"Funny" TSA Thread

[william schmaltz]

TSA Pre Check solves a lot of TSA problems. And like most things in this world, kindness and respect will neutralize most agents looking to take their day out on someone.

The most strict TSA folks I encounter seem to be in remote villages. I always wonder if it’s where they send agents to train/retrain. Every time I leave Bethel they literally dump my gun case over and out. Anchorage they will hardly look inside, let alone touch or move anything. The folks in Yakutat will take every single piece of fish/game out of a cooler and feel if it’s frozen solid. If something is 3/4 frozen and bends a little, they pull it out and hand it to you. In Nome you sit and watch them go through every single checked bag one by one right in front of you. It’s ridiculous.

I do love flying them small airlines intrastate. Lots of trips walking right on board with a pistol in my carry on. Made work trips to Kodiak especially easy.

 

[Beendare]

So they do have TSA in the remote villages now? surprising.

FWIW, My story was from about 8 yrs ago....

 

[jimh406]

I don't find anything funny about the TSA. Mostly, they provide zero value since there are ways to circumvent all that they check for. If you do TSA precheck, that skips a lot of the checks. There are also different rules at different airports.

Well, they do regularly confiscate pocket knives and similar to be sold on ebay for cheap prices. I guess that's a service.

That being said, some people that work for them are great people. I don't fly that much, so I can just ignore the stupidity and obnoxious behavior of the others.

 

[william schmaltz]

So they do have TSA in the remote villages now? surprising.

FWIW, My story was from about 8 yrs ago....

Just for AK Airlines flights. So flying from Kodiak to ANC on AK Airlines you have TSA, but flying an airline like Ravn from Kodiak to ANC would not have TSA.

 

[Reburn]

Its hilarious watching my father with 2 Ti knees go through a metal detector. He gets an extra dose of freedom everytime. If its a body scanner he is ok.

 

[LongWayAround]

Flying home from a bachelor party, I was feeling pretty rough and grabbed a sandwich at Jimmy John's. I ate half of it and wrapped the other half to take with me. The TSA guy at the security line made me open it up and show him the guts of my sandwich... Like I just shoved a couple eight balls of fentanyl in my Vito.

Most recently they pulled my carry on at the security conveyor. She reaches in there and pulls out a 90 second microwave rice packet, inspecting it carefully, looks uncertain. I said "that's a bag of rice." She puts it down and goes in again. Comes up with a gallon bag of Dude wipes that I had dehydrated. "Those are butt wipes." Puts it back.

It's always nice to have a chance to get shaken down by the cast from Dog The Bounty Hunter...

 

[crich]

Some really good family friends come up to AK every year to fish. A few years ago one of them taped a 12 inch sex toy to a full bottle of water and snuck it in his dad's carry on. Caused quite a spectacle at the TSA scanner!

 

[Fujicon]

Just returned from Rome. Flying out of FCO the security process took like maybe 5 minutes. Why? While they were at least as thorough as TSA, the Italians dedicate far more employees to processing people through their system. The Italians designed their system to get people through quickly, not slowly. Compared to Italy, TSA sucks royally. From start to finish a half hour would be record time for TSA, but typically more like 45 minutes to an hour, with long Disneyland length lines. I've literally been in a forever line where TSA has only one machine working. And their attitudes! Yeah, TSA blows.

 

[Swamp Fox]

They're great at getting Americans busted leaving Turks and Caicos, though ...

 

[stank.243]

Was going through San Diego after a convention. Went through the scan and apparently forgot some business cards in my back pocket. The agent questioning me (probably 5’6” 130lbs wet) grabbed me (6’2” and 260 lbs) and tried dragging me to a new area after I told him it was business cards I forgot about and would gladly dispose of. He reached the end of his arm length and I didn’t budge. I pulled out the business cards as he looked at me nervous. He just cleared his throat and said he’d pat me down to double check.
Since then I’ve always wanted to get the shirt that says “it ain’t gay if it’s TSA”.
That was my worst experience. Most have been pretty decent if not spectacular to deal with especially when you think about how many people they deal with on the daily

 

[ODB]

I was traveling with a pistol one time - a Browning hi-Power. The TSA lady went into a back room with me and asked me to open the box. I opened it and stepped back. I asked "Do you want to ensure it's unloaded?" She said, "I ain't touching that THANG - go on and lock it back up!"

 

[RS_Non-Res]

Thanks for resurecting a memory...
I was young ... about 25 years before TSA even existed (does it still count?)
ORD
Brought a super-fragile ice candle I made all by myself for my grandfather (red example below).
What better way to protect it than keeping it in the sturdy stainless steel mold? (silvery example below).
With the wick sticking out of the end.

Poor woman pulled that thing out of my day pack, screemed "It's a BOOOOMB" and threw it halfway across the room. Ruined the candle. I was bummed. Understandable (even then) and kinda humorous (in hindsight).

 

[Fowl Play]

Was flying out for a spearfishing trip. Going through my backpack looking for my phone charger, when I realized I forgot to put my 8” LONG DIVE KNIFE in my checked bag. I discovered this, sitting at my gate… I remember thinking “ so glad TSA didn’t make me surrender that… wait, what is TSA Even for?!?”

 

[Forestryguy]

Traveled after a recent foot surgery, and had a nice big boot on. Was told by an agent for myself and party to skip to the front of the line. Agent up there wanted me to go back to the end of the line. This was at Denver airport. Told her like hell we are. Then got the rundown of identifying who told us to move to the front of the line. Turned out to be someone a bit higher up the food chain than she was. Tried to get me to take the boot off to go through the scanner and I told them then I needed a wheelchair and someone to push me through. Got the wand job instead. I felt bad for the elderly couple behind us that was probably in their 80's hard of hearing and TSA was in a bitchy mood that day. I asked the last agent if they really thought they were a threat to national security.

 

[Fireflyfishing]

There is nothing funny about the unconstitutional TSA.

 

[Pony Soldier]

You gents bring back memories. When this insanity started I remember being in the Salt Lake City airport. Three arabs in flowing robes walked through the gate while a very elderly lady on crutches was pulled aside for a complete pat down. The only way that old girl was a risk to anyone was if her crutches were a gun. Even then I doubt if she could have stayed upright on one crutch to use the other as a weapon.

I'm waiting for the day we have certain clothes we have to wear to board a plane while being barefoot. Didn't we aready see some idiot who tried to make a bomb out of his underware but only succeeded in frying his crotch.

 

[bradmacmt]

About a year after 9-11 I was going through security at the airport here in Montana. I had a coat on that I used hunting that fall, and unbeknown to me there was a spent 300 WSM case in the pocket (completely fired, empty, with punched primer). But TSA had a minor meltdown - they pulled me out of line, did a pat-down, and got a sheriff standing there involved. Looking the sheriff in the eye, I asked all those surrounding me if any of them knew the first thing about firearms. I explained it was left-over from elk hunting that fall, and that was how an empty brass cylinder inadvertently came to be in my pocket. I said, "this is Montana, we hunt elk." The Sheriff was sympathetic, but the TSA acted like I'd just attempted another 9-11 lol. Ultimately they confiscated the "evidence," and let me on the flight. A couple weeks later I got a letter from the FBI detailing my infraction...

 

[CMP70306]

Not the TSA but the way Denver handles firearms vs Philadelphia is entertaining if not sad. In Denver they pulled the firearms and kept them in a place that you had to check them out of separate from baggage claim. My brother and I went to pick up the guns while our Dad went to get the rental car.

The lady working the counter gave us our firearms but initially wouldn’t give us our Dad’s as he needed to be present since she could only release the guns to the person named on the ticket. After talking for a minute and explaining that he left to get the rental plus our IDs that show the same last name along with my brother who is at the same address and the fact that all three were in identical cases she decided to let us take his guns with us even though it was against the rules.

In Philly though, they tossed them on the baggage carousel and I got to watch mine bob up and down the ramp for 5 minutes before enough stuff got stuck behind it to push it up onto the carousel. Apparently 65 pounds in a smooth sided pelican case was a bit much for the surface of the ramp. But they just dumped them onto the regular baggage claim right next to the door, I wouldn’t be surprised to hear of people stealing guns from the airport as it would have been super easy to do so.

 

[Forestryguy]

You gents bring back memories. When this insanity started I remember being in the Salt Lake City airport. Three arabs in flowing robes walked through the gate while a very elderly lady on crutches was pulled aside for a complete pat down. The only way that old girl was a risk to anyone was if her crutches were a gun. Even then I doubt if she could have stayed upright on one crutch to use the other as a weapon.

I'm waiting for the day we have certain clothes we have to wear to board a plane while being barefoot. Didn't we aready see some idiot who tried to make a bomb out of his underware but only succeeded in frying his crotch.

Security is of utmost importance, but profiling is a no go. Unfortunately it works though. Policies and procedures should be standard for everyone and at all inspection sites.

We have to now have the enhanced ID to fly, even domestically. I refuse to get my license marked with it. I will fly with my passport and will be asking for stamps of entry into states and to be processed through state customs.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[taskswap]

Not really funny, but on my next flight after 9 11 happened, TSA confiscated the P 38 can opener off my key ring. I had that can opener since boot Camp.

I guess they thought I would use it to hijack an airliner

With what Boeings are made out of these days...