The Ideal Mountain Hunter

[airlocksniffer]

His pyramid shelter gets condensation....on the outside.

 

[WhiskeyMaker]

He creates new creeks from the mountain pissing itself when he steps on it.

 

[Ratamahatta]

After every kill, he's quoted as saying "Stay thirsty my friend"!

 

[dangerousD]

He sharpens his broadhead with his beard and then manscapes with it.

 

[dangerousD]

His bow is so fast that he only needs one fixed pin for 10-100 yards.

 

[dangerousD]

He wakes up every morning and pisses excellence into a bottle and sells it to Donald Trump who then uses it for hair gel.

 

[Poser]

Wow. 3 pages of describing Shrek.

 

[Poser]

His tombstone will simply state:

"And Now His Watch Has Ended"

 

[philos]

During this past off season he taught winter survival skills...to a group of muskox

 

[JoshTX]

All images from Google Earth come from his memory ;-)

 

[Blinginpse]

When heading home he puts the plane and cargo on his back and walks out


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[slow]

Awesome! These posts are pure comedy. At the risk of hijacking my own thread… sadly, I have never had the opportunity to hunt elk though I train year round like I only have a month to get ready. My passion is the outdoors. Hunting, fishing, fitness, and a sense of humor have been ingrained in me since birth. And, I love backpacking. Just got back last week from a trip in the Sequoia’s.
Thanks again to Rokslide and all who post and share their experiences and knowledge.

 

[flyinsquirel]

The antis like his kill photos on facebook and believe all his kills were ethical.

 

[Clinch]

His pyramid shelter gets condensation....on the outside.

Winner!


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[William Hanson (live2hunt)]

He once called in a 400" bull with a fart

 

[jaredgreen]

He can go into the back country without a Kifaru pack, Prana pants, trekking poles, First Lite undies, or butthole sandwiches!


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[Tanya Avery]

First, I’d like to say I really enjoy Rokslide. I’ve gathered a ton of information from here and like most others, it’s cost me more than a few dollars in gear. I don’t post much, but I browse the site often. And though I don’t believe I’ve met any of you in person, I feel like I know a lot of you. All in all, good people. Anyway, while trying to take my mind off the bugs n sweat during a training hike the other day I started thinking of criteria for the ideal mountain hunter, so in no particular order, here goes.

- 6’2, 205lbs, 4% body fat
-Benches 405, squats 515
-Came in 2nd in age class during a marathon last weekend, but pushed his youngest in her stroller the whole way
-Occasionally rides centuries after work to mix it up
-Doesn’t have to manscape. He’s naturally hairless from the neck down.
-Kuiu, Sitka, First Lite, all fit. They make their clothes in HIS size
-Mtn Ops, Wilderness Athlete, etc analyze his blood to decide what to put in their supplements
-Shoots 3” groups at 120yds with any fixed blade broadhead
-Taught Ryan Avery how to shoot long distance
-No matter which direction he goes, he’s always down wind
-Can survive a 14 day hunt on 6 liters of water and a dozen snickers bars with no loss in performance
-Once packed out a bull moose in two trips by himself
-Women dehydrate in his presence… think about it

Thanks,
Jason

MEOW!!!

 

[Tanya Avery]

 

[sneaky]

All of the mounts in his house are still alive, they're just afraid to move

 

[5MilesBack]

He once called in a 400" bull with a fart

I had a bull living several hundred yards below my camp three seasons in a row, and I never could get in on him and get a shot. One day after lunch and an A&W I was belching and grabbed my bugle tube and belched through it........and he responded.