Silly things you heard as a kid

[Swamp Fox]

beat me to

If you keep doing that you will go blind!!!

Beat me to it, so to speak ....

 

[7mm-08]

Poor shooters - "He couldn't hit a bear in the a-- with a snowshoe."

Poor workers - "He's so pathetic he couldn't get l--d in a whorehouse with a fist full of 50's."

 

[Smokey Bear]

Another from dad, “does it look like I just fell off a turnip truck?”

 

[bucksnbirds]

"I give you books and a donkey to get to school and you stand on the books to f**k the donkey."

My dad anytime I did something wrong at school

 

[Esteban]

Meaner than a room full of women

 

[Oilfieldmiller]

To someone who took a bad shot- you couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn if’in you were in it.


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[Coldtrail]

Different variation of one previously posted:
"He couldn't get l--d in a monkey whorehouse if he walked in with two sacks of bananas"

"It's important to realize there are two kinds of dumb, there are people who are box of rocks dumb, know they are dumb as a box of rocks and keep their mouth shut, this guy we are about to meet isn't one of those people"

Here's one recently said by my recently passed away father who got his tree stand stolen a couple seasons back:

"The problem with society today is that people no longer worry about getting a house full of bullet holes when they do stupid $hit"

 

[Boarmaster]

I was thinking about my grandpa today and how much I miss him. He like many grandpas helped introduce me to the outdoors. He would pull into the driveway to pick me up to go grouse hunting and when I’d jump in the truck he’d say “maybe we’ll see a snowshoe or a sidewinder”. I didn’t know what those were but damn I spent a lot of time watching for em!
Did you have a parent, grandparent, mentor that had silly sayings like that ?

My Gramps said “ Don’t swaller yur bubble gum cuz it will stay in yur guts forever”.

 

[Gobbler36]

Lord willing and the creek don’t rise

 

[Decker9]

Boogers are bugs that flew up your nose and died, so don’t eat them!

 

[Buckshotaz]

Just because the cat had kittens in the oven doesn’t mean you can call them biscuits

 

[mt terry d]

"You'll shoot your eye out!!"

Yeah, riiiiiiiiight.

 

[Grundy53]

You could fall into a barrel of titties and you would come up sucking your thumb.

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[Typhon_0595]

Not really a silly saying but something my Poppop always quoted (mostly just the first line):
“‘I can’t’ is weak and hates to play and never tries at all;
But a strong ‘I can’ will make a man of a boy who’s very small”

 

[mi650]

Does are so stupid you can go out and kill one with a stick.

Bucks are smarter than does, so they send the does out 1st just in case there are any hunters around.


Both of these from the same uncle.

 

[Smokey Bear]

He’s as phony as a 3 dollar bill.

 

[Stalker69]

Don't let your mouth write a check your a$$ can't cash.
If we swallowed a watermelon seed we were told it would grow out of our ears.

 

[stv117]

my uncle saying wrestling was real....

 

[TaperPin]

We were brought up to tell the truth, be nice to people, stand up for the little guy, and our character was more important than any job.

A good portion of the country wears being a criminal as a badge of honor and vote for guys talking out both sides of their mouths.

 

[jahaze]

I worked construction with my uncle. Every time someone had trouble lining things up he would ask "would it be easier to find the hole if it had hair around it?"


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