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[Rifleman86]

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[Gastriclavage16]

After my first kid I never hunted that year

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[brsnow]

Wait until you hold your baby for the first time and see how you feel. Your wife and you will find your rhythm. I would caution you on having this discussion with a pregnant woman, especially with their first.

 

[Rifleman86]

After my first kid I never hunted that year

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Yup, first year I totally get it. But baby is due in Feb, I’ll be gone from June of 2020 to June of 2021. Baby would be a year and a half until I might go hunting again.

The way the discussion went it was pretty much, “You aren’t going out west hunting again until the kid is at least 10!”

That left me feeling more than a little depressed.

 

[Rifleman86]

Wait until you hold your baby for the first time and see how you feel. Your wife and you will find your rhythm. I would caution you on having this discussion with a pregnant woman, especially with their first.

Yup I was going to “cross that bridge when I come to it.”

I can see her side totally. But I also don’t want the expectation be that I’m giving up western hunting now. Trying to find the right balance so to speak.

 

[Ein]

Yeah, some pregnant women take the “life as we know it is over” thing pretty hard, especially if they weren’t around babies much growing up. You’ll be surprised how much you can still do if the two of you try to integrate the “child was born into our world” mindset. Lots of things are more work (traveling, camping, etc.) but you’ll have an awesome time making memories as a family. I guarantee you she’ll want the occasional girls weekend, you’ll get back to hunting.

 

[P Carter]

Father of three here. My two cents: It’s a long-term process. Maybe one year off, next year 3 days, something like that. And you’ll have to earn it, show (don’t tell) her that you’re committed to the family, being a father, etc. That may take extraordinary efforts but so be it. (Everything in your life is about to take extraordinary efforts!)

Also, just keep in mind, neither of you two have any idea what your life with kids will turn out to be like. All the plans go out the window real quick. Have a plan but be ready to throw it out will quick.

Id also drop the topic for now. She has enough going on at the moment, physically mentally and emotionally.

 

[P Carter]

And congratulations, by the way!

 

[Gastriclavage16]

Yup, first year I totally get it. But baby is due in Feb, I’ll be gone from June of 2020 to June of 2021. Baby would be a year and a half until I might go hunting again.

The way the discussion went it was pretty much, “You aren’t going out west hunting again until the kid is at least 10!”

That left me feeling more than a little depressed.

You sound alot like me. My wife's friends tell her she has the easiest life because I literally do everything year round just so i can hunt (minimally) without feeling guilty, but 6 hours into a weekend trip I'm getting texts that I've abandoned the family. If you find the answer let me know.

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[Legend]

Father of three here. My two cents: It’s a long-term process. Maybe one year off, next year 3 days, something like that. And you’ll have to earn it, show (don’t tell) her that you’re committed to the family, being a father, etc. That may take extraordinary efforts but so be it. (Everything in your life is about to take extraordinary efforts!)

Also, just keep in mind, neither of you two have any idea what your life with kids will turn out to be like. All the plans go out the window real quick. Have a plan but be ready to throw it out will quick.

Id also drop the topic for now. She has enough going on at the moment, physically mentally and emotionally.

P carter said it all. Congrats and enjoy. Being a dad is way better than any hunt.

 

[jmez]

That is a discussion best had prior to having children. Too late for that now so you will just see how it plans out. Will you be able to afford your trip, a trip for your wife and a trip for the family? If not that is where the selfish part is going to come in.

I have four little boys and I still go out west every year. My MIL comes and helps the wife with the kids when I'm gone. It hasn't been a problem for my wife and I. It is the only thing I do by myself the entire year. Everything else is done with her and the kids.

When I hunt around here I most always take one or two of the boys with. That has changed considerably, as has the amount of times I get out locally.

 

[P Carter]

Yup, first year I totally get it. But baby is due in Feb, I’ll be gone from June of 2020 to June of 2021. Baby would be a year and a half until I might go hunting again.

The way the discussion went it was pretty much, “You aren’t going out west hunting again until the kid is at least 10!”

That left me feeling more than a little depressed.

Nothing either of you two say about what’s going to happen after the baby will have any sticking power! It’s a total life-changing event. If you keep it as a longer-term goal, and work toward it, it’ll happen one way or another. Keep the faith! Also, I agree with the posts above. It’s a balancing act...I still haven’t figured it out.

 

[brsnow]

i take a guys scuba dive trip each year and 2 weeks hunting. I have 2 young daughters and make sure I am an engaged father and husband. My wife gets vacation/time with her friends. I work harder so she can work a 3 day week. We have family vacations and spend most weekends camping, hiking, fishing, skiing, ballet. If she happens to be the one who grocery shopped, I come out and help unload and put away. I also let her know how much I appreciate her as my wife and mother to our kids. We also talk. At the end of the day, I don’t do it to get more free time. I do it because I love my family and feel so fortunate to have them. The freedom is simply a byproduct.

 

[Clarence]

Life will change, things will look different for a spell probably. In time, and tactfully communicate what hunting means to you...but now is not the time. Pregnant women can be volatile, and that is not said to be disrespectful or dismissive. You sound like a good husband and a all around good man. Love and support your wife and family, and it will come together. When my daughter was born, I was wayyy into snowmobiling with my buddies. Sleds parked in March, she was born in August. That was eleven years ago and I just sold them, after not moving them since. I got back into hunting hard. Mostly locally, but as we found our groove, I was able to ramp it up. Happy to say the sleds money got used for some sweet backcountry gear. This story is just to explain that sometimes, what really matters pre kids is prone to changing once you hold your child and watch your wife labor. My .03

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[NJDiverDan]

Until the kids are older, they are your first priority. I used to get maybe 1/2 a day hunting locally each weekend. Now I get away for every weekend and maybe some longer times. Put the time in with your kids. You can be away from them plenty when they are older. The time will go so fast and if you are not there you will regret it more than missing a few days hunting.

 

[Grover]

Family first. Always. Tough choices sometimes but you won’t believe how cool it is to be a dad. Just wait until you can take your kids with you. Game changer.

But it’s important that there is give and take on both sides in any healthy relationship. I am guessing that you will be on top of a mountain out west much sooner than she is thinking right now. Things have a way of working out.

 

[Azone]

Stand your ground and go hunt. I'm expecting a baby in early October and I will still be hunting while dealing with a demanding work schedule and busy homelife, it can be tough to balance out but it's not impossible either. Like you said man, it's your "zen" get out and go for it. I'm a firm believer in that people need a good mental reset from time to time, and being out in bum f___ Egypt for a couple to several days is the best way in my opinion.
It can really suck being away from family for the first few times, but it will get better with time. The roughest part of my Idaho voyage three years ago was missing my daughters and wife, felt guilty and like I was out screwing off instead of being at home taking care of business. But looking back at it, it was worth it because now I can share that experience with my oldest daughter and she really enjoys the story and pictures from that trip. She also loves to listen to all the other stories from her mom and I about hunting and fishing or just messing around in the mountains.

Everyone's situation is going to be different, FIRST AND FOREMOST make sure your wife and kids are taken care of, period. But you also have to live life man, it goes by way too fast, been to three funerals so far this year and it has really hit me how limited time is.

 

[sndmn11]

How do you balance family commitment with the need to get in the woods?

Make those two things the same thing. I love taking my one year old into nature because all the new things to look at mellows him out and a handful of hours pass like a breeze.

 

[KChunter71]

Congrats on the baby! You’ll be a awesome dad. Also thank you for your service for this great county we call home. Also a third congratulations on the new home.

I can see how the wife and you are stressed, a lot to juggle. New baby, new house and a pending deployment.

It’s a hard conversion to have but I have two in diaper and wouldn’t trade them for the world. Hunting days have slowed some, but I see more days in the future as they get older. My son 2 is already asking to go hunting with me. That puts a smile on my face every time. He turns 3 soon and all he wants is a rifle like dads. Pregnant wife can me full of emotions and they will get better!

Your going to have to start small hunting local and work up to the longer hunts. You will get to go on your hunts soon enough.

Again congrats on the baby


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[ramont]

You deploy with the military, you work as a first responder, you do the dad and husband thing, and I'm sure that you have lots of household repairs to take care of. When do you get your time? It's not like either of your jobs are parties, I retired from the military and deployed many times, I know how hard the work is. I also have lots of family that are either LEO or Fire Fighters so I know how demanding and dangerous your civilian job can be too.

Thank goodness my wife has never complained about my hunting time, in fact, she even encourages me to go. I wouldn't ever go hunting if there were serious problems at home but if it were a question of the wife feeling jealous because I took some personal time then I'd be off to the hills without a second thought. My wife spent 12 years in the military and about half of that as a single parent with custody of three children. We married after she got out and I deployed 5 times in the first 7 years of our marriage. I suppose her stoic attitude about taking care of things came from having nobody but herself to rely on. I guess that after the first 12 years or so of the kid's lives she just learned to buck up and deal with things as they came rather than complain that somebody else wasn't there to share the load.

Good marriages are based on self sacrifice, if either partner keeps score in regards to who did what for whom then it's not the hunting trips that are the problem. My wife and I like to go out of our way to allow the other person the freedom to do something that they enjoy, if that means one of us has to carry the load for a short time then we gladly do it just to see the happy smile on the other's face.