The Ideal Mountain Hunter

slow

FNG
Joined
Oct 7, 2015
Messages
60
First, I’d like to say I really enjoy Rokslide. I’ve gathered a ton of information from here and like most others, it’s cost me more than a few dollars in gear. I don’t post much, but I browse the site often. And though I don’t believe I’ve met any of you in person, I feel like I know a lot of you. All in all, good people. Anyway, while trying to take my mind off the bugs n sweat during a training hike the other day I started thinking of criteria for the ideal mountain hunter, so in no particular order, here goes.

- 6’2, 205lbs, 4% body fat
- Benches 405, squats 515
- Came in 2nd in age class during a marathon last weekend, but pushed his youngest in her stroller the whole way
- Occasionally rides centuries after work to mix it up
- Doesn’t have to manscape. He’s naturally hairless from the neck down.
- Kuiu, Sitka, First Lite, all fit. They make their clothes in HIS size
- Mtn Ops, Wilderness Athlete, etc analyze his blood to decide what to put in their supplements
- Shoots 3” groups at 120yds with any fixed blade broadhead
- Taught Ryan Avery how to shoot long distance
- No matter which direction he goes, he’s always down wind
- Can survive a 14 day hunt on 6 liters of water and a dozen snickers bars with no loss in performance
- Once packed out a bull moose in two trips by himself
- Women dehydrate in his presence… think about it

Thanks,
Jason
 

colonel00

WKR
Joined
Jun 19, 2013
Messages
4,769
Location
Lost
Nah, Chuck Norris could pack the moose in one trip. Actually, Chuck would just look at the dead moose and it would move itself.
 

Shrek

WKR
Joined
Jul 17, 2012
Messages
7,066
Location
Hilliard Florida
Anyone who actually straps on a pack and ties on some boots and goes ! All are the ideal mountain hunter and have my respect . Well , at least those who aren't dressed in Verde head to toe ;).
 

elkyinzer

WKR
Joined
Sep 9, 2013
Messages
1,257
Location
Pennslyvania
"Elk try to impress him with their bugles"

"He can age a ram from three basins away without optics"

"He can quarter a moose with nothing but his bare hands and a paper clip"

"He can put out a thousand acre forest fire by taking a nice leisurely piss"

"He can trap a pack of wolves with a stick and a roll of duct tape"

"Avalanches are just getting out of his way"

"He shed hunts by form tackling an elk and ripping them off"

In all seriousness, it takes balls and mental determination. All things considered, it's better to be fit than not fit, but there are pack-a-day smokers rocking the beer belly that outhunt the hell out of gym rats.

Or, as the great Kenny Powers once said:

 

5MilesBack

"DADDY"
Joined
Feb 27, 2012
Messages
16,170
Location
Colorado Springs
4% body fat doesn't sound healthy. And he's definitely not surviving 14 days on the mountain with just a few snickers bars with only 4% fat. And most guys I know that bench and squat like that, wouldn't be very good in the mountains.
 

Scoot

WKR
Joined
Nov 13, 2012
Messages
1,637
4% body fat doesn't sound healthy. And he's definitely not surviving 14 days on the mountain with just a few snickers bars with only 4% fat. And most guys I know that bench and squat like that, wouldn't be very good in the mountains.

C'mon 5mile- can't ya just have a little fun with this?!? :D
 

the_bowhunter

Lil-Rokslider
Joined
Jan 10, 2015
Messages
164
He doesn't have to hike anywhere to kill something. The animals just walk straight to his camp and give up.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 
Top