Traditional vs Elope

[Brontosaurus]

I just got married this year and was in the same boat. I was 23 and my wife was 24. IMHO nothing can replace a good traditional wedding. It's such a special day that's worth waiting for.

Me and my wife contemplated eloping many times. But taking the time to do it right is WORTH IT. There's something terribly special about getting to see your wife walk down the aisle. If your being intentional about making a commitment to each other then be just that. Be intentional and sincere. You will look back on that day almost every day of your life whether you choose to go traditional or elope. I'm a sucker for good memories (it's why I hunt) so that's why i went for a trad wedding.

All that said, it's your guys day. Dont let anyone push you around and try and dictate how your day should go. And let me tell you they will try. Make hard calls and let your decisions be the final word. Yeah some people will get offended. But if they can't be your friend/relative without controlling your wedding then they're not worth keeping around. Might sound harsh but it's the truth.

 

[Marble]

I did both. Wife and I got married in secret to save $700 monthly in insurance costs. Had a public wedding a year later.

If my kids were not little at the time, I probably would have just eloped and went on a honeymoon. But the wedding was also a celebration of me surviving a pretty gnarly bout of cancer.

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[Phaseolus]

We got married in a Western Colorado mountain meadow. Had hamburgers and hotdogs and a keg of beer. Later, during the winter since we were in agriculture and couldn’t leave during the growing season, we spent a month in New Zealand.

 

[CorbLand]

Got married 6 years ago and did a traditional wedding. All in all, right around 1500 if I remember correctly for the entire thing. We didn’t do any of it to impress anyone and I made that very clear from the get go. Had to tell my MIL a few times whose wedding it was but it went smooth.

A few people made comments about how small our wedding was but **** them. One is divorced and the other one couldn’t put two pennys together if you gave him three.

Brother in law is getting married next year and he asked me what I would do. I told him small wedding with a small lunch after. Go on a honeymoon and come back and do an open house.

I think there is a correlation between the amount a wedding costs and the divorce rate. Its not inverse either.

Wedding is more for the girl so you will end up doing what she wants. If she is down to elope, do it.

 

[NMJM]

Like everything else in our society weddings have become totally insane. People spend crazy amounts of money on what amounts to a very stressful day so a bride can play princess for the day. So many other better ways to spend money. But in the end its your money (or debt) spend it however you like.

 

[Traveler]

Married traditional and would do it again. We have a commitment reinforced by tradition. Easy come easy go.

 

[180ls1]

Mixed?

Rented a mansion for the weekend + 20 of our closest friends/family and held it there.

 

[RockAndSage]

Context matters - are both families more or less healthy, or is there any sizable current of toxicity anywhere?
What would you two benefit more from? Each individually, your relationship, and your broader union?

On balance, if it can be a positive time that is a celebration of the two of you and who you are bringing together for the event, adding to your lives, then go for it.

But if it looks like it would just largely be a subtractive experience - emotional distress, relationship damage between you or anyone else, money, time, hurts - then it may not be worth it.

But no matter what you decide, decide it as a couple, with each of you 100% on board with the decision, and fully committed to it.

 

[bergie]

I wish I could have spent the $ we did for our wedding for a sweet trip for the wife and I. She didn't want to do that so we did traditional. Probably would do the same thing again as long as that's what she wanted.

 

[JoshOR]

Whatever your wife wants is the only answer here. . My in-laws offered us $ to elope. We had a traditional wedding, still married. Good luck!

 

[rookieforever33]

We customized ours. We are from the midwest and wanted to get married on a beach. Open invitation by phone calls and word of mouth. Almost backfired as we had about 60 friends and family travel to the wedding. The beach was on restaurant property and 60 was the max we could have. They had weddings often and knew how to run it smooth. Wife mail ordered her dress for way cheaper than a shop. Still looked spectacular in it. 6 of us went on the cruise for our honeymoon. Then had a pig roast party in my parents yard a couple months later. Overall we spent about 65 percent of what our friends spent ground that time. Plus had our honeymoon in that cost. 17 years later I feel we marked the day well and made memories, without cheaping out overspending.