Traditional vs Elope

[Brontosaurus]

I just got married this year and was in the same boat. I was 23 and my wife was 24. IMHO nothing can replace a good traditional wedding. It's such a special day that's worth waiting for.

Me and my wife contemplated eloping many times. But taking the time to do it right is WORTH IT. There's something terribly special about getting to see your wife walk down the aisle. If your being intentional about making a commitment to each other then be just that. Be intentional and sincere. You will look back on that day almost every day of your life whether you choose to go traditional or elope. I'm a sucker for good memories (it's why I hunt) so that's why i went for a trad wedding.

All that said, it's your guys day. Dont let anyone push you around and try and dictate how your day should go. And let me tell you they will try. Make hard calls and let your decisions be the final word. Yeah some people will get offended. But if they can't be your friend/relative without controlling your wedding then they're not worth keeping around. Might sound harsh but it's the truth.

 

[Marble]

I did both. Wife and I got married in secret to save $700 monthly in insurance costs. Had a public wedding a year later.

If my kids were not little at the time, I probably would have just eloped and went on a honeymoon. But the wedding was also a celebration of me surviving a pretty gnarly bout of cancer.

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[Phaseolus]

We got married in a Western Colorado mountain meadow. Had hamburgers and hotdogs and a keg of beer. Later, during the winter since we were in agriculture and couldn’t leave during the growing season, we spent a month in New Zealand.

 

[CorbLand]

Got married 6 years ago and did a traditional wedding. All in all, right around 1500 if I remember correctly for the entire thing. We didn’t do any of it to impress anyone and I made that very clear from the get go. Had to tell my MIL a few times whose wedding it was but it went smooth.

A few people made comments about how small our wedding was but **** them. One is divorced and the other one couldn’t put two pennys together if you gave him three.

Brother in law is getting married next year and he asked me what I would do. I told him small wedding with a small lunch after. Go on a honeymoon and come back and do an open house.

I think there is a correlation between the amount a wedding costs and the divorce rate. Its not inverse either.

Wedding is more for the girl so you will end up doing what she wants. If she is down to elope, do it.

 

[NMJM]

Like everything else in our society weddings have become totally insane. People spend crazy amounts of money on what amounts to a very stressful day so a bride can play princess for the day. So many other better ways to spend money. But in the end its your money (or debt) spend it however you like.

 

[Traveler]

Married traditional and would do it again. We have a commitment reinforced by tradition. Easy come easy go.

 

[180ls1]

Mixed?

Rented a mansion for the weekend + 20 of our closest friends/family and held it there.

 

[RockAndSage]

Context matters - are both families more or less healthy, or is there any sizable current of toxicity anywhere?
What would you two benefit more from? Each individually, your relationship, and your broader union?

On balance, if it can be a positive time that is a celebration of the two of you and who you are bringing together for the event, adding to your lives, then go for it.

But if it looks like it would just largely be a subtractive experience - emotional distress, relationship damage between you or anyone else, money, time, hurts - then it may not be worth it.

But no matter what you decide, decide it as a couple, with each of you 100% on board with the decision, and fully committed to it.

 

[bergie]

I wish I could have spent the $ we did for our wedding for a sweet trip for the wife and I. She didn't want to do that so we did traditional. Probably would do the same thing again as long as that's what she wanted.

 

[JoshOR]

Whatever your wife wants is the only answer here. . My in-laws offered us $ to elope. We had a traditional wedding, still married. Good luck!

 

[rookieforever33]

We customized ours. We are from the midwest and wanted to get married on a beach. Open invitation by phone calls and word of mouth. Almost backfired as we had about 60 friends and family travel to the wedding. The beach was on restaurant property and 60 was the max we could have. They had weddings often and knew how to run it smooth. Wife mail ordered her dress for way cheaper than a shop. Still looked spectacular in it. 6 of us went on the cruise for our honeymoon. Then had a pig roast party in my parents yard a couple months later. Overall we spent about 65 percent of what our friends spent ground that time. Plus had our honeymoon in that cost. 17 years later I feel we marked the day well and made memories, without cheaping out overspending.

 

[Yoder]

The only bigger waste of money than buying a brand new car is a wedding. Have a small quick wedding and spend the money on an awesome honeymoon.

 

[GunsAreFun]

We did a hybrid. We rented an Airbnb for like $200 on a pretty farm. Our lifelong best friends married us and only immediate family was present. Used a local caterer, photographer, and florist. I think all in we spent like $1,500 tops.

That weekend, all ~15 of us stayed at a different Airbnb to make it a bit of a vacation. The guys rented a boat and we slayed some trout on Taneycomo.

Everyone is different but neither of us had any interest in being up in front of 100+ people.

 

[Backyard]

We eloped. At the courthouse in Sturgis during the rally. If we had to do it all over again, we’d do the same. Too much headache and money for a traditional.

And JMHO, but God or lack there of, has nothing to do with the divorce rates. It’s just too easy to quit anything these days. Include a marriage. Been married going on 34 years. God has never been involved.


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[N8H]

It's definitely more of a question to ask your partner, determine what they want and go from there.
We enjoyed our wedding, and we managed to have what felt like, to us, a lavish wedding while still keeping the costs down. We had help from all sorts of family members. Dont know if I'd do it the same if I had to do it all over again, but It was great.
We both knew there would have been a lot of backlash from eloping. Both moms would have lost it, her extended family would have resented us , probably wouldnt even talk to us; it has taken us 7 years to achieve a similar result that eloping could have done for us in a much shorter time.
Hindsight is 20/20

 

[FatCampzWife]

Been married twice. Large, spendy (for us) gig first time. HATED it. Nothing but regrets.
2nd time was small, close family & friend only, mountain meadow, bouquet made from wildflowers, made-by-me wedding cake thing. Was beautiful & no regrets.
Along with regretting the stress & waste of the first to-do, I wish I would've had a dance, so I could've danced with my dad.
Do what makes YOU & your bride to be happy. Everyone else will get over it.
If I could've taken money wasted on the first wedding & put it as a down payment on land, I would have.

 

[CMP70306]

My wife and I went with a traditional wedding when we got married last year, It ended up being more expensive than we planned when we started looking but everything went smooth with no issues and the majority of people said it was one of the best weddings they ever went to.

That being said our parents contributed the majority of the money to make it happen. My Dad’s requirements for putting up money were a dedicated wedding venue so that everything was under one company and preferably attached to a hotel so that we could make it a 3 day event with family and friends rather than a single evening. He wanted everything to go a smooth as possible so that nobody had to really worry about anything and could solely focus on having a good time.

If it was just my wife and I paying for it then we would have went with a much smaller ceremony and reception for immediate family and friends. Both of us are very family oriented so at no point would either of us have wanted to elope and get married without our family present.

 

[Glory]

Hybrid. Get married in a church and have a cheap reception. A few k won’t kill you. 10k+ is crazy and if your future wife demands it you might want to think long and hard about what you are getting yourself into.

 

[rookieforever33]

Hybrid. Get married in a church and have a cheap reception. A few k won’t kill you. 10k+ is crazy and if your future wife demands it you might want to think long and hard about what you are getting yourself into.

I think a majority of weddings blow through 10k faster than your head spins anymore. The only bigger expense per minute are funerals. They would probably cost more than a wedding if they had an open bar.