Silly things you heard as a kid

[Sevens]

My parents gave me a lot of the “there are starving kids in Africa” line when I didn’t like what was being served to eat.

Tried that line on my three year old daughter, who, without missing a beat, retorted “we’re not in Africa, Dada.”

 

[Robobiss]

I worked construction with my uncle. Every time someone had trouble lining things up he would ask "would it be easier to find the hole if it had hair around it?"


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My dad has always said “close your eyes or shut the lights off and you will find it”

 

[dr.mooseknuckles]

"queerer than a 3 dollar bill"
"Is a pig's pussy pork, son?"-- HS football coach
"We're going to beat them like stolen pussy, then we're going to beat them for stealing it"- also HS football coach

Inside joke between my parents was my mom's comment that my dad was working on "just another boring civil engineering job". One vacation when I was a sophomore in college, we spent our first night in the Panama Canal on the schooner we'd be cruising on. Everyone was amazed at the size and scope of the canal. Particularly my mom. "Yep" dad said. "Just another boring civil engineering job".

 

[Burnsie]

In my younger days I worked for my uncle doing carpentry work - he had a million of them. He was very particular about doing quality work, but you would have never known it if you listened to his chatter all day.
- "It will look good from the road"
- "Good enough for the girls I go with"
- After break or lunch he would say "Well, time to put my carpenter costume back on and get to work"
- He would yell out measurements from a ladder or roof and I would make cuts. He would say stuff like - "Make it 28 and one little ticky mark past the bigger line in the middle" So - you mean 28 9/16? "Yeah, that's what I said - you haven't cut it yet?"
I learned a lot from him, and he made it fun.

 

[Amos Keeto]

A coach whip snake will hit you like a whip.

A "hoop" snake will grab his tail and roll down the road. When he gets close enough, he will hit you with the stinger on the end of his tail!
VERY DEADLY!

If you grab a skunk by the tail, they can't spray you!

 

[Shraggs]

Mostly my grandfather,

You want be up early go to bed early

Printnear there, printnear fell, etc

sit at that tree over yonder. If yonder was close the head went up, if far the hand waved that way

We don’t miss… My turn for summer hay season, 10 years old with old 22 at night with a scope that didn’t have a cross hair, just a horizontal line that was broken in the center shooting a rabbit in his garden.

We don’t waste bullets… in response to my broken crosshair defense

Hey looky here to anything teachable

 

[Shraggs]

Oh, many adult hunters as I and cousins where learning to hunt and shoot.

Let that gun just weave like a figure 8 over the target

Then just gently squeeeeezzzze the trigger until it surprises you….

 

[Thebigbaby]

“Keep it up” when getting out of line
“It’s good enough for who it’s for”
“Practice falling down and I’ll be there in a minute”
“He’s so cheap, he squeaks when he walks”
“Hi hungry, I’m dad, nice to meet you”
“He’s built like a brick shit house”
“Do you have lead in your pockets?”

 

[gabenzeke]

My grandpa told me as a joke once that hummingbirds migrate by riding on the backs of Canada geese. Its embarrassing how old I was when I discovered that wasn't true.

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[NeSurfcaster]

Everytime you open your mouth I wanna punch you in the face. I don't know why dad stopped telling me that, gotta think before you speak I assume was the point of that comment.

 

[DominikSmith]

"Does a bear poop in the woods?"

 

[Spike elk]

A dollar waiting on a dime. From a guy who I thought was old at the time when I working my way through school. I am now older than he was then and he was not old at all.

 

[BigE]

"Don't worry about it, as you get older life gets easier"
or
"If you think life is tough now, just wait until you are older"

Usually delivered when one of us kids were reacting poorly to feeling like everything was stacked against us.

 

[Bucky44]

"Does a bear poop in the woods?"

“Does a frog have a watertight asshole?”

 

[roosiebull]

“There are no stupid questions”

 

[Backcountry_Preacher]

We invaded Iraq because they had weapons of mass destruction

 

[Erebor]

cloud is made up of cotton candy. I wanted to fly so bad.

 

[Erebor]

We invaded Iraq because they had weapons of mass destruction

How old are you now?

 

[Backcountry_Preacher]

How old are you now?

Haha 34

 

[Erebor]

Haha 34

Still young. 34 is the new 24.