 fine from TSA and basically said if he paid in 48 hours they wouuld reduce it to 2500.00! So he paid the 2500.00 and lost his pref light status etc... Then 3 months later they charge him from the county and he hires a lawyer and bascially gets 40 hours community service and a huge fine. He volunteered at Goodwill for his community service. It was a fiasco.

About 5 years a go my neighbor was driving from arkansas to houston where we lived. A bad storm had hit his father n laws house in East texas. His wife said would you stop and check on the father n law. He pulls in and no lights or power so uses a flash light and finds 2 pistols in the yard and some valuables and puts everything in his work bag. Completely forgets about the stuff in bag and in a week he is flying out to someother state. 6 am he gets popped by TSA for 2 pistols and no ammunition (i think they were old revolvers). The cops call the DA and the DA wants to press charges so he is arrested and booked into jail. He is collect calling his wife and she is not answering thinking it is a scam. Finally she answers and flips out when he tells her what happened. Long story short he had to hire a lawyer get on deferred adjudication, community service then asked all of us to write charactrer witness letters for him at court. Crazy for sure.

 

[tony]

Yeah the list of things you can take is a little out of whack- how about a stout knitting needle or a big pair of scissors. Most tools are allowed, couldn’t hurt anyone with a stout tool.

In fairness, they don’t make the rules but definitely have to enforce them.

Here’s one for you
Inmates in my prison can have knitting needles, crochet hooks and rounded tip scissors
If I need scissors i have to go in the locked supplies room and open a locked cart and sign a pair out.
And they all have iPads as part of the Covid lawsuit they filed.
Whenever the .gov gives out stimulus money, (your tax dollars back to you) all inmates get a check as well.

Back to the tsa

 

[Fujicon]

In all honesty you couldn’t pay me enough money to do the job. Lots of stress and scrutiny involved and wages aren’t that great.

Oh and pretty much thankless.

Every one of those employees made an adult choice to accept the job. If it results in too much stress for their personality type, or they don't like dealing with the public, or wages are less than they'd like, well sorry. Live with it like an adult, or quit and move on. People need to be responsible for their choices. Period. If they choose to remain in the position then they'd best be adult about it and not only perform the job well, but without the frowny negative attitude or displays of arrogant copitis. It is the kind and friendly TSA employee that stands out for us, which is rather telling.

 

[matchu865]

My first time flying to Alaska for a fishing trip I got kicked off the flight after it boarded by a flight attendant who announced rather loudly "TSA found an undeclared firearm in your checked bag, you have to deplane" I then produced the receipt you get when declaring my firearm, but that was not enough evidence to keep me on the flight. After a couple of heated conversations with both Alaska Airlines and TSA, it became clear that the gate agent screwed up and put my bag in with the rest of the checked bags rather than sending me to the 'special station' TSA runs at SeaTac.

Luckily I was able to catch the next flight. I missed my original float plane flight that my buddies and I booked, but luckily the operator understood the issue and was kind enough to sneak me into the baggage plane for another outfit - I got a great aerial tour of POW with several stops out of it. All Alaska Airlines gave me for my troubles was a $50 voucher with an expiration date.

 

[Spoonbill]

I can't remember the airport but this was when TSA was fairly new.
The agent called me over after sending my stuff through xray.
I had sent my wallet through with my retirement badge and the dude says I can't have it because it could be used as a throwing star. I then say, "Well, I'm not giving it up and would you go get me a real cop."
Some crusty old patrol street sergeant comes over and I explain the situation to him.
He looks at the TSA dude and says "really?"
He gives me my badge back, shakes my hand and tells me I'm free to go while rolling his eyes.

Randy

I had to fly recently for a work conference and my dad cracked a joke about TSA thinking my badge was a throwing star. I guess his joke wasn’t that far from the truth.

 

[Buckshotaz]

I was returning home, and at the Fairbanks airport, the TSA guy pulled me aside and said he needed to check me out further because the scanner indicated I had a “hot crotch”
After giving me a “back of hand” rub down he allowed me to continue.
Now I have heard that it is not gay if it’s TSA, is this true?

 

[Yoder]

Not TSA, but still funny. We were coming home from vacation last year and got stuck in Salt Lake City for about 4 hrs. I was waiting in line to get some food and I noticed this young attractive woman in a dress that was running by. When she passed by, her entire ass was naked. She must have been wearing a thong and her dress got caught up in the backpack she was wearing. She must have been horrified when she realized what happened.

 

[Fujicon]

Not TSA, but still funny. We were coming home from vacation last year and got stuck in Salt Lake City for about 4 hrs. I was waiting in line to get some food and I noticed this young attractive woman in a dress that was running by. When she passed by, her entire ass was naked. She must have been wearing a thong and her dress got caught up in the backpack she was wearing. She must have been horrified when she realized what happened.

Look on the bright side. She certainly helped pass the time while waiting in TSA's lines...

 

[MattB]

I was returning home, and at the Fairbanks airport, the TSA guy pulled me aside and said he needed to check me out further because the scanner indicated I had a “hot crotch”
After giving me a “back of hand” rub down he allowed me to continue.
Now I have heard that it is not gay if it’s TSA, is this true?

You just keep telling yourself that. ;-)

I can’t even imagine having that conversation.

 

[WyoKid]

I remember that when the troops were leaving Afghanistan, some flew back on chartered commercial flights. The troops were allowed to bring their rifles on board, but could not bring their bayonets aboard because they could be used as weapons..

I think I was on one of those flights....had my M-4 but had to check my knife.

 

[go_deep]

In Cheyenne one time I got pulled a side, and while they weren't going to call the bomb squad, they really thought I had something of the sorts in my carry on. I had a bagel with cream cheese on it. After about 10ish tense minutes they finally unpack everything to find my bagel. He said, food looks weird in the X-ray sometimes. I'm like, what did you think it was? He says, a bomb.