BravoNovember
Lil-Rokslider
Wish you well on your journey! We appear to be in very similar situations. Alcohol not really causing “major issues”, but trying to get ahead of it before it does. Also thanks for the motivation to work towards my own goals!Had to join the website to let everyone (except that one dude) who contributed here has given me a boost of motivation that I needed over the last week to quit alcohol. I'm on day 9 now and read a couple pages each day in the morning as my motivation. A lot of the stories told here are very relatable and helpful.
I quit dipping almost 6 years ago and the parallels in my thoughts and feelings are incredible. It really boils down to the fact that a substance has control over me and I am ready to gain control back over my own life. No more planning my life around my next drink or not going and doing something because I do not want to drive.
Looking back after reading a lot of these posts it is true that I cannot really come up with any ways that alcohol has improved my life, and almost every bad decision I made or ruined relationship has revolved around alcohol use. My doctor has been telling me for the last year that my liver enzymes are too high (actually found out when I tried to get life insurance and was denied). One year later and 4 more tests show that my liver is only getting worse. With 4 young kids to take care of I need to live longer and I sure as hell need to be a better role model.
I first became aware that my drinking was becoming in excess about 6 years ago right before I quit dip. There were about 3 occasions that year that I can remember drinking to the point of blacking out. At the time I thought it was a fluke and something that I just needed to watch and not drink quite as much. As time has gone on, the blackouts have become almost routine, with 1-2 per Week!! I have become an expert at hiding my consumption. Most of my friends always say they can barely even tell when I am drunk. My wife gets frustrated because she can never tell, or when she thinks I am drunk I am so good at pretending I am not and convincing her that I am not drunk. I brush off the blackouts and pretend that I remember most of what happened the night before and just try not to bring anything up that will give me away that I don't actually remember. Plenty of mornings I have woken up trying to remember if I had sex or not last night!! Man, what a waste. Add to that the memories that I am losing with time spent with my family on camping trips and other vacations. I am embarrassed by how much I have missed out on over the last 6 years.
Luckily I have never had a DUI, and that is 100% luck only. I am still married, but could very easily have done something to ruin that one of the 100s of times that I blacked out. My kids all still adore me, but I know they are not stupid and can see right through my attempts to act like I am not drinking. I feel like I still have time to recover the image that they have of me, but I need to act now. I have a great career, but I can also see how the last 5 years has greatly impacted my performance and my growth. Dragging my ass into work barely moving on Monday mornings and not gaining a somewhat clear head until Wednesday has not helped. Showing up to work yesterday was the first Monday morning is years that I felt refreshed and ready to go.
I look forward to this new chapter of my life. I look forward to remembering all of the great things that this life has to offer me. I look forward to not waking up with a headache or passing out on the couch during family movie night. I look forward to my health improving and my doctor to get off my ass lol. I look forward to being the man, father and husband that I was meant to be, without alcohol.
Tomorrow I go on my annual dove hunting trip and I know it will be one of the best I have had in years, because I will be free from the booze. I will be free to go on an evening hunt, or float down the river, or drive to a fishing spot, or drive to dinner. I won't be tethered to the motel because I want to be able to get drunk and not have to drive anywhere. The freedom is what will keep me going. Thank you again to the member that started this and all those who have positively contributed. I am sure that I will read through all the pages several more times. .