Staying focused on elk while missing your family

[gauge]

Hey guys. I'm pretty new to the site and was referred through the Train to Hunt community.
I wanted to get some thoughts on a subject no one seems to touch on. I am set to leave tomorrow for my New Mexico elk hunt. I have been on multiple hunting trips over the years, but this year is my first year leaving having children. My two year old knows I am going elk hunting but doesn't understand that he won't see me for 11 days. I am pretty sick about leaving him and my wife who is 8 months pregnant with our little girl. I have a great and supporting wife who loves to hunt, but I still struggle with the balance of sacrificing my husband/father time and staying focused on what I train for all year long, arrowing an elk.

How does everyone put their family in the back of their mind to grind out a week in elk country?

 

[ELKCRAZED77]

I have hunted several different states each year and it is never easy being away from your Wife and Kids. But I do know this if your not focused on why your there than you stand a good chance of missing an opportunity or worse getting hurt in the back country. I am a Praying man and I have found that when I pray for the safety and well being of my family every night it gives me peace to sleep well and hunt hard each day. I have seen several guys go out on an elk hunt and be stressed the whole time by just not having their head in the game. They are usually the ones that are less successful also.

 

[beachbunny]

I went through that a long time ago and frankly I gave up a lot of hunting (and everything) just to be with my kid without one regret.
they will grow and develop their own interests and life and then off they go and you can whole wholeheartedly get back in the game. which is where I am now.
11 days is not long though and you have a supportive spouse which I did not. that does make all the difference in the world.so if all your bases are covered,have at it and good hunting but as I say I say,i never regretted staying back for a second.

 

[tstowater]

I'm more impressed that you are leaving with your wife being 8 months pregnant. My daughter was only around 3 when I started hunting out west on extended trips. My wife tells me that she acted up every time for several years. Yes, I miss them, but hunting is a priority to me as well as my family. I'm going to miss youth pheasant season this year as I will be gone hunting. This is the year for my daughter as my son may be too old to participate. That is the part I will miss the most as she has not shot a bird yet and I wanted to be there. I have a very good friend who will be there and that may be better anyway.

Your son will be real excited when you get home. Just bring him something special.

Good luck on the hunt and the best on the upcoming baby. Little girls are great, but they can be a real handful at times.

 

[muleman]

Being "home sick" is pretty natural feeling. The best adivce I can offer is to hunt hard and push through it. Even for a semi-fit guy like me, the mental aspect of hunting, especially solo, is the hardest. Whether it is pushing to climb that last 1,500 feet or staying mentally in the game. Like anything the more you do it the eaiser it becomes.

 

[Bar]

Here's some wise words spoken from experience for you guys to think about.

First off let me say that hunting is my life. I don't miss hunts unless i'm too injured to move. I only missed one hunt in 60 years of hunting, and it was last year when I broke my back. This year I have a cracked rib, and a blown out knee. I'll be going on my hunt starting tomorrow for bear, and elk in Oct. Deer in Nov. I bring this up to show my dedication to hunting. Before moving to Colorado I used to drive 2000 miles round trip alone to come to Colorado to hunt. I just don't miss a hunt.

I'm now divorced. Heed the warning.

 

[mAv]

It was a huge factor for me on my first elk trip this year. First year leaving my wife AND son behind. It really played mental games with me the first time- now I consistently remind myself that it's a short period of time, it's (hopefully) providing food for my family, and that I walked away from my previous job (that I traveled a lot of wee klong trips for) for a job with more time off and no travel. I think it helped realize that it's not necessarily a selfish thing, but rather a resource and a test of strength (both body and mind).

 

[mid_west]

Hey Gauge - I'm in a very similar situation. Just got back from being away from 10 days on an Idaho archery hunt. I had the same concerns as you, with a 4 year old, almost 2 year old, and a wife at 8 months pregnant. I will say that once I got into the action, the worries subsided. I certainly thought about the family often, but there is enough going on to preoccupy your mind. I did pick up a Delorme InReach, and i have to say it was very reassuring to be able to check in once or twice a day just to be ensured everything was going okay...i'd recommend one for the piece of mind, it was well worth the $300 for me. Like I said though, our situations and concerns were nearly identical and once I got out there, it went fast, and I didn't have a whole lot of time to be homesick and worry. Coming home was a blast...the kids were as excited as I was. Enjoy the hunt, your family will understand and support your passion.

 

[colonel00]

+1 on getting an inReach. It might be a little late for you but if I had a pregnant wife ready to pop, I would want a way for someone to be able to contact me in the woods. This is all under the assumption that you will be in an area where you will have no other means of communication.

 

[2rocky]

Well I brought my family with me on a 2009 archery antelope hunt. The traveling and boredom was so great for them that now they don't give me any grief about leaving them for 2 weeks. That trip was salvaged by me driving 2 hours to drop them off at my wife's brothers house to visit.

If you are going to get a satellite phone and check in during the hunt, your wife needs to know that her words to you while in the field are like a coach in the game. Any criticism is going to mess with your head since there will be plenty of "down time" to think about what she said. The same is true on your side. You need to reassure her you are safe. We have a deal that no bad news is relayed unless I need to extract and be home immediately. If I am 2 days away, it will wait. My wife has full decision making authority during that time. Once on the road, after the hunt, then we deal with emergencies. One year was a fire at the rental house, and one year was grandma in the hospital.

My kids, (now just my youngest) draw me a picture of the buck or bull I'm going to kill before I leave. I carry that picture with me in my map to reassure myself that they believe in me. It helps keep my head in the game.

 

[fillthefreezer]

you probably just need some dirtbag friends (like me) who dont have any kids and do awesome stuff all the time to get you primed for some time away!

 

[nirvanafan]

My kids, (now just my youngest) draw me a picture of the buck or bull I'm going to kill before I leave. I carry that picture with me in my map to reassure myself that they believe in me. It helps keep my head in the game.

That is awesome! I may steal this idea for my hunt next year.

 

[Jason Snyder]

Only you know the real answer to the question of whether you are really okay with leaving.

I have done extended trip hunts every year for quite a few years running (i.e. a week or more). Every year is different. Last year I spent over two weeks away archery hunting elk and it didn't bother me a bit. This year, I was ready to come home after two days into a four day hunt. It all depends on the circumstances at the time.

Is your wife 100% sincere in that she's okay with you going? If so, then you have to decide if you are 100% in. If you're not, it will detract from your hunt. If you both are 100% in, then commit yourself to that and understand that you have an elk tag and a week away from home. Make the best of it and enjoy the trip for the memories it will create.

I always miss my family when I'm gone. Always. Time away is good for everyone though, your wife and children included. It's healthy for kids to learn to function without you. My family will always come before hunting, but you can't completely forgoe your priorities in life either. Find the balance, and realize the balance will change depending on phases of life.

I journal a lot when I'm hunting by myself. I don't put my family in the back of my mind. If my thoughts of my family is consuming me to the point that I can't focus and can't enjoy the hunt, I probably shouldn't be there.

 

[switchback007]

Well said, Jason

 

[gauge]

Some great feedback here guys. Interesting to hear how others cope. Thanks.
Sat. phone just arrived so contact with Momma won't be a problem. Mid_west, glad I am not the only one leaving behind a young family. Thanks for the encouraging words. I am sure once the hunt starts I can get into what needs to be done. God, Family, my passions, are how prioritize my life , but leaving them just seems particularly hard now that I have a little boy. My wife is 100% supportive of my elk addiction and shares my passion of hunting. She will be right there with me as soon as she can.
As for planning an elk trip with a pregnant wife, I drew a non res NM tag. You guys know the deadline for apps, and she is due in October. You do the math. We didn't know she was pregnant when I applied. I don't know many elk hunters that would be sending their archery tag back to the state.
I am completely ready to head home if I am needed. In the meantime, I plan to follow a Sioux tradition of presenting an elk ivory to my new born.
Again, thanks for the support!

 

[gauge]

Very good insight Jason.
My journal is packed, by the way. Cam Hanes mentions this in his book Backcounry Bowhunter. How neat it will be for your kids/family to reflect on your journal of how you miss them when you're lonely time in the backcountry.

 

[Jason Snyder]

Very good insight Jason.
My journal is packed, by the way. Cam Hanes mentions this in his book Backcounry Bowhunter. How neat it will be for your kids/family to reflect on your journal of how you miss them when you're lonely time in the backcountry.

Having just went through this earlier this week, I wil caution you that if the hunting is slow and tough, the self doubt and missing your family thought can be absolutely brutal.

I am struggling with our oldest daughter right now and it affected my ability to enjoy my hunt beyond belief. I called my hunting buddy and dear friend the second night to get some perspective and to refocus my thoughts.

Some of my best reflections and meditations have come when I am hunting alone. I did two solo hunts this year, and had some amazing revelations in my relationship with God, my family, and my friends. Sometimes you need time away from the noise so that you can hear.

 

[darcytribe]

Only you know the real answer to the question of whether you are really okay with leaving.

I have done extended trip hunts every year for quite a few years running (i.e. a week or more). Every year is different. Last year I spent over two weeks away archery hunting elk and it didn't bother me a bit. This year, I was ready to come home after two days into a four day hunt. It all depends on the circumstances at the time.

Is your wife 100% sincere in that she's okay with you going? If so, then you have to decide if you are 100% in. If you're not, it will detract from your hunt. If you both are 100% in, then commit yourself to that and understand that you have an elk tag and a week away from home. Make the best of it and enjoy the trip for the memories it will creat.

I always miss my family when I'm gone. Always. Time away is good for everyone though, your wife and children included. It's healthy for kids to learn to function without you. My family will always come before hunting, but you can't completely forgoe your priorities in life either. Find the balance, and realize the balance will change depending on phases of life.

I journal a lot when I'm hunting by myself. I don't put my family in the back of my mind. If my thought so my family is consuming me to the point that I can't focus and can't enjoy the hunt, I probably shouldn't be there.

Excellent advice, x2 on every line...

 

[mAv]

That is awesome! I may steal this idea for my hunt next year.

I agree- I loved that idea.

 

[5MilesBack]

My kids, (now just my youngest) draw me a picture of the buck or bull I'm going to kill before I leave. I carry that picture with me in my map to reassure myself that they believe in me. It helps keep my head in the game.

I always find some sort of note or picture in my gear from my oldest (she's almost 16). She puts it in places that I won't find until I'm already up there. She's been doing this for years now, and I still have ones that she did over 10 years ago. Now it's like a scavenger hunt for me to find the "note" every year.

I just told my family last night that the next year I hunt this spot I'm in, I'm bringing them up to experience the elk screaming all night outside my tent within a couple hundred yards. I swear the tent moves when one of them bellows, he's so close. It's been like that every year I've been up there. They need to experience the "why" I must go. They even gave me a T-shirt one year that says "The elk are calling.........and I must go".