Micah as being someone who has gone through this type of horrible thing, I know that words cannot make it go away. I am more than willing to sit and chat with you any time. PM me if you ever want to reach out to me and We can get phone numbers to each other and talk.
You might feel overwhelmed by it, but let family and friends bless you with their kindness and allow them to do for you and for your family! I'm one of those that always takes care of myself, but that was one of the best things that I did was to allow others to try and help and do what they could. It blessed both them and my family at the same time.
Each of you in your family will grieve and go through this in their own way and time. Know that and give each other space and time that they need to do so. You may be feeling okay one day, and your wife, not so much. We all will do it and heal in our own speed and our own way, there is no right or wrong.
I do not have all the answers or most of them, but I sure can share what we experienced. God bless you and your family Micah!