What animals could you beat in a fight?

[joshbazz]

Saw this study and thought it was funny/interesting. In one on one, unarmed, hand to hoof combat, what animals could you best?

Which animals could Britons beat in a fight? | YouGov

Things don’t look good for anyone confronted by anything scarier than a medium-sized dog

yougov.co.uk

I think the chimp might be an under rated opponent. The king cobra would likely be a draw, no survivors. The wolf is ranked too high and should have more parity with large dog.

Wolf and chimp should have places changed. Nobody is winning an adult chimp attack, and unlikely surviving...

 

[Carlin59]

A big fox squirrel is an underrated opponent. If they were 30lbs instead of 3, they would be king of the woods in central WI.

 

[EastHumboldt]

This thread is awesome. Who cares what pack you carry or what’s your fave cartridge. Can you kick some chimp ass???.

I don’t want to fight any of the animals on this list. my 18 year old nephew opined at dinner one night that he thought he could outrun a cougar. general mockery all around.

I had a very short tussle… more of a “posturing match” with a big rat once. Two of them were under the tub where my wife was bathing. I went in the basement with a 3’ broomstick and banged on the floorboards. Out comes rat #1 weighing in at 14 oz of pure “run away run away” as I swatted at him with the broomstick. Out comes rat #2 weighing 8 lbs or so. I’m not exaggerating. Mutant or some offshore species… don’t know which. I raised the broomstick and thought about it. He turned his head and hissed at me. “My, what a lot of sharp teeth you have” I thought. I went upstairs. I told her I’d scared them away. 1/2 true

i set a rat trap and killed the small one. I set another rat trap and stapled it to a 20 lb chunk of firewood with dog chain. I came downstairs and found the log dragged across the cellar, with the chain stretched into my pile of firewood. She-it I said. I went back upstairs and put on two hoodies, a pair of welding gauntlets, and a set of ski goggles. I grabbed a hand axe and started moving firewood with my left hand holding the axe ready in my right. When I got to him he had his head stuck in the trap and it had strangled him thank god. I’m glad I didn’t have to fight him. I guess I’d win but man I’d pay for it.

 

[DenverCountryBoy]

Anyone thinks they would even remotely have as chance against an apprehension dog are not familiar with them. Mist are medium sized. A malinois is no joke.

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Zero chance of evading an apprehension dog.

If we're talking Thunderdome; two enter, one leaves, I'm gonna get tore up, but I'm the one walking out.

 

[Bubblehide]

...
If we're talking Thunderdome; two enter, one leaves, ...

I beat Godzilla way back in the day; and it was utter extinction.

 

[Dos Perros]

Zero chance of evading an apprehension dog.

If we're talking Thunderdome; two enter, one leaves, I'm gonna get tore up, but I'm the one walking out.

Even at 100:1 odds I'm taking the dog.

 

[tp308]

Thank you for this treasure... Just sent it to my closest British friend! I defended my 5 yr old from a vicious Australian Shepherd once, poor dog didn't stand a chance against my size 13's. Also had to fight off an angry swan once, wasn't pretty but the swan backed down, lol!

 

[NoWiser]

Hell hath no fury like a mamma loon when an innocent scuba diver surfaces between her and her chick. There’s really no escape. You can’t dive fast enough to escape underwater and you certainly can’t outswim them on the surface. All you can do is float there and take a beating until your buddies quit laughing long enough to rescue you with a boat. Thank God for neoprene wetsuits and a good, snug fitting mask.

 

[Southforkguy]

I had a friend who said he would beat the shit out of a wolf if it came down to it. Course he didn't leave the truck much. I've been close to a few critters, I'd say I could claw my way to the top against a gut shot rabbit. Bout it

 

[Fdh]

At age 66 in the am, maybe a coyote with a knife, after 3 pm in afternoon not even the neighbors dog.

 

[Semorbux]

Id put money down that I could take a chipmunk. Ya their quick and they carry the plague but I'm sure I can take one those flighty SoBs.

 

[Fordguy]

Id put money down that I could take a chipmunk. Ya their quick and they carry the plague but I'm sure I can take one those flighty SoBs.

If it runs up your pant leg, all bets are off.

 

[MattB]

I have a buddy who stoned a tom turkey with his 10 gauge. Dead as a door nail….until he grabbed it by the neck.

Fast forward 60 seconds or so and my buddy laid there bleeding and hyperventilating. He killed the bird, but only because he was able to drown it in a puddle.

 

[Travis907]

Anyone ever fought a pissed off ground hog or beaver(4 legged) that is? Asking for a friend

 

[HuntingAddiction647]

turtle

 

[Stalker69]

Well I know I can take a goose. They like to come after us while walking my dog. A really hard solid kick, changes their minds quickly If that don’t work I grab them by the neck and start spinning around as if throwing a ball and chain. Every once in a while, it will brake their little &*()’ necks. As will a well placed kick to the neck.

 

[FLATHEAD]

I used to think I could take on a Mtn. Lion until we got a cat.
Lil MF'er was like a Leopard.
Had to put up the cat when visitors came
We dont have cats anymore.

 

[Mosby]

None in a fair fight but I don't fight fair. If somebody was counting to 3 to start the fight, I would be shooting at 1. I learned the benefits of this years ago in the Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid fight scene when Butch kicked Harvey in the nuts when discussing the rules of the fight. Harvey quickly learned there are no rules.

Edit: Truth be told I would probably loose in an unfair fight too. Kicking a Grizzly in the nuts is likely ineffective. Probably just eat my foot.

 

[Jbogg]

It takes me a solid five minutes to get my boots on these days. I’m not liking my chances.

 

[hawkman71]

If I put them in their habitat...

• Crocodile in water
  • Zero chance
• Goose on the water
  • Chances reduced big time - it'll drown you.

A little less than 10% of Americans polled think they could beat a lion? I'm looking for tips...

The question didn't ask if you were simply attacked - and thus - given what you've read or experienced may offer you a chance of survival (like a grizzly taking a swat or two and a chomp or two and leaving you alone...). It said a "fight". I assume that means to the death if possible.

Hence, everything on that list from crocodile down...zero chance.