So what cell phone did you finally buy your teenage daughter?

[menhaden_man]

We've held out pretty long (about to turn 13) and we're thinking it's time to break down. The main stipulations we're thinking is (1) she pays for it, (2) it's limited in capabilities - no Snap Chat or the likes, and (3) we are able to effectively monitor it.

We live in a rural area and at least a third of the kids around here are more or less on their own. Lots of meth and broken families so early pregnancy, vapes, drugs/fentanyl, crime, child exploitation, etc. is here. Not nearly as bad as many parts of the country but it's still here.

Hard for middle aged guys raising kids in a world we never knew but here we are. My sons are easy - they just want to play ball year round... but a daughter is a whole different ball of wax I'm quickly learning.

I'm certain there are at least 100 guys on here that've been down this path recently so was hoping to hear if there was any advice worth sharing. We're checking out Bark Phone (www.bark.us/bark-phone/) right now.

Thanks for any useful advice.

 

[browning2480]

Used iPhone from Facebook Marketplace and then set the screen time on it. You can lock down adding apps and all that stuff. Set times when she can only access certain things. This is what we have done with all of ours.

 

[hunt1up]

My daughter just turned 13 and we got her a phone last year since her and my 11 year old son are sometimes home alone. We went with a previous year model I-phone. It's a pretty basic I-phone 13.

We have a decent number of rules on it:

-Screen time is limited.
-No phones in bedroom in the evening, bed time is at 8:00 and the phone is off and downstairs with us.
-All purchases on the phone go through us.
-No social media sites. No snapchat.
-We have access to all her texts if we want to see them.
-There's some parental thing my wife added that will alert us if particular language or imagery shows up on the phone.

Even with all that I'd say my daughter doesn't feel left out. She still does all the group chats with her friends and plays games and stuff.

Sometimes she'll get texts from her friends at 10:00, 11:00, 12:00 a night when the phone is unavailable to her. Some people let their kids have a free-for-all with the phones. Midnight on a school night? C'mon man.

 

[GSPHUNTER]

See if there is a way to block any and all social media sites. Facebook, tiktok,whatsapp, Etc. They are full of lies and distortions.

 

[menhaden_man]

My daughter just turned 13 and we got her a phone last year since her and my 11 year old son are sometimes home alone. We went with a previous year model I-phone. It's a pretty basic I-phone 13.

We have a decent number of rules on it:

-Screen time is limited.
-No phones in bedroom in the evening, bed time is at 8:00 and the phone is off and downstairs with us.
-All purchases on the phone go through us.
-No social media sites. No snapchat.
-We have access to all her texts if we want to see them.
-There's some parental thing my wife added that will alert us if particular language or imagery shows up on the phone.

Even with all that I'd say my daughter doesn't feel left out. She still does all the group chats with her friends and plays games and stuff.

Sometimes she'll get texts from her friends at 10:00, 11:00, 12:00 a night when the phone is unavailable to her. Some people let their kids have a free-for-all with the phones. Midnight on a school night? C'mon man.

Would you mind checking out what the name of the parental deal is that flags nonsense? No rush but that sounds like a good tool to have.

 

[ODB]

my kid is 18. She’s had an iphone since maybe 16. We bought the first one and she bought the next two (one because she wanted a large screen and the next be sues she broke that one) No social media at all. It is the devil - and bullshit on anyone who thinks their minds are not hackable - they are. Although be aware plenty of kids send links to TikTok or other things through texts.

All of her volleyball friends have social media and the stupid ship they do is amazing.

We do the “find me” app and she’s got no issue with us knowing her location.

You can also turn on Screen Time which is very good now. In the old days it was not that configurable, but now you can o k certain sites, set time limits, contact lists etc. it’s very good. You can monitor your kids phone from yours to see activity. Just turn it on and set the restrictions from day one.

 

[intunegp]

my kid is 18. She’s had an iphone since maybe 16. We bought the first one and she bought the next two (one because she wanted a large screen and the next be sues she broke that one) No social media at all. It is the devil - and bullshit on anyone who thinks their minds are not hackable - they are. Although be aware plenty of kids send links to TikTok or other things through texts.

All of her volleyball friends have social media and the stupid ship they do is amazing.

We do the “find me” app and she’s got no issue with us knowing her location.

You can also turn on Screen Time which is very good now. In the old days it was not that configurable, but now you can o k certain sites, set time limits, contact lists etc. it’s very good. You can monitor your kids phone from yours to see activity. Just turn it on and set the restrictions from day one.

I do think it's worth noting that being sent and engaging with a TikTok, Instagram, or other social media post via text is a far cry from the real issue, which is hours of mindless scrolling. A friend sharing a funny or interesting post every once in a while isn't problematic in my opinion.

 

[menhaden_man]

I do think it's worth noting that being sent and engaging with a TikTok, Instagram, or other social media post via text is a far cry from the real issue, which is hours of mindless scrolling. A friend sharing a funny or interesting post every once in a while isn't problematic in my opinion.

Definitely agree... but the problem isn't wasting time, it's men attempting to exploit underaged girls or a long list of other bullshit items that can corrupt a child like @ODB correctly states above.

Hard to imagine where we've come but here we are.

 

[Jmort1754]

Check out swappa for used phones.

I recommend iphone for kids, my sister has life360 and a parental blocker on her girls and she loves them.

 

[jdawg1]

We've held out pretty long (about to turn 13) and we're thinking it's time to break down. The main stipulations we're thinking is (1) she pays for it, (2) it's limited in capabilities - no Snap Chat or the likes, and (3) we are able to effectively monitor it.

We live in a rural area and at least a third of the kids around here are more or less on their own. Lots of meth and broken families so early pregnancy, vapes, drugs/fentanyl, crime, child exploitation, etc. is here. Not nearly as bad as many parts of the country but it's still here.

Hard for middle aged guys raising kids in a world we never knew but here we are. My sons are easy - they just want to play ball year round... but a daughter is a whole different ball of wax I'm quickly learning.

I'm certain there are at least 100 guys on here that've been down this path recently so was hoping to hear if there was any advice worth sharing. We're checking out Bark Phone (www.bark.us/bark-phone/) right now.

Thanks for any useful advice.

Samsung 24

 

[fngTony]

I handed down my old iPhone then eventually had to replace it so we stayed iPhone to keep it simple. Android phones can be administered by iPhones via parental control apps but not the other way around. One word of caution with apple’s settings is if an app was previously installed it can be downloaded again without the permission from the administrator device.

Highly recommend Life360 tell your kids not to share their passcode or the damn garage door PIN number or to blurt out your debit card pin at the self checkout . In general teach them about digital security.

 

[kpk]

We got our oldest a phone when she started doing the extra curricular school stuff. 11 or 12 maybe?

We've been using Life 360 since it was in development - very handy app to have and we required location services to be on all the time. I used to use Life 360 to find softball fields and schools in towns that I wasn't familiar with. A lot of the fields aren't at the schools around here so I could just look on the app and find her.

Honestly, if they want to get around locks or screen times bad enough, they'll find a way. Just make sure she has a good head on her shoulders and a full understanding of the consequences that may arise if she does something stupid. Once those pics or messages go out, they are out for the whole world to see forever.

Lots of benefits to the kids having a phone too - its not all gloom and doom. She's to that age she's gonna start running around on her own and needing to get picked up from school, practice, friends, field trips, and just calling mom or dad to ask questions.

 

[sasquatch]

My daughter just turned 13 and we got her a phone last year since her and my 11 year old son are sometimes home alone. We went with a previous year model I-phone. It's a pretty basic I-phone 13.

We have a decent number of rules on it:

-Screen time is limited.
-No phones in bedroom in the evening, bed time is at 8:00 and the phone is off and downstairs with us.
-All purchases on the phone go through us.
-No social media sites. No snapchat.
-We have access to all her texts if we want to see them.
-There's some parental thing my wife added that will alert us if particular language or imagery shows up on the phone.

Even with all that I'd say my daughter doesn't feel left out. She still does all the group chats with her friends and plays games and stuff.

Sometimes she'll get texts from her friends at 10:00, 11:00, 12:00 a night when the phone is unavailable to her. Some people let their kids have a free-for-all with the phones. Midnight on a school night? C'mon man.

Parents don’t want to parent. Far too many LOVE the electronics for their kids even though they don’t realize it.

Bother mommy and daddy to entertain you?? Oh no we can’t have that, it will interrupt our on facebooking time. Here’s a phone now go be quiet is the mindset


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro

 

[MattB]

If you and/or your wife have iPhones I would go that route.

Saddling a kid with all sorts of restrictions and parental controls sends a pretty significant message of distrust. Sometimes less is more.

 

[CorbLand]

I don’t have kids but 0day on Instagram has some valuable information for those that do and protecting them. It’s a little scary and the dude is actively looking for the worst of the world but the information is good.

The only advice I can give is that there are some great tools to monitor phones but if your kid is dedicated at being a little shit, they will find a way around them. Teenagers are way smarter with technology than the vast vast majority of parents. Don’t give them a phone with some monitoring product and run on the assumption that you are taken care of. You gotta stay proactive.

 

[ODB]

I do think it's worth noting that being sent and engaging with a TikTok, Instagram, or other social media post via text is a far cry from the real issue, which is hours of mindless scrolling. A friend sharing a funny or interesting post every once in a while isn't problematic in my opinion.

One leads to the other. That is a fact. Social media apps are designed to hack a brain to capture attention. Just like a slot machine.

The algorithm finds your weak spots (likes, time spent looking at at image [yes they know you stare at certain images more rhan others], what your friends send you [they only send you stuff they know you will like]), etc etc etc. you have armies of young programmers with a lack of morals who have no issue hacking your kids brain.

 

[Haggin]

We went iphone because its what the family had, daughter was 14. No social media before 17 and any social media is followed/following mom and dad so we see al posts (not messages though) and add life360. We have a screen time rule, but don't have a tracker for it. No phone in her bedroom since day 1. We felt the phone was necessary when she was driving on her school permit at 14 and now on her own to horse stuff. We also require passcode and all passwords set by us or shared with us.

Our daughter uses social media for her horse stuff and keeping up with schools/equestrian programs she's being recruited by along with the random boyfriend pic or a pic of the weather. Sure, she scrolls funny or horse related IG reels once in a while, but has never balked at "show me the phone" when asked.

Probably looser than most, but we've set the rules and expectations and made it very clear we can take the phone away at any time for any reason, even if we just want to know. We also worked hard on her "digital footprint" through several workshops and presentations. She knows we, every school and program she follows, every coach she follows or is followed by, can and will see everything she posts and its out there for pretty much forever. She also knows mom and dad can and will read messages at any time.

We raised a good smart kid who (hopefully) lives up to our expectations. She's got goals and dreams and understands how social media, boys, loser friends, and simply being a lazy screen addicted person can easily screw all that up. She's off to college in the fall, so we wanted to be sure she was ready for when mom and dad rent around, and we feel like she is. Probably more so than me (dad).

We also try to set a solid example, limiting our own screen time, being careful about what we post, like, and share, and about simply being there with her in the moment versus through our screen (IE we use a real camera to take photos or videos at events versus having the phone out all the time). Wife and I both rely heavily on our phones for work, so its tough, but manageable.

 

[butcherboy]

Used iPhone from Facebook Marketplace and then set the screen time on it. You can lock down adding apps and all that stuff. Set times when she can only access certain things. This is what we have done with all of ours.

Yep, my wife and I as well. We limit screen time and apps. Also have trackers on them so we know where each kid is. Also, make it known up front that you will be checking their phone randomly. We went with refurbished iPhones at a much cheaper price.no phones after a certain time of night. We have taken phones away for days and even weeks sometimes when the rules are pushed or broken. They learn pretty quick when that happens.

Forgot to add:
We bought watches for our younger kids that they can text and call with. They can also download a few games from this company. They are designed for young kids. I think they are called Gab watch.

 

[Jimmy]

It's hard for parents too. I'm trying to read something on my phone and kids want to play, what kind of a role model am I being? Trying to be better.

 

[intunegp]

One leads to the other. That is a fact. Social media apps are designed to hack a brain to capture attention. Just like a slot machine.

The algorithm finds your weak spots (likes, time spent looking at at image [yes they know you stare at certain images more rhan others], what your friends send you [they only send you stuff they know you will like]), etc etc etc. you have armies of young programmers with a lack of morals who have no issue hacking your kids brain.

My comment was regarding the conversation at hand, which is limiting screen time, controlling apps that are on the phone, other parental/security controls, etc. If a friend sends a post and it leads to something more that means your control of their phone isn't as great as you thought it was.