Advice for having a potentially difficult discussion with your hunting partner/Family member.

[pk_]

He may have an issue. I have a family member who has an issue and has left me in terrible, terrible situations multiple times due to forgetfulness/bad decision making. One time I was on the verge of heatstroke and nearly lost an animal to spoil, and that is not an exaggeration. End of the day a ‘talk’ about it probably isn’t going to fix a damn thing.

Be prepared for you and them, make sure everything ‘mission critical’ is under your direct control or have backup. If you want to keep hunting together it is the only thing to do.

I’m not trying to be rude to you, but it sounds from the way you worded it, that you already know that if he can’t remember shit, he isn’t going to start because of a heart to heart. Whether it’s due to ignorance or a true mental issue.

 

[rob86jeep]

Everybody forgets things, everybody makes mistakes. If you know he has issues with memory, bring your borrowed gear to give him at the trail head instead of days/weeks before. If his issues are more than you're willing to put up with, them find a new hunting partner. If you're willing to put up with the issues, then try to figure out ways to help him in the future.

 

[*zap*]

if I am carrying a pack in the dark I am using the headlamp I brought with me...that solves that issue.

 

[Rich M]

Sounds like everyday stuff all of us deal with.

when I take someone hunting or fishing I usually just bring gear for two or three or four. If I go w someone as a guest, I bring my own stuff.

You’re just mad cause you almost got hurt and think a brighter head lamp woulda made a diff. Glad you didn’t get hurt.

 

[Red Letters]

Read all the post here from guys like me with no hunting partners

 

[fngTony]

Sounds like everyday stuff all of us deal with.

when I take someone hunting or fishing I usually just bring gear for two or three or four. If I go w someone as a guest, I bring my own stuff.

You’re just mad cause you almost got hurt and think a brighter head lamp woulda made a diff. Glad you didn’t get hurt.

Probably right, and it was a long week at work leading up to this. I’m also positive that fatigue set in on me while he’s still riding the adrenaline.

 

[MattB]

Probably right, and it was a long week at work leading up to this. I’m also positive that fatigue set in on me while he’s still riding the adrenaline.

Might be a personal issue (e.g. ADD) that relying on a list would help too.

 

[MattB]

if I am carrying a pack in the dark I am using the headlamp I brought with me...that solves that issue.

And if the forgetful hunter cuts himself because of bad light and needs to be evac'ed in the dark? Your solution solves one problem but might create a bigger one.

 

[Laramie]

After reading the details... If that's the toughest conversation you have to have, your a pretty lucky guy. You know him and his habits. Your choice to rely on him for something created the issue. I hold several people's hands yearly and do so voluntarily. Your choice to put up with him or not...

 

[Werty]

My hunting buddy asked me to carry his elk antlers the rest of the way out, told him "If I carry it out, it becomes mine." It sounds harsh except, he has my spare headlight, one of my trekking poles, his elk is in my game bags, at one point I'm carrying his rifle, along with mine, lost my knife sharpener (found later in a pocket that he checked), I'm also carrying a hind quarter in my pack.
I don't hate the guy, but will never put myself in that situation again without a talk.

 

[Fatcamp]

And if the forgetful hunter cuts himself because of bad light and needs to be evac'ed in the dark? Your solution solves one problem but might create a bigger one.

Who carries one headlamp? Honestly, two is one, one is none couldn't apply more.

 

[fngTony]

Who carries one headlamp? Honestly, two is one, one is none couldn't apply more.

I did pack 2, he just forgot about and lost the one I packed for him

 

[ozyclint]

So you know he's forgetful, you relied on him to remember something now your pissed that he forgot something?
If I'm driving 3.5hrs to help someone with a task I'll make sure I have everything needed to do it regardless of what any other party says they have.

 

[Tod osier]

I'll pile on with the the guys suggesting that he is just a screw up and probably isn't going to change. You are just perpetuating it by being nice and helping him out.

 

[Drenalin]

And if the forgetful hunter cuts himself because of bad light and needs to be evac'ed in the dark? Your solution solves one problem but might create a bigger one.

Better for it to happen to one of the other three in the party who were counting on the guy? I get what you're saying, that he might actually seriously injure himself, but I'm inclined to let shitbirds suffer natural consequences. Maybe if he experienced more that, instead of the current enabling, he'd pull his head out and make a genuine effort. If the dude has some kind of legit mental issue that precludes him from being a reasonably responsible adult, I doubt the OP would have posted this thread.

OP, if you don't want to be a babysitter, you need to stop babysitting. He's a problem, but you're helping him be a problem. Your choice whether you use sugar or vinegar, but if you want anything to change you probably shouldn't tiptoe around it. Honesty is the best policy.

 

[Rich M]

Probably right, and it was a long week at work leading up to this. I’m also positive that fatigue set in on me while he’s still riding the adrenaline.

Some stuff stings a lot longer than others.

maybe y’all just need to limit what the absent minded professor is responsible for?

I remember searching for stuff on most every trip, sometime we find it, sometimes not.

 

[Mosby]

Hunting the right way is hard work and time consuming. It involves a lot of planning and preparation. Not everyone loves it or is willing to do it the right way. Not everyone will spend the time to plan, prepare or work at it. They like the idea of hunting but not the work. They put in minimal effort and thought. Forgetfulness is just lack of effort. I have hunted with people that are along for the ride, as long as I am doing most of the work but you really can't count on them. Hunting is hard enough without all that negative energy hanging around. Nothing wrong with talking and setting expectations understanding that people normally don't change. The older I get the more I hunt by myself. My best hunting partner is my dog.

 

[Reburn]

So I'll chime in here.
signs of a bad hunting partner
1) blue falcons you out of an animal that you found that you are hunting.
2) takes his other friends to your places
3) gets blackout drunk on hunting trips and generally acts an ass.
4) isnt really even interested in hunting and shacks up at the first cat house and will probably need a couple rounds of pencillin before going home to his wife.
5). flaky

Forgetfulness while irritating to the prepared isnt the worst thing ever.

I have been lucky as I only hunt with my brothers or my best friend of 20 years anymore. My best friend is forgetful and we have been in some real train wrecks. Not due to his forgetfulness though. We always made it though the goat ropes because while he is forgetful he is really resourceful and has good problem solving abilities. Not to mention he is gold and will be anywhere at anytime if i need him.

You should really think on this and think of his good qualities hard before you start to get down on him for his bad qualities. Friendship like a marriage is a 2 way street. There is probably some stuff about you that he would say are bad qualities. Before you have this particular conversation you should ask yourself, If he says F you go away will you be upset. If he starts listing out your "bad" qualities are you going to get your feelings hurt. Will the loss of the friendship be worth his forgetfulness. Sometimes these converstations arent worth having due to the damage they can cause.

 

[H2PVon]

You know these issues have happened before, and then drove 3.5 hours without your own headlamp or 4, pack, and whatever else needed. If this was my biggest complaint about a hunting partner I'd consider myself pretty lucky.

Edit: Forgot to add, the first thing I would have said is "Where's the %$#&*^ bag I left you?"

 

[Reburn]

Ill also add.

Maybe it’s just me but Type 1 fun is all great and good.
Type 1 fun is when everything goes great and its fun while you’re doing it. These normally make pretty bland hunting stories.

Type 2 fun makes the best stories and the best memories for me.
Type 2 fun is it’s a complete cluster while its happening and it sucks but its fun after the fact.
I personally get great satisfaction when it’s a goat rope and we make it through it especially successfully. Type 2 trips make the best stories.