Don't be Selfish or Irresponsible

[Vandal 44]

I am not the kind of guy that post family issues or personal problems on a forum but I feel its important especially for a bunch of guys that think and act like superman most of the time.

A few days ago I received a phone call from a family friend, telling me that my dad had past away. Not the kind of phone call that you want to get just before Christmas. My dad was an alcoholic and the last five years his drinking got worse, I didn't think that was possible. They believe my dad had a stroke. My dad was single and lived by himself

Long story short my brother and I went to his apartment to get his affairs in order. My dad did not have any of his important paperwork in a safe or safety deposit box, it was like a treasure hunt looking for the important Doc's. After two days going through his apartment we found the title to his truck that was signed over to me with a letter that he was gifting it to me. We finally found his birth certificates, drivers license, pass ports, his SSI paperwork and a few other important papers. My dad did not have a will or a life insurance policy. Not good

After the last few days I learned a very important less
Don't be irresponsible: So I just ordered a better safe to put my important documents in. I do not have a will, a big shame on me. I called a friend of mine who is an attorney to get a will going, that should be done soon.
Don't be Selfish: My dad did not have a life insurance policy; that's ok me and my brother make plenty of money to cover the expenses to get him taken care of. I have a life insurance policy that is 10 times my annual income, so I am good there.

I don't want to sound like I am lecturing up on my soap box but I feel its important for use to take care of our families while we are alive and when we pass away. If you don't have a life insurance policy get one, even if its a small policy. Make sure you get a good safe or safety deposit box to put those important papers in.

Thanks for letting me rant

 

[Mad Mountain Mike]

I'm sorry for your loss, tough to take at any time but even tougher during the holidays. I don't really think that's a rant but more like solid advice.

 

[LazyV]

Sorry for your loss and the damper on the holidays. It's a good lesson you pointed out, my wife and I just had this conversation last night due to the nature of my work.

 

[Randle]

Gerry, sorry for your loss at this time of year. Prayers for you and your family. The advice you give is sound and needed as we don't always think of these things
until there is an experience like this.
Thanks for the reminder, I am in good shape with my affairs but there is always something that needs to be added or updated


Randy

 

[armyjoe]

I'm truly sorry for your loss but great advice man. Its a big eye opener for most people when something like this takes place and great advice like this might help someone to get their butt off the couch and make some solid life decisions for their family if something happens. Once again, sorry for your loss but great reminder to make sure you take care of you and your family.

 

[orionthehunter1]

Solid advice, my wife and I made a will after we had our kids in case something happened to us. That way it is set in stone of who gets our children and our money so that they are taken care of. We also have life insurance policies in case something happens to one of us so that the other can go on and be fairly comfortable for a while.

 

[justin davis]

Sorry for your loss. Good advice. Things you don't often think about.

 

[5MilesBack]

Sorry for your loss. Here's another one to think about if you have kids: Where would your kids go if both you and your spouse were to die? Make sure you have that set up BEFORE something happens.

Nobody ever wants to think about these types of issues, but the reality is that these kinds of things happen every day. Better to be prepared than to just hope it won't happen to you.

 

[SDHNTR]

Sorry man, but very good advice. I deal with this stuff all the time in my line of work and consider a will, living trust, power of attorney and medical directive an absolute must for nearly everyone. Also Add life insurance in there for anyone with kids and a spouse. Term life insurance can be had so cheaply these days that there is no excuse! Don't make it even harder on your loved ones after you pass.

 

[fillthefreezer]

sorry to hear this gerry but you give solid advice.
if this strikes a cord with anyone in western wa, my mom can hook you up with a will, pm me.

 

[JoshTX]

Very sorry for your loss.

Your advice is spot on. I am in my mid 30's and my Dad is 81 and mother 76. For years they would simply refuse to embrace this issue and sort it out. After a lot of discussion I got them to do something about it. It is very important to have a will and/or trust, durable power of attorney, physicians's directive and so forth. Alternates are not a bad idea either.

 

[Justin Crossley]

Sorry for your loss man and very good advice.

 

[mtswampfox]

sorry for your loss. had a wake up call last spring when my childhood pal passed suddenly. made me get my act in order including a chat with local atty and had will drawn up and had a long talk with my son.......

 

[Kevin Root]

Sorry to hear about the loss of your Dad Vandal 44. My prayers go out to you and your family. Good advice for sure. There is no telling when it's anyones time to go and it's hard enough already on loved ones with the loss.

 

[boom]

bummer!! sorry.

i'd like to add..get that medical directive on file as well. you dont want to make your loved one make any hard decisions..

i need to get EVERYTHNG done. i suck.

 

[Bonedalien]

thats realy tough.
i have everything in order exept a will.
thanks for the reminder,you always think there will be time for that stuff later.

 

[beachbunny]

I'm donated to the anatomy board, no fuss no muss.does'nt cost a cent and the kids get a box of leftovers after the science experiment.
will/trust and directives taken care of. thanks and sorry.i know it was not a joy watching a full blown alky kill themselves after having gone through it myself!RIP

 

[D Lee]

I'm genuinely sorry for your loss and applaud your post.

Folks - you simply can NOT imagine what can happen when there's property/assets to divide and no will. And, should you believe leaving a will casts in stone your wishes after you are gone - think again. Don't ask me how I know this. Please (please) listen carefully. Wills are contested every single day. Once the fight begins in court - the attorneys will literally take everything in the estate, leaving the bitter contestors penniless. It is absolutely imperative that an individual nearing the end of his/her life specifically give away all to the person(s) of his/her choice BEFORE passing. If at all possible, leave 0 - zero - nada - in the will to be contested. This will literally save your friend & family relationships. Unless families are super tight and would NEVER - EVER contest a will - wills are worthless. Again, I'm sorry, don't ask me how I know this. The OP comments are exactly right but - IMHO - didn't go far enough. When the time comes, give it all away to the persons of your choice, now. Then there's NO question of who owns what - and there's nothing left to contest in the will. Every single day - unsuspecting family members are caught in this horrific nightmare - unprepared because they were never told what I just told you.

I wish peace to this man's family - and yours when the time comes. When the passing comes, it's tragic enough. No more heartache is needed. Finalize ALL this business before that time comes - transfer everything - done and over with. Do it to preserve the family.

 

[SDHNTR]

The problem with that D Lee is giving things away while alive has serious tax implications. Gift tax for the grantor and loss of the stepped up cost basis that heirs would otherwise benefit from. That can mean big capital gains tax on appreciated assets (real estate, stocks, art, collectibles, etc).

A better plan is to be VERY specific in the will and trust documents. For example, rather than being generic about anything, list the exact asset and who gets it. Not furniture, but specific pieces. Not artwork, or jewelry as a blanket statement, but list specific pieces again. Not a gun collection, but list the individual guns. Furthermore, the trust doc can state HOW each person is to receive things, such as on the 25 th birthday, in increments, etc. To make these documents iron clad you must be as specific and descriptive as possible. Leave nothing to interpretation. Easier said than done, yes, but this should be the goal. Most estate disputes I see wouldn't have happened in the first place had there been more open communication among the family before/as these docs are drafted and more specific language within the finalized draft.

Also, if we are talking some significant assets to go around, I cannot stress this point enough... Do not burden a family member with the job of Successor Trustee or Executor. I've seen wonderful, loving families torn apart by this when its time to divvy up the dough. With good intent, mom and dad make the eldest son (for example) the Trustee. He then becomes the gatekeeper. He must be the one to distribute assets according to the trust document. He is now the bad guy if someone doesnt get what they wanted. He's just trying to legally do his job but now he is under scrutiny, and we get back to that interpretation thing again. It never ends well. Instead, nominate an impartial, 3rd party, corporate trustee - a CPA, an attorney or professional trust company. It's worth the money they charge to keep peace in your family after you're gone.

This is complicated stuff with serious and costly implications. If you don't understand all the nuances, don't try to go it alone. Hire a professional.

 

[D Lee]

The problem with that D Lee is giving things away while alive has serious tax implications. Gift tax for the grantor and loss of the stepped up cost basis that heirs would otherwise benefit from. That can mean big capital gains tax on appreciated assets (real estate, stocks, art, collectibles, etc).

A better plan is to be VERY specific in the will and trust documents. For example, rather than being generic about anything, list the exact asset and who gets it. Not furniture, but specific pieces. Not artwork, or jewelry as a blanket statement, but list specific pieces again. Not a gun collection, but list the individual guns. Furthermore, the trust doc can state HOW each person is to receive things, such as on the 25 th birthday, in increments, etc. To make these documents iron clad you must be as specific and descriptive as possible. Leave nothing to interpretation. Easier said than done, yes, but this should be the goal. Most estate disputes I see wouldn't have happened in the first place had there been more open communication among the family before/as these docs are drafted and more specific language within the finalized draft.

Also, if we are talking some significant assets to go around, I cannot stress this point enough... Do not burden a family member with the job of Successor Trustee or Executor. I've seen wonderful, loving families torn apart by this when its time to divvy up the dough. With good intent, mom and dad make the eldest son (for example) the Trustee. He then becomes the gatekeeper. He must be the one to distribute assets according to the trust document. He is now the bad guy if someone doesnt get what they wanted. He's just trying to legally do his job but now he is under scrutiny, and we get back to that interpretation thing again. It never ends well. Instead, nominate an impartial, 3rd party, corporate trustee - a CPA, an attorney or professional trust company. It's worth the money they charge to keep peace in your family after you're gone.

This is complicated stuff with serious and costly implications. If you don't understand all the nuances, don't try to go it alone. Hire a professional.

Understood,......my intent was correct,......use your method. I'm the Trustee you spoke of, hence my post.