Failing marrige

[unclericco]

Interesting reading about yours and others situations in here. When I got divorced or was going through it, I would have absolutely stopped hunting entirely and given anything to save my marriage. But now having gone through the divorce, there is no woman on earth that could make me quit hunting. I couldn’t imagine being single before I got divorced but now I’m enjoying my life and freedom as much as I ever have, and I don’t even date. Your life changes and becomes very different but you find happiness in entirely different things in life than you did before. I do and buy whatever I want, all of the time. I work for the betterment of me now. I can’t see myself ever getting married again and I’m completely fine with it. I’m rambling now but just remember to be thankful for the life you’ve been given and whether you get divorced or not, it’s not the end of the world, but rather can open up a whole new world for you!

 

[FURMAN]

I really dont know what to do here. Im sorry to post it here. I cant talk to family and friends without isolating what fragile relationships people have with my wife. This is the only place I feel like minded people exist, and in some ways a small sense of bond.

My marriage is failing. Things havent been good for a while, and she has admitted she has some issues she needs to sort out for years. She cant find the time or willpower to go to counseling and Im taking the slack and damage from those issues.

We have an 11 month old daughter who I love and cannot risk losing. My wife would be unable to care for her as a single mother due to her issues, but my wife hasnt gone to counseling and isnt take any medication that would result in me getting custody. It seems like the society still hasnt come around to the fact that dads can be the better parent and Im scared to lose my daughter. If my wife and I split, she would move away.

Ive basically stopped hunting for almost 2 years and put her needs in front of mine. I cook. I do most of the cleaning. I do the yard work. I maintain the vehicles. I have the baby 80-90% of the time we are home. Im met with “i feel like you dont love me anymore” so often that I cant go on much longer. I do the overnights and wake up early so she can sleep in on the weekends. I buy her flowers and make her nice dinners she likes. I rub her back when it hurts and watch her shows when she wants to relax and still wants to spend time together. I tell her she is beautiful (she is), and that I love her and give her all the “decompression” time she needs.

Every story has two sides. Ive worked hard on my side but Ive seen no effort on hers.

And Im burnt out. Im about to have the big talk. If she cant agree to go to counseling and stick with a program I cannot see us making it to year end.

It takes two. It sound like only one cares. Divorce sucks but being unhappy even miserable is worse.

 

[Antarctica]

Interesting reading about yours and others situations in here. When I got divorced or was going through it, I would have absolutely stopped hunting entirely and given anything to save my marriage. But now having gone through the divorce, there is no woman on earth that could make me quit hunting. I couldn’t imagine being single before I got divorced but now I’m enjoying my life and freedom as much as I ever have, and I don’t even date. Your life changes and becomes very different but you find happiness in entirely different things in life than you did before. I do and buy whatever I want, all of the time. I work for the betterment of me now. I can’t see myself ever getting married again and I’m completely fine with it. I’m rambling now but just remember to be thankful for the life you’ve been given and whether you get divorced or not, it’s not the end of the world, but rather can open up a whole new world for you!

Sorry bro, but my bet is you're married or engaged within two years. I think it's usually people like you (and me long ago) that are at home in their own skin, on their own, that don't need to be married that end up in a good relationship. It's the folks that just have to have someone around that compromise themselves into the wrong relationships.

Report back in two. Either way, it's great that you've found happiness. Enjoy the single life while it lasts! And it if doesn't last long, enjoy the other!

 

[KBC]

Times are a little tough right now in my marriage as well. The way I’m looking at it is I’m going to be the best father and husband I can. In that order. I love my wife almost more than anything but I love my kids more. I believe part of being the best of those two is also being the best man I can be.
Just be the best you can at those 3 things and things will work out. Maybe you will get a divorce or maybe you and your wife will have a wonderful marriage. Just be the best you can be and make the best decision for your kid. Whatever that might be.
At least that’s what I’m trying to do.

 

[hjav_21]

good luck man

 

[Huntindog45]

I read about half the responses here and saw some good advice and some terrible advice. I will throw it out there that right now your number one concern is the health and safety of your daughter. I dont know what your wife is suffering from, that being said if it is real bad...get the hell out, take your daughter and get out. Be the first to file, be the first to document the problems.. IN COURT. Get a lawyer now! You may think everything will go your way in terms of you retaining your daughter but you dont know that. GET A LAWYER... prepare to fight for your daughter. It may save her life...literally.

 

[menhaden_man]

Sounds exactly like my situation a few years back. Three kids in under four years, postpartum and all. Doing much better now (youngest is now 4) but damn near killed me. Many of nights I wondered how much more I could take.

A big help for me was buying a 20’ Hewes Craft - took all three kids fishing and camping nearly every weekend without her. Not sure if that much space was the best for her, but it damn sure helped me and kids tolerate life with a stick of dynamite in the house. Hunting, fishing, and camping with the kids was my relief.

Best wishes pal - and stay strong for that young’un, it’ll pay off when you’re older.

 

[StefenB]

I hope the best for you, certainly agree with the recommendation to get in touch with a Lawyer early. I think its awesome how supportive the community is here.

 

[Lowg08]

My wife is a manic bipolar sufferer. It sounds very familiar she had horrible post pardom also. The only thing that helped us was medication. She is much happier now and we ore working on year 11 of marriage and year 12 together. I will pray for you and your wife and child.

 

[RockinU]

Not trying to hijack the thread about the OP and his issues... BUT...




I recently moved my small family to the state of Montana. We are high school sweethearts from California. Been together for 7 years, married 1.75 (anniversary is in november). I'm writing this because I'm in a ****ed place. I've been a drunk for most of the relationship. We have a 5 year old girl who is an absoloute SPONGE and a 1 year old boy. Not trying to have a pity party over here but I've really **cked things up. Never had an issue with Infidelity or cheating but other things. I've been working on them on my own, but no matter what I do I cant seem to fix anything. I'm only writing this because she just left with a handfull of cash that I think she plans on spending on at the bar. I'm alone with the kids at home and thats not a big deal, but we've literally threatened eachother with the thought of divorce but I just cant bring myself to actually do that. I love her but there is so much that we havent figured about ourselves yet (23 and 21) but damn man i really hope shit works out. I understrand our relationship is different than most but i literally have no one to relate to. at least no one too help guide me in my situations



anyway sorry not trying to bore anyone but i just needed to get it out somewhere



PS sorry for the poor grammar and spelling.

It sounds like you know what at least part of the problem is, you just need to find the strength to address it. Might start with talking to a pastor, or maybe look into a 12 step program...either way, I'll say a prayer for you.

 

[Juggernaut]

Prayers and hope it gets better

 

[Dan74]

I think a lot of use have been I. Your shoe one way or another. The best help you can get is prayer. I don't know if you have ever prayed with your wife or not. But pray together God is a great repair man. If you don't attend Church I would recommend finding a good solid church to attend and be part of it. It will grow you as a person and as a family. Also the minister can help with counseling. Something to look up is your biblical role as a husband and as a father. It will help and give you some guidance.
I am also here if you need to talk. Message me and I will give you my number if you would like.
I know I may sound as I am preaching but in my defense I am a minister.

 

[browning2480]

You all know this is thread is almost 2 years old.

 

[Reburn]

man I wonder what happened. Hope it worked out.

@Xxtavixx

 

[hflier]

You just have to quit sometimes.


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[Glory]

Didn't read the responses. I will say, don't enable her. Either she needs to be a wife/mother or she needs to go down the road. I see way too many guys enable the crap out of piss poor wives, and it don't work out anyways. It seems the lazier, more irresponsible you let them be, the worse it gets. A busy, productive wife/mother is what you want. Allow nothing less.

 

[Warmsy]

Thre family court judge won't outright take the kid away from you. Attorneys are absolute two faced pieces of shit, but you need one to navigate the court system. One attorny told me that it's better to file as the petitioner first.

 

[KevinMartinez1]

Hopefully everything turns out okay


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[Robw79]

Just a couple thoughts, pray to god. Both of you read a book called the five love languages. It’s a really good book.

 

[Jskaanland]

You all know this is thread is almost 2 years old.

A spammer dug it up and someone responded before I removed the spammers post.