Dads of Rokslide

[2-Stix]

All they want is your time. And you will run out of time before you run out of money...give them as much time as you can, and then more.

Ask them how they feel every day. We play lemons and lollypops at dinner...we share the best and worst of each day and we listen and ask questions and we dont comment.

 

[insanelupus]

One piece of advice I give to new fathers at church:


Remind your child every day, from day one, how much Mommy, Daddy, and Jesus loves them.

There will come a day in their life when they will wonder if that is true. Tell them often enough so they will KNOW it is true, even if they question it.

 

[Wolfshead]

I can’t thank you men enough. These have been incredible to read on this gloomy morning at work. My wife is due in November with our first baby girl and to say I’m a bit nervous would be an understatement

Just understand that there is no “right way” to do it.
There is only doing the best you can.
Enjoy it! It is such a fulfilling and rewarding experience.
Think about it, you get to experience the world as new again through the eyes of someone you will love more than you ever have.
We’re going through that stage again as Grandparents.
Children are a blessing!

 

[spur60]

Let them cry. Our 2nd daughter did not sleep through the night without waking up and crying until she was 14 months old.

Don't let them have tablets or your phones. Screens are ruining kids' development and behavior.

Save the cardboard boxes. Let your kids draw, paint, and build forts with them.

Teach them about money often and early.

Start the college funds right away.

Teach them sports. Keep them moving. Go for hikes. Have relay races in the park. Introduce trikes and bikes early. Play catch in the backyard. Teach them to recognize speed and momentum in objects so they can react faster. I've never seen more non-attentive, non-athletic, uncoordinated children in my life than the current generation of 5-10 year olds I work with at church on Wednesday nights.

Take them scouting. Take them hunting. Take them to a farm and get them hands on with animals.

Be there. 7th grade volleyball isn't a big deal, but leave work an hour early and go to that game.

Everything your child likes to eat will have sugar in it. Start in right away with fresh fruits and veggies. Stay away from anything in a pouch, package, or container as long as you can.

Always say yes to a water fight or snowball fight.

Reward good behavior but set expectations that certain chores and manners are simply a part of being a good human being and do not require additional compensation for following those principles.

Correspond with their teachers. Review their work. Don't just ask "how was school?", be involved with their education.

Take care of mom.

 

[cfounta1]

Get your toys in order before kids

 

[GoBirds]

If you had one piece of advice for a first timer (me), what would that be?

As they start to get older.. Let them make the choices of what/when they want to hunt/fish. Example, my son (10yo) drew a youth doe tag, it is his choice if he goes on that hunt or recovers his points to save for a chance at a bigger buck. He has already shot a doe and a small buck. He wants to save his points.

 

[asimpso94]

Man. There are some great dads in this community.

 

[johnnycake]

There's a lot of great advice throughout this thread. One thing I want to add that I haven't seen here yet is to be prepared to identify post partum issues that your wife might end up suffering, and be ready to communicate with her and her doctors to effectively advocate for her. I really hope you don't ever have to experience these, but over the years in talking with buddies I've realized it is way more common than you might think--and people don't talk about it enough.

Your wife's body has already been on a hormonal rollercoaster since she got pregnant. However, that's a kiddie ride compared to what she's about to get hit with at childbirth and post delivery. It's not just post partum depression--also be on the look out for post partum anxiety, mood, and psychosis.

Post partum anxiety terrorized my wife for 3 years before she was willing to acknowledge there was a problem and that she needed help. And even then, it took a lot of discussions and a few failed attempts to start therapy, then a few different prescriptions for things to start improving. All in, it took about 6-7 years after our first kid (we have two, and no way in hell are we having more for a bunch of reasons) before it felt like I had my wife back.

 

[TaperPin]

The amount of good information for new parents is better than it’s ever been, but sometime you don’t know what you don’t know. Every adult should have to have an understanding of stress management, preferably before your new kiddo pops his/her head out - it really does apply to most aspects of a person’s life.

Stressful things, both good and bad, stack on each other. Reframing self talk, eliminating what you can, understanding how stress works, and having an O-Shit-Plan should be basic adult 101. Tattoo that on your knuckles, up an arm and finishing on the forehead. It’s easy to warn people to get their ducks in a row, but hard for them to see the value in it before they actually get that concept. Someone we know well, got married, moved, changed jobs, had medical issues with the wife, she wrecked a car, had a number of pets die, changed jobs again, had another pet die, could barely afford their new life, and had a kid in the middle of it all. Every one of those stresses stacked up. She had some postpartum and blamed it all on the move, hated life, and wanted to leave - he was overwhelmed and blamed it on the cushy new job. Had they moved and been settled for a year their stress levels would have been much much lower once the kid along, and dealing with the postpartum would have been more doable for them both. Hard to say if their train wreck will survive, even though they hit the lottery and should be thankful for the many easy breaks they lucked into.

Prepare for the worst, hope for the best.

 

[WV Mountaineer]

If you had one piece of advice for a first timer (me), what would that be?

Be their dad first and their friend second. The results will be the best dad and friend they could ever have had.

 

[P Carter]

People talk about kids having trouble with phones. That’s true. But parents have trouble with phones too. Maybe worse. Try having a spot to dump your phone when you walk in the door, and don’t pick it up again until after the kid goes to bed.

Have fun with your kids - like laugh out loud, roll on the floor, fun. Tell jokes, play pranks (on grandparents is the best), have inside jokes, see the world their way. It can start early. They pick up on it really fast.

They are wiring their neural networks constantly, from the instant they come out. (Before, actually.) So you are wiring their brains through your interaction with them, your interaction with others, and what you expose them too. Which means they have to be stimulated, the right amount, to the right things. (Within a broad range, of course.) Make sure they’re safe, secure, but challenged.

Kids find being indoors simultaneously boring and overstimulating. (I do too, actually.) Get outside as much as you can.

Bad behavior is often the result of not having enough responsibility/freedom/challenge. Close cousin to being bored. Like anyone, kids are happy when they have responsibilities, but ones that can fulfill well. It’s harder to teach responsibility than to just do the task for the child. If theres a behavioral issue, often it takes stepping back and thinking about how the child can undertake more responsibility/freedom, teach that responsibility/how to fulfill the duty, and let them take it from there.

The advice about postpartum depression is really good and critical. Your wife has just completed an endurance event that far exceeds anything you can and would ever do. And her hormone-producing organ just fell from her body, she has to start over *and* feed a tiny glutton on very little sleep. It will take 3-5 years to get back to where she was beforehand. (And won’t ever truly get back there.) And, that whole time, the way you treat her will be part of how that baby’s neurons develop. It’s time to buckle down and learn what being a real man is all about: true service to others. You have to take care of yourself - eat well, exercise, etc - but you’ll have to strip away a bunch of other nonessential things. There’s nothing easy about it, but that’s what makes you grow. (We’re not so different from children, as you’ll come to find out. Same needs, different manifestations.)

Good luck and have fun!

 

[h2so4]

@asimpso94 i can’t suggest reading the happiest baby on the block enough. My wife is a baby whisperer and gets them calm so fast and easy. She’s got a degree in babies, so that helps. If you can learn and understand the 5 S’s in the book, you’ll be much better suited to handle a (fussy) baby. The book will give you tolls you can use from day 1 and it will make a huge difference.

There is a ton of nice instruction and feedback in this thread, glad to see Roksliders engaged.

Also definitely offer to do random ice cream runs for your wife and a lot of other nice stuff.

Amazon.com

PS- this thread reminded me to start the dishwasher. Thanks guys

 

[grizz19]

Cherish every freakin second of it. It’s cliche and you’ll hear it allot but it DOES go by faster than you can imagine. Your going to blink and they are going to be running around talking and getting into everything. Keep them outside and off the tv. Let them “help” do household chores, feeding the dogs, chickens, etc. it’s fun for them and teaches them responsibilities right off the get go.

 

[260shooter]

Don’t forget about making your wife a priority. Your experience will be different than everyone else’s. The ability to simple daily tasks gets harder (cooking, dishes, shit, shower, shave, etc). Enjoy each moment.

Make a point to help out more with children and around the house. Also, have date nights, no kids. You need that time together at least once a month.
I also agree with taking the kids along on your hobby's, you will have a outdoor buddy for life.

Be the man your kids want to grow up to be like.

 

[asimpso94]

@asimpso94 i can’t suggest reading the happiest baby on the block enough. My wife is a baby whisperer and gets them calm so fast and easy. She’s got a degree in babies, so that helps. If you can learn and understand the 5 S’s in the book, you’ll be much better suited to handle a (fussy) baby. The book will give you tolls you can use from day 1 and it will make a huge difference.

There is a ton of nice instruction and feedback in this thread, glad to see Roksliders engaged.

Also definitely offer to do random ice cream runs for your wife and a lot of other nice stuff.

Amazon.com

PS- this thread reminded me to start the dishwasher. Thanks guys

I will definitely check that book out! Thank you

 

[DapperDan]

Raising kids is really no different than training a dog...

You get out of them what you put into them

Can I use my training collar the same way I use it on my dog??? lol


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[DapperDan]

Thanks OP for starting this thread!

Wife and I are expecting our first in January. We decided to wait until the baby is born to know of it’s a boy or girl. Being 39 and starting a family isn’t how I planned it 20 years ago but it took 11 of those years to meet my best friend and we’ve only been married 6 years. She’s 7 years younger than me so at least that’s a positive. We did bust butt this year and are debt free other than a cheap mortgage and cheap truck note so that’s been a huge blessing ( less than $2000 combined). I’m self employed and a GC and I’ve been promising upgrades in the house we live in for a while. We were renting and it was offered to us well under appraisal so it was a no brainer at the time 4 years ago especially with the cheap interest rates.

Now the baby is on the way so I have to get in gear…. I have 3 months for a complete remodel of this house. If I finish in time it’s going to be a miracle but my wife will absolutely love me for it! lol. Ive decided it’s time to have a serious purge. The plan to have a 20 yard dumpster dropped at my house very soon and most of my garage is going in it. I have so much left over material crap that takes up space and I desperately need that extra room. And probably a climate control storage as well. We have way too much stuff. The cheap mortgage is great, the small 1400 SF house isn’t. Lolol


Work hasn’t slowed down at all and I have more projects in the pipeline as well as I’m about to start the framing stage of rebuilding my dad’s house. His burnt down a year ago and weather had kept me from pouring concrete until about a month ago so that’s been a huge delay. He had one of the sweetest springs and summers I can remember and he had the house built right before I was born so I grew up there. I usually start slowing down this time of year but I’m counting my blessings and not complaining.

My wife is the one that’s the most nervous. I have three older brothers with a combined 8 nieces and nephews as well as a younger bother that doesn’t have kids but I remember him as a child. I’ve been exposed to plenty of babies but it’s been a while. My wife hasn’t. But I reassure her almost daily that kids a resilient and we will learn together! I try not to show her any of my nervousness or fears especially if she’s nervous. Thankfully she has some close friends that are expecting as well and we have some close friends that have two small children that are just the best young kids I’ve ever been around other then one of my older brothers. It also helps that his wife is a ICU nurse and he is a Nurse Practitioner and phenomenal with nutrition (he did my wife’s nutrition when she was body building).

So my advice (even though I’m not a dad yet) is find a great support system. Someone that will let you ask all the questions or has recently or is going through the same situation. Dont be shy to ask for help. Even on this forum. We are all like minded or we wouldn’t be here. It’s a great community. Church is a great place to find help and advice as others have stated! Have fun with it. They grow up super fast. I remember when my nice and nephews were all babies. Out 8, 4 have graduated high school and one is close to 30…


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[Legend]

If you had one piece of advice for a first timer (me), what would that be?

"Your goal as a parent is NOT to make your kids normal like you"

If you loved playing basketball but they aren't into it then move on. If you love to hunt but they aren't into it move on. Etc...

They will be their own person and embrace it. Find something you can connect with as adults. You can't play with Legos and dolls forever. Or at least in my opinion you probably shouldn't.

 

[Legend]

If you had one piece of advice for a first timer (me), what would that be?

Two others

Never let your kids sleep in your bed, ever. It is just a bad longterm idea.

Sleepovers at friends houses are a bad idea. We have only allowed it on very rare circumstances and have no regrets. Weird stuff can happen and the upside is very minimal if any.

 

[Legend]

If you had one piece of advice for a first timer (me), what would that be?

Dang I thought of another.

When they are babies put them to bed tired. Don't put them to bed when they are asleep in your arms. Learned that they hard way with our first!