Failing marrige

[Matthew_J_Remy]

You will get through this. Keep supporting your wife and encouraging her to get help. Communication is key in all relationships. I am one of the worst when it comes to communicating and expressing my feelings or concerns and it almost cost me my marriage. My wife told me she needed more from me. Not time, money, or affection. She just wanted me to talk. Tell her how I felt or what I needed from her or the rest of my family. Just talking and communicating with my wife saved us. Good luck and don't ever give up!

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[asbates318]

Thanks all.

We talked. It was...rough. But overall, we made some progress. She is agreeing to see a counsellor.

Obviously I have my faults in this, too. The idea of seperating terrifies me, and then you mix in my baby girl and my heart shatters.

I pray things settle down and we can resume the love we once shared together

Maybe try and take her on some hiking/camping trips to get her involved in your activities. This could work you back into the hunting world as well. I am working on going through this as well. Kids take priority but our sanity matters as well. I am trying to get my wife out with me more so I am able to hunt a few more times a year. Worth a shot!

 

[Crider89]

Good luck to you. I feel for ya. Been there twice myself. But they cheated so the second one was a lot easier than the first

 

[Dos Perros]

This too shall pass.

 

[FLAK]

Been there, done that. Time is your friend. NOT the end of the world.

 

[Rich M]

I really dont know what to do here. Im sorry to post it here. I cant talk to family and friends without isolating what fragile relationships people have with my wife. This is the only place I feel like minded people exist, and in some ways a small sense of bond.

My marriage is failing. Things havent been good for a while, and she has admitted she has some issues she needs to sort out for years. She cant find the time or willpower to go to counseling and Im taking the slack and damage from those issues.

We have an 11 month old daughter who I love and cannot risk losing. My wife would be unable to care for her as a single mother due to her issues, but my wife hasnt gone to counseling and isnt take any medication that would result in me getting custody. It seems like the society still hasnt come around to the fact that dads can be the better parent and Im scared to lose my daughter. If my wife and I split, she would move away.

Ive basically stopped hunting for almost 2 years and put her needs in front of mine. I cook. I do most of the cleaning. I do the yard work. I maintain the vehicles. I have the baby 80-90% of the time we are home. Im met with “i feel like you dont love me anymore” so often that I cant go on much longer. I do the overnights and wake up early so she can sleep in on the weekends. I buy her flowers and make her nice dinners she likes. I rub her back when it hurts and watch her shows when she wants to relax and still wants to spend time together. I tell her she is beautiful (she is), and that I love her and give her all the “decompression” time she needs.

Every story has two sides. Ive worked hard on my side but Ive seen no effort on hers.

And Im burnt out. Im about to have the big talk. If she cant agree to go to counseling and stick with a program I cannot see us making it to year end.

Marriage is a 2 way street. How old are you guys? Young is what I'm guessing.

Sounds bipolar or depressed to me. Most likely some kind of a hormonal imbalance - but a person has to want to help themselves.

I know a fellow who's wife has the bipolar disorder and he puts in over-time. As long as she's on her meds things are fine. Been a long time since she's "flipped". Mental illness is a real deal.

I had a wife who went to counseling and said she was gonna work on the relationship but "couldn't find time - too busy". Ultimately she chose her "friends" over me and I moved on. No kids, thankfully. She was jerking me around. Haven't seen her in going on 25 years and can't say I miss that relationship. Spent years thinking there was something wrong with me, when it was just her doing some manipulation thing.

The book that helped me was Men are from Mars & Women are from Venus.

Hang tight, brother! Be slow and methodical in your decisions and if you are gonna do it, just do it. Get the best attorney you can.

 

[Rich M]

The only book you need is the Bible.

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The Bible says to seek knowledgeable advisers.

Books can be that.

 

[Highestrider]

Man I feel for you. I’ve been there. For me it didn’t work out. I have two kids who were 8 months and 2 years old at the time of divorce. In my state the laws VERY much cater to Moms. Unreal. I learned a lot of lessons of which I can share if you ever want.

That said, throughout the divorce process I learned that I truly wanted to be a married man, and that my ex-wife was absolutely not a good fit for me. I learned the traits I really need in a woman to be happy. I’ve since remarried and choose my wife based on those lessons and my marriage is fantastic, and my kids never skipped a beat.

Definitely work on saving your marriage, but be true to yourself. Get what you need, and if not move on to a better relationship.

 

[Xxtavixx]

Thank you everyone. Things are shaky but we are trying.

She has a lot of good in her, so holefully a better balance can be maintained

 

[backvalleybrent]

Praying for you brother.


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[kabarNC]

I'll pray for you as well.

I'd recommend the book Mansfield's Book of Manly Men. Not directed solely at marriage, but it helped me fill my place a little better.

This is not directed solely at the OP, but society in general: think about the MAN'S role since the dawn of time. Now think of the woman's role. Somewhere around the mid 1900s, MEN have become feminized. Maybe part of the women's lib movement? Or maybe it started at the invention of commercially available baby formula..

I derailed. What helped me was becoming a MAN again. That involved becoming head of the house, the sole breadwinner, the rock, and trying to stay close to the Lord. Like was said above, it seems that a wife has a built in mechanism that is always searching, probing, looking for a weak spot in her MAN. Maybe this is something they have that's been carried down for millenia, to make sure you will actually be able to care for her and her offspring.

I've watched someone close to me try and bend over backwards for their lady, doing the lion's share of house work, laundry, diapers, everything, and it's not working. I can see in his wife's eyes that she wants someone that has a backbone, is a leader, someone to create structure, someone to bang the front door open with a deer quarter over his shoulder and shout, "Look what i brought for dinner!!". Ok, eyes are rolling now.. my point is, sometimes doing everything they want isn't the right thing. I firmly believe that the woman needs to be subject to the husband, but that puts a massive amount of responsibility on the MAN'S shoulders, to know to not take advantage of it.

Maybe religion talk isn't allowed on here, i guess ill find out shortly.

Don't forget, you made vows when you were married. Did you mean them? Be a MAN.

I'm out..

 

[Rookie]

I’m in the boat of keep trying to make your marriage work. I have had some difficulties in our marriage with depression and other things, we have had to work really hard and I feel like especially myself but it’s paid off in spades. When you can help each other up when all feels lost it creates a special bond. We’re a younger couple that got married young35 now but our marriage keeps getting better as more trust and faith in each other is built. Good luck man and enjoy the small stuff.

 

[JesseG74]

Glad she has agreed on talking the first step, which seems to always be the hardest. Prayers for you and the family.

 

[16Bore]

It takes a ton of work to be married, ten tons to be divorced, and 100 tons to succefully raise children as “(child) business partners.

Hopefully you’re in church and studied what God’s intentions for marriage are.

Just a few things to put some positive movement on things. Download the Bible app and start looking through the relationship and marriage devotionals. There’s quite few which should tell you that you’re not alone. There’s also a way that you can share them with her and actually work through them together, at your own pace. It will give you topics to talk about and move forward. If she’s not willing, it’s OK.....just do them for yourself. Learning isn’t a bad thing.

Take the time to watch “Fireproof”. Yes, some corny acting...but it’s good.

One day at a time.....

 

[16Bore]

Oh.....and hunting isn’t important anymore. Sorry. It’ll come back around, but won’t look anything like it did before or what you’ve dreamed of in the past. Sorry, but it’s true.

Stay off the media in front of her as much as you can, unless you’re working on something together.

These phones are killing everything.

 

[Bowfisher]

I'll pray for you as well.

I'd recommend the book Mansfield's Book of Manly Men. Not directed solely at marriage, but it helped me fill my place a little better.

This is not directed solely at the OP, but society in general: think about the MAN'S role since the dawn of time. Now think of the woman's role. Somewhere around the mid 1900s, MEN have become feminized. Maybe part of the women's lib movement? Or maybe it started at the invention of commercially available baby formula..

I derailed. What helped me was becoming a MAN again. That involved becoming head of the house, the sole breadwinner, the rock, and trying to stay close to the Lord. Like was said above, it seems that a wife has a built in mechanism that is always searching, probing, looking for a weak spot in her MAN. Maybe this is something they have that's been carried down for millenia, to make sure you will actually be able to care for her and her offspring.

I've watched someone close to me try and bend over backwards for their lady, doing the lion's share of house work, laundry, diapers, everything, and it's not working. I can see in his wife's eyes that she wants someone that has a backbone, is a leader, someone to create structure, someone to bang the front door open with a deer quarter over his shoulder and shout, "Look what i brought for dinner!!". Ok, eyes are rolling now.. my point is, sometimes doing everything they want isn't the right thing. I firmly believe that the woman needs to be subject to the husband, but that puts a massive amount of responsibility on the MAN'S shoulders, to know to not take advantage of it.

Maybe religion talk isn't allowed on here, i guess ill find out shortly.

Don't forget, you made vows when you were married. Did you mean them? Be a MAN.

I'm out..

Quite a bit of truth is the above quote.

She may have some hormonal issues, and emotional ones...pharmaceuticals tend to cover symptoms vs fix underlying problems. I would look into a NAET or Living Well practitioner before getting her on brain chemistry altering chemicals...

I do agree women is this country are spoiled rotten, men do way too much for them. They need strong boundaries...they need our love and support and commitment, but we need to hold them accountable to their side of the equation. They act like children more often than they act like adults...

 

[*zap*]

The amount of weak men in the USA has enabled many women to believe that their behavior has no limits or consequences. It is not a good situation and becomes worse every year.

 

[16Bore]

The amount of weak men in the USA has enabled many women to believe that their behavior has no limits or consequences. It is not a good situation and becomes worse every year.

I’d believe that. Maybe some need their man to remind them “I was looking for a gal when I found you”


Might go over like a fart in church though.

 

[Mike Islander]

Is this a failing marriage or a mental illness crisis? If you were able to address whatever "issues" she is having, would she still love you? In other words, what is really happening? Is she suffering from mental illness, which is making your relationship untenable, or does she not love you anymore? If she doesn't love you, nothing you do will be enough. That one question has to be answered before you can take the correct next step. Sadly, if she doesn't love you, the BEST thing you can do is divorce. Parents that don't love each other are never a good role model for their children. If she does love you, you need to prioritize treatment of whatever it is that she is dealing with.

 

[MtGomer]

Your wife may have post partum depression and may need help. Of course, if she is unwilling to get help, there is not a lot you can do other than try to make her see what she has to lose if she doesn’t.