Things from the backcountry that you cant unsee...

[FLAK]

Took my 10 y/o Brother in Law fishing once. Got back to the mud boat ramp and while loading up the boat I 'bout stepped on a thoroughly used and saturated tampon. I didn't say anything to the kid thinking he would just stay on the other side and get in the truck. NOPE, had to come over on my side. He saw it right away. I was about in tears watching the look on his face like WTF is that? When he went and got a stick to poke it I lost it. I finally told him, thought he was gonna puke.

 

[Phaseolus]

I was driving up a canyon at 0300 to get to my spot to hike in as the sun came up. I drove around a corner and in the middle of the two lane road was ... something. My brain couldn't process what it was seeing. Mountain Lion? I slowed down, rolled down the window, and brought the passenger side of the truck right up to it. I heard a woman screaming for help. It was two naked hippies, guy and girl, rolled together in a ball on the centerline of the road. I grabbed the Glock, thinking he was assaulting her.

Turns out they took "a clear liquid" at a hippie concert that someone gave them, started tripping balls, and walked down by the river. They felt warm and euphoric, so they stripped naked. Then they got cold. The asphalt was warm. So they balled up on the road.

I let them ride in the bed of the truck back to the concert venue (Mishawaka for Colorado folks that are curious). I didn't want naked weirdos in the cab of my truck. He hopped out. Still naked as a Jay Bird. She wouldn't get out of the bed of the truck, and he tried pulling her out by her arm. She screamed like he was ripping her flesh off. He asked me to help get her out of the truck. I refused to touch her. Then she said "I think I'm going to shit my pants". I calmly explained that she wasn't wearing any pants and that if she shit in my truck I was going to throw her into the river.

Mishiwaka, I had many fine nights there in my youth.

 

[MTSasquatch]

Was pretty deep in the Payette NF in Idaho. Got up to a lake to camp, and there were about a half dozen naked botanists collecting plants for a florist inventory of the forest.

Was up in the mission mountains wilderness in MT. Camped next to a lake and was out fishing when this older couple came hiking up. They didn’t see me, but they started stripping for a dip. For an older lady her items were still in the appropriate position and of quality found in a gal in her 20’s .

Was in north central Montana and came across Stan Courtney, renowned Bigfoot researcher of sorts I guess (dude has a website, that’s just his name...). He was living in his Subaru playing coyote howls that were “certainly from Sasquatch” for anyone who would hear. Weird dude.

 

[Kevin Dill]

I was scouting deer in September on a new piece of ground. I spotted a squirrel hunter through an opening in the trees....just as he noticed me. I figured to be social and explain my business, so headed his way. He didn't look like a threat, seeing he was just squatted and staring up into a big hickory....shotgun across his knees.....

Me: "Hi. Sorry to bother your hunt. I'm just deer scouting for October."
Him: "That's alright. Just trying to kill a few squirrels for dinner."
Me: "Doing any good?"
Him: "I got a couple. Then I felt this pain and had to stop."
Me: "Oh my gosh...need me to help? Are you okay?"
Him: "You can't help. I just needed to take a crap. I'll be fine."

And that was the moment I actually looked away from his face and noticed his pants were down around his ankles. I still recall his completely white thighs with these little chicken-skin bumps. I reflexively spun around....then tried to apologize and exit gracefully. I stumbled over the words and beat a hurried retreat, feeling like THE biggest turd in that man's day.

 

[xcutter]

I was scouting deer in September on a new piece of ground. I spotted a squirrel hunter through an opening in the trees....just as he noticed me. I figured to be social and explain my business, so headed his way. He didn't look like a threat, seeing he was just squatted and staring up into a big hickory....shotgun across his knees.....

Me: "Hi. Sorry to bother your hunt. I'm just deer scouting for October."
Him: "That's alright. Just trying to kill a few squirrels for dinner."
Me: "Doing any good?"
Him: "I got a couple. Then I felt this pain and had to stop."
Me: "Oh my gosh...need me to help? Are you okay?"
Him: "You can't help. I just needed to take a crap. I'll be fine."

And that was the moment I actually looked away from his face and noticed his pants were down around his ankles. I still recall his completely white thighs with these little chicken-skin bumps. I reflexively spun around....then tried to apologize and exit gracefully. I stumbled over the words and beat a hurried retreat, feeling like THE biggest turd in that man's day.

OMG I couldn't help but bust out laughing.